


Castle of Glass

by Marie_Phantom



Category: Captain America (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bucky needs a hug, Loki Needs a Hug, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-03-21 13:41:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 126,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3694394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Phantom/pseuds/Marie_Phantom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a life fought for, but Bucky and Loki have been though hell and back at the hands of the HYDRA Pharmaceutical corporation. They are broken men trying to find themselves again, and only want to be left in peace to salvage what life they can get.</p><p>But an incident at a bodega brings them back into the view of the media and the SHIELD division of the NYPD. Now they have a chance to find the people they were meant to be, when they meet two blond haired blue eyed men, who might just be their own salvation.</p><p>Now they have to battle their own demons for their happiness, and the danger that recognition can bring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Castle of Glass (Linkin Park)

**Author's Note:**

> Here it it! My first long chaptered story. Like I have said before, this will be written at the same time as my first original piece of work. I hope to update once a week, but if not, that will be the reason.
> 
> This starts slow and quite brutally. But it gets better, I promise. I hope you all enjoy, and please, kudos and comments are love, and flames will not be tolerated.
> 
> The first four chapter titles will be introducing the songs I will use, then after that I will be using song lyrics with the song title as an acronym in brackets. Castle of Glass is my favourite song in the whole world, because it's the first song I could entirely relate to, and from this song sprouted this story.

_**November 2012** _

 

 

The pain is indescribable.

The Soldier sat on the metal gurney, eyes glazed and set upon his lap. He occasionally swayed as the pain increased with his heartbeat, and then stopped as the pain ebbed. His hair stuck to the sweat of his face, and his lips trembled as he tried to valiantly hold back his tears. He so wanted to cry, the pain was almost too much, but he knew that he wasn't allowed to.

He kept his head away from his left arm. He knew the very sight would cause him to vomit. 

Again.

He rolled his head on his neck and stared at the ceiling. He was trying so hard to be good for the handlers and the doctors, but all he wanted to curl up into a ball and scream. He glimpsed a look at his arm, and then turned his head and closed his eyes, swallowing hard. His arm, or what was left of it, was bright red and aching. The strong black thread stitching his skin together pulled and looked repulsive, and his skin bulged outwards, trying to escape. It was almost too much for the air to brush it, let alone hands. And Doctor Zola kept insisting that he move it, testing his range.

He would have begged for some painkillers, but he didn't know how to speak English.

There was a commotion at the door, and the Masters came in after Handler Rumlow held the door open for them. The Soldier tried to straighten up and present himself to them, but the pain was almost too much. He swayed, but kept his eyes on his lap where his right hand was curled.

"What the fuck happened?" growled Master Thanos. The Soldier kept his eyes down, and didn't see anything other than his boots. His tack vest was somewhere in the corner of the surgery, shredded beyond belief, and his trousers were stuck to him with sweat. 

"I'm not entirely sure." Handler Rumlow said. He shifted and the handler of his gun tapped against his thigh. The Soldier kept his eyes on that, anything to focus his mind on something other than the pain. "All I know is that, when the building was coming down, he turned back a ran into a collapsing house. The next thing we knew, he was screaming down the comms."

"And?" said Master Alexander.

Handler Rumlow shrugged. "We came in, and he was trapped under the collapsed ceiling. His arm, I mean. So we dragged out what was left of him, tourniquet what was left go his arm, and brought him back. The rest, well," he gestured to the Soldier, "you can see."

"Yes, we can." Master Alexander said under his breath. He leaned in close to the Soldier, and said "Mission report" sharply.

The Soldier said nothing, but he stared off into the middle distance. He wasn't allowed to meet the eyes of the Masters, but he could look in the direction of their faces.

"Mission report, now." Master Alexander said. Still, the Soldier never spoke.

The Soldier's head snapped sharply to the side as he was viciously slapped, and he heard a soft gasp. He looked up sharply, and saw Pet hovering behind Master Thanos. His hair was tangled, suggesting he had been dragged by it, and he shifted uncomfortably on his long pale legs, suggesting he had been used recently. His arms were crossed over his chest, but his cock and balls were in a nasty trap, and nearly purple.

"Speak, damn you!" Master Thanos roared. The Soldier couldn't help but flinch backwards.

"Patience, Thanos." Master Alexander soothed, turning away from the Soldier and putting a hand on Master Thanos' arm. "He needs gentle encouragement at the moment, not violence. That comes later."

The Soldier closed his eyes at that. He was in so much pain, not just physical. He was so afraid. So scared, because he was now a broken toy, and broken toys got destroyed. 

"Now," Master Alexander said, turning back to Alexander, "tell me exactly what happened."

The Soldier licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak, but instead of telling Master Alexander exactly what happened, he said " _Water, please_."

Master Alexander frowned. 

"Ahh, I believe he wants water." Doctor Zola said. 

"Why doesn't the damn thing speak any English?" Thanos muttered. Zola shot him a sharp look.

"You designed him so, sir. Understand English, speak nothing but Russian so he cannot tell secrets."

Zola pressed a cup to his lips, and the Soldier drank deeply, wetting his throat. He was beyond starving, so he felt the water hit his belly. He waited for the residual sickness to pass away, and then he started to speak, with Zola acting as his translator. He had always reported in the past to Master Alexander, who was used to this method of communicating.

Thanos paced impatiently, and rubbed his overlarge jaw in agitation. 

" _We set the charges, and exited the house._ " The Soldier said. " _The Strike team got out, and then..._ " there was a pause as the Soldier furrowed his brow, trying to remember. It had all happened so quickly, and then there was only the pain of his crushed arm. " _There was a boy_."

"A boy?" Master Alexander questioned. He turned to Rumlow, who frowned. "There were people still alive in the house?" he asked.

Rumlow shook his head. "No. All executed as per your instructions."

"The what does he mean, a boy?"

"No idea."

Master Alexander turned back to the Soldier. "Explain."

" _Strike...youngest member._ " The Soldier furrowed his brow as he tried to remember. " _He mis-heard. Was on the other side of the building when it started to come down. He was going to die_."

"Ah, shit." Handler Rumlow swore. Master Alexander and Master Thanos turned to him with similar confused expressions. On his knees now, Pet kept his eyes focused on the Soldier, his hair gripped tightly in Master Thanos' hand.

"Who was it?" Master Thanos asked.

"Robinson." Handler Rumlow said. He ran his free hand through his hair and groaned. "Newest recruit. Green as hell but we needed him."

"Why?" Master Thanos questioned, leaning in.

"Ever since Shield started looking into us, recruiting has been difficult as hell."

Master Alexander hissed through his teeth, and turned back to the Soldier, waving his hand to indicate that he should continue.

" _I went back to get him_." The Soldier said. He was swaying again, the pain starting to grow. " _He was screaming, and I went back to get him. Bu I grabbed his arm, and he wouldn't move. So I started to drag him, and the charges went off, and the ceiling gave way, and came down on us._ "

There was a ringing silence, with only the sound of Pet shifting uncomfortably on his knees to break it. 

"What kind of foolish thing went through your head, that made you go back for someone who was dead anyway?" Rumlow asked.The Soldier didn't look at him, but kept his eyes focused on Master Alexanders' face.

" _He was going to die._ " The Soldier said. He didn't know why he was trying to justify what he had done. He supposed that he was trying to make his actions seem more acceptable to his Master's, perhaps in desperation so he would not be decommissioned. He was so scared to die, and yet he craved it in a way that any other person would crave life.

"And so you decided to jeopardise the mission going back for one insignificant man, and as a result lost an arm and your usefulness." Master Thanos finished the story, snorting with derision. The Soldier swallowed and looked back to his lap. His booted feet swung slightly as he swayed, and he saw Pet shuffle slightly closer on his knees, so that his feet now brushed Pet's shoulder.

"Well, we now have a Soldier with one arm." Master Alexander turned to Doctor Zola. "What happens now?"

Zola shrugged. "There is not much we can do. I could fashion him a prosthetic, but it would take the better part of a year to make it functional. And I know you want to have him out in the field as soon as possible."

"So what do you suggest?"

"Decommission him. Start again but younger. It will be cheaper than making this one an arm." Zola slapped a hand on the Soldier's shoulder, and the Soldier whimpered and broke out into a cold sweat. He started to shiver, cold making it's way up his spine and tears springing to his eyes. He thought about begging, but it wasn't allowed. He merely jumped when Pet reached out a put a hand on his boot. He looked into Pet's green eyes, which were large and confused. Pet barely understood English, but he recognised trouble when he sensed it.

"Right." Master Thanos reached out, and Handler Zola pulled out his gun and put it into his hand. He pointed it at the Soldiers head.

The Soldier looked up through his long hair, blue eyes glazed with tears and fear. He reached out a hand to Master Alexander, who had sometimes been kind to him.

" _Please_." He whispered. But Master Alexander looked away. At Master Thanos' feet, Pet started to cry.

The Soldier's jaw trembled and he also started to cry. He looked into Master Thanos' merciless eyes and then closed his own. He didn't want to see the finger on the trigger. He didn't want the last thing he saw to be the man who killed him.

There was a click as Master Thanos pulled back the trigger, and Pet gripped his ankle hard. The Soldier let out a deep breath and hoped that he would at least be able to glimpse heaven before he was pulled down to hell.

Suddenly, there was a blaring alarm. Everyone jumped and looked around, including the Soldier, who was deeply surprised to still be alive.

"What the hell is that?" yelled Master Alexander, hands over his ears.

"Someone has reached the basement. It's a perimeter breach!" Handler Rumlow. He was striding to the door, and when he looked out, people were running everywhere, papers clutched in their arms. He grabbed one by the shoulder and drew him into the room.

"Who the fuck is it?" he asked.

"Shield!" gasped the man and then ran out again. 

"Oh, fuck." Master Thanos swore. He pulled the gun back and went to the door himself. He looked back.

"How much do you think they know?" he asked Doctor Zola. Zola turned from the computer, where he was pulling files and putting them onto a thumb drive.

"If they're down here," he said over his shoulder, "enough to put all of us in prison."

Master Alexander snarled and ran his hands through his hair. The Soldier watched all of this, and Pet clutched at his legs, confused.

"We need to get out of here?" Master Thanos said. He left the room, and Handler Rumlow followed. Master Alexander stayed, but looked at Zola, rather than the Soldier who was still sitting on the table.

"Zola, we need to go now." He said.

"Just...a...." Zola said, watching the screen as the files deleted themselves. "Done!" He said, snatching the thumb drive and his hand written notes and stuffing them into a bag. He hurried out of the room, followed by his doctors. But one of them ran into the table, and into the Soldier's left arm.

The Soldier screamed and blacked out, crashing sideways onto the table. The last thing his heard was the siren blaring at him, and the last thing he felt was Pet clutching his legs tighter, whimpering in fright.

 

 

*********

 

 

The Soldier came too slowly, blinking in the harsh light and pushing himself up slowly. The room was still light, as it always was, so the Soldier had no idea what time it was, or whether it was night or day. But what scared him the most was the silence. The room echoed oddly.

" _Hello_?" he called out. But no one answered. 

The Soldier shook his hair from his face. His body felt grimy with dried sweat, and all he wanted to do was get hosed off and sent to his cell. He had not been good, had not done a huge job, and so he would not get Pet. 

He left the table gingerly, and stood whilst his knees shook. He felt very weak. He shuffled to the door and found it to be locked. There was nobody there.

" _Masters_?" he asked. Again, there was echoing silence.

He was about to call again when he heard a whimpering sound. He knew that whimper, down to his core, and so he turned back into the room and looked into the corner. Pet was curled up there, whimpering into his hands with his knees drawn up to his chest.

" _Pet_?" he said, walking slowly over and kneeling. He reached out and set his right hand gently on Pet's knee, and wined as Pet jerked and looked up in fright. He was crying, eyes watery. But he gasped when he saw who it was and reached out with his hands, touching the Soldier gently on the shoulder and rubbing his skin.

" _Pet, where is_ _everyone_?" he asked. He knew it was a futile thing, as Pet could not talk, or even understand what the Soldier was saying very well. Over the years they had known each other they had developed their own communication, mostly sighs and whimpers when they lay together or when the Soldier was fucking Pet, but anything more complicated was beyond them.

" _Are we alone_?" he whispered. 'Alone' was a word that Pet understood, and he nodded. The Soldier nodded with him, and then leaned back beside Pet and slumped against the wall. He drew Pet to his chest, and let Pet curl up alongside him. But Pet still moved about, uncomfortable, and when the Soldier looked down, Pet's genitals were still in the trap.

" _Oh_." He said. He heaved himself up again and went to the table were the medical tools lay. He picked up the tweezers and the bone saw and brought them back to Pet, who watched him with wide eyes.

" _Hold this under the loosest part of the trap_." He said to Pet, then realised that Pet had absolutely no idea what he had said. He then reached and pushed Pet's legs apart, exposing the trap. He winced but held out the tweezers, pushing them under the loosest part of the trap and making sure that it would be between the saw and the skin.

" _Hold still_." He said. This Pet did understand, and he did hold still. But he still whimpered with fright when the Soldier did start sawing, and his legs trembled. 

It was amazingly difficult to saw one handed, and every so often the Soldier would turn his head to kiss Pet's leg. But after a good half an hour of intermittent sawing, there was a clang and the trap fell apart. Pet moaned at the sudden flow of blood, and started to cry again.

" _Shh, Pet_." The Soldier soothed. He once again leaned against the wall and drew Pet to his chest, leaning his head back as he ranks remaining hand through Pet's hair. Pet snuffled into the Soldier's chest and looped one hand around the Soldier's waist, his other between his own legs as he massaged his cock.

The Soldier closed his eyes and let the tears fall. He was so exhausted, and he was still so scared. He realised now that they had been abandoned, and knew, deep down in his bones, that he and Pet had been left to die. They would die, down here. And this time, he wasn't afraid. He had Pet with him, and even though his arm was still making him sway with pain, he knew that he was going to be alright this time. This was going to be peaceful, this was going to be on his own terms.

He would have felt sorry for Pet, except he felt that Pet would welcome death the same as he did. In many ways, Pet's life with the Master's had been worse than his, and he would often watch for Pet whenever he reported back from his missions, just so he could make sure that Pet was still alive. But, in the small part of his mind that wanted such things, he wished for Pet to be free of injuries and happy. But happiness was something that night Pet nor the Soldier had the luxury of thinking about. They were there to serve the Master's, and anything else that mattered was inconsequential and didn't matter in the long run. They weren't people, they were at best living organisms and at worst toys.

Pet looked up from the Soldier's chest and leaned up, pressing his lips to the Soldier's briefly. The Solder kissed back. They very rarely kissed, but the few brief times they were together had allowed them to learn each other. It was the only time when Pet could enjoy something other than pain, and even when they didn't fuck (which was more often than not) they would still cuddle together and kiss.

The Soldier drew his lips away and pulled Pet even more into his lap, laying his head on Pet's own greasy hair. Death was coming soon, and he wanted to be as comfortable as possible when meeting it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Shield managed to break into the last room of the basement in the bank, it was rank with the stench of dried blood and fear. The two front men, both the biggest men in the Avengers part of Shield and and the tallest took of their helmets, letting the lights catch the blond. The one with the short hair was about to call back and say that the room was empty when the other man tapped him on the arm and pointed. 

They walked over slowly, and looked down upon the most pathetic sight they had ever seen in their lives.

The Soldier opened his eyes slowly and looked at the men shining in the light. He blinked and looked again.

" _Are you angels_?" he asked.

But no one answered him.


	2. Echo (Jason Walker)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From 2012-2015. What Loki and Bucky did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time I heard Echo by Jason Walker, I burst into tears and continued crying throughout the song. I then proceeded to listen to it over and over again whilst I leaked like a drain. I highly recommend you listen to it, it's simply brilliant.

_**Brooklyn, April** **2015**_

 

 

 

In the end, there were no arrests. But the two men sitting in the medical room had to get sent to hospital. In the intervening time between the ambulance being called and the van arriving, the man with the short blond hair had settled himself beside the Soldier and had drawn that dark stringy head on his his own shoulder, making sure that he didn't touch the arm, or what was left of it. But he worried, because the arm was bright red, and leaking fluid, and the flesh bulged out of the stitches. He knew infection when he saw it.

The ambulance crew came in, and the man with long hair picked up the Soldier and Pet, cradling them gently together as he strained towards the gurney. He set them down and let Pet curl up on the Soldier's lap, gently breathing in his sleep. The Soldier ran his hand over Pet's hair repeatedly, keeping him asleep so he wouldn't see the other men and start to scream.

This was scuppered neatly when they got to the hospital. The Angel men had gone, and with the Soldier and Pet were two other people, a shorter man with blond hair and blue eyes, who had a bow slung across his back, and a woman with bright red hair. The Soldier leaned his head back against the pillow and allowed tears to leak from his eyes. The pain was now a numb blur at the back of his mind, and Pet was luckily still asleep. But when they reached the hospital, doctors and nursers swarmed around them, waking up Pet and causing him to whimper in confusion. 

Doctors reached up and over quickly picked up Pet, putting him on a second gurney. Pet turned beseeching green eyes to the Soldier and reached out his hands, staring to weep in fear. The Soldier tried to reach back, but his exhaustion and the pain caught with him, and he slipped into unconsciousness. 

He woke up hours later, a fresh dressing on his arm and entirely alone. He turned his head and saw the red-headed woman sitting by his door, a magazine in her lap. He looked at her. Most of the women who worked for Hydra were plain and mean, hard eyes and hands. This woman was ethereally beautiful, and he had never seen hair as red as her's.

She looked up and saw the Soldier looking at her. She closed the magazine and stood up, walking softly to him and laying a hand by his head. His eyes filled with tears again.

"Can you understand what I'm saying?" she asked. He nodded and his cheek brushed her hand. She had hard, callused fingers, but the back of her hands were soft.

"You are quite safe."

The Soldier pursed his lips and shook his head slowly. He felt like he was floating, but a heavy weight sat on his chest, and he wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and go back to sleep. But he knew better than that when someone was asking him questions.

"You don't believe me?" she asked. The Soldier widened his eyes in fear. The thought of disobeying a person, any person, sent a thrill of fear through him, enough to counteract the drugs running through his veins. His lips trembled and he started to cry. He had done a lot of crying lately, but he honestly couldn't help it. He seemed to have reached the end of his tether, and all he could do was cry and hope for something other than pain.

"You are safe." The woman said again. The Soldier closed his eyes and let the tears fall. His heart was hammering in his chest, and his arm, numb, throbbed. He opened his eyes and again opened his mouth to talk. But before he managed to get the question out, he heard screaming, from a voice he recognised. 

" _Pet_." He gasped and shot up from the bed. The woman put a hand on his shoulder, and his flesh shivered. But he ignored it as he tried to find his feet, the cannula in his hand tugging uncomfortably. The sheet slid from his hips and left him exposed, but he ignored it. 

" _Pet, where is Pet_?" he asked again. He thought that he was going to be ignored, when the woman turned and walked out of the room. He tried to follow her, he nearly collapsed when his knees wobbled and he staggered back to the bed. He waited, and after a few minutes the woman walked slowly into the room. She had an arm around Pet, who was barely walking. He had his arms wrapped around her chest and was resting his head on her shoulders.

When Pet saw the Soldier, his eyes lightened up and he released his grip on the woman. He tottered to the Soldier and he reached him, wrapping his arms around the Soldier's waist and settling back against the bed. He nudged his head under the Soldier's and kissed his shoulder, letting his lips rest there.

The woman left the room, and then returned with the doctors, nurses pushing the bed and various machines and settling it beside the Soldier's. The Soldier proceeded to ignore everyone in the room and slumped back onto the bed, cradling Pet to his chest. Everything was so new and confusing, Pet was the only stable thing he knew, and he kept that close to him. 

From now on, Pet was kept in the same room as he was. The bowman came in the next day to relieve the woman with red hair, and watched for half a second as the Solider tried in vain to push the beds together. He then laughed softly and came into the room, stopping at the door when the Soldier jumped at the noise and backed away to the window, pulling Pet behind him.

"Whoa, okay." He said. He stopped walking and held up his hands. The Soldier swallowed but kept silent.

"I know you understand me, but I don't speak Russian. Nat does, but I never bothered to learn. So, if you speak, you'll have to muddle through with hands signs. You understand ASL?"

The Soldier nodded slowly. Pet clutched at his arms, pulling the empty sleeve of the Soldier's gown between his fingers. He liked to touch, was always reaching to touch new things. 

"Cool. Now, come to me and we'll slide these beds together. Can you get the other guy to help?" The bowman went to the side of the bed and leaned dow, fiddling with the wheels. The Soldier turned to Pet and gently took his hand, pulling him to the bed and settling his hands on the side. Pet's face lightened and he nodded to the Soldier, leaning forward and looking at the bowman in curiosity.

"And push." The bowman said and they slid the bed easily towards the Soldier's. The beds clicked together and the bowman ducked again, settling the bed in permanence. "Done." 

Pet crept onto the bed and set down the handles, essentially turning the beds into a double bed. He settled back against the pillows and smiled at the Soldier and the bowman. He was wearing a loose t-shirt that hung off his bony shoulders, and pyjama bottoms that fell over his feet. But his hair was clean, and he was full of food, and he was comfortable. So he smiled, something he very rarely did when he was with the Masters.

The Soldier settled on the edge of the bed and gripped one of Pet's ankles, rubbing his thumb along the skin. The bowman pulled up a chair and sat down in front of Soldier, looking him in the eye. The Soldier was perturbed by this. He had never liked meeting anyone's eyes, it felt like causing offence, and that only lead to pain. 

"My name is Clint Barton." The bowman, now Clint said. "I'm on duty to guard you, so I'll be keeping an eye on the door but I'd be more comfortable if I could stay in here with you. If that's okay." 

The Soldier looked at Pet, then realised that Pet would have absolutely no idea what Barton had said, and so looked at Barton and nodded.

"Fab." Barton leaned back and pulled out a deck of cards. "Do you play poker?"

The Soldier shook his head, and Barton grinned. "Great, I'll teach you."

They spent the new few hours playing poker whilst Pet watched and alternately slept, before a doctor came into the room. Barton stood up and went to the door, leaning against the frame with his back to the room.

The doctor sat down and explain gently that they had to do more surgery on the Soldiers arm. The infection had gone down to the bone, and since the surgery that have been done originally had been in haste (and the Soldier drifted in and out of consciousness throughout), it had left the bone in his arm jagged and cutting into the muscles and the remaining skin.

"What we have to do is remove the rest of the arm." The doctor said. He was a neurosurgeon, and handsome, and he was friends with Dr's Banner and Ross-Banner from Shield (he had never joined himself), so whenever he was called on to help, he provided it free of charge.

"I'm going to leave you a socket, and nothing more." The doctor said with a grimace. The Soldier looked at him, and then at the stump of his arm. He felt nothing. Not fear, not anger, not anything. He leaned back against Pet, who had crawled over and wrapped his arms around his chest and drew him back. The doctor didn't look surprised by this behaviour, and the Soldier was reminded that this was probably the doctor that had attended to him when he first came to the hospital.

Barton came back into the room and spent the night sitting by the bed reading form a book called Twilight, whilst the Soldier pulled Pet into his arms and lay back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling and trying not to be scared. Pet slept like a rock. 

The next day, the Soldier lay back and let the liquid drip into his veins, his vision growing blurry. He hoped he would wake up, if only so Pet wouldn't be alone.

At first, Pet had panicked when the Soldier was wheeled from the room, but with both the red-headed woman (called Natasha) and Barton with him, they were enough to contain his panic. He still didn't understand a word of what they were saying, but he relaxed enough to come over and start playing poker with Barton. It was difficult, but funny, and sometimes both Natasha and Barton would be reduced to laughter at misunderstanding, and Pet would smile.

When the Soldier was wheeled back in, groggy but away, and with bandages covering shoulder and chest, Pet dropped his cards and crawled over to where the Soldier was lying. 

" _Hello Pet._ " He murmured and reached up with his arm and clumsily stroked his hair. Pet sat back on his heels and leaned over to inspect the wound.

"He's fleeced me." Barton muttered, looking blankly at his wallet. On Pet's bed there was pile on money, at least $155 dollars. Natasha was also collecting her winnings, a smug smile on her face. Pet stopped poking at the dressing and turned back to Barton, pushing him winnings under is pillow and giving Barton a wide and unnerving smile.

"How are you feeling?" asked Natasha. 

" _Floaty._ " The Soldier said. Natasha gave him a closed mouth smile and relayed it back to Barton, who nodded and gave him the thumbs up. The Soldier frowned but cautiously gave Barton the thumb up as well. Pet settle down beside the Soldier and started making a house of cards on his chest. It was a testament to his skill that he could so with the Soldier breathing.

With the proper drugs and medical treatment, the Soldier healed well, but when they took his bandages off and he saw the straight line down the left side his body now made, he turned his head and vomited. The sight of smooth bare flesh was terrifying.

But they were stuck. They still hadn't been identified, and as such, nobody could get the discharged form the hospital. And they couldn't discharge themselves, as neither spoke English and weren't in any way sufficient to leave and live by themselves. So their hospital room became their world. Barton and Natasha would come everyday with something to brighten up the room, or alternatively sit by the door whilst the recently hired speech therapist. 

It was relatively easy going for the Soldier, because he understood English and picked it up quickly. What surprised both him and everyone else was the thick Brooklyn accent in which he spoke, leading them to confirm that, whatever had happened to him, he had been a native to New York and, in his past life, his first language was English.

Pet was an entirely different matter.

He could barely understand was people were saying at the best of times, and during his life with the masters, most things had either been screamed at him, or whispered in his ear at moments he tried not to think about. So English to him was a language he didn't want to be associated with, but which was necessary for him to learn.

He soon understood English, but speaking it was another matter. The first word he said was "Soldier", and it was also heavily accented. But this was no American accent. Barton, who had been by the door when he spoke, would later say to his team (who were kept abreast of everything that was happening to the two men) would later say that it was like he was from Scandinavia, like Thor.

Speaking was one thing. Reading and writing was something both learn at the same rate, in their hospital room, cut off from the world.

 

 

*********

 

 

A month into their stay at the hospital, a tall women with brown hair neatly pulled back into a bun knocked on their door and poked her head in.

"May I come in?" she asked. The Soldier looked up from the chessboard and nodded. Pet didn't bother, too busy considering his move.

"Yes. Come in." The Soldier said. He turned to look at the woman, and behind his back, Pet immediately cheated by switching over the pieces so that the Soldier would be checkmated in two moves. He slitted his eyes slyly at the Soldier and stuck out his tongue.

"My name is Maria Hill. I'm the public relations officer for the Shield branch of the NYPD. I've been looking into who you are."

The Soldier sat up straighter. Behind him, Pet stopped cheating and shuffled closer, slipping his hand into the Soldier's and leaning closer to his side. Hill, to her eternal credit, didn't so much as raised an eyebrow. Instead, she shuffled through her papers, read a few paragraphs on several papers at the back, nodded, and then looked back up.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."

The Sold-  _James_ _Buchanan Barnes_ didn't know what he expected, had he ever expected to get his name back. But there were no fireworks, nothing in his body that told him, that, when he thought about himself, he should think 'James Buchanan Barnes' rather than Soldier.

As if he was a person, not a toy.

But it was Pet, who clutched at his arms. Solid-James turned his head, and found Pet was looking at him with wide eyes and a mouth open in wonder. He reached up and touched Soldier-James' face gently.

" _James_." He said. It was oddly accented, and slow, but it was his voice. 

James took a deep breath and closed his eyes, cementing his name to himself. It would take him a while to fully think of himself as a being with a  _name_ , rather than an unpleasant facet of Hydra Pharmaceuticals. He opened his eyes again and looked back at Hill. She gave him a small smile and went back to her notes.

"You were from Brooklyn, the accent isn't a lie." She gave him a bigger smile. "You disappeared when you were 16, on your way from high school. Do you remember?"

James shook his head. His memories started and ended until recently with Hydra.

Hill pursed her lips. "Your mother was Freda, father George, and you had a sister Rebecca."

James frowned. "Had? Are they dead?"

Hill sighed and took her hair out of it's bun, running a hand through it. "Yes. They died 5 years ago. Car crash, but there was enough evidence to suspect that their car's brakes had been tampered with."

There was a pause, before James asked softly "Was it me?"

Hill shrugged. "We can't know."

James' brows drew together and he opened his mouth to ask again, when Hill held up a hand. "It very well might have been, but we can't know that."

James took a deep breath, and Hill continued. "You've been with Hydra for 12 years." She looked up with a soft look. "You're 28."

"Oh." James said quietly. He thought he was much older. He felt older than 28. Pet made a noise of confusion, and James opened his hand several times, telling Pet how old he was. Pet nodded and then focused his gaze on Hill, who looked back with an equally focused stare.

"Have you any news about Pet?" James asked. Hill turned her gaze to him and frowned.

"Pet?" she asked. 

James put a hand on Pet's shoulder. Hills mouth opened slightly in realisation and then shuffled her papers, looking at the ones at the back. She checked again and looked up, smiling slightly.

"Your name is Loki. Loki Laufeyson." 

Pet, no,  _Loki_ , frowned at her. He turned his head to James, who put his hand on Loki's cheek in the same manner Loki had done to him.

"Loki." He said softly. "Loki." Loki nodded slowly, and James knew that he would have to spend the next few days repeating the names to himself and to Pe-Loki. He turned back to Hill and asked "Does he have family still living?"

Hill shook her head. "No. His parents came from Iceland in Europe when he was 13, and lived illegally in Hells Kitchen. We only know his name because he got into a fight just before he was snatched and his blood was in the computer system."

"How old is he?"

"24. He was snatched when he was 14, and as his parents were illegal immigrants, they couldn't go to the police of they would have been deported. The father, Laufey, worked as a dockworker, and the mother, Farbauti, was working in a soup kitchen. Neither Farbauti nor Loki spoke any english at the time of his disappearance, and Laufey spoke it badly." Hill grimaced. "The only reason we have records from them is that a lawyer from Sweden, Odin Borson, tried to get the police involved. But nothing happened."

James settled back and absently pulled Loki to his chest. The casual affection had surprised many nurses and quite a few doctors when they had first, but after their time for Hydra nothing was off limits to them. In fact, they could not hug and kiss in the open without the fear of being beaten for showing affection.

"How did his parents die?"

"Burglary gone wrong." 

James opened his mouth, but hill beat him to the question. "This was not you. They arrested the guy two weeks later when he tried to sell Laufey's pocket watch and was caught. He killed them when they started fighting back."

James digested all of this, and Loki sat by him, slowly working through the words in his head. It defiantly explained why Loki hadn't been able to understand anyone when he was at Hydra, given that English had not been his mother language. 

Hill let them sit there, looking at them both so she could give an accurate report back to Fury. Shield was keeping an extra eye on them, and every member of the team wanted nothing more than the best for these two. When Loki laid his head on James' shoulder and he turned his head to press his lips to his hair, Hill removed a few pictures from the back of her file and handed them to James.

"You can keep these. I know you probably can't remember them, but you might want to keep them." James reached out slowly and took them. "To remind the both of you where you came from."

James looked up and saw her give them a small smile as she stood up. She smoothed down her skirt and made her way to the door, closing it softly behind her. 

James sorted through the photo's and shuffled back so that he lay against his pillows, Loki settled next to him. He spread the photos out, so he could look at both of them. "That's me." He said, pointing to a picture of a 13-year old boy, grinning cheekily at the camera. He had his arms wrapped around a small brown-haired girl, both soaking wet. The picture underneath was a more formal one of a family, James and a man he assumed to be his father standing by the woman he thought was his mother, with his sister on his lap. All members of the family were smiling widely, and James could see that, whilst he resembled his father almost to a tee, he had his mothers' blue eye and her wide, cheeky smile.

James stared at the boy and felt absolutely nothing to him. There was no correlation, no sudden burst of memories. It was as if he was looking at pictures of a stranger. It was only the similarity of his face that made it clear that this was a picture of his family.

Loki reached out and tapped the photo of James alone with his sister. "You?" he asked. James nodded.

"Me."

Loki smiled. "James, smiling. Is sister?"

James smiled back. James' didn't really smile at all, because he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. From what he had gathered, Loki was simply taking in the freedom and safety he had now, because he too seemed to be waiting for the Master's to come for him. That was why he seemed to have accepted their situation so quickly.

"Yes, that's my sister." Loki stoked the picture. "They're all dead." Loki don't stop stroking, but snuggled that bit closer to James. James let him, and then shuffled the pictures aside to show Loki his own picture. It must have been a photograph taken before the family left Iceland. Loki was sitting sideways on a chair, looking at the camera with huge green eyes, his hair hung down to his waist. Behind him stood an extremely tall man with shaved hair and a stern expression, and a beautiful woman, slightly shorter. She had blond hair and bright green eyes, and Loki's sharp, pointed chin.

"Me." Loki said softly. He touched his mother softly, and then drew his hand away. 

"You." James said, shifting the photo's to palm the package Hill had slipped him. He drew back the brown paper and looked at the silver pocket watch. It was small, and slightly scratched. He opened the lid, and saw 'LL' engraved on the inside. 

"Here." He handed it to Loki, to took it with gentle hands and turned it over and over. "It's yours."

Loki didn't look up. He was inspecting the 'LL' engaged on the inside, rubbing a thumb gently over the letters. He'd already figured that out for himself. He didn't remember his family, he doesn't remember his past, but he does remember this pocket watch, because it was being saved for him by his father. Laufey was Laufey Nalson, so Loki knew that this watch was meant to be his, as 'LL' was carved into the watch when he was born.

James drew Loki into his side, staring out of the window at the setting sun. Their room was deliberately settled in over the gardens, and even though it was barely into the New Year, the snow was still not properly covering the grass. 

James dimmed the lights and lay down, listening to Loki play with his watch. He was entirely aware that they were living in a bubble that was protecting them from the outside world, and that sooner rather than later their bubble was going to burst.

 

 

**********

 

 

Another month and a half later, they were standing at the door to the hospital, a small carrier case by James's feet and his hand in Loki's. With were dressed in huge jumpers with lose jeans, with Loki's watch looped through the loops of his jeans. On their feet were converses and in the bag were several days worth of clothes, a few boxes of painkillers and their photographs in frames bought for them by the nurses.

They stood by the entrance and stared out into the car park. Both held the other's hand tightly as they stared out into the unknown. 

They were being discharged because there was no medical evidence to keep them in hospital anymore. Both were as well as they could be, James had his prosthetic attached to his shoulder (he loathed it), and both could now speak english to comfortable standards. James had re-learned to write again and Loki was learning as long as he kept practising. But both were utterly alone in the world, and were scared rigid of stepping out of the door.

James took a deep breath and mad to move forwards, picking up the bag and slinging it over his shoulder. He lead Loki out of the door, and then Barton came running up to them, out of breath.

"Sorry I'm late. Got the wrong time." He said. He pushed his hair out of his face and grinned at them.

"Why are you here?" James asked. Barton smiled wider and took James' bag without asking. 

"Taking you to your place."

James frowned. "What place?"

Barton laughed. "Your place. Your new apartment."

James sighed. "Barton, we can't afford a new place."

Barton stopped smiling and looked hard at them. "What exactly was your plan?"

James released Loki's hand and ran a hand through his hair. However, before he managed to speak, Loki said "Find a homeless shelter. Get a job, make enough money to get out own place."

"Hey, you speak!" Barton was grinning again. He grabbed Loki's hand and shook it a few times. Loki grinned back. "Nice to hear you."

"And you, Clint Barton."

"And your plan is shit." Barton carried on, and Loki's face dropped mulishly. He pulled his lips in tight, and narrowed his eyes. "I mean, neither of you have any qualifications, and Loki can hardly speak english."

"I speak it well enough to understand you." Loki muttered. Barton grinned at him but kept his eyes on James.

"Listen, lets just say you have an animus benefactor willing to shell out for an apartment, all bills paid for and an allowance each month for food and other sundries."

"How could he possibly afford that?" James asked. Barton shrugged and turned around, walking out of the door.

"He's loaded and arrogant." He tossed over his shoulder. "This is nothing to him."

James and Loki looked at each other before Loki shrugged and followed him, one hand shoved into his pocket, where his watch was, the other pulling at his hair, which was in a braid over his shoulder. Neither Loki not James had bothered to cut their beyond a trim to neaten it up, and whilst James' hair brushed his shoulders (he had been shaved bald by Hydra whenever his hair started to interfere with his duties), Loki's was comfortably down to his waist.

They both settled in the back of Barton's car, Loki leaning his head against James' shoulder as they both stared at the window, as the changing scenery. They held hand tightly, both still afraid of what was to come. For all they knew, Barton could be taking them right back to the Master's. 

"It'll be okay." James whispered into Loki's hair. Loki clenched his hand but didn't look at him. Pressed so close to him, James could feel his breathing. "I'll kill us both before they can get their hands on us."

"Thank you." Loki said back. In front of them, unseen, Barton's hand clenched on the steering wheel as he over heard.

They drove for a while, and then Barton pulled up in front of a brownstone in DUMBO in Brooklyn. Both James and Loki started out of the window, Loki with awe, James with eyes narrowed with suspicion. 

"Right, here you are." Barton said and jumped out of the car. He opened the door, catching Loki as he almost fell out, and grabbed the bag sitting at their feet. He slung it over his shoulder, reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He opened the door and went inside, where he waited for them to follow him. He stood beside an elevator.

"You got the penthouse." He said. He pushed the button to the penthouse and grinned at them as they jumped when the elevator started moving.

"Our benefactor," James asked, "does he own the penthouse?"

"He owns the building."

"Oh." Loki said. The elevator dinged and the door opened, and Barton walked out and went to the only door on the floor. He put the key in the door and turned it, looking at them with a grin.

"Welcome home." He said and opened the door.

It was filled with light, that was the first thing that James saw. Loki released his hand and wandered in, looking at the open doors. James stood in the doorway, electing his head and looking at everything he could think off. Barton had followed Loki into the rooms, and was grinning at James.

"C'mon in, nothing's gonna bite." He said. James finally willed his legs to move and entered the apartment. It was huge, with an open plan living room and kitchen just off to the side. There were two bedrooms, both with huge king-size beds and en-suite facilities. Down the hallway leading off from the kitchen there was a laundry room, and beside it was a fully functional gym.

"Like I said, power, water, all that shit is paid for, and you have a monthly allowance. In your own bank accounts. Here are the details." He handed a piece of paper to James, who took it and stared at it. Loki had come back into the room with a StarkBook computer. He settled himself large squishy couch and opened the computer, already typing.

"Here's my card." Barton handed his card over, which had his and Natasha's names on, and their numbers. He set down the bag and turned to walk out of the door.

"Wait!" James said. Loki had set down the computer and had leaned up on his knees. "Is it...Are we..." He licked his lips and tried again. "Are we safe?"

Barton's expression softened and he smiled gently at him. "There's 24 hour security, and your neighbours have been told to look out for types. You're finally safe, you can trust me on that."

James' expression didn't change, but he felt slightly better. Barton came over and held out his hand, and James shook it.

"Call us if you need anything." He said and made towards the door. He turned and walked to the door, turning one last time and looking at both James and Loki. 

"Good luck."

 

 

*********

 

 

James and Loki never called that number. For the next two years, both leaned to live again, establishing themselves in the community. For the first couple of months they stayed in the apartment, ordering their groceries for delivery and spending hours at a time staring out of the window, watching people. Every week a woman came over and sat with both Loki and James as they learned to write again, and to help Loki with his speaking. 

But after a few months, both James and Loki ventured down onto the streets, holding hands and looking like frightened children. But they met with no opposition, and would sit together in restaurants and coffee shops, both either reading or Loki sketching. He had picked up a pencil a month or so ago and started drawing on whatever paper he could. His drawings were unnervingly accurate, and in the back of his mind, James found the sound of sketching soothing, as if he had some memory of lying back on a couch, listening to someone wheeze and draw at the same time. But as he had no memories of his time before Hydra, he knew that it was just his mind making things up.

Loki and James still shared a bed, as the thought of sleeping alone made both men break out into a cold sweat.

A year into their stay in the apartment, Loki came to James, who was watching television. He sat at his side and set down a series of drawings on his lap.

"What's this?" James asked, picking them up and looking at them.

"I want to get them as tattoos." Loki said quietly. He wasn't looking at James, but staring at the television with blank eyes as he worried his lower lip.

James looked at the pictures. There was a tribal drawing of a wolf and a huge snake, a detailed drawing of a girl, half beautiful, half dead, and a viking era drawing of an eight-legged horse. "You've been reading about Loki the god, haven't you?" James asked with humour. Loki, sensing that it was alright, relaxed and looked up at James.

"Yes. I like those stories."

"But why these as tattoos?" James set down the drawings and drew Loki close. 

"They were important to him. And they have different meanings and protections, and I want those on me."

James tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. In the year since they had come to the apartment they had slowly found their own styles. Whilst James had mainly stuck to over-sized clothes and a scruffy beard, Loki seemed to have dabbled in every style in existence before finding one he liked. He now dressed in silk shirts with corresponding waistcoats, which he hung his pocket watch from. Along with his waistcoat, he wore tight black jeans and black leather ankle boots. His hair, which he had kept long, was often loose about his face and swept his waist. 

"As long as you're sure, we can make appointments. There's that tattoo place near here that has really good reviews on Yelp."

"Yes." Now Loki looked sheepish. "I've already booked an appointment there. For tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" James looked down at Loki surprised. 

"It is not as if we have drastically busy schedules." Loki said wryly. James grinned. 

"True. So lets go tomorrow. Do you know where you want them?"

"Yes. Wolf on my right forearm, girl on my left, snake going across my upper arms and along my shoulders, and horse on my back."

James whistled. "That's going to take ages, and be very sore."

"I've already booked a weeks worth of appointments. And it can't be any sorer than when you got your ears pierced."

James had got both his ears pierced several months ago, and wore studs in them every day. The earrings had been a gift from Loki, as had Loki's ankle boots been a gift from James.

So the next day, hey both walked hand in hand to the tattoo shop. The guy manning the desk was friendly and asked whether James had been a veteran, which was a question he was often asked. He had always replied "yes", simply because ehe didn't want to explain what he really was.

(He had wore the prosthetic for 3 months before walking in on Loki dousing it in cooking oil and flicking a match onto it.

"It is the shittiest prosthetic in the world." Loki had said in a rare (at the time) moment of sass.

"It was." James agreed and they stood there, watching the plastic burn.)

When Loki explained exactly what he wanted, and sat down with the sketches on him, James was allowed with him. He sat with Loki, and gripped the hand that was offered to him. Squeezing rhythmically when the tattooing started, and Loki bit his lip in pain.

It took five and a half days for the full tattooing to be complete. Nothing was coloured, all was in black and white. The wolf and the girl covered the whole of his inner arms, and the snake started on his left bicep, tail flickering, crossed his shoulders and ended on his right, mouth open and fangs poised. The horse was rearing, 4 legs in the air, 4 legs on the ground. It took a good three months to heal properly, and then Loki would happily role his sleeves back, displaying his ink.

But, as confident at they appeared during the day, when they got to their apartment, the masks came down. Often, after going out, they would spend hours wrapped around each other, making sure the other was okay and safe. 

They never went anywhere without the other. And that was how it was, for 2 years.

 

 

***********

 

 

One day, in April, Loki was standing in front of the fridge, frowning as he stared at the barren shelves.

"James, have we got any milk in storage?" he yelled. James was sitting on the couch reading a book, which he put down as he thought.

"No." He said finally. Loki growled in irritation and slammed the fridge door shut.

"We need to go and get some." He said, walking to the coat rack and grabbing his coat. 

"Why?" James asked, coming over and toeing on his trainers. He shrugged on his coat and set his baseball cap low over his eyes. Loki tied his hair back in a high ponytail and looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"If you want quiche for dinner, I need milk to make the crust." He opened the door and walked out, letting James shut it behind them. "It's just to the shop at the end of the street. What could possibly happen?"


	3. Ghost of Me (Daughtry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the Avengers, and Shield, came to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although this song couldn't be more appropriate for Winter Soldier Bucky, I chose this song for this chapter to show character progression and how every person in this story is the sum of their experiences, and no one is the same person their were as children, or even yesterday.
> 
> Sorry this is late, but it's a monster chapter. Hope everyone likes it.
> 
> Also, went to see the Avengers this weekend. Even thought it doesn't have my two favourite characters in it (Loki and Bucky), it was AMAZING!!!!!!! Recommend to everyone, seriously, go an watch it. James Spader is amazing, he's so good as Ultron you won't believe!

It started with Captain Nicholas Fury, HR representative Phil Coulson and his secretary Maria Hill. 

Or, rather, it started with the barely teenage Tony Stark, walking into the NYPD with a black eye and a mutinous expression on his face. He walked right up to Fury and said "I need you to arrest me."

Fury raised an eyebrow and looked at him. Tony, aged 14, was small and skinny, with his black hair spiky and his brown eyes wide in his face. They were slightly red, as if he had been crying recently.

"Why should I do that, Mr Stark?" Fury asked. Tony didn't look surprised at being recognised. His parents were one of New Yorks social elite, and every time there was a party there would always be a photo of Tony sitting somewhere with a wine bottle in his hand and a grin (false).

"'Cause I just set fire to my parents apartment, and my babysitter tried to beat the lights out of me."

Fury sat upright and looked at Tony properly. He was shifting from foot to foot, and he was holding his hand oddly, cradle the right one in his left. The black eye looked terrible, mottled yellow and green, not yet black due to the time passing and the nature of the injury.

Fury looked around the office. Many other officers were ignoring them, either interrogating or filling out paperwork. Fury then stood up, and ignored the fact that Tony stood back quickly in alarm. He placed a large hand on Tony's shoulder and guided him to the farthest interrogation room, checking to see if it was empty. It was, and Fury led Tony to the chair and sat him down. But rather than sit down in the chair opposite, he knelt down beside Tony and stared at him.

"Mr Stark, how did you set fire to your parents apartment?" he asked. Everyone knew that the Starks lived in the luxurious penthouse apartment in Manhattan, and that they were often away on business trips and various scientific conferences. 

Tony shifted and looked at Fury out of the corner of his eyes. "I was...I..."

"Mr Stark."

"I was smoking, okay!" Tony blurted out. "I nicked some of my babysitters cigarettes and was smoking."

Fury sighed deeply and ran a hand over his face. "Why, Mr Stark?"

Tony pouted. "Can you not call me Mr Stark? I'm not my dad."

"Yes, even I can see that." Fury said wryly. "What do you prefer to be called?"

"Tony."

"Alright then, Tony." Fury stood up and then sat on the table. "You were smoking and then you, what? Dropped the lighter?"

"Took one puff and dropped the cigarette." Tony muttered.

"Too much for you?"

"It's disgusting!" Tony said, turning beseeching brown eyes to Fury. "How can people do that?"

"It's an acquired taste."

"Do you smoke?"

"None of your damn business." Fury said. "So you dropped the cigarette and set the house on fire. What was the accelerant?"

Toy shifted and started looking sheepish. Fury recognised guilt when he saw it. "Tell me the truth."

"Imayhavebeendrinkingandspilledsomeonthecarpetsomenightsago." Tony said very quickly. He didn't look at Fury, instead focussing on his twisting hands.

"Say that again, but slower." Fury said, leaning close.

"I may have been drinking and spilled some on the carpet some nights ago."

Fury concealed a twitch in the corner of his mouth. He leaned back and crossed his arms, looking at the boy in front of him. Tony was biting his lip and looking anywhere but at Fury, nervous and a little bit scared.

"So you set the carpet alight, and booked it. How did the whole apartment light on fire, and how did your babysitter manage to get his...her..."

"His." Tony muttered.

"His hands on you."

"I, um..." Tony coughed and wiped his eyes, wincing as he rubbed across the bruise. "I woke him up and told him what I did. Then the fire engine arrived, and we got bundled out, and then he walloped me on the street. I ran before he could do something more."

Fury pursed his lips and looked at the youth. Tony looked on the verge of tears, and Fury could guess that it was part humiliation at being hit in public, part from the pain in his face, and part fear at what his parents were going to do when they came back. Fury sighed deeply and then walked out of the office, picking up his phone to get in touch with his friend in the HR department.

Half an hour later a man came storming into the police station. He was soaking wet and black with smoke, and his eyes were red with tears.

"Where is that little pissant?" He snarled. In the interrogation room, Tony jerked and scattered his hand of cards, causing Coulson to come around the table and stand by Tony, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Excuse me?" Fury said. He didn't look up from his work, ande continued to ignore the man.

"That little shit Stark. I know he came here, where is he?"

"I assume you mean Anthony Stark, and that you are the babysitter who was asleep when the carpet caught fire."

"So that's what he told you. I was asleep and he decided to play with my cigarettes. Well, it's not like I can keep an eye on his all the time."

"I'm surprised you can even remember what happened 15 minutes ago, given how high you are." Fury said, finally leaning back and looking at the man. His eyes were completely dilated, practically black, and he was constantly sniffing and rubbing his nose.

"I...what..." The babysitter spluttered and swayed where he stood.

"Mr..."

"Jake Memphis."

"Mr Memphis, you have publicly hit a child."

Memphis huffed. "He's hardly a child."

"Legally he is." Coulson came out of the room, running a hand through his thick hair. He was very very young, only in his early twenties, but he was so efficient he was steadily climbing the ladder up the HR department. He was also a foster parent, and was currently fostering a young girl by the name of Maria Hill. "He's a child in the eye of the law, and you struck him so hard in the face he's going to have a shiner the size of an eight ball on his face."

"He set the apartment in fire!" Memphis waved his arms in the air.

"Yes, he did." Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Tony come to the door and huddle against the frame.

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

"Bugger all." Fury said.

Memphis gaped at them. "What?"

"We're going to wait for his parents, and they can decide what they can do with him." Behind them, Tony shuddered and huddled closer to the doorframe.

"And in the meantime, I'm booking you for GBH to a minor." Fury stood up and quickly whipped out his handcuffs, cuffing the man and dragging him over to the drunk tank. He thew him in, not bothering to remove the cuffs, and walked back to the interrogation room. Tony looked at him  with wide eyes, and Fury placed a hand on his shoulder and led him back in.

"Have you called my parents?" Tony asked. Before he bit it his lip wobbled. Fury set him down on the chair and went to the other side, picking up Phil's abandoned hand and settling back into the table.

"Yeah. They'll be here in a few hours."

"Oh." Tony said in a small voice.

"What were you betting?" Fury asked. Tony looked at him gratefully for the change of subject.

"Chips." He said and opened a bag of Doritos, laying them out on the table and dividing them equally.

They sat there for hours, with Coulson occasionally coming in and looking over their shoulders and grinning. When Howard and Maria Stark came into the building, it was Coulson who waylaid them to speak to them. He drew them to his office and sat them down, explaining what had happened and why their babysitter was sitting in the drunk tan, nursing a black eye of his own. 

"He did WHAT?" Tony heard Howard roar. Tony dropped his cards and wrapped his arms around his chest. Fury let go of his own hand and went around the desk, pressing a large hand onto Tony's shoulder. However, they could see into Coulson's office, and Howard was getting up out of his seat and storming towards the room. Tony squeaked and stood up as the door opened, and Fury prepared himself to stand in between Howard and Tony in case things went south.

However, Howard's face collapsed into relief and he strode to Tony, kneeling down and putting his arms around Tony.

"God, Tony." He whispered. Tony closed his eyes tightly and wrapped his own arms around his dad's shoulders. 

"Dad." He whispered.

"Oh, my boy." Maria whispered at the doorway. She walked over slowly and put her hand on Tony's hair. Tony whimpered and clung to his father tighter.

Fury watched the Starks as they comforted their son, and wondered whether this was a turning point for the family. It was an open secret that relations between son and his parents were frosty as best. He hoped things would get better.

Howard stood up and walked to the door, allowing Tony to wrap his arms around his fathers waist and bury his head in his stomach. Maria gave him a tight lipped smile and walked away as well.

Fury was somewhat grieved to open the paper a year later and find that Howard and Maria Stark had been killed in a car accident, leaving Tony the sole heir to the Stark fortune and in the guardianship of Obadiah Stane.

 

 

*********

 

 

Fury didn't think much more about that until, 16 years later, Tony staggered into the NYPD again, his chest practically opened and two doctors on either arm, the women helping him to move and the man pressing his own t-shirt to Tony's chest. Behind him, Pepper Potts walked slowly, casting wide eyes around and clutching a gun in her hand.

"Is there a Detective Fury in the house?" Tony called out loud, and then gasped when he felt his chest throb.

"Hello Mr Stark." Fury said, coming out of his office and walking towards them.

"I told you to call me Tony." Tony grinned at him. It was awful, as Tony had blood on his teeth.

"I think you need a hospital." Fury said. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and was about to summon and ambulance, when the curly haired doctor dropped the t-shirt and smacked the phone out of his hand.

"Don't call an ambulance." The man growled. His hands were cut to ribbons, as if he had been fighting with his fists. Fury raised an eyebrow but didn't pick up his phone from the floor.

"Come into my office." Fury said and walked back in. He heard Tony take a deep breath and heard the male doctor whisper to him, and then there was a shuffling sound as the doctors walked Tony into the office. They dumped him into a chair and sat on either arm, each keeping on eye on their patient and one eye on the door. Pepper closed the door behind herself and then sat down, legs outstretched and leaning against the wood. The gun in her hand fell to the floor, and she closed her eyes in exhaustion.

"So-" he started, but before he could go on, Tony interrupted.

"Obadiah Stane set off a bomb in my lab. He's been diverting funds into 5 offshore banks accounts, and has been selling StarkTech ideas to other companies including Hammer Inc." Tony said in a hurry. He then gasped sharply and leaned back, allowing the curly hair male doctor to press his t-shirt harder to Tony's chest.

"Who is this?" Fury asked.

"Dr Bruce Banner and Dr Betty Ross-Banner." Pepper said from the floor. She opened her eyes and stood up, swaying over and slumping down into the couch that was tucked into the corner of the room. 

"I've heard of you." Fury said, looking at Bruce. Bruce turned pale and pursed his lips, not looking at Fury.

"Probably that lawsuit and restringing order against my father last year." Betty muttered. 

"Not that. Your theories about particle physics and your experiments with frogs."

Bruce and Betty winced in tandem. "We don't do that any more." Betty said.

"Neither of you are medical doctors either." Fury said wryly. "So why are you tending to Stark?"

"We were the only doctors in the building who knew enough about medical practice to actually make a difference." Bruce said.

"All that work on toads." Tony murmured and grinned at them, not even wincing when Bruce slapped him on the arm. 

"So what do you want me to do?" Fury asked. He leaned back in his chair and looked at the tableau in front of him. 

"Arrest him." Pepper said from the couch. "You have the grounds for it, and the evidence." She gestured to Tony, who weakly game her the thumbs up and then slumped back.

"I take it you want that to happen now?"

"Preferably before I die. I want to see the look on his face when he gets put in handcuffs." Tony said. He grinned at Fury before closing his eyes and sitting back, leaning against Betty's leg and letting Bruce push the t-shirt against his chest as hard as he could.

Later than night, Stane was handcuffed and led to the police van, spitting at the press whilst Fury leaned back against his car with a grin on his face.

Tony was in hospital, receiving the news that he had days to live as the shrapnel moved towards his heart. He immediately started thinking, and two weeks later, along with Bruce and Betty, walked out of his own lab with a miniaturised arc reactor in his chest, and a mission in his mind. He walked into the police station, where Fury was talking with Coulson, and sat across from Fury's desk without so much as a by your leave.

"May I help you Stark?" Fury said. Coulson sat on the couch and smiled an enigmatic smile. He had already been contacted by Pepper the day before, and knew what Tony was going to say before he said it.

"I hear you want to set up your own department in the NYPD." Tony said.

"It's nice to see you get straight to the point." Fury muttered. Tony grinned wider.

"You need funding, I want to say thanks. Lets talk numbers."

 

 

*********

 

 

Two months later, Stane was incarcerated for life in a high security prison, and the Shield division of the NYPD, specialising in international and national espionage cases within the New York area and in partnership with the FBI and the CIA was launched, with Fury heading the operations, Phil Coulson as the HR representative and his foster daughter as the division secretary and one of the first responders. Tony Stark was contracted as the technical specialist, with Bruce and Betty Banner also subcontracted as medical and technical specialists, despite Bruce saying "But we have no medical training."

"Doesn't matter." Coulson said. He shuffled his papers and considered banging his head off of the desk as the amount of paperwork he had to do. Behind him, in their new offices, Tony was playing paper basketball and was also manufacturing a crossbow made of office supplies with Bruce.

Fury sat back and watched his minute team through his window. It was small, and chaotic, but it was a start.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bruce and Betty met when they bumped into each other, literally, in the halls of the California Institute of Technology. Betty dropped everything she was holding in her arms and was about to reprimand the man who walked into her when she saw that he had bashed his head against the wall and was now lying sprawled on the floor, staring up at the ceiling with his glassed dangling from one ear.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said. The man stopped blinking blankly at the ceiling and looked up, before grinning at her very widely.

"Marry me." He said.

"Excuse me?" Betty asked. The man grinned wider.

"Marry me."

"You must be concussed." Betty said and knelt down next to him, setting a hand on his chest and leaning over to look into his eyes. The pupil response was normal, but the man continued to grin at her. "Okay, you're not concussed, so why did you ask me to marry you?"

"I thought that that's what people did when they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together." The man sat up slowly and looked at her.

"You don't even know me."

"Yes I do." The man stood up and picked her papers, neatly arranging them and handing them back. "You're Betty Ross."

"Oh, you actually do know who I am."

"Yeah, well, your father is General Ross, so no offence but you're kind of hard not to know."

Betty pulled a face and the man's own face dropped. "I try not to think about that."

"He's one of the biggest funders in the physics department. I mean, we wouldn't have half the stuff we have if it hadn't been for him."

Betty frowned. "He's only funding the department because I work there. And besides, how do you know that?"

The man laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "I work in the department."

"I haven't seen you around." Betty said, mentally flicking through her mental list of people who worked in the Physics Department. The man's face didn't appear, but then, she had only been working at the department for the last two and a half months.

"I've been on suspension for the last 3 months." The man said, giving her a shy grin.

"Oh?"

"I'm Bruce Banner."

Betty gaped at him. " _You're_ Bruce Banner?" she asked.

"Yep."

Although she had never met him, she knew of him from the stories that were still circulating around the University when she arrived. He was a brilliant member of the Physics department, who had been sitting in the lunch hall on day when an post-draguate student had started hitting on some undergraduates girls. Not put off by the blatant dislike of him, he had continued, even sitting close to the youngest one and putting his hand on her thigh. He had been about to nose her neck whilst she shook with fear when he had felt a tap on his shoulder, and he turned to see Dr Banner looking at him with narrowed brown eyes.

"I think she wants you to leave her alone." He said. The boy scoffed and turned back.

"Piss off grandpa. She wants it, don't you honey?" he cooed sickeningly to the girl. The girl whimpered and shook her head.

Just before he placed a sloppy kiss on her neck, he felt himself being whirled around on his seat and was looking into the furious eyes of Dr Banner.

"Leave her alone." He growled. The man was about to turn back to the terrified girl when he was suddenly hauled up by his jacket and was face to face with Bruce, whose cheeks were slowly going red. His eyes were so narrowed with disgust he was peering through slits.

"Leave. Those girls. Alone." He hissed.

"Chill out, they wanted it." The man said. "All the girls want-"

 _Wham!_  The boy was launched across the table by a solid uppercut, and was promptly follow by Bruce, whose long held temper had snapped. The girls scattered, cheering on meek Dr Banner, who had changed into a completely different person.

The boy had ended up in hospital with a broken jaw, two broken ribs and several sexual harassment lawsuit pending. 

Dr Banner left with a suspension and two broken fingers. He also left with the admiration of almost every person in the University, seen as both a seriously macho man and a feminist.

"So, there's that." Bruce said. They were now sitting on the front steps of the Science building, both with a cup in their hands, Betty's black coffee, Bruce's oolong tea.

"Yeah." Betty sighed. She then sat up and looked at him hard. "How come you came back? I'd have thought you wouldn't be allowed back, given that you punch a student."

Bruce laughed, looking sheepish. "There was a petition. I'm back by popular demand."

"Oh." Betty said softly. They sat together quietly, looking at the sun drenched lawn.

"Well, I'll leave you." Bruce said, standing up and stretching. 

"Do you have to?" Betty blurted out before she could stop herself. Bruce laughed. 

"Yeah. But, there's a pizza place nearby. Papa Joe's, you know it?"

Betty nodded, feeling fluttering in her lower stomach. "Yes."

"You fancy meeting there tomorrow night, about 7? They have the best pizza in town."

Betty grinned at him. "It's a date!" She said, standing up as well. Bruce smiled at her.

"It certainly is." He muttered. He then swooped down and kissed her on the mouth before walking away.

Betty swayed and put a hand on her chest. Her heart was beating very very fast, and she was grinning very widely. 

"Oh, I'm in trouble." She muttered.

 

 

*********

 

 

Their romance progressed as smoothly as could be possible. Yes, they had absolutely screaming arguments occasionally, and moving in to Bruce's flat produced nothing but several copies of the same pan and both of them sleeping in separate rooms. But they loved each other, as was evident from the fact that most of the students were audibly laying bets as to when the wedding would be.

"Have you heard of this?" Betty said one day, coming into their office and hanging up her bag. She kissed Bruce and then sat down opposite the frog tank, eyeing their specimens.

"Yes." Bruce said slowly.

"Are you going to do anything about it?"

"No."

"Why?" Betty asked, twirling around in her seat. Bruce kept his back to her, but betrayed himself when the tips of his ears went red. "Oh." Betty said softly.

"I mean," Bruce said, now turning around. "Only if you want to."

Betty grinned at him. "Of course I want to." She said. She leaned over and met him in a kiss, grinning. 

"However, before we get to the announcement," Bruce said, pulling out a ring box from his pocket and slipping on a simple emerald studded band onto her finger, "It's Trevor's turn in the radiation lab." He leaned over and picked up a frog and walked to the radiation room. Betty followed, practically floating on the air. 

Her good mood was promptly punctured when Bruce got stuck in the lab 10 minutes later, and she watched from the window as he tried desperately to open the door. He was panicking, trying everything he could to exit, but as the countdown neared single digits, he stopped trying and simply looked at her. 

'I'm sorry.' He mouthed and stood back. 

Betty suddenly felt a surge of bitter fury, and ran to the fire extinguisher. She grabbed ahold of it and started beating the control board, smashing the console to pieces in a desperate effort to stop the countdown and open the door. Tears poured down her face and she was about to give up when the door to the lab opened with a bang, and Bruce came stumbling out. Betty dropped the fire extinguisher and ran to him, hugging him tightly.

"I thought you were going to die!" she sobbed. Bruce buried his face into her hair and shuddered, trying not to think about what could have happened. He looked over her shoulder at the console, and winced at he saw how close he had come to complete and utter annihilation. 

The console read 0.02. 

The dean, having been summoned by the panicked interns and walked into the room to find his two best physicists on the floor, holding each other tightly, and several millions dollars worth of equipment smashed to bits, made them go home and gave them a weeks payed leave. Betty and Bruce spent the week curled up together on the couch, watching mindless television and spending more time in the company of the person they loved.

They came back to University to rapturous applause, and spent a happy 5 months rebuilding their lab and preparing for the wedding. But this happy mood was scuppered by the sudden appearance of General Ross, who appeared at the door to their lab like an avenging angel, with a face like stone and a temper that would make any hormonal teenager stop and take notes.

"Betty." He said. Betty, who had not been looking at him, shrieked and dropped the test tube she was holding. She whirled around, face already pulled into a snarl.

"What are you doing here?"

The General shrugged. "I'm paying for this lab. I might as well come and see it." He stepped inside and Betty shrank back. 

"Have a look and go." She said. Out of the corner of her eye she watched the door into the radiation labs. She didn't want Bruce and her father meeting if she could help it.

"Can't I say hello to my lovely daughter?" he said. He came closer to her and she winced, smelling his aftershave. It was a smell that generated mixed feelings for her, both happiness and sadness. 

"Hello. Now get out." 

Ross grinned and didn't move. Betty sighed and was about to physically move him when Bruce came into the room, wiping his hands on a rag. 

"Oh!" he said in surprise. "I didn't know we had guests."

"We don't." Betty gritted out. "He's just leaving."

"I'm not." Ross stepped around Betty and geld out his hand. "General Ross."

"Oh! You must be Betty's father! Bruce Banner, delighted to meet you!" Bruce said brightly, grasping Ross's hand and shaking it. Unfortunately, he hadn't managed to wipe off all of the oil, and it audibly squelched between the two men's hand. Bruce turned red with embarrassment, whilst Ross looked down slowly and withdrew his hand with a moue of disgust.

"I'm so terribly sorry." Bruce said. Betty handed him another wipe and he continued to clean his hands.

"Betty, a word." Ross said and he summoned Betty to him with a wave of his finger. Betty sneered at him and followed him into her side office, which they used mainly as storage for all the papers they needed but couldn't fit into their own filling cabinets. Ross entered and looked around as Betty shut the door.

"Reminds me of your room." Ross said, looking around at the clutter.

"What do you want?" Betty asked, crossing her arms and leaning back against the door. Her face was carefully blank.

"Can't I come and see my own daughter?"

"Not without an ulterior motive."

"I heard on the grapevine that you are engaged."

Betty raised her head, looking down her nose at her father. "It's no business of yours."

Ross sneered back at her. "I'll think you find it is. I'm going to be the one walking you down the aisle."

Betty raised an eyebrow. "Not if I have any say in it. The dean is walking me down."

Ross sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Betty..."

"Dad, I know you. I know that you've come here not to talk about me wedding. What have you come here about?"

"Actually, I have come yo talk about your wedding. I don't want you to marry that man."

Betty blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Bruce Banner. I've been informed he's got a violent streak and that he was suspended from the University for 3 months. He's not from a good family. He's not a suitable husband for you."

Betty gaped at him. "Are you serious?" She gasped. "You think you have any right to dictate who I marry?"

"As your father, yes, I think I have some right."

Betty felt a swell of anger. "Get out." She opened the door and gestured. Bruce poked his head around the corner, saw Betty's expression and backed away. 

"Betty-"

"No, just get out." She gestured, not looking at him. He swallowed, opened his mouth and closed it again, and walked out. Just before he exited the building, he turned to see Betty launch herself into Bruce's arms, who held her tightly.

"If you don't get rid of this man, I'm going to make things very difficult for you."

"Fuck you." Betty murmured. 

Ross seem to swell with anger, but turned and exited the room. And true to his word, he did.

Within a week, both Bruce and Betty got the call from the deans office, telling them that their budget had just been halved. Both of them gaped at the man, but all he could do was shrug and look at them helplessly. They went back to their office and Bruce opened a bottle of scotch they had been saving for a breakthrough in their work. They spent the evening passing the bottle back and forth, and when the night drew in, they pulled out the single bed fold-away and curled up together.

"This is from my dad." Betty murmured.

"Shh." Bruce whispered into her hair. 

But their fortunes continued to sink. Both received a pay cut, Bruce came out from the office one day to find someone had keyed his car, and Betty and Bruce walked into the office two months after Ross's visit to find that people were carefully taking equipment out of their lab.

"What's going on?" Bruce asked.

"We're taking out your lab. You're budget doesn't cover this lab anymore." The lead man, who was directing the removal, said, lighting a cigarette.

"But..." Bruce said. He trailed off, looking around helplessly. Betty put a hand on his arm and squeezed. Bruce took and deep breath and calmed down, standing aside as both he and Betty watched their whole work get dismantled. 

They spent a weeks leave sitting in their apartment, both getting steadily more and more upset. One day, Betty came back from shopping to find that Bruce had gone nuts and destroyed all of their lamps in his rage, and was sitting amongst the glass.

"Bruce?" Betty said, setting down the bags and kneeling opposite him.

"Your father called." Bruce said dully. Betty twisted her lips in a grimace. 

"What did he say?"

Bruce didn't say anything.

"Bruce, what did he say?"

"He said that if I didn't leave you, he would pull his funding totally and force me out."

Betty slumped to the ground. They sat there for a while.

"Would you leave?" Betty finally whispered. Bruce gave her a tremulous smile. 

"I'm too selfish to let you go." He whispered and drew her into his arms. He rocked her gently back and forth when she started to cry.

"What are we going to do?" she finally said, when the night had come and they were both sitting on the bed. Bruce shifted and drew something out of his back pocket. He showed it to Betty who gaped at him.

"That would mean uprooting our whole life here." She said. Bruce nodded and gave her a grim smile.

"Yes, but it means that your father wouldn't be touch us."

Betty breathed out and then nodded slowly. Bruce smiled at her and then stood up, offering her his hand.

"First things first." He said and walked her to the door.

That night they got married in a small ceremony with only their neighbours as witnesses. And within the week, they had handed in their notices to the university, packed up their lives and moved to New York to begin their new lives as low level technical workers within Stark Industries.

 

 

*********

 

 

They might have spent the rest of their lives working in relative obscurity until, working late one night, both heard an explosion in the lower basement. They raced to the level and found the owner lying on the floor, bleeding form his chest and with the company CEO standing over him with a gun. Both were covered in soot, and the CEO'S eyes danced with rage.

"How...are you?" Stark gasped.

"Dr's Bruce and Betty Banner." Bruce said, coming forward and kneeling down by Tony. He stripped off his t-shirt and held it to Tony's chest. Betty came to him as well and placed her hands on Tony's chest as well, stemming the bleeding.

"Oh, you." Stark gasped. "I was...going...to talk to..you."

"About what, Mr Stark?" Betty asked, but before Stark could say anything more, Pepper shrieked and raised the gun, pointing it at a man who came through the door. She fired off a shot, but the man was wearing a bullet-proof vest, and although he staggered, he didn't drop. Pepper was about to fire again when a blur rushed past her and laughed itself at the man. A second later revealed it to be Bruce, brutally beating the man's face to a pulp and snarling.

"Whoa." Stark breathed out and grinned. Betty winced and pressed down harder. 

When the man was subdued and hogtied, Bruce came back over, breathing hard and not even wincing as he flexed his hands. 

"Go...big man." Stark said and held up a hand for a high five.

"I'd prefer it if you could take him to hospital." Miss Potts came over and knelt by Stark's head. He smiled at her.

"Not...hospital. NYPD, ask for...Fury."

"You're joking." Bruce said flatly. 

"Nope."

"Tony, you're going to die if you don't get to hospital." Miss Potts said.

"NYPD...or bust."

And so they bundled Stark into a car, with Miss Potts driving and a thumb drive containing all of the relevant information in her hand, and drove to the main NYPD offices. By then end of the evening, Stark became Tony, Banner became Bruce, and Miss Potts had become Pepper.

Three weeks later, Tony Stark sauntered down to the offices that Bruce and Betty shared and sat across from them. He proposed a scheme so ambitious and so ludicrous that Bruce and Betty had to join up. 

"This, by the way, also includes an apartment in Manhattan and great benefits." Tony said, leaning back and watching them.

"We, um..." Betty said.

"We can't afford an apartment in Manhattan." Bruce said, running a hand through his hair and making it stand up wildly.

"That's the beauty of it. I bought and renovated a building a couple of years ago, was going to sell it on. But now I'm funding this Shield thing with the NYPD, I want to provide the people who work for me-"

"With you." Bruce said sharply. Tony grinned and corrected himself.

" _With me_. With good housing and benefits."

Bruce and Betty looked at each other and had a silent conversation before Betty turned back to Tony. "That's a very tempting offer, Tony, but we can't afford a place in Manhattan."

Tony waved a hand away. "Psssh, that's fine. I'm not gonna charge you rent, you get to live there free of charge."

"Mr Stark-" Bruce began.

"Tony, for the last time."

"Tony, you already pay our salary, our pensions and our health benefits. This is too much."

"Guys, I'm not asking you to sign over your first born. I just want you to be comfortable."

Bruce sat back and regarded Tony properly. The man was in his early thirties, and had lived alone for most of his life. His eyes were surprisingly vulnerable, and although he was in a steady relationship with Pepper Potts and had been best friends with Rhodey since childhood, he had no other close people.

Except, possibly, Betty and Bruce. So Bruce smiled at him gently and said yes, and Tony whooped and dropped the keys into his hands, and Betty and Bruce moved into the building that night.

 

 

**********

 

 

A few months affect the start of Shield, both Tony and Bruce were in their lab within the offices, both looking at slide projections at a possible self sustaining generator so that the electricity could run through their building when there was a commotion and both rushed to the door, leaning out.

"Oh, shit!" Tony swore. There was a man standing with his arm around Betty's neck, holding a gun to her temple. He was screaming about release, even though Fury, Coulson and Hill all had guns pointed at him. 

Bruce made to rush forward but Tony put a hand on his chest. "Easy there Hulk," (a nickname he had got because of his somewhat explosive temper, which would turn him into a machine rather than a man), "let the guns to their job."

"He keeps jerking her about." Bruce muttered as he watched, his heart in his throat.

"Let me go!" the man roared, and despite herself, Betty whimpered and closed her eyes. 

Fury was about to fire when there was a whooshing found and the man, Rollins, roared as an arrow stuck out of his hand. He dropped the gun and Betty, who ducked under a table. Rollins yanked the arrow out and was about to pick up his gun when he felt tight around his neck and a garrotte to his throat.

"Drop it." Said a husky voice. Rollins swallowed and dropped to his knees as he started to turn puce. The woman kept squeezing, and eventually Rollins eyes rolled back into his head and he dropped further to the floor, face-planting into the carpet.

There was a silence, as the two newcomers stared at the others. This carried on for a few minutes, before the man grinned and waved. "Hi, Phil!" he said. The woman rolled her eyes.

"Hello Clint, Natasha. How was the honeymoon?" Phil asked. he put his gun away and pulled his foster son into a hug, grinning at Natasha over his shoulder.

"Fantastic, and we shall never speak of it again." Natasha said, stepping over the body to accept a hug from Fury.

"Uh, who are they?" Tony finally asked.

"And what the hell happened here?" Bruce came into the room, holding Betty as she flew into his arms.

"This guy was picked up for running a red light." Hill said, coming over and kicking him.

"But why is he with us?" Tony asked. 

"He had this in his pocket." Hill handed a note to Tony, who unfolded it and held it out for both him and the Banner's to read. 

' _57th and Darwin, 4th floor, Apartment 204._

_WS will complete mission, you are cleanup. No screwing up._

_AP_ '

"What does this mean?" Betty asked.

"There was a vicious murder in that apartment 1 day ago. Some chemist was butchered." Fury said, sitting down on his desk.

"Oh. And this guy..."

"The notes dated two days ago, before the murder."

There was a silence as the others contemplated the idea of this man being part of a vicious pre-meditated murder.

"Do we know who the chemist worked for?" Natasha asked suddenly.

"Some big pharmaceutical company. Not sure who, all his records were torched at the same time." Coulson said. 

"Well, that's all very well. But that doesn't answer my question." Tony gestured to the newcomers. "Who are they?"

"This is Clint Barton," Clint waved, "and his wife, Natasha Romanov." She nodded her head.

"And why are they here?"

Fury grinned. "They're here to join Shield."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Phil Coulson had never actually intended to become a foster parent, particularly when he was barely into his twenties. But he was ambitious, and a hard worker, and during the rigorous months in which he had to let people with a superiors attitude around his neat home, he reminded himself that it was going to be worth it, if only so he could give something back.

If there was one thing that described the childhood of Phil Coulson, it was average. Average home, single child, parents living but distant in their affections. Middling school grades. But then he had learnt the art of diplomacy, and discovered that he was good at making people think things. So he specialised in political studies at NYU, and was about to complete a law degree when he was personally picked by a man called Fury to be in the HR department.

He languished there for a year before he walked in on Fury booking a young boy, who was crying silently. 

"What's happening?" he asked a rookie cop. The cop shrugged.

"Kid put a brick through a glass window. If you ask me, all that moving around puts kids brains on the fritz."

Coulson frowned. "Wha do you mean?"

The rookie jerked his head to the kid, who was now sobbing into his hands. Fury had out his head down and was merely looking at the kid, mouth pulled in a frown.

"Kids a foster kid."

He never saw the child alive again, but read with a heavy heart that two weeks later the child committed suicide. In his note, he blamed his foster father for touching him at night and beating him black and blue. The father was arrested for pedophilia and the mother for assisting. But for the child's other sisters, they were separated and removed from each other.

Phil sent in his paperwork for application to the foster system the next day. 6 months later, there was a call, and he drove to the offices to pick up his first foster child.

He would end up only fostering two children, both of whom he adopted. Maria was his first foster child, and was easy enough that he felt close enough to her that he applied for adoption within the year. She was a joy to be with, quite, tough, clean, well organised. They fit together very well.

So he didn't know what on earth possessed him to file an adoption form for Clint Barton. Only that he loved the kid, in his own quiet way, and he wanted to protect him from the foster system. 

Clint came to Phil as a special request, mainly because he was constantly running away and had never settled. The boy was brought to the apartment with a single bag, head down and lips pursed with annoyance. He was short for an 11-year old, and didn't look up when Phil opened the door.

"This is Clint Barton." The lady said, putting a hand between the boy's shoulders and pushing him forward.

"Hello Clint." Phil said kindly. Maria was standing behind him, magazine in hand. Although she had aged out, she was still Phil's adoptive daughter, and she was staying in his apartment to save costs of renting whilst she attended the police academy.

Clint didn't say anything. He shuffled his feet and pursed his lips.

"Mr Barton, say hello." The woman said and tapped Clint sharply on the head. Clint jerked his head up and looked at Phil with wide blue eyes. He looked confused and a little bit scared. 

"Hello." He mumbled and twisted his hands together. Phil knelt down so he could look the boy in the eye. Clint was chewing his lip and looked anxious.

"Hello Clint, my name is Phil Coulson."

Clint frowned. "'Lo Mr Coulson."

Phil smiled. "Call me Phil." 

Clint nodded. "Phil. I'm Clint Barton."

Phil laughed. "I know." Clint suddenly brightened, and he stepped forward, but he was stopped by the woman holding his t-shirt. He turned his head to glare at her. Phil stood up and took the bag that was offered.

"He's a runner, so you might want to keep an eye on him." The woman said, and smirked as Clint frowned deeper at her. 

"I think he'll be fine." Phil said. He took Clint by the hand and drew him into the flat, quickly singing off on the paperwork and all but slamming the door in her face.

"She was awful." Maria said. She rolled up her magazine and smiled at Clint, who was staring at her with an open mouth.

"Hi, I'm Maria." She said to Clint, who closed his mouth but continued to look at her with wide eyes.

"'M Clint." He said. He took her hand but, instead of shaking it, bent and kissed it. Phil opened his mouth in surprise, but Maria threw back her head and laughed. 

"Smooth." She said. She ruffled his hair and went to her room to study.

"I always wanted to do that." Clint said, turning back to Phil and grinning.

"Right, here's your room." He said, moving to the end of the corridor where the spare room was. It was sparsely decorated, with a simple bed-stead, a desk and a chest of drawers and a bookcase. The walls were a simple light blue, and there was a large window which faced the sun.

"Obviously you can decorate it how you wish." Phil said. Clint ignored him and stepped in with wonder on his face. "I'll get you more clothes." Phil heated the bag and put in on the bed.

"Can I decorate it?" Clint asked, turning around and looking at Phil with wide hopeful eyes. Phil frowned slightly in confusion.

"Yes."

"Sweet." Clint breathed and went over, sitting on the bed and bouncing on it. Phil smiled at him and made sure that Clint was looking at him before he said,

"Dinner is a 7.30."

Clint nodded and lay down, staring at the ceiling.

At 7.35, Clint sidled into the kitchen, picked up a plate and was about to move back to his room when Phil touched him on the shoulder. 

"Sit with us." He said with a smile. Maria waved him over. Clint looked at them in confusion.

"You want me to sit with you?" He asked. Phil felt his chest constrict, but he didn't let it show.

"Of course." He guided Clint to the table and sat down himself, drawing Maria back into conversation and letting Clint settle in by himself.

But he was well aware that Clint was a flight risk, so, at 2.30am he heard the floorboards creak and the slide of the window in Clint's room. He set down his book and walked over to the door, opening it and quickly moving to Clint's room. He knocked on the door and heard something drop to the floor.

"Clint? May I come in?" he asked softly. There was silence, and Phil gently opened the door. Clint was crouched on the window sill, his bag slung across his back and his eyes flashing in the dark. He looked panicked, and seemed to be about to jump when Phil held out his hand.

"Can I talk to you, please?" Phil asked gently. Clint trembled. "Can I at least talk to you before you go?"

"Are you going to nail the window shut?" Clint breathed. Phil frowned and shook his head. "Are you going to tie me to the bed?" Phil shook his head again, feeling his stomach sink. 

"No, I won't do any of that." Phil said. He shut the door behind him and went over to the bed, sitting down on it and patting the space next to him. Clint hesitated and then set down his bag. He sat on the bed, as far away as he could from Phil.

They sat in silence for a while, Phil staring at the ceiling, Clint staring at his hands.

"You do know we're on the 5th floor." Phil finally said. Clint was looking at him out of the corner of his eyes. "How were you going to get to the ground?"

"I was...I..." Clint tried to say.

"In your own time." 

Clint breathed in deeply, and said, very fast, "I grew up in the circus with my brother and we were trapeze artists and I can do anything and I'm not afraid of heights and I'm not scared but I want to see my brother and I know where he is and I want to see him." Clint finished and struck in on himself.

"Okay, I got that. So you've been running away to see your brother."

Clint nodded. 

"Is he still in the system?"

"No." Clint shook his head. "He's 19, he's aged out, and I know where he is, and I haven't seen him in years."

"Do you miss him very much?"

But to his surprise, Clint flinched. Phil was very attuned to how people were, and he saw someone who was caught between two conflicting emotions. Fear, and Longing.

"Did he hurt you?" Phil asked after a long silence. 

Clint didn't move, but shuddered and out his head into his hands. His shoulders shuddered and he muffled sobs into his hand. Phil cautiously reached out a hand and put a hand in Clint's shoulder.

"Okay, I have a deal for you." Phil said. Clint looked at him with watery blue eyes. "You give this a week. Stay here with me a week, so how things turn out. If after a week you still want to go, then i'll get in contact with your brother and we'll see what we can do."

Clint sniffled at him.

"Is that okay?"

Clint burst into fresh tears and leaned against Phil. Phil put his arm around Clint and pulled him to his chest, letting the boy cry against his t-shirt. 

 

 

***********

 

 

Two months later, Clint was still living with Phil and Maria and in contact with his brother by letter. He had managed to decorate his room with posters of famous archers, and filled his bookcase with comics and textbooks. For the first time ever, he was getting good grades in school, as Phil and Maria had figured that Clint, although wilful and prone to answering back, was actually 80% deaf in both ears. He was now supporting a pair of hearing aides and was happy as a clam, now able to hear anything.

Thanks to Phil, he was now a member of the local archery club, despite being below the age limit. He was so good that he was being spotted for the archery team for USA Olympics.

But for the first time, he was happy, and as Phil started looking into adopting him, thinking of giving him the news on his birthday, he wondered how he had every lived his life without his children.

So when 6 years later Clint, 17 and finally stopped growing, started acting shifty, Phil paid close attention. 

"He's acting weirdly." Maria said one night. She was home for the weekend, having graduated with honours at the NYPD police academy and was now a rookie. Clint had skipped out on dinner again, despite it being one of his favourites, and was gone out with a shifty look and a backpack.

"He is." Phil said, picking up a slice of pizza and picking the pepperoni off. 

Maria raised an eyebrow at him. "Aren't you going to do anything about it?" 

Phil shrugged. "When he starts staying out at night and when his grades start slipping, I'll have a chat."

So next week, when Clint came back with a C grade in Math, Phil cornered Clint in his room. Clint guiltily opened the door, and over his shoulder, Phil could see that he was stuffing his backpack with his favourite oversized hoody and packets of Pop-Tarts.

"This takes me back." Phil said lightly and came into the room. Clint closed the door quickly and stood by his bed, twisting his hands together in a manner that he hadn't lost since he had been a child. "Are you running away again?"

Clint huffed a laugh and shook his head. He smiled tremulously at Phil.

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

Clint opened his mouth and then groaned, burying his head in his hands. Phil looked at him, confused. He heard Clint mumble something. "Excuse me?"

Clint looked up. "I'm in love with a hobo."

There was a beat of silence as he digested what Clint had said. Then Phil went to Clint's desk and sat down. "You might want to run that by me again."

Clint sat down on the bed. "There's this girl..."

Phil leaned forward. "Yes?" he prompted with a wave of his hand.

"I was walking home from school, about 3 weeks ago, and some dick pulled me into the alley two blocks away and started grabbing my bag."

Phil felt the bottom drop out of his stomach, but nodded. "Anyway, I was about to kick the shit out of him, when he went down. Then there was this girl standing over him, kicking him in the nuts."

Clint trailed off, looking dreamy. Phil stifled a laugh by coughing. Finally, Clint shook himself again and looked at Phil with serious eyes. "She's living on the street. She won't go to the authorities, she's all alone, and she's great, Phil. She's got a wicked sense of humour, and she's really tough, and she's go the most amazing red hair, and...she's..." Clint ran out of steam, and slumped back on the bed.

"She's starving, isn't she?" Phil finally asked. Clint nodded. 

Phil stood up. "Well then, let's go to her then?" Clint gaped at him for a second. Then he stood up and finished stuffing his bag, slipping it over his shoulder and practically running out of the door. Phil followed, grabbing his own coat and slipping it on before shutting up the office.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Clint practically skipping, when they came to a darkened alley. "Natasha?" Clint called softly and crept slowly into the alley. Phil kept to the entrance, watching Clint. He acted like he was coaxing a particularly difficult cat out, which, in months to come, would turn out to be a family accurate assessment.

"Natasha, I have some food for you." Clint said. He reached around and unhooked his backpack, pulling out a packet of Pop-Tarts and opening it. He took one out and ate it, and then a pale hand reached out and pulled out the other one. "My father is here."

There was a clang as something impacted hard with the dumpster, and then Clint was wrapping his arms around a figure as she tried to move out of the alley. Phil quickly moved and walked to where Clint was struggling. The girl herself had dirty red hair that was flying everywhere, and was kicking and scratching with a fierceness that spoke of long desired freedom.

"Phil, help!" Clint called. Phil hurried over and put a hand on the girls shoulder, causing the girl to snarl at him. But when she jerked he head back, he recognised her.

"Natasha Romanov." He said softly. The girl stilled and looked at him with wide green eyes.

"N-no. I'm not her." She said. She had a heavy Russian accent, which only confirmed what he thought.

"You are her."

The girl suddenly went limp in Clint's arms, and he sat down slowly, pulling her into his lap and stroking her hair. Phil smiled gently when he saw how far gone Clint was about her. 

Natasha Romanov had been a candidate for the Prima Ballerina position in the Moscow Ballet, which had been touring the United states for the past 6 months. According to the profile released about her, she had been training for the position since she had been a child, and had risen through the ranks quickly due to her unique beauty and talent.

Phil could read between the lines, and saw a child being pushed into a profession she may have liked but did not love, following in the footsteps of her mother before a broken leg had ended her career, and who was now living vicariously through her own child. The night Natasha had gone missing, she had burnt every piece of clothing she owned that was associated with ballet, and had written a letter that blamed her parents, her co-workers and the ballet scene in general. The note had not been made public, but Fury, in a massive breach of security, had quietly confided in Phil that the reason that Natasha Romanov had been so hard to find was that she had gone completely underground.

Until now.

Phil crouched down in front of Natasha and looked at her. Her hair was filthy and she stunk to high heaven, but she was still as beautiful as the official picture released of her was.

"Hi, Natasha." He said quietly. She blinked at him. "I'm Phil, I'm Clint's adopted father."

"Mr Coulson." She said. Her voice curved around the words, and Phil grinned at her.

"Do you want to come home with us?" Phil asked, going straight to the heart of the matter. She jerked, and Clint placed his head on hers and shushed her gently. She subsided, curling up in Clint's lap. Over her head, Clint adopted an expression of a puppy with a squeaky toy. 

"Will you take me back to my parents?" she asked. Phil shook his head.

"Not if you don't want to."

In the end, it was the promise of a hot shower and a cooked meal that got Natasha into the flat. She spent a hour in the shower, and then shuffled out in some of Maria's clothes and ate her first home cooked meal for a month.

 

 

*********

 

 

In the end, she never went back to her parents. They returned to Russia with her sister already dancing in the ballet, and she moved in with Fury, keeping close contact with Clint. It wasn't a surprise to anyone when they started dating. 

When Clint graduated high school, he opened his own archery business with a start-up investment from Coulson, who had saved up quite a nest egg. In the same building, Natasha started her own defence classes when she too graduated. It wasn't a surprise when the started being sub-contracted to the new office faction Shield. When they got married, a year into Shields creation, it was such a quite and small ceremony that the only witnesses were Phil, Maria and Fury, and they honeymooned in Budapest.

So when they got back, they met the rest of the team, and fitted in quite well. Clint found a steady friend in Tony, both of them possessing the same sense of humour, and Natasha spent a lot of time with Bruce and Betty. 

Shield's investigations into the mysterious note carried on, and with their digging, they started to uncover more and more irregularities that confused even Tony and Bruce.

"What does a a girl dying in a car crash have to do with a pharmaceutical company and Alexander Pierce?" Tony asked one day, playing office basketball with Clint as Bruce rolled around on a chair and Natasha was doing yoga in the corner.

"Alexander Pierce, the pharmaceutical giant?' Natasha asked from the floor.

"Yeah."

"So the initials on the note, 'AP', that's Pierce?" Betty asked, coming in with coffee. She offered it to Bruce, who smiled and kissed her hand. She settled back against her desk.

"Maybe. Not sure yet, not got his fingerprints on record." Tony said, rolling up some paper and making a shot. It fell a foot short and he grimaced.

"Then what prints did you get from it?"

"Some other guys. Rumlow or something." Natasha stood up and went to rinse off, coming back into the room in her catsuit and spider-bites, specially made for her by Tony and which had earned her the name of Black Widow. Behind her, Clint pulled on his jacket and quiver full of specialised arrows. His own call-sign, Hawkeye, came from his unnerving accuracy when it came to his shots.

"You off tailing him?" Bruce asked, getting up and walking to the lab with Bruce.

"Yes. And remember, this is not fun for us, so stop calling in with updates as to how comfortable you are." Clint said over his shoulder.

The next two hours were incredibly boring for both Natasha and Clint, as they watched the apartment that Rumlow had registered in his name. The only exciting thing that happened was when the curtain moved slightly and revealed a man lying on the bed. He was built, with scraggly brown hair and his face hidden. He had evidently just been fucked, because he was getting back onto his feet and limping slightly.

"Hooker?" Clint asked softly. Natasha shook her head. 

"He's pulling on some pretty high tech gear for a prostitute." She said quietly back. Clint looked again and, indeed, the man was pulling on a vest that seemed to be loaded with gear.

"Follow him?" Clint whispered.

"Follow them."

And indeed, both the men came out of the back of the building. The man with the long hair was limping, and wearing a lower face mask and goggles, completely obscuring his features.

They managed to tail them for a mile, when suddenly the masked man turned and started to fire upon them.

"Bollocks!" Clint swore and started firing back. Natasha quickly made her way down the building and charged at them. She got her leg around the masked man and brought him down, and was about to take off his mask when there was a shot a millimetre above her head. She rolled away and got her own gun out, firing at Rumlow. The masked man jumped up and took a knife out of his belt, coming at Natasha. But Clint is suddenly there, firing arrow after arrow. One sinks itself into the masked man's leg and he lets out a bellow of pain, curling in on himself.

"Get up Soldier!" Rumlow yelled. The masked man stood and wrenched the arrow out, holding one hand close to the wound. He limped back to Rumlow and past him, but Rumlow reached out and grabbed a handful of hair, yanking his head back and exposing his neck. "Get back there and kill them!"

The Soldier turned and took our another of his knives, but he was limping badly and loosing a lot of blood. Natasha rushed him and brought him down again, and was about to shoot him when Rumlow barrelled into her. The fell on the ground together, his hands around her neck. The Soldier got up and limped away, and Clint came the rest of the way down the building and was about to jump onto Rumlow's back...

When a dustbin lid came sailing out from the opposite alley, across the street, and hit Rumlow sharply on the head. The man crumpled, and Natasha leaned back, sucking in deep lungfuls of air. Clint went to her, allowing Rumlow to get up and also walk away. His eyes occasionally crossed, and he felt woozy, but he followed the trail of blood.

"Nat, can you hear me?" Clint asked. Natasha gave him cautious thumbs up and sat up. Both of them looked to see the man coming into their alley.

"He's built." Clint whispered, and Natasha nodded. 

The man was very, very tall, with military short hair and piercing blue eyes. He rubbed the back of his head, and his t-shirt strained against his chest.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Natasha and Clint nodded. "Is this yours?" Clint asked, coming over and picking up the lid. He offered it to the man, who laughed.

"Whatever works."

"So we should probably thank you." Natasha said, standing up. Her voice is harsher than normal, and she sways slightly. The man looked over over and went to stand by her, offering his arm. Both Natasha and Clint stare at him.

"Are you for real?" Clint finally asked. The man turned red.

"Ma brought me up to be a gentleman." He mumbled. Natasha laughed and hooked her arm through his.

"Fine by me." She said and together, they walked back to the car Natasha and Clint parked. They all got in, even the man in the back, and they had managed to walk him into the Shield building before he got his senses back.

"Uh, am I supposed to be here?" He asked. Natasha turned to grin at him. But before she could say anything, Tony walked out of the office and stopped, gaping at him.

"Holy shit, it's He-Man!" He said and pointed. The man frowned.

"I'm not He-Man."

"Listen," Clint said, before Tony could say anything else and spoil the moment. "Do you need a job?"

The man nodded. Clint breathed a sigh of relief.

"So if you're not He-Man, who the hell are you?" Tony asked, coming to the man. But the man grinned at him.

"I'm Steve. Steve Rogers."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Steve Roger's mother had always known he was destined for great things. Even when he was a baby, he wouldn't cry unless he absolutely needed to, he walked early and talked earlier, and he always had a smile for people. His father left as soon as he could, leaving Sarah a single mother working a demanding job, so she often left her baby boy with her immediate neighbours. Baby Steve made fast friends with their own male child, and sometimes spent whole days, according to the mother, sitting in the son's lap, babbling happily at nothing and pressing sloppy baby kisses to the son's cheeks.

Even as a baby, Steve had known who he was destined to love.

But there was a problem. Steve was sickly, prone to asthma attacks. His spine was crooked, his lungs were strained and you could only talk into his right ear, otherwise he wouldn't hear you. As he grew up, he learned to compensate, but the first time he was put into his back brace, he screamed and cried and tried everything he could to wriggle out of it. The neighbours son held him through the night, and shushed him with fantastical stories, and Steve contended himself with snuggling his thin pointy face beneath the son's chin, breathing wetly against soft boyish skin.

As the boys grew, it became apparent that Steve Rogers had a talent with the pencil. Any chance he would get, he would sit down and sketch, which got him into trouble at school when he was caught doodling in the margins of books. He excelled in History, English and Math, and was a generally well rounded by. He would have been popular, but he was short and very skinny, and he occasionally carried a nebulizer with him. He didn't go out for sports, and was often with the doctors, and he and his mother didn't have a lot of money.

And he got into a lot of fights.

The thing was, he was always standing up for people, even when they didn't want any help. He would charge (as much as he could, given the fact that snails moved faster than he could run) into any battle, would take the fists and the kicks and the harsh words. The neighbours son, his best friend, would be right there behind him, ending the fight before Steve could get sent to the hospital again.

So Steve and the neighbours son grew up together, going to school and coming back home. 

All of this changed when Steve landed in hospital when he was 14, pneumonia in his lungs. He lay in bed, breathing and looking out of the window.

One day, his mother came into the room with red eyes and say by his bed. Steve, already smarter than most people his age, felt his body go cold.

"Is he dead?" he asked his mother softly. She gulped and shook her head.

"He's been taken."

"By whom?"

Sarah pursed her lips and looked out of the window. "We don't know."

Steve turned his gaze away and looked at the ceiling. His hands moved of their own accord and shifted through his drawings, pulling out his most recent one of the neighbours son and handing it to his mother.

"Give this to the police."

"Steve..." his mother said.

"It's..." He swallowed and tried again. "It's important."

"I know."

Steve's face suddenly crunched, and he started to sob harshly. Sarah came over and lay beside him, pulling him into her arms, making sure not to nudge the needles in his arms. 

"I was going to marry him." Steve cried. He hadn't cried this hard since he was a baby. "I was going to marry Bucky."

"I know, sweetheart. I know."

They never found him, and Steve hardened his heart against anyone who might come in. Even when he dated and almost married Peggy Carter, he didn't love her like he would forever love Bucky.

 

 

*********

 

 

Two years later, he was back in hospital with broken ribs when a doctor he hadn't seen before came and sat by his bedside.

"Hello?" he said cautiously. He pulled himself up into his pillows. The doctor had a kind face, and small round glasses. He smiled at Steve and handed him a glass of water. Steve drank and then put the glass back, keeping eye contact with the man.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"The question is, can I help you." The man said, still smiling.

Steve frowned at him. "I'm not in the mood for games."

"That's good, neither am I."

Steve frowned further. "Look, will you get to the point. I don't play games."

The man's smile faded, but he continued to look at Steve kindly. "My name is Dr Abraham Erskine. I am a doctor specialising in physical therapy and re-building bodies. I have worked with car crash victims, soldiers returning from war with missing limbs, even people who've been attacked by bears and sharks."

Steve frowned at him. "I've broken a rib." He pointed out slowly. Breathing in, he felt his lungs rattle, and he closed his eyes in irritation. He reached for the mask to strap to strap to his face, only to find Erskine was already there, placing the mask over his face carefully and adjusting the straps. Once the mask was settled and Steve was breathing comfortably, Erskine looked at him with intense eyes.

"I've been watching you for some years. You're in here quite often, aren't you?"

Steve felt himself puff up in anger, and he was about to launch into a loud (but brief) telling off, when Erskine help up a hand. "Before you go off, I want to explain. I have been watching you come in and out ever since you were a child. You've have your own room here, all set up for the next time you get in a fight, or when you get pneumonia, or a fever, or anything like that. I've been talking to your mother, and she has agreed to what I propose."

Steve raised an eyebrow. "And that is?"

"First off, Steven."

"Steve." Erskine grinned. "Why do you fight people two times bigger than you?"

Steve frowned. "Because someone has to?"

"You got into hospital this time because the boy you were fighting stamped on your side whilst you were lying on the ground."

Steve didn't say anything, but set his jaw and looked as defiant as he could with an oxygen mask on his face. "Steve, how would you like to be able to fight back, and win?"

Steve scoffed. "It's a nice thought, but unless there's some magic potion you've got, that ain't gonna happen."

Erskine shrugged. "It might. What I am proposing is an intense regime of exercise, dietary changes and a few hormone enhancers. From your blood work, you are suffering from a testosterone imbalance, and what I hope is that my hormone drug will be able to change that. Along with this, I hope that you will be a good candidate for a double cochlea implant. The asthma will lessen as you get older, but I cannot cure that unfortunately. I also hope that surgery will be able to help your back, if not to make it completely straight, enough that you might be able to lead a completely normal life."

By the end of the spiel, Steve was gazing at Erskine with an open mouth. "That sounds almost too good to be true." He whispered. 

"And yet..." Erskine said. He sat back and watched as Steve wrestled with himself. 

"I'll be on these drugs for a while."

"For life. But they will help you. The healthier you are, the better the drugs work. It's cyclical."

"And my mother knows this?"

Erskine nodded. "She does, and she said yes. But the ultimate decision is up to you."

Steve sat in silence for a long time, simply staring out of the window as he absorbed all that he had been told. It was dark when he looked back at Erskine.

"Why do you fight, Steve?" Erskine asked finally.

"I don't like bullies."

"Wouldn't it be good to be able to fight them and actually win?"

 

 

************

 

 

The next few years were an intense session of endless medical appointments, trips to and from Erskine's offices and somehow fitting in school in between. The first time he had the injections, he felt sick to his stomach, and he curled up on his bed with his mother reading from the history books he kept on his shelf.

But slowly, slowly, things started to happen. By the time he was 18 and graduating, he was taller than most of his class mates, and broader than a tree. He still needed to have the surgery for his back, but his implants were freshly in, and he had burst into tears when he heard his mother properly for the first time. He still carried an inhaler with him, but the need to take a puff every 10 minutes had gone, and he was now able to run long distances and do weights, which further improved his physique. 

He spent his 19th year lying in bed after his surgery on his back. It was agonising, and the more time he spent in physical therapy, the more he vowed never again to ever get an injury so bad that it landed him in physical therapy.

By the time he applied, and got accepted into the army, he was nicely over 6 foot, and had the shoulder to waist ration of an upside down Dorito. Men and women drooled whenever they saw him, and he could have had the pick of either, but he had given his heart to a dead boy, and he had nothing left to give.

During his first tour of Afghanistan, he met a Secret Service operative name Peggy Carter, who introduced herself by flinging herself atop of him when an IED not seen by anyone had gone off. She had been following them, and just before one of his men screamed, she had raced to Steve, grabbed him by the shoulders and dropped him like a stone, covering his torso with hers.

"Are you alright?" she yelled.

"What?" he screamed back. He had been temporarily deafened by the explosion, and was terrified that his implants had been compromised. 

When they got back to base, she introduced herself as Peggy Carter, a member of the British Secret Service, investigating war crimes in Helmand province. A quick check by the medic showed that Steve was fine, and that he should walk it off. When he left the tent, Peggy was standing there with a smile on her face. 

"Still with us?" she asked. Steve nodded and, for the first time, blushed.

"Just a ringing. It's...uh...it's gonna go away soon."

"Yes, it tends to do that." She laughed. He grinned and her and held out a hand. 

"Second Lieutenant Rogers, ma'am."

"Is that your first or last name?" 

Steve blushed harder. "Steve Rogers, ma'am."

"For God's sake, don't call me ma'am. I'm 25, not a granny."

Steve laughed and offered her his arm. She linked and grinned at him, and Steve felt his heart beat quicker. He hadn't felt like this in so long, but even in the back of his mind he felt the voice that still belonged to a boy not yet grown, taken when he was in the prime of his life.

They dated quietly, even though members of Steve's unit in the 107th found out quickly and proceeded to rib Steve endlessly about keeping his relationship with Peggy secret. But he had to, even from himself.

Even thought Steve was in love with a missing boy, Peggy was still important to him. When, near the end of his first tour, he got the word that both his mother and Dr Erskine had died, it was Peggy who arranged for his flights home. It was Peggy who helped him understand that, whilst it had been an aggressive form of cancer that had felled his mother, it was a brain tumour and a car crash that had killed Erskine. It was Peggy who held him up during the funerals, and helped him sort out his mother's estates. It was Peggy who sat Steve down gently and explained to him that, although the will of Abraham Erskine had stated that he left everything, his money and his research to Steve, there was nothing left. Abraham, just before he died, had put a match to every piece of paper and every byte of data on his tests on Steve, on everything that had made Steve the man who he was.

All that was left was a word written in the ash, that the lawyers had included for posterity and then wiped away.

'Hydra.'

Steve went back to Afghanistan an empty man, and Peggy followed and recognised that, as much as Steve could love her, she would never be the person he needed. So she gently handed back the ring he had given her, and held him in her arms as he sobbed out that he was sorry.

When she left, Steve got blind drunk. It was the only time he ever got reprimanded by a superior officer, and even then he got off lightly.

Steve did two more tours of Afghanistan, being promoted to captain, before he left the army. He realised he needed to leave when he woke up one night and was pointing the gun under his pillow, not at the door, but under his own chin. He handed in his notice the next day, finished his tour, and then went back to his apartment in Brooklyn.

He spent three weeks lying on his couch staring at the TV before he managed to rouse himself enough to sit up and go to the local VA centre. He spent 10 minutes staring at the door before he reached out a hand to open it. He walked inside.

"Thought you were never going to open the door." A voice said. Steve turned his head and looked as a man came out of the meeting room. He had a kind, open face and a ready grin, and held out his hand for Steve to shake. 

"Sam Wilson." Steve shook his hand.

"Steve Rogers."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Captain America?"

Steve winced. "Yeah." He muttered.

"Hey, it's cool. It's a well deserved name."

"It's a fucking stupid one."

"Your opinion differs form everyone else's."

"I'm the one who has to live with it."

Sam laughed again and then went over to the desk where there was a manila folder sitting. Steve had ignored it, but looking at it know he could see his name.

"Okay, so like I said, my name is Sam, and I'm gonna be the officer looking after you."

"But I haven't even registered." Steve said. He felt slightly bewildered.

"Couple of people called Timothy Dugan and Peggy Carter phoned ahead. Got you all set up."

Steve felt his chest tighten, and he blinked back tears. Sam saw this, picked up the folder, and headed to the door. "So, where's the best place to go?"

"Huh?" Steve said, feeling out of it.

"Where's the best diner? You're a Brooklyn boy, you know the area. So where's the best diner so we can chat over some decent sandwiches."

"Stan's on 4th." Steve finally said. He made his way to the door and followed Sam out, briefly realising that he hadn't even removed his coat.

"They have good pie?" Sam asked over his shoulder. He opened the door of his car and slid in, allowing Steve to slide into the passenger side.

"Excellent pie. Try the pecan."

 

 

*********

 

 

Sam was a godsend. He understood what Steve was going through, and he was wetly easing Steve back into the world, one step at a time. They spent almost a year meeting at Stan's for lunch, so Sam could gently probe Steve about what was making him not sleep.

Nearly 12 months down the line, Steve was coming back from the grocers with two bags full of food. He was planning on cooking himself a nice dinner, so that he could have left-over she could give to the nice old lady upstairs. So when he heard a commotion happen in the alley next to his, he tried to ignore it. But when he heard a lady scream, he dropped the bags, breaking his jars of olives, grabbed the nearest object and chucked it at the man standing over the woman.

There was a solid clang, and the man staggered. Steve rushed over, but the two men were already running away. The man in the mask was limping heavily. Steve did his best to ignore him and looked over the two people he had saved.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

The man and the woman looked at each other before looking at him.

The next thing he knew, he was being coerced into an office building, Tony Stark himself was gushing over him, and he was singing a contract to say that he was,  _finally_ , working. It was investigative and the work of a soldier, and somehow, he was finally happy.

"It's good to see you smile." Sam said one evening, when Steve was cooking the both dinner.

"I feel...settled." Steve said, thinking.

"You have a purpose."

Steve grinned at him and dished out his mini pizzas. He thought of his shield, brand new and sitting in his bedroom, made from the rarest and hardest metal in the world. He thought of his combat uniform, dark blue with a silver star on the chest. 

"I didn't matter that you have..." Sam said after a while.

Steve laughed. "Tony gave me a specially adapted inhaler. Fits in comfortably with my suit."

"So you're set, then."

Steve felt a thrill of fear. "Doesn't mean we can't stop meeting up." He said. He tried to sound nonchalant, but he thought he came across as desperate.

Sam smiled gently. "No way I'm cancelling these meetings, man. You make the best pancakes."

 

 

**********

 

 

Steve had been at Shield for three months when he heard Bruce and Natasha discussing their longest ongoing case. He was only half listening, constructing paper aeroplanes when he overhead the word "Hydra." 

He remembered what Erskine had written in the ash before he had died in the car crash, and so stopped what he was doing and came over. "You were talking about Hydra." He said softly.

Bruce nodded. "We've been investigating them for about a year now. We know that Alexander Pierce is running the company along with a man called Thanos, and we suspect that someone within the company is knocking people off."

Natasha followed. "There's been some scientists that left the company, but each man has been killed or died. There was a guy, Erskine, who was-"

Steve seized. "Abraham Erskine?" he asked. Now Clint was looking at him sharply.

"Yeah. You know him?"

Steve swallowed. "Knew him. He's dead. But he's the doctor who helped get me to who I am. I mean, he developed the drugs and the surgeries."

Natasha leaned over ans shuffled through some papers. "He left under a cloud. Apparently he tried to act as a whistleblower about some of the drugs Hydra was developing, but they sacked him beep he could say anything. But he took his work with him, and it worked on you."

"But he died before he could do anything more." Steve argued.

"Yeah, of a brain tumour." Maria came over. "He was dead for at least two days before the car crash."

"And his brain tumour developed very quickly. From discovery to his death, it was only 6 weeks."

"What, you're saying he was given a brain tumour."

"Hydra is the leading seller of migraine drugs, but what if there was side affects from some of the drugs they were testing. I mean, not everything can go right. So what if they gave him some of the drugs that weren't working." Clint said.

"And the people who failed the clinical trials have all died from car crashes, fires or something else. None of the people who came out of the clinical trials said anything good about the drug they were tested on."

Steve felt his body go cold. "My mother often participated in clinical trials, for the extra money."

The room went quiet. "How did she die?" Tony finally asked quietly.

"Cancer. Really aggressive cancer." Steve whispered.

"Can you give someone cancer?" Clint asked. Tony and Bruce nodded.

"So she was killed because she knew what Erskine did to me, and they want to remove all pieces of the puzzle because Erskine wouldn't give them the drugs that he gave to me." Steve sat down heavily in a chair, and put his head in his hands. Natasha put her hands on his shoulders and rubbed.

"Speaking of." Said a voice by the door and suddenly there was gunfire. Steve leapt over his seat and grabbed his shield, holding it close to his body as he raced to protect Tony and Betty. He pulled them behind his back, keeping the shield tight, and peeked over the top. There were several men coming into the office, each firing at the people there. Natasha, Clint and Maria were already firing back, and so Steve got Tony, Bruce and Betty to the back office which led to the lab and then raced back in, throwing his shield so that it bounced off the walls and took two of the men out.

He pulled out his gun from his desk drawer and started firing back, flinging his shield whenever he got a moment. It was defending, but he wasn't having a flashback. He was in the moment, and he was fighting with his friends, something he had missed. 

It was a quick firefight, and would have lasted longer. But, as Steve stood up the fight the final man, Natasha and Clint already hog-tying the fallen men, the last standing attacker turned his gun on Steve. Steve was about to find back, before there was a crunching sound, and the man's eye rolled back into his head and he slumped to the ground.

Behind him stood a man even bigger than Steve, holding a hammer he had taken from the outside of the building. Tony was funding a remodel of the face of the building, and often the workmen left materials when they went home for the day.

Natasha tied up the last man, and then stood back to stare at the man. He was about 2 inches taller than Steve, and built like a tank. He had long blond hair bound back in a tail, and unnervingly blue eyes.

"Uh, hello?" he said. His voice was deep, and only slightly accented. They would later find out that, although he had lived most of his life in America, he was originally from Norway. 

"Is this the police? Someone just stole my car."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Thor Odinson was born in Olso, Norway, the second and last child of Frigga and Odin Borson. They took the traditional route when it came to their last names, and so Balder and Thor became Odinson, rather than Borson. This made things a bit tricky when Frigga and Odin emigrated to the United States when Thor was nine years old. He grew sick of having to explain why he had a different last name to his parents, and so, as he grew older, he developed a nasty condescending look whenever someone couldn't take the initiative and figure out why his last name was different.

Thor was nine and Balder was 13 when Frigga and Odin upended their lives in Oslo, where Odin was a successful criminal lawyer, and applied for and were successful attaining work visa's for the whole family. Thor, who had always had a penchant for languages, was the most successful English speaker of the family, and would frequently take the calls that were directed to his father, acting as a translator for them both.

The family settled in Hell's Kitchen in New York initially, mainly because the rent was cheap enough. Frigga found work as a seamstress, and Balder and Thor attended the local schools. Odin meanwhile studied at NYU to become a lawyer in America, and of a while, the family lived poorly. 

Balder quickly found his niche in schools. He was Odin's son absolutely, with his fathers bright red hair and bright blue eyes. He was funny and excessively kind, and would later on found his own successfully charity, helping the poor and the needy in the Hell's Kitchen area. He marred a wonderful woman called Nanna, had three gorgeous children, and would die many years later a happy man.

Thor grew less settled as he got older, slowly becoming unable to pin down exactly what he wanted in life. He excelled in mathematics and science in school, took politics as a side project and learnt how to read people, and joined the debating team because it looked like fun. But he grew dissatisfied with his life, as he got bigger soon out-striped his schoolmates when it came to sports. He ran faster, lifted heavier weights, learned to take and give a punch. But he wasn't happy.

Life changed for him when he was 16. He was walking down the street when he heard someone cry out in pain. He rounded a corner and found some guys from his school beating the hell out of a boy.

"Hey, leave him alone!" Thor cried out and strode over. He dropped his bag and took one of the boys by the shoulder, sending him to the floor with a solid punch to the jaw. The other boy jumped onto Thor's back, clawing at his eyes. Thor bellowed, and was about to run backwards into the alley wall to shake him off, when the boy they had been attacking grabbed him by the hair and dragged him from Thor's back. Thor whirled around, kicking the boy on the floor to make him stay down, and saw the black-haired boy sink his nails into the attackers cheeks, tearing at the flesh. The attacker screamed and started to cry, and Thor went up to them, gently taking the black-haired boy away.

"Leave him alone. Don't come near him again." Thor said. His accent was still very prominent. The boys whimpered and fled, and soon it was only Thor and the black-haired boy. Thor turned back the boy, about to make sure that he was okay, but the boy turned burning green eyes onto him and bared his teeth.

" _Leave me alone, I didn't need any help_." He said, in Icelandic. Thor raised an eyebrow as he recognised the language he had spoken almost as well as he could speak his native tongue or English.

" _You looked like you needed it_." Thor replied. The boy stopped looking so wary and instead looked surprised. 

" _You speak Icelandic_?" he asked. Thor grinned at him.

" _I speak all the Scandinavian languages. I'm from Oslo_."

The boy tilted his head and narrowed his green eyes. His long hair was loose from its plait, and tangled about his face. Thor felt his stomach swoop, and his palms started sweating.

 _"I'm from Ísafjörður_." Thor looked at him blankly, and the boy sighed deeply. " _Iceland. It's in Iceland_." 

" _You've come along way_." Thor said, grinning at him. The boy flushed and looked at him, defiant.  _  
_

" _So have you_."

Thor laughed, and finally the boy grinned back. His teeth were sharp and white. Thor didn't know why he noticed.

" _So what happened to you_?" Thor asked. The boy stepped back and showed Thor the remains of a cat, which was still smoking.

" _They set it on fire_?" Thor asked softly. The boy nodded and looked sadly at the poor remains. Thor felt a sudden surge of fury, and was about to turn back and give the boys a proper beating when the boy reached out a hand and took Thor's sweater in his grip, keeping him there.

" _Don't bother. They'll have gone crying back to their parents, whimpering like children._ " The boy grinned wider, and his eyes flashed.

Thor laughed. He took the boys hand in his own and laced the fingers. The boy looked down and then back at Thor with a quizzical expression on his face.

" _What on_ _earth do you think you're doing_?" The boy asked.

" _Holding your hand._ "

" _Why_?" 

Thor shrugged. " _I want to._ "

Thor drew the boy out of the alley, and they walked hand in hand through the streets. The boy never gave his name, but Thor learned that he was in America illegally, and that he was struggling in school simply because he couldn't understand what anyone was saying. He learned that he had been very good at History and Literature back at his school in Iceland, but now he was failing and was being bullied very badly because of it. He learned that he had a penchant for tricks and a wicked sense of humour.

For the next week, they continued to meet at the alley, and spent several hours walking around Hell's Kitchen just talking in their first languages.

8 days later Thor turned up at the alley to find it empty. He called out, but there was no answer. He stayed there for half an hour, and then picked up his bag and walked to where he knew the boy lived. He climbed the staircase carefully, avoiding the holes in the floor, and knocked on the door for number 305. The door opened, and a small women with the boy's green eyes opened the door. She was sniffing and holding a handkerchief to her eyes.

" _Hello_?" He said softly. The woman lip trembled and she hiccuped.  _"I'm looking for the boy with black hair_."

The woman frowned slightly.  _"Excuse me_?"

" _The boy with black hair and green eyes. He lives here. I was wondering where he was_."

" _You must be Thor._ " The woman gave him a tiny smile and opened the door wider. Thor walked into the tiny apartment. It was in such a bad shape, but Thor could see where the woman had tried to decorate. Sitting at the scrubbed wooden table was a tall man with coarse black hair. He was staring out of the window and alternately opening and closing a pocket watch. 

" _Laufey, this is Thor_." The woman said. The man turned and Thor saw that his black eyes were red with crying. Thor felt himself grow cold, and he gripped the strap of his bag harder. The man, Laufey, came over to him, and even though Thor was a tall boy at 16, he only came up to this man's shoulder.

" _You are the boy Loki has been_ _with this week_?" The man asked softly. Thor felt a thrill when he realised that the boy had finally been named, and felt himself go colder at the same time. He nodded his head. " _Have_..." the man stopped and gulped, closing his eyes and opening them again. " _Have you seen him since yesterday_?" 

Thor shook his head slowly. The woman whimpered and buried her face into her handkerchief, sobbing audibly. Laufey swept past Thor and took his wife into his arms. He shushed her gently, burying his own head into her hair. Thor watched all of this with wide blue eyes.

" _Is he gone_?" he whispered. Laufey nodded.

" _Will he come back_?"

" _I don't know._ " Laufey said quietly. " _I don't know_."

Thor sat down on the ragged couch, ignoring the blankets piled at the end, and burst into tears.

 

 

*********

 

 

Despite the fact that Thor tried everything in his power to find the boy, Loki, nothing could be found. Odin had just established a new law firm in his name, and he was still trying to get his feet off the ground. Criminal defence was ever popular, but Odin wanted to be careful and not sink his new firm just when it was starting to swim.

Thor tried to keep the Nalson's abreast of what was happening, which was absolutely nothing. But he continued to go back to the shabby house every week, until one day when he had just graduated high school he came by and found that the family had gone, and there was a man leaning against the door, shooting up.

"Where is the family who lived here?" he asked. The man rolled his head on his shoulders and then grinned at him.

"Evicted."

"What?" Thor asked sharply.

"Got evicted. The man got fired from the docks."

Thor stared at the man, and resisted the urge to kick him. He went back to his house and curled up on his bed, staring at the wall. He felt empty. Any connection to the boy, to Loki, was now gone, and he had nothing left to remember him by.

Thor went to Harvard Law the next year, determined to forget anything and everything about the boy with black hair. He had set his heart on becoming a criminal defence lawyer, having spent his hap year interning in his father's law firm, and had become interested in the cases that the firm handled. He set his hear in becoming a partner in his fathers company, but would rather work for it.

He briefly dated a physicist called Jane Foster during the summer of his second year, taking her around New York. His parents now lived in an apartment in Manhattan, and he stayed with his brother when he came back to the city.

After a month and a half, Jane turned over in his bed and looked at him staring at the ceiling. 

"What are you thinking about?" she asked softly. Thor looked at her and smiled, but it was half there.

"Nothing." 

Jane snorted and smacked his chest. "C'mon, you can't fool me. You've been weird ever since we got to the city."

Thor turned over and looked at her. In his minds eye, he could see his entire life play out if he gave Jane the ring in his table side drawer. He would get married to Jane, move into the suburbs, have a few older haired children, possibly a dog. He would become partner, taking over form his father when he was 40ish, and retire when he was 65. He would have a pleasant retirement, and die an old man, surrounded by his loving family.

He went cold at the thought, and squeezed his eyes shut. Jane saw this and sat up, the sheet pooling to her waist. She took Thor's face in her hands and forced him to look at her in the dark.

"Thor, I don't want to get married to you." 

Thor gaped at her. She chuckled.

"I was snooping and saw the ring. Thor, I want to have a career. I want to spend my life looking at the stars, maybe discover a way to connect to other worlds. I don't want to become a mother for some years."

"You could still have a career if you married me." Thor said weakly. Jane smiled at him gently.

"Thor, you're not going to become a lawyer." Thor opened his mouth in protest, but Jane put her hand over it. "No, wait. You're going to graduate, you're going to get a position in your fathers company, and you're going leave after a few years. If you stay any longer, you're going to implode."

"I think you underestimate my stubbornness." Thor muttered under her hand. She laughed and took her hand away, kissing him. When she finished, she leaned back against the pillows.

"Thor, you are wonderfully transparent sometimes. Marrying me would kill both of us. Now, just because I don't want to marry you, doesn't mean I don't want that ring. Gimme." She made grabby hands and Thor grinned, pulling out the ring and handing it to her. It was a simple gold band with a ruby set into it, and Jane sighed when she saw it. She slid it on to the ring finger of her right, and admired it.

"I do love you." Thor said softly. Jane rolled over onto his chest.

"I love you to, but as a friend. With benefits."

Thor laughed and rolled them over, pulling the sheet down and looking at her.

"With benefits." He murmured, sliding downwards. "I can live with that." 

Jane was completely right. They parted ways, even though she would remain his friend for the rest of his lives. Thor graduated with honours and immediately went into his fathers firm. He learnt how to be a criminal defence lawyer in practice rather than theory, and he quickly rose up the ranks. He earned more money than he knew what to do with and so bought himself a gym set, building his body up to, as Tony would say later, 'God-like status'.

He was completely numb.

 

 

*********

 

 

The final straw came when he was standing in front of a judge, about to make his opening statement in defence of a multiple pedophile and rapist when his tongue stuck. He looked at the man sitting at the table, and started to shiver.

"Mr Odinson, we're waiting." The judge said. Thor looked at the man, and then looked at the judge, and then looked at his own hands. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again.

"Your honour, I withdraw my representation for this man."

The court erupted. The judge leaned back and looked at him.

"Excuse me Mr Odinson." The judge said slowly. "Are you withdrawing from this case?"

"Your honour, I'm withdrawing from the law profession entirely."

The judge raised an eyebrow. "And you thought to do this now?"

Thor gave him a reluctant grin. "I refuse to perjur myself on behalf of this man. So if you would excuse me..." Thor trailed off and urned around, putting his files back into his briefcase and snapping it shut. He was about to walk out of the court when he heard a shuffling noise behind him.

"YOU BASTARD!" The man he was supposed to be defending roared and leapt out of his seat. He swung his fist as Thor, who ducked and then drove his own fist into the man's face. The man was floored completely, and lay on the ground out cold. The crowd whooped and applauded. 

"By the way," Thor said to the prosecuting officers, who were looking at him with open mouths. "This man is guilty as sin."

He walked out of the court, and never returned. 

Sitting in his flat that evening with a tumbler of whiskey and his father on Skype, he wondered briefly at the state of his life. Odin was absolutely furious, but he could see his mother in the background smiling at him. So he didn't feel too bad.

"What were you thinking?" Odin said. 

"I was thinking that I was selling myself to the devil, and I couldn't do it anymore." Thor said and took a sip. He didn't really like whiskey, but he had depleted his supply of mead two weeks ago and hadn't had the time to buy more.

"Thor, you had such a chance. You were going to inherit the company." Odin pleaded. Thor shrugged.

"Fandral can have it. I don't want to do it anymore."

Odin sighed and ran a hand over his face. He tapped his eyepatch and considered. After a long silence, he said in a quite voice "You're not in any trouble."

Thor gave a small laugh. "No Papa, I'm fine."

"What are you going do to now?" Frigga asked. Odin through her a glance over his shoulder, and then shifted so that his parents were now sharing the screen.

"I don't know. I might go back to school, do something else."

"Thor, love, you're only 26. You have you're whole life ahead of you. Do something you want." Frigga said, laughing. Thor grinned at her.

"I might just do that."

So he did. He applied to NYU for a business degree, and when he finished studying, he started his own security business. He was the sole employee, and he built up a small but substantial client base. Being tall and good looking helped, and he was personable. People liked him, and even though he wasn't earning as much money as he had been as a lawyer, he enjoyed his work more.

So when he bought a nice new Mercedes-Benz, and came out of his apartment two days later to find someone had managed to jack it and drive off, he immediately went to the police station to report it. He was slightly confused when he saw that the police station was getting a makeover, but stopped being confused when he heard gunfire. He ran in, grabbing a hammer on the way, and floored a man pointing his gun at a tall, blond member of the police.

When the metaphorical dust had cleared and Thor had settled down with a cup of coffee, he explained why he was there and watched as everyone's faces contorted into a mixture of confusion, amusement and annoyance.

"Are we still member's of the police?" Tony Stark ( _Tony Stark_!) asked the man with the eyepatch.

"Officially, yes."

Tony moaned. Thor looked at everyone with a frown on his face. 

"I'm not getting my car back, am I?" he asked. The woman, Natasha, shook her head. 

"Sorry."

Thor heaved a sigh and stood up. He thanked the crowd, and was about to leave when he heard the man he had saved, Steve Rogers, say "These men weren't sent by Pierce."

"No." Barton, the bowman said. "He has another partner. Something Gem."

Thor stopped and frowned. He turned around. "Thanos Gem?"

There was a silence, and then the man with the curly hair, Bruce Banner, said "You know him."

"I run my own security firm. I was acting as his bodyguard a few nights ago. He didn't stop talking about this new nausea drug. I mean, he was plastered, but he kept talking about the trial phase failing. He was on the phone to someone called Alexander about it."

"Alexander Pierce?" Clint said. Thor shrugged.

"May have been. He kept talking about employing some called the Soldier to, and I quote 'knock some of those complainers off'."

There was silence again, and then the unassuming man at the back looked at Thor. "Mr Odinson, how much do you know?"

Thor ran his tongue over his lips. "Not a lot, but I used to be a criminal lawyer. I'd like to say my research skills are up to par."

"Well them, we might want to you to work for us."

Thor frowned. He didn't know what was going to happen, but it could only improve from now on.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Two months later, based on evidence found, the Avengers stormed the New York office of Hydra Pharmaceuticals, with the intention of arresting Alexander Pierce and Thanos Gem for crimes including murder, poisoning and tax evasion.

But all they found were two broken men, sitting in the basement, and ready to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end of this and at the beginning of Castle of Glass:  
> Fury is 55  
> Phil is 46  
> Maria is 35  
> Tony is 36  
> Pepper is 32  
> Bruce is 34  
> Betty is 34  
> Clint is 28  
> Natasha is 26  
> Sam is 32  
> Steve is 28  
> Thor is 30  
> Bucky is 30  
> Loki is 26
> 
> If it's not clear, by the beginning as the main story of CoG, the Avengers are all living in the same renovated building of Tonys. Kind of toned down version of Stark Tower, but in a huge brownstone.


	4. My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light 'Em Up) (Fall Out Boy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now, it begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose this song because, aside from it being awesome, for me I think it demonstrates that, although your past cannot define who you are as a person, you can learn from it.

As usual, they held hands as they walked. It was a comfort thing, something that grounded each of them in the real world and prevented them from drifting off mentally into their own personal hells. It was a pleasant evening, and they didn't bother talking, each enjoying the warm air. All around them, children squealed as they fired water pistols at each other, men laughed and drank beers as they flipped burgers, and women wandered around in sundresses.

James let his eyes stray to those bare shoulders, and, whilst he wasn't looking at them in a sexual way, he liked the contract of sun-drenched skin with the soft patterned cotton. Loki hummed under his breath and squeezed James' hand, bringing his back to the present. James looked at Loki, who grinned at him.

"Quiche, really?" he asked.

Loki nodded. "Thought it might be a nice change to meat and potatoes."

"There's nothing wrong with meat and potatoes." James said incredulously. Loki scoffed.

"James, I know there's nothing wrong with meat and potatoes. But we've been having it for a week straight, and my tastebuds are screaming at me to have something new."

"I like to keep things the same." James muttered. Loki squeezed his hand tighter and smiled softly. 

"I know. I know. But sometimes there needs to be change, in order for us to move forward."

James suddenly snorted, and Loki giggled. "You got that out of the fortune cookie from that Chinese takeaway last week, didn't you?"

Loki laughed louder. "Got me. But I thought it was appropriate."

James finally squeezed back and they continued walking. Loki's hair was loose, and it danced slightly in the warm breeze. James was monetarily captured by it, and he reached out his other hand to stroke it, knowing how soft it was. Loki sighed and tilted his head, half closing his eyes. James ran his fingers through and took a handful, lighting tugging on it to watch Loki's face change.

"Stop that." Loki muttered and jerked his head softly. James laughed softly and released the hair, watching it fall down Loki's back.

They reached the store, and the owner, a small women from Pakistan who smiled at them every time she saw them, stopped stocking up on the cigarettes behind the counter and leaned over the till, smiling at Loki. James suspected she had a slight crush on him.

"Mr Loki, how nice to see you!" she exclaimed. Loki nodded his head towards her.

"Mrs Ahmed, it is good to see you too." Loki said softly. She grinned widely at him.

"What you need this evening?" she asked. She came around the counter and took Loki by the hand, shaking it gently. James stood to the side, watching the couple with a smirk.

"Milk, Mrs Ahmed. Almonds, sugar, some vegetables."

"Ah, weekly shopping." She said, nodding her head wisely. James threw Loki a dark look, having been tricked into leaving the house, and Loki ignore him with a self-ritious smirk. Mrs Ahmed handed Loki a basket and let him go, walking past James with a smile and patting him on the shoulder in commiseration.

"You're a terrible, conniving person." James muttered to Loki as they made their way to the back of the store. Loki smiled widely at him.

"Thank you darling." Loki said. He reached out and patted James on the face before turning back to the freezer section. James shoved his hand into his jeans pocket and sulked, occasionally giving Loki dark looks which he ignored.

They walked slowly down the aisles, James trailing a few paces behind Loki, who occasionally stopped to put items into his basket. 

They were at the back, arguing about whether they were going to switch to full fat milk or keep to semi-skimmed when there was a blast from the front of the store, and Loki and James immediately ducked and slid to the floor to lie on their bellies. They peered through the gaps at the bottom of the store shelves, and saw two feet encased in combat boots walk up to the counter.

"What is it?" Loki said without moving his lips. James gave him a helpless look. Loki grimaced and was about to stand up slowly to look when James put his hand on Loki's shoulder and shook his head.

"Let me." He muttered. He slithered as softly as he could to the end of the nearest aisle to the door, and then pushed himself up. He did it with barely a whisper, his training as the Soldier coming into play. He had done everything he could over the past couple of years to forget what he had ever been, but it was still there, ingrained in his bones. 

He kept his knees slightly bent, and made sure that he couldn't be seen over the top of the shelf. He crept as slowly as possible towards the end of the shelf, making sure not to rattle any of the cans that displayed 'SPECIAL OFFER!', and when he reached the end, he carefully looked over the edge and took in the situation in a glance. He closed his eyes and then bent to the ground, moving carefully back to Loki, who was pressing himself against the bottom of the farthest shelf.

"Well?" Loki whispered.

"Two men, both in balaclavas. One's got a shotgun, which was what we heard. The other has a handgun and a knife."

"Mrs Ahmed?"

James pulled his mouth into a grimace. "They want her to open the till. She's crying."

"She has a gun under the till." Loki said, remembering. James shook his head.

"It's disabled, broken."

Loki grimaced and then buried his face into his arm, shoulders shaking. James gently put his hand on Loki's shoulder, and Loki shuddered and then looked up. His eyes were red but hard, and James knew what Loki was thinking.

"They have guns." James said softly.

"You've gone up against guns before."

James went cold. He knew that he must have paled because Loki looked apologetic. "I am sorry, I shouldn't have said that." He put a hand on James's shoulder, and now it was his turn to shudder.

James closed his eyes and took a deep, but silent breath. When he opened his eyes again, they were hard and icy. Loki blinked slowly and internally shuddered. It was the Soldier again, something he hadn't seen for nearly 2 years. Loki quickly reached out and grasped James' hand, squeezing hard. Some of the blankness melted away, and Loki could see James in the Soldier's gaze.

"Do you trust me?" James asked. Loki gave him an exasperated look and James grinned. 

"What do I need to do?"

James lifted his head and looked over to the till carefully, and then leaned back down. "Stay here. Listen out, I'll whistle when I need some help."

Loki looked at him with raised eyebrows. "That's it?" he whispered harshly. "I listen for your whistle, and I lie here and do nothing."

"You haven't been trained in combat."

"I can fight!"

"Ssshhhhh!" James said and looked over. But, in an awful way, he was glad that Mrs Ahmed was crying so loudly as to drown them out. "Listen, you come when I need help, but I want you to remain safe."

Loki grimaced at him but lay down, letting go of James' hand and watching him slither away with worried eyes.

James barely made a noise as he crept along the floor. He kept the boots of the men in his peripheral vision, and when he came to the corner he stood up quickly and watched them.

"Open the fucking till!" the man closest to Mrs Ahmed yelled. He pointed his gun at her, and she burst into fresh tears. James drew his lips back over his teeth and would have growled if he could spare the noise. The man guarding the door with the shotgun had his back to James, and Mrs Ahmed hadn't seen him yet, which gave him the advantage of surprise. He quickly gauged how he should deal with the situation, and then realised that he would need to take out the man at the door first, if only to get the shotgun out of play. He didn't fancy getting turned into Swiss cheese by someone who couldn't even point it right.

He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Then he opened his eyes and ran to the man at the door, causing Mrs Ahmed to cry out in surprise. The man at the door turned, but before he could fully turn James grabbed the shotgun in his hand and brought his knee up to the man's back, connecting with his spine. The man dropped but didn't let go of the shotgun, so James moved his hand from the gun to the man's wrist and twisted, listening to the juicy crackle as the bone twisted beyond normal and broke. The man cried out and dropped the gun, cradling his wrist.

James swept up the gun and braced it against his right shoulder. He kicked the man on the ground in the face, and the man dropped with a broken nose. He was concussed and lay on the ground, moaning at the pain. James braced the gun against his right shoulder and held it steady, finger on the trigger. His muscles twitched at the strain, but he ignored them.

The other man had left behind the counter and was holding Mrs Ahmed close, the gun pressing into her temple. What worried him the most was the fact that the gun was shaking, and that the man was sweating visibly, his upper lip wet with perspiration.

"Drop the gun." James growled.

"No way. Not until you drop that one." The man said. His voice was shaking, and he hitched Mrs Ahmed closer. She whimpered and closed her eyes.

"Drop the gun. I have a clear shot, and believe me, in a fight, you will defiantly come off worst."

The man laughed. "Against a fucking cripple? Dude, you only have one arm!"

James gritted his teeth and ignored the comment, despite the fact that he loathed having that fact pointed out to him. His only response was to steady the gun and shoot, causing the packets of cigarettes above the man's head to explode, showering him and Mrs Ahmed with tobacco.

"Ha!" The man exclaimed. But his voce shook, and the gun now drawing blood from Mrs Ahmed's temple was shaking even more. "You missed!"

"What makes you think I missed?" James said lowly. The man stopped grinning.

"You really think I won't shoot her?"

James grinned. It wasn't a nice smile. "I know you have every intention of shooting her. But I have every intention of shooting you, sooner than you can even think about pulling that trigger."

The man laughed shakily. "Oh yeah? We'll see about that."

James, realising that the man behind him was starting to come too, whistled lowly. There was a whooshing sound, and then a can of peas connected sharply with the mans head. He staggered, and Mrs Ahmed took the opportunity to slide from under the man's arm and dropped to the floor. Loki came charging up the aisle, one hand reaching out. He grabbed the man by the arm and dragged him from outside of the counter.

Around the same time that this was happening, the other man behind James came too and grabbed James legs, pulling them out from under him and dropping James like a stone. James let go of the shotgun in surprise, and made sure to kick the shotgun out of reach. Now on the floor, he rolled to the man and kicked him in the chest, sending him sliding away. James followed, standing up and striding over, kicking him again and making sure that he was on his back, before dropping again, landing knees first onto the man's chest. There was a cracking sound, and the man cried out. James quickly moved around and gathered the man up between his legs, wrapping his arm around the man's throat and pulling tight. The man gurgled and started flailing about. James continued pulling and watched as the man's face began to turn purple. James grimaced and held tight, waiting until the man's eyes rolled back inside his head and he dropped. James rolled away and stood up, breathing hard. 

At the same time James was fighting the man on the floor, Loki dragged the man behind the counter out and grabbed another can, this time tomato soup, and started whacking him over the head again. The man groaned and staggered, but did not fall down. Loki gritted his teeth and dropped the can, balling up his fist and punching a man for the first time in his life.

"Fucking Hell!" He swore and pulled his hand away. His hand felt like it was on fire and his fingers had all shattered like glass. The man staggered, but couldn't move far because Loki still had a hand on his arm. Loki opened his hand and, deeming it not broken, took a different root. He let go of the arm and started to scratch. His fingernails were sharp and very hard, and soon the man's face was covered in blood, and he was screeching with pain. Loki took the opportunity to knee the man hard in the crotch, and the man screamed louder and dropped. Loki followed, sitting on his chest and continuing to scratch and slap the man until he was moaning softly. Loki carried on until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He stopped and looked up to see James standing above him.

"Enough, Loki. You're not a killer." James said softly. Loki sat back, breathing hard. James rubbed his hand through his hair, and Loki then stood up, giving the man one last kick before leaning against James.

"Mr Loki!" Mrs Ahmed suddenly yelled, bringing them both back to earth. Loki opened his arms and hugged the small women, who burst into more tears and squeezed his waist. 

"It is okay, Mrs Ahmed. You're quite safe." Loki soothed, meeting James' eyes over her head. James merely looked back, exhausted.

"Mrs Ahmed, you need to call the police." Loki said softly after a few minutes.

Mrs Ahmed nodded and wiped her face. She went behind the counter and took out her phone, dialling 911 and speaking quickly.

Loki came to stand by James and took his hand. James closed his eyes and started to shake. Loki laid his head on James' shoulder and started to breath evenly, fighting back the fear that was ever present in his veins.

"When the police come..." Loki said and trailed off.

"It was self-defence." James replied softly. He rubbed his thumb over Loki's skin repetitively. 

"Do you believe that?" Loki asked. He turned his head to look at James. James didn't look back, but swallowed and didn't answer.

 

 

*********

 

 

It was loud and incredibly busy in the Avengers part of the Shield office. Normally, one would expect there to be an imminent case on, one of great importance, given the noise level. But people tended to underestimate how idle the Avengers could actually be.

They were flying paper airplanes. 

It was a boring day.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon." Clint muttered as he watched the plane flutter and dip slightly. He had $5 on Thor's, along with Betty, Pepper and Maria, whilst everyone else was betting on Bruce. Both of the combatants were standing at the other end of the office, each urging their plane on with whatever means possible.

"I'm gonna win!" Bruce said, already pumping the air. Thor ignored him and stared hard at his own airplane, using every mental power he had to will it along.

They were both nearing the finishing line (the other end of the office) when Phil opened the door. The sudden whoosh of air caused both planes to flutter and fall.

"Coulson!" Tony whined. Everyone else groaned and pocketed their own money, the bets having been called off.

"I've got something for you." Phil said, raising a file. Tony pulled a face at him and went back into the lab.

"You've been busy I can see." Phil came over, looking at the sad paper airplanes on the floor. "I thought you would have been looking for Pierce or Gem."

"Gone underground." Steve said, sitting at his desk and squeezing a stress-ball.

"Completely disappeared." Bruce added. He sat on his desk, pulled out another sheet of paper and started constructing another airplane. Thor, whose desk was sitting behind Bruce's, saw this and frowned. He opened his draw, considered his paper and the sellotape sitting beside it, and wondered whether he would be able to get away with cheating if he strengthened his wings with tape.

"Even Thanos? He's quite noticeable, that jaw and everything."

Natasha snorted. "Even him."

"What are you doing here?" Clint asked. He pulled out his office crossbow and was firing at the target Tony had built into the wall.

"Got a case you might want to take."

"Do tell." 

"Robbery at a bodega gone wrong. Two men came in with guns, taken down by two customers. One man killed in the struggle."

The office stared at him. "Why are you brining that to us?" Natasha asked slowly. "That's something for the regular police."

Phil grinned at them and set the file down on Maria's desk. "Oh, I think you really want to take this one."


	5. I Got The Scars From Tomorrow And I Wish You Could See That You're The Antidote For Everything Except For Me (MSNWYDITD)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki and Bucky meet their angels again, and this time actually have a conversation.

In the end, it's Natasha, Steve and Thor that go. The initial pitch of a simple robbery hadn't fired any pistons with the rest of the group, but Thor and Steve were curious enough to wonder why this is something that was deemed of a greater importance for the regular police to handle. Natasha tagged along because they always leave in threes, a security measure that started when Bruce and Clint both got knocked on the head in the early days of the investigation and it was several hours before they both staggered cross-eyed in the station.

They took Thor's car, which was big enough that it allowed all of them to stretch out comfortably without getting cramped legs. Thor drove, as, despite the butter-wouldn't-melt expression that Steve usually carried on his face, he was almost as reckless a driver as Natasha was. So when they exited the building and Thor saw the glint in Natasha's eyes as she looked at the car, Thor had grabbed her elbows and walked her to the back seats.

"No, absolutely not." He said as he forced her in. She glared at him.

"I am an excellent driver." She said imperiously.

Even Steve laughed.

"Natasha, I know it wasn't Clint that totalled those three cars last year, even though it says it was him on the insurance forms." Thor said. He climbed into the drivers seat and liked himself in. The file was sitting on Steve's lap, as he was the only one to be able to read in the car and not get sick.

Natasha gaped at him. "How do you know that?" she asked. Thor gave her a wry look in the mirror.

"Natasha, I used to be a lawyer and now I am a private investigator. If I couldn't look at your insurance forms then I would be a poor member of this team."

Natasha pursed her lips and settled back into the seat as Steve snickered. He opened the file and quickly skimmed through the contents. His laughter tapered off the more he read.

"So, give us the briefing Captain." Natasha said. Steve looked at her through in the mirror and shook himself.

"So we have an attempted robbery at a bodega in Brooklyn, two men came in and tried to rob the till. They were surprised by two customers in the shop and subdued. One fatality. The owner was merely shaken up and she was the one who called the police."

"Was the fatality one of the robbers?" Thor asked. Steve nodded. 

"Yes. According to the report, he seems to have been suffocated. The others guy had been scratched and beaten about."

"Why isn't the Brooklyn police handling it?" Natasha asked from the back. Steve turned his head to look at her.

"They are. There's a note in the report requesting the help of the Avengers."

"Why?"

"I don't now. Something about how this might fall within our field of expertise."

Even Thor was frowning now. Steve passed the report back to Natasha, and she quickly gave it a read through before her car-sickness caught up with her.

It took them half an hour before they managed to reach the site of the bodega. By the time they reached it, there were already people gathered outside of the police tape, and a news crew.

"Please don't tell me..." Thor said, parking the car and looking beyond the crew to where the police were talking to a small, dark haired woman.

"It is." Steve confirmed grimly.

"I hate fucking Ashtown." Thor said, shrugging on his knee-length black wool coat.

Bobby Ashtown was a member of the press who was a staunch opponent to the Avengers. Every time even a member of Shield, and especially a member of the Avengers appeared in the press, Ashtown was already having an article written about them. His articles were unfortunately usually full of details about their private lives that most of the time were accurate, although most of the time he obtained that information illegally. He had already had 5 restraining orders slapped against him by the others, and now it was only Steve whom he was allowed within 50 feet of. Although that was soon about to change.

"Why is he here?" Steve asked. The others shrugged. They could see the Brooklyn PD interviewing someone who was out of their sight. Natasha squared her shoulders and walked past the tape, flashing her badge at the policemen on duty.

"Fifty yards Ashtown." She called. Ashtown, a small man with pitch black eyes and peroxide blonde hair snarled at her and moved away, until he was outside of the police tape. His cameraman, another loathsome individual called Licin but who in the office was called Ricin after the poison, didn't move until Natasha none too subtly stepped on his foot. He yelped and stood back.

"Bitch." He muttered. One of the policemen on duty gave him a sharp look and then took him by the elbow, moving him swiftly along.

Natasha walked out of sight, whilst Steve and Thor went up to the owner. Despite their immense sizes, they both had pleasant, open expressions. Both were prone to smiling widely, and being blond and having blue eyes helped. They would have been twins, had they not been born two year apart and in separate countries. But they were both very alike. 

"Mrs Ahmed, I'm Agent Rogers and this is my colleague, Agent Odinson."

Thor tipped his head. The woman, Ahmed, smiled at him through her tears. 

"I was wondering you would be able to tell us exactly what happened here." Thor asked. The woman looked confused.

"But I have already told the police." She looked confused. Steve recognised this and left, coming back with a cup of police coffee. He handed it to her with an apologetic smile.

"It's rubbish, but it might help." Steve said. The woman took a sip and grimaced, but continued to drink.

"I make much better." She said. But she continued to drink it.

"Will you tell us what happened?" Steve now asked. She nodded.

"It was a quite evening. Shop was empty, and then my favourite customers came in."

"Are they still here?" Thor asked. She nodded and gestured to the policeman interviewing the two men. They had their back's to Thor and Steve, but Steve could see the taller man had loose, very long black hair. The man next to him was shorter, with shoulder-length brown hair. In his chest something stirred, and Steve swallowed. Natasha was standing to the side, frowning.

"Oh yes! They are heroes!" Mrs Ahmed grinned at them.

"Can you tell us what happened during the attack?" Thor asked gently. The woman nodded.

"Men came in, and I had gun under the till. I reached for it, but they grabbed it first and broke it. Then they pointed gun at me, and told me to open the till."

"Did you?"

She shook her head. "No, I didn't."

"Why?"

"I was too scared. Was frozen." She looked down, as if she was ashamed. Steve put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. She gave him a tremulous smile and continued. "Then Mr James came. Attacked man with the shotgun, got him onto the ground. The other man got me, had gun to my head." She stopped again and raised a hand to her temple, where a fresh bandage sat. She touched it gently and closed her eyes. 

"What happened then?" Steve asked gently.

"Then Mr Loki threw a can, got the man on the floor. Mr James then got attacked, and went to the floor with him, and that was last thing I saw. Then there was silence, and I came out, and one man was dead and the other unconscious. I went to Mr Loki and he and Mr James told me to call police. So I did, and here you are."

There was silence following her story, and Steve glanced at Thor to find he was staring goggle-eyed at her. Steve had noticed him getting tenser and tenser every time she had said the name 'Loki', and even Steve was remembering when he had last heard that name. But the chances of him being the same person were very small. 

Steve shot a look at Thor, and Thor shrugged minutely. He didn't seem to want to be raising his hopes. Steve knew that, if it was the Loki both of them were thinking of, then the man with him, Mr James, might be James Barnes. And Steve didn't want to think about what he might do should that prove to be true.

They left the woman in the capable hands of the police, and wandered over to where Natasha was. But she saw them, and walked quickly up to them, stopping them. She had an odd expression on her face.

"I know now why they asked us here." She said. Steve and Thor frowned at her. 

"Would you care to explain?" Steve asked through his teeth. Natasha looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"We've dealt with these people before."

"What, the robbers?" Thor asked in a strangled voice.

Natasha shook her head, her hair flying about her face. "No, the heroes." She looked at them and sighed. Seeing that stopping them wasn't going to be an option, she said "Brace yourself" and turned, walking back to where the two men were standing.

"Gentlemen, my name is Natasha Romanov. I was wondering whether we could talk to you." She said. As one, the two men turned. 

Thor stopped in his tracks and stared. Steve wavered on his feet and Natasha a hand on his lower back. The two men turned fully to stare at them. The man with the blue eyes suddenly gripped the sleeve of the man with the green eyes. All four of them stared at each other.

"It's them." The man with the green eyes said. Thor blinked at him and opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"Hello." The man with the blue eyes said. His face changed from wary to amused, and he grinned at them, displaying a warm smile. Steve whimpered in-audibly, and remembered how he had felt when this man had first be identified. He hadn't seen him since they had been taken off to hospital, and when they were positively identified, both Steve and Thor had become blind drunk in the office, each holding each other up as they slurred to each other how they knew those two broken men in the hospital. They had been told not to make contact, in case they triggered unwanted memories, and it was only Tony subsidising the men's housing that allowed them to have regular updates.

But they had no idea how the men had been, really. And now they were standing before them, and it left Steve and Thor breathless and without words.

Natasha stood to the side, grinning at the men. she was amused by the fact that, of all the people in the world, it was the two men held closest to Thor's and Steve's hearts which were at the centre of this crime.

When the silence had gone on for half a minute too long Natasha cleared her throat and watched as all the men jumped. "I know you don't remember me, but I was there as well."

"Red haired saviour." James muttered to Loki, who nodded whilst looking at her out of the corner of his eyes. They both remembered her, if only for her vibrant red hair. Natasha felt a plume of emotion in her breast, and she gentled her grin to a smile. James didn't do anything, but Loki tipped his head in recognition.

"We need to ask you some questions." Thor finally asked. His voice was slightly strangled, and Loki tilted his head to look at him, slightly amused. 

"About the robbery." James said. His voice became flat and his expression closed off. Loki, sensing this, leaned in closer and laced his fingers with James' hand. Steve noticed this and concealed a wince. He would have loved to be the one to do that, but he knew that he was lucky that James remembered him at all, let alone knew that he was the man that Steve had set his heart on as a small boy.

"Yes." Steve nodded. James focused his gaze at him, and Steve couldn't look away. It the gaze that told Steve that this man had absolutely no idea who Steve was, aside from the man who had rescued him two and a half years ago. James, Bucky in the old days, would never have looked at him so coldly.

"Do you mind? If we ask you some questions, I mean." Thor said. Loki continued to look at him, a small grin at the corners of his mouth. He turned his head, keeping Thor in his peripheral vision, and had a silent conversation with James. 

After a minute James and Loki looked at Steve, Thor and Natasha and nodded. Steve released a breath he didn't realise he was holding and nodded. He looked around and saw that Ashtown was looking at them, practically salivating with the thought of getting an interview. "Let's go somewhere else."

James and Loki wavered on their feet, neither wanting to stay there, but each equally nervous about getting in a car they didn't know about. Natasha went up to James and put a hand on his back, causing him to jump slightly and look at her with narrowed eyes.

"C'mon, you're going to be okay." She said in a low voice. 50 feet away Ashtown was straining to listen, and Natasha wanted to get Loki and James out of the spotlight in case Ashtown cornered them and gave them a grilling. Steve glared at Ashtown as the man was writing on his pad, trying to desperately look like a real reporter. Thor moved so that Loki and James were out of his line of sight, and looked at Loki. Loki was almost tall enough to look him in the eye, but he still hadn't developed the ability to look a stranger in the eye. 10 years of having the opposite beaten into him hadn't left him.

"We could go get a drink." Thor said. 

"I don't drink alcohol." Loki whispered. James nodded, keeping Ashtown in his vision. Steve turned and looked at James with a blank expression. He was almost unable to deal with the fact that James was so close, and yet they were practically total strangers.

"Coffee then." Steve said. He was almost desperate to spend more time with him.

Slowly James nodded, Loki following quickly afterwards. Steve smiled gently and turned, leading the way back to the car. Loki and James followed quickly, Natasha walking beside them and Thor bringing up the rear.

"Oi, Laufeyson!" Ashtown yelled. "Can you answer some quest-"

Thor walked past him and slapped his recorder out of his hand. There was a crunch as Thor stepped on it, and Ashtown made a high pitched choking sound.

"That's harassment!" He yelled.

"Good luck getting that to stick." Thor said over his shoulder. Steve laughed and Natasha chuckled.

They came to Thor's car and Loki and James settled in the back, Natasha shielding them by sitting next to the window. As Steve and Thor got into the front, they gave each other quick looks. 

"Where are we going to go?" Natasha asked from the back.

"The Artist on 5th?" Steve said. She nodded and Thor started the car, driving off quickly. The ride was quick and quiet, all of them thinking separate thoughts, and soon Thor was pulling up in front of a tiny little coffee place. It was a small brown door with 'The Artist' in cursive white writing on a wooden plank above the door.

"Looks good." Thor said, getting out. Steve nodded.

"Nice to know that they continued to use that sign, rather than the other one." Steve murmured.

"You did that?" James asked. Steve closed his eyes in pain, as Bucky had always encouraged Steve's art. This man may have shared his face, but he was an unknown.

They entered the shop and the door closed softly. The woman behind the counter stopped cleaning the counter and looked up, smiling when she saw who it was. 

"Hello Thor, Steve, Natasha. It's been a while." She said. She was an older woman, one who had been there with coffee for the Avengers since the beginning. 

"Hello Peggy." Steve said, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. She smiled and pecked him back, before looking over at the others.

"New members?" she asked. Thor show his head.

"No, but we were wondering whether it would be possible to get a private booth?" Thor asked lowly. She nodded, keeping her eyes on Loki and James. They were standing looking at the decor, which was dark wood and understated. James had shoved his hand into his pocket and was keeping his hair in his face, whilst Loki was wide-eyed with curiosity.

"Of course." She said. She came out from behind the counter and led them all to the private booth in the back. They all slid in, James and Loki on one side, the other three facing them. 

"Usual?" she asked. The Avengers nodded, whilst Loki and James looked at the menu.

"I'll have an espresso." Loki said.

"Coffee, black." James muttered. Peggy nodded and went off. 

There was an awkward silence in the booth, no one saying anything until Peggy came back with a tray of drinks. She set them in front of the men and Natasha. 

"Thanks Peggy." Natasha said. Peggy gave her a soft smile.

"It's always a pleasure." She said. She left.

Thor took a drink of his iced macchiato and then sighed a small breath before looking at Loki and James.

"Would you please tell us, from the beginning, exactly what happened this evening." He asked. 

Loki and James looked at each other, before Loki nodded softly and looked back. He took a sip and began.


	6. Listen, Listen, I Would Take A Whisper If That's All You Had To Give (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stories are told, and truths aren't said. Pining may also happen, not that anyone actually knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, SO sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I hit writes block and have been eaking out words day by day. I cannot promise that this will fall back into the usual schedule, but I am going to try my best.

"We needed shopping."

Loki started and then stopped, frowning into his coffee. For some reason he was finding it especially difficult to talk. He looked across the table at Agent Odinson, saw those unnerving blue eyes fixed on his face, and his mouth became dry. He took a deep pull of coffee and hid his wince as the temperature scalded his mouth.

"I was lured to the bodega under the pretence of needing milk." James carried on, glancing at Loki out of the corner of his eyes and wondering why the man had gone sheet white and was drinking his espresso like it was going out of fashion. "And I found out that Loki needed to do the weekly shopping, so that happened."

"So you were going to be there for longer than you had anticipated." Steve said. He flipped open his notebook and started taking notes, all the while looking at James. James kept his own eyes on his coffee, unable to look Steve in the face.

"I was, he wasn't." Loki finally said, looking at James. James glowered at Loki, who gave a small grin and sipped his espresso slowly.

"So you arrived at the bodega, and...?" Steve said, looking up. James caught his eyes by accident, and didn't manage to look away in time for a blush to slowly turn his ears red. Steve felt something stir in his chest and swallowed in-audibly. Under the table, Thor kicked Steve's ankle, and when Steve looked at him, Thor raised an eyebrow. Steve shook his head slightly and went back to his notebook, if only to escape James' blank eyes.

"We were at the back, arguing about milk when we both heard a shot from the front and we went to the floor." Loki said after an uncomfortable silence. James took a deep breath and settled back into the moment, ignoring the cold feeling in his hands that told him he was in a mild state of panic.

"I crawled to the front on my stomach and looked to see what was happening." James said quietly. 

"And what did you see?" Thor asked. 

"Two men, both with guns. One man had his gun trained on Mrs Ahmed, and he was screaming at her to open the till. The other man, the one who had discharged his gun was guarding the door with his back to me, so neither could see me."

"And what were you doing, Mr Laufeyson?" Steve said, turning his gaze to Loki. His gaze was almost as unnerving as James', because, whilst James' eyes were blank and almost lifeless, Loki's were direct and didn't move when they met Steve's, as if he was weighing your soul in his gaze. He had the eyes on a newborn who had focused for the first time in it's life.

"I was in the back, waiting for James to return."

"How long were you observing for?" Steve asked, his eyes on his notebook as he quickly jotted down the facts. 

James turned to Loki with a frown, and Loki titled his head slightly as he thought. As he did so, some of his hair slid from his shoulder, exposing his neck. Thor's eyes zeroed in on the flesh, his heart twisting as he observed the pale, pale skin and the silvery lines from the scarring of the heavy metal collar that Loki had occasionally worn. For the briefest moment, he wanted to rest his lips on Loki's pulse, jumping in his neck. He closed his eyes and mentally shook himself.

"You were gone for about 30 seconds. Possibly a minute, but I wasn't exactly counting." Loki said finally. Steve nodded and jotted that down.

"I came back and told Loki what was happening." James said.

"The initial shotgun blast was heard. The police had been called and would have arrived within minutes. Why did you decide to confront the intruders, rather than sit in the back?" Thor asked, frowning.

"They didn't know you were there, and they were only interested in the cash register. You could have waited it out." Steve added.

Loki looked at James, and James looked back with a frown. After a silence, James looked back at the cops. "Mrs Ahmed was crying. She needed help."

Loki nodded. "It was the right thing to do."

"So you sat in the back and decided to confront the intruders." Steve said. 

"I was going to confront them." James said quickly. 

"Why you?"

James swallowed around a lump in his throat and looked at his hand. It was shaking in his lap, and his coffee was going cold. He couldn't reach out to take a sip, as his hand was shaking so badly he would have spilled the coffee all over the table and given himself away. He clenched his hand into a fist and balled it deep into his leg.

"I have had...training." He said finally. His voice was strangled and quiet. 

For a brief moment, both Steve and Thor were catapulted back to the past, when they stormed into a room and found the two men before them sitting in a corner at the lowest moment of their lives. Thor bit the inside of his cheek and Steve bounced his leg beneath the table, and both men forced themselves back to the present.

Loki and James weren't doing much better. Loki had quickly grabbed James' balled up fist and was trying to thread his fingers through them, anchoring James back to the present. James' palm was sweating and his fingers were cold. Loki himself was sweating, his upper lip moist and his shirt sticking to his back.

It was Steve, coming back the present the quickest, who saw what the affect his question had had on the men sitting before him. He felt a flood of guilt, and cleared his throat loudly. James and Loki jumped and refocused their gazes on the blonds.

"So you reconvened in the back of the shop, and planned to attack the two men." Thor said, looking over Steve's shoulder and quickly reading Steve's chicken-scratch notes. 

"Not attack." James said quickly. "Just get Mrs Ahmed to safety and disable them."

"I was told to wait in the back and listen for James' signal." Loki said.

"And that was?" Thor asked.

"A whistle."

There was a pause, and then Thor looked at James with a slightly incredulous look on his face. "You were going to hope that a whistle would be heard over a shotgun blast." 

James nodded. "I was hoping to have the guns disabled by that point. Actually, I didn't even want to involve Loki."

Loki gave James an outraged look and James didn't meet his eyes. His stirred his coffee quickly, something to keep his hands occupied. "It's nice to know how much faith you have in my abilities." Loki muttered. 

"I've never seen you fight." James said quietly. Loki continued to glare at him.

"So you crawled to the front..." Steve said quickly, disrupting the apparent argument. James and Loki looked away from each other and focused again on the detectives.

"Yes." James said, closing his eyes and thinking back. "I knew I needed to get the shotgun, because I could use it correctly, and the man standing guarding the door had it. So I ran at him, grabbed the barrel and disabled his legs."

"How?" Steve asked.

"I kneed him in the back. But he didn't drop the shotgun, so I grabbed his wrist and broke it so he would drop the gun."

"So you grabbed the gun and pointed it at the other man." Thor said. James nodded. Loki, who didn't know what had happened whilst he was sitting in the back, listened with attentive ears. His espresso was empty, but he continued to sip at it, not noticing that he was drinking air.

"Yes, and I knew that I needed to disable the man on the ground, so I kicked him in the face to break his nose and concuss him. As soon as I knew that he was out of the picture, I turned the gun on the other man."

"Mrs Ahmed said that whilst that was happening, the other man had come around the counter and was holding her hostage."

James nodded. 

"If you'll excuse the question," Thor asked quietly. "How did you manage to steady the gun when you only have one arm?"

Steve gripped his notebook tightly and flicked his eyes quickly between Thor, James, who was pale and had thinned his lips, and Loki, who was looking at Thor with wide eyes.

"I have...strong arms." James finally said, almost under his breath.

'Yes, you do.' Steve thought suddenly, and then felt immediately guilty.

"So you were pointing the gun at the other man." Thor said, somewhat loudly, breaking the tension. Loki sat back and was now looking at Thor with narrowed green eyes. Thor's hands started sweating at the intense stare, and he was doing everything in his power not to look back at Loki, in case he did something out of protocol, like reach over and take Loki's hand in his.

"Yes, but he was pointing his own gun at Mrs Ahmed, so I didn't do anything that would cause him to have a jerking trigger finger."

"So you waited." Steve noted down, looking at his notebook. 

James nodded. 

"Mrs Ahmed said you talked."

"Yes, he was taunting me. But I had a good shot, and I demonstrated that I did."

"You shot above his head."

"Yes."

"Mrs Ahmed is being treated for a perforated ear drum." Thor chimed in. James winced visibly, and Loki looked worried.

"Is she hurt worse?" Loki asked softly. Thor shook his head. 

"No. She was scared, but not hurt worse." 

Loki put a hand on James' arm and squeezed. James shook his head slowly and Loki slid his arm down James' arm to hold his hand, threading his fingers through James'. James wanted to drink his coffee, but the feeling of a human hand on his brought his back to reality and grounded him. 

"So you shot above his head to spook him." Steve said, eyeing Loki's and James' hands and trying not to feel a little bit jealous. His didn't really succeed. 

"Yes, but I could hear the guy behind me coming to. So I whistled to Loki."

"And you came out from the back." Thor said, looking at Loki. Loki shrugged, a small smile turning the corners of his mouth up.

"I threw a can of peas at the man holding Mrs Ahmed."

"How did you know that he wouldn't shoot Mrs Ahmed?" Steve asked. Loki shrugged. 

"I had to take that chance. And it worked. Mrs Ahmed got away, and I pulled him out from behind the counter."

"At the same time the man behind me managed to drop me, making me loose the gun. I made sure to kick it away and then pushed the guy away. I stood up and then dropped onto his chest."

"The MD at the scene reported that you managed to crack his chest plate in two."

James' expression didn't change. "I thought that I might have."

"So what happened after?" Thor said.

"I got him in between my legs, put my arm around his throat and strangled him. I didn't realise that I killed him until the ambulance arrived and pronounced it." James finished. He released Loki's hand and brought his coffee up to his mouth, chugging the rest of his drink down even thought it was cold.

"What was happening with you?" Thor asked Loki. Loki didn't look at Thor, fiddling with his fingers.

"I dragged the man out from behind the counter and started hitting him over the head with another can, but he didn't go down so I punched him." He held up his hand and showed Thor and Steve his bandaged fingers. He wiggled them and Thor didn't manage to fight down a grin. Loki smiled back softly.

"He still didn't go down and so I started to scratch him." 

Thor went white. He was suddenly taken back to when he had first seen Loki, back when they were children and Loki was scratching and slapping at two boys for killing a cat. He was somewhat relieved to know that something like a basic sense of fighting had not been taken from Loki, even if everything else had been. 

"I kicked him in the crotch, and then he went down." Loki said blithely. Under the table, Thor and Steve crossed their legs with a wince. "And then I followed, and continued to scratch and slap him. Then James put a hand on my shoulder and stopped me."

There was a silence as Steve finished copying his notes and Loki rested his head on James' shoulder. Thor was sipping his own drink and concealing the fact that he was grinding his teeth.

"Is that everything?" He asked when he finished, looking up and staring at the people opposite. Even as he said it, he flipped his notebook closed and put it into his pocket. He could see that this line of question was finished. Loki and James appeared to be exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

"I think that's everything." Thor answered for them and stood up. James jerked and Loki frowned, but he nodded and stood up as well. He drew Loki up and Steve stood up behind them, bracketing them as they walked to the door.

"See you Peggy." Steve said as they left. She nodded from behind the counter and continued wiping down.

They went to the car and got in, Loki resting his head on James' shoulder again and James lacing his hand with Loki's. In the rear-view mirror Steve looked at them, then looked at Thor.

"We live at-" James said.

"We know where you live." Thor said quickly. Loki looked at him, confusion on his face, until Thor said "We got it from the police at the scene." Loki looked relived and nodded. 

"Nice save." Steve muttered under his breath. Thor shrugged and started the engine pulling out.

They drove to the flat in silence, and when they came to the flat, all four of them got out of the car and walked up the stairs to the flat. Loki opened the door and he and James walked in, turing and looking at the detectives standing in the door.

There was an uncomfortable silence, as no one knew what to say. Finally Thor ran a hand through his hair.

"Listen, here's our card." He said quietly. He took a card out of his jacket and handed it to Loki, who took it slowly and looked at it. "If you think of anything just call the number on the card."

"Thank you." James said softly. Steve swallowed and abruptly turned away without saying goodbye, striding down the stairs and out of the door quickly. Thor looked back with worried eyes.

"I'm sorry about him." He said quickly. James didn't meet Thor's eyes, but also turned and strode into the apartment. Loki looked after him and then turned back to Thor. 

"I..." He started and then stopped. Loki didn't know what to say, and so shuffled his feet and stared at the floor.

Thor was about to say something when Loki abruptly said "Do I know you?"

Thor went cold. He opened and closed his mouth like a guppy and felt the blood drain from his face. 

"It's just," Loki said, "we...I...no, we thought we recognised you, when you showed up this evening. But I don't know where from."

Thor put his face in his hands and gritted his teeth against hysterical tears. When he got himself under control and looked back up. Loki looked at him with concerned eyes.

"Myself and detective Rogers were the ones who first entered the lab when Shield stormed Hydra Pharmaceuticals." Thor said finally.

Loki stared at him with wide eyes.

"It's good to see that you are okay Loki." Thor said softly and put a hand on his shoulder. He squeezed gently and then turned and strode away. Loki was left in the doorway, gaping at Thor and unable to say anything.

Thor managed to get to the car when his legs finally gave out and he collapsed into the car seat. Beside him, Steve was resting his head on the dashboard, his eyes open and tears dripping from them.

"They look well." Thor said softly. Steve closed his eyes and leaned back, now staring at the ceiling.

"I can't..." Steve said, and then realised that he didn't know how to finish the sentence.

"I know." 

"I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can deal with this case, despite what Natasha thinks."

Steve didn't say anything, but put his face into his hands and started to sob. Thor let a single tear trickle down his face and then started the car, driving back to that station. He knew that in the bottom of his desk drawers was his last bottle of mead from 2012, and he wanted to get to it as quickly as possible and get both Steve and Thor as drunk as possible.

 

 

**********

 

 

"James?" Loki asked softly, opening the door and walking into the dark room with two mugs of tea. He saw that James was curled up on the bed and swallowed. He went up to him, placing the tea down softly on the bestie table before sitting behind James and curling up around him.

"Was it them?" James whispered. Loki closed his eyes and thought back to Thor's face. His heart jumped in his chest and he swallowed back tears.

"Yes."

James shuddered and turned around in Loki's arms. He looked at Loki with wet blue eyes. "I want to see him again." He whimpered. Loki swallowed again and rested his head against James', finally letting his tears flow into James hair.

"So do I."

"What are we going to do?" James said. He pulled back and looked at Loki, who struggled to contain his own tears.

"I don't know. I really don't." 


	7. I Just Want To Feel Alive, And Get To See Your Face Again (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nosy reporters may be a royal pain in the ass, but they can really do wonders for your love life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I promised a quicker update. But life kind of threw me a curveball lately, and this is the first time I can successfully give you a chapter that I can be proud of, or at least, one that I can be satisfied with.

It might have remained that way, all parties spending life apart, each wondering what they respective partner was doing with his life, if it hadn't been for the tenacity, and frankly, and lack of morals that Bobby Ashtown happened to posses. Unfortunately for Loki and James, he happened to be very good at his job.

It had been 5 days since the attack on the bodega, and so far, neither Loki nor James had left their apartment. For the first couple of days it had been Loki moving around the apartment, making the meals and generally making sure that James was breathing. Loki, on the surface, seemed to be handling the situation better. Overcome with self-horror, James had retreated into his mind as he sought to process what had happened. He was terrified of himself, scared that the life he had tried so hard to forget was so easily remembered. He wanted to forget how he know how to hold a gun, how to properly disable an opponent and what it felt like to feel a life leave a body.

However, Loki wasn't much better. He had had no combat experience, so it wasn't the fighting itself that disturbed him. During those first two days, Loki would leave a plate beside James, satisfied that, at the very least, James was going to eat. James and Loki had known what true hunger was, and, even at their lowest points, both had vowed never to allow themselves to feel that again. So James would eat his sandwich, or his plate of pasta and sauce, and would them go back to staring blankly at the wall, his right arm crossing his chest and grasping at the smooth, straight line that ran down the left side of his body.

Loki would clear the plate away, and then go to the bathroom in the unused bedroom, turning on both the taps and the shower to its loudest setting. He made sure to lock the door, and then would collapse against the wall, sliding down and putting his face into his hands, weeping. Like James, he was also brought back to the past, but it was in connection to the man know as Thor. When Thor had confirmed that James and Loki had know them, and had put his hand to Loki's shoulder, Loki had been transported back to the past, when he could barely understand anyone and the nearest thing he got to clothing was occasionally draping a blanket over his shoulders. He remembered looking at Thor when he came through the door, feeling detached despite the hurt his body was in. He had craved death, had thought he had died until Thor leaned over and cupped Loki's face gently. He had ran his thumb along Loki's cracked lips, and Loki had burst into tears, unable to comprehend was comfort from any other person ofter than James was.

He wanted that again. He wanted Thor to touch his face gently.

So when, after a long bout of crying, he would emerge from the bathroom with his hair all wiry from the humidity of the running shower, it would now be James' turn to comfort him. He would draw Loki into his arm and snuggle back down on the bed, settling Loki against his chest and running one hand through his hair smoothing it down.

"I miss them." Loki whispered that first night. James pressed his lips to Loki's hair and rocked them both gently.

"I know. I do to." James admitted two nights later. He had been slowly getting better, coming out of the bedroom and showering. He avoided the kitchen, with all the sharp knives,  and instead wandered into the living room and slumped onto the couch, pressing the remote control randomly and watching whatever was on with glazed eyes. It was only at night when James would come alive, and even then it was only to comfort Loki.

"What are we going to do?" Loki whispered back. James shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do."

 

 

**********

 

 

After nearly a week of pining, Loki looked around the kitchen and saw that they were nearly out of food. He poked his head into the living room and watched James for a minute. James was getting better, but at this current point in time was slumped sideways on the couch, watch an Iron Chef marathon and eating Cheetos.

"I need to go out." Loki said. James turned his head to look at Loki out of the corner of his eye.

"Why?" James asked.

"I need to make a food run. We're nearly out." 

James stopped eating an turned in his seat to face Loki. "Really?"

Loki nodded and bit his lip. They hadn't left the flat since the incident, but Loki would rather get this over with now, whilst his courage was still up, than wait for his nerves to fail. Of course, they could have had their food delivered to them, but Loki was an advocate for simply ripping the band-aid off.

"Okay." James heaved a heavy sigh and stood up, cracking his back. The bag of Cheetos slid off of his lap and spilled onto the floor. Loki sighed and made a mental reminder to get out the hoover when they get back. James wandered into the bedroom and came out with a t-shirt on, sleeve already pinned up. Loki had offered to darn his t-shirts to that the sleeve was removed, but James had given him a very dark look and continued pinning up his sleeves. Loki, taking a hint when he was slapped in the face with it, had wandered off and sat silently in the kitchen, watch the kettle boil.

James pulled down the bottom of his shirt and ran his hands through his hair, smoothing it back. Loki came up behind him and pulled it into the pony-tail that James wore during the summer. 

"Where to?" James asked.

"The bodega."

James raised his brows in surprise. "Mrs Ahmed has already opened it up again?"

Loki nodded. He quickly tied his hair in a plait and straightened his waistcoat. He walked to the door, kneeling to pull on his boots as James slipped into trainers beside him. When they were ready to leave, they pulled open the door.

And immediately stopped.

There was a man crouched opposite the door. He was sitting back on his heels, and was leaning his head back against the wall, eyes closed.

"I..." Loki said, and then stopped. He didn't quite know how to finish that sentence. James, standing behind him, was slightly bolder.

"Excuse me, are you lost?" he asked. The man's eyes opened and he looked up at the two men standing above him.

"What?" he said.

"Are you lost?" James asked again, slightly louder. The man opened dark blue eyes and looked at them.

There was a tense silence, and Loki could feel James behind him bracing himself for an order, when the man reached behind himself and pulled a phone out of his back  pocket. He flipped it open and pressed the speed-dial button.

"You were right, it was right apartment." He said quickly. He was grinning up and Loki and James with a nasty expression on his face. Behind him, James fisted his hand into the back of Loki's waistcoat, and Loki felt himself start to go cold.

He had seen that expression many times, and each time it had proven that nothing good was going to happen to him.

"Excuse me, what are you doing here?" James asked. He moved from out behind Loki and came to stand beside him. His eyes were narrowed and his lips were thin in anger.

The man grinned wider at them. He snapped his phone shut and got to his feet, hoisting his bag across his chest. When he had stood up and had dusted himself off, he quickly yanked open his bag and pulled out a camera, snapping pictures.

Loki and James stood frozen at the door. Loki blinked rapidly at the bright lights and twitched, and James retreated back to behind Loki, wincing at the noise. 

The dood to the floor opened and Ashtown stormed in, grinning widely. His blond hair, with dark roots showing, was slicked back against his head and he cracked his neck as he slowed down. His hand reached into his pocket, and James, seeing this, abruptly yanked Loki back into the apartment by his waistcoat. His grip was so powerful there was a tearing noise and Loki's waistcoat flapped open, held together only by the buttons on his front. Loki stumbled and nearly fell, and James loosened his grip and held Loki's shoulder to steady him.

"Mr Lokison! Mr Barnes! Bobby Ashtown, _Daily News Online_! If I could ask you a few questions about the attack on the bodega a week ago."

"I..." Loki said and tried to finish the sentence, but the sneak attack had robbed him of his tongue. He and James stood in the doorway, both too stunned to actually say anything.

"You're both heroes!" Ashton crowed, pulling a handheld recorder out of his pocket and switching it on. He shoved it into James' face, and James pulled his lips thin and stood back.

"We're not heroes." He muttered. Loki, hearing James speak, finally managed to unglue his tongue. He stopped forward abruptly, his hair swishing against his back, and hardened his eyes. 

"But you are! You single handedly stopped two terrorists from robbing a little old lady and saved a much needed bodega that servers all the people of this block."

James frowned in confusion. There was a much larger supermarket two streets over. They only went to the bodega because, in the two years they had been at the apartment, that was the furthest they had managed to get before either or both of their nerves had failed and they had raced back to the apartment, barricading the door and sitting shivering on their bed.

"So tell me, how does it feel to know that you have saved a little old lady, someone who absolutely wouldn't do it herself, and you managed to kill two terrorists at the same time. How does it feel?" Ashtown said. He moved the recorder closer to their faces, grinning wider when he saw that James had gone sheet white and was starting to sway.

"Only one person died." Loki said softly. He could see James out of the corner of his eye, and gripped his hand tightly, grounding the man before he went too far back into his memories and collapsed in shock.

"Doesn't matter." Ashtown said with a wave of his free hand. "How did you know how to get rid of such a man?"

James moaned, deep in his throat, and Loki squared his shoulders.

"Excuse me, but I think that you should leave." He said softly. Ashtown ignored Loki and continued to focus on James. 

"You manage to kill a man with no weapons and one arm. How did you manage to do so?"

"Will you go away?" Loki said, getting louder.

"Was it easy? Have you had prior experience with killing people?"

When Loki felt James squeeze his had tightly and then let go, stumbling into the apartment, Loki turned furious green eyes onto Ashtown and stood his full, imposing height.

"Will you please fuck off?" He snarled. He stepped back into the doorway and slammed the door. 

"But I have questions!" He heard Ashtown call through the wood. Loki ignored him and went to the bathroom, standing in the doorway and watching James heave with  dispassionate look on his face.

"He's not going to go away." James said when he had finished and wiped his mouth. He stood up and looked at Loki with wet eyes. Behind them, they could hear Ashtown hammering on the wood.

"No." Loki agreed softly. 

"I don't..." James said and stopped, swallowing. He tried again. "I can't answer those questions."

"I wouldn't expect you to." 

"He's going to stay there until we either leave or we answer those questions."

James nodded miserably and put his face into his hands. Loki tilted his head to the side and then turned, striding to the kitchen. He pulled a card they had magnetised to the fridge and then strode to the phone, pulling it off of it's cradle and quickly dialling the number.

"What are you doing?" James said, coming over and sitting on the counter. He had changed his shirt into a large sweater, which was dropping off of one shoulder.

"They told us to call if we needed anything." Loki said, listening to the tone. 

"If it was in relation to the case."

Loki gave him a dark look. "This  _is_ in relation to the case."

James, finally, gave Loki a tiny half-smile. "You're twisting the truth."

Loki grinned at James. "That's what I do."

 

 

************

 

 

"There's a phone call for Thor and Steve." Maria said, poking her head into the room and observing who was there. Only Steve, Thor and Clint were in the room. Bruce and Betty were in the back, with the lab. Tony was off on a press conference, once again defending his decision not to make weapons. Natasha was in hospital for her annual check-up along with Pepper. 

Clint was practicing shooting in the long strip of empty office they had on the right, shooting a much abused target. Thor had his feet on the desk and his head back, a cold cloth over his eyes as he dozed. Steve was clicking in the computer, trying and failing not to sink into the huge trap that was tumblr. 

"Huh?" Steve said, not really listening.

"Phone call, for you and Thor." 

"Did they say who they were?"

Maria grinned. "Yes. Someone called Loki."

There was a crashing noise and swearing as Thor jerked and tumbled to the ground. He stood up, his cloth lying forgotten on his shoulder.

"Loki?" he said.

Maria nodded. "Loki Laufeyson."

Thor nearly jumped over his desk in his haste. Steve followed, more contained but equally as excited. Thor took the phone from Maria, who smiled at him and left with the intent of getting coffee. He held the phone open so that Steve could listen in as well.

"This is Thor Odinson. Is that Loki?"

 

 

***********

 

 

Ashtown was still shouting at the door when Thor and Steve came up the stairs. Licin had retired and was sitting in the car stuffing his face with falafel, but Ashtown was determined to get his story. 

"Mr Ashtown, I think this counts as trespassing." Thor said, coming up behind Ashtown. Ashtown whirled around and jumped when he was staring at Thor's chest, and then his face grew stormy as he slowly looked up into Thor's unsmiling face. 

"It's the freedom of the press." Ashtown snarled. Steve, looking over Thor's shoulder, smiled an unnerving smile.

"And yet, we have been called." He said. Ashtown, realising he was outnumbered, started to move out from the small space he was trapped in, between Thor and the front door of the apartment. 

"You can't stop freedom of speech!" He yelled as he moved to the exit, snarling at Steve and Thor. Steve said nothing, merely waved and turned his back. Thor was already ignoring him, raising his fist to knock on the door. 

There was a pause, and then the door opened slightly. In the doorway, there was Loki, looking at them through the crack.

"Is he gone?" Loki asked. Thor, standing slightly in front of Steve, moved aside so Loki could look for himself. The door widened and Loki stuck his head out, looking left and right quickly. He then nodded and opened the door fully, stepping aside.

"You can come in." He said softly. Thor gave Loki a quick smile and strode in, Steve following quickly behind. Loki closed the door quickly and then stood still, twisting his hands together. 

There was an uncomfortable silence, as no one knew exactly what to say. Thor and Steve were both standing in the hall, looking around with wide eyes. They had never seen the inside of the apartment. In fact, only Clint had, and he had been sparing in the details. 

"Would you like some tea?" Loki finally said. Thor grasped the offer and nodded, following Loki as he breezed past him and went into the kitchen, Thor and Steve following quickly behind. But whilst Thor had his eyes firmly on Loki, drinking him in, Steve was looking around with a look that was growing more and more concerned the longer James was out of sight.

Loki bustled around the kitchen whilst Thor seated himself at the island. His eyes never left Loki, and he seemed to the transfixed by the sway of his hair. Steve hovered in the doorway, continuing to look around.

Loki, who had been watching Steve the entire time he had been assembling cups, turned suddenly and strode up to Steve. Steve started and was about to move back, but Loki only leaned around the wall and pointed.

"James is in the first bedroom on the right. Knock first and then introduce yourself. Otherwise you might get hurt." He told Steve softly. Steve looked at him gratefully and strode off, Loki looking after him with an unreadable expression. 

"Is he alright?" Thor asked softly. Loki turned back and eyed Thor. Now he had the man in his apartment, Loki was suddenly struck dumb, and he felt as if he was a teenage boy in front of his first crush. Thor, seeing a blush spread from Loki's neck to his ears, gentled his eyes and his smile.

"He's..." Loki said softly and swallowed. His fingers tapped against his cup and he looked helplessly out of the window. "That reporter..."

"Robert Ashtown." Thor supplied.

"Ashtown. He kept asking James about the man that died."

Thor's expression darkened and he clenched the handle of his mug. Loki looked at Thor's hands, which spanned the breadth of the very large cup, and shivered. He couldn't name the emotion that caused his shiver, but it sent... _something_...shooting through him. 

"And is James..." Thor asked delicately.

Loki shrugged, looking grim. But he turned to look at Thor, and Thor welcomed his gaze. 'Loki's eyes are very green.' Thor thought, and didn't know why.

"James doesn't want to be reminded." Loki said firmly.

"Of the attack?" Thor asked.

"Of anything." 'And nor do I.' was left unsaid. 

"You can get a restraining order against him. Against both of them." Thor suggested. Loki's eyes light up, and Thor settled back into his chair, glad to put that expression on Loki's face. 

"Can we?" he asked eagerly.

Thor nodded. "We can help you. In fact, every member of my team, baring Steve, has an order against him."

Loki grinned, and Thor grinned back. "That sounds more than ideal." Loki said, voice dripping with glee.

"I'll be glad to assist."

They resumed drinking their tea, but now the silence was comfortable. When Thor leaned over in his chair to look down the corridor, wondering what exactly was happening that could cause Steve to disappear for such a long time, Loki leaned over as well.

"Is Steve going to be okay?" Thor asked, slightly concerned. Loki gave him a gentle smile.

"Trust me, Steve will be more than alright."

"How do you know?"

Loki gentled his smile even more, till it just barley sat on his lips. 

"Because Steve is the only person James wants to see. And James had wanted to see him for a long time. Both of us have."

Thor felt confused, but in that confusion was a tendril of hope. "Why?"

"Because you are the first people who know where we came from, and saw us as people, and not as the creatures we were. And that, if nothing else, is why both of us have survived this long. We wanted to see you, because I think we wanted to see if, in your eyes, we were still human."

Loki's eyes glittered, and Thor felt warmth. 

"And we are. We are still human."


	8. Be Careful Making Wishes In The Dark, Can't Be Sure When They've Hit Their Mark (MSKWYDITD)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve doesn't know exactly what he was expecting, but James was something else. And both of them are equally clueless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My life is sorted out, so updates should become regular again. Please, I love the kudos, but I also love getting reviews, and my last chapter I didn't get any. Even if it's just a few words, they really carry me through.

Steve padded softly down the corridor, tapping the wall softly as he went. He remembered where Loki had said the about the bedroom, and when he came to the door, he stood there, shifting from foot to foot. 

He knew why he was nervous. He hadn't seen James by himself in 16 years. When Thor and he had burst onto that horrific scene 2 and a half years ago, neither man had been alone with their respective persons for any time at all. When Loki and James had been in hospital, Thor and Steve had been busy giving their respective livers a workout as they steadily drank Thor's reserves of mead down. That was the reason that Clint and Natasha had been there. 

Thor and Steve had simply been too scared to go themselves. 

Steve let out a slow breath as he stood outside the door. He could hear a shuffling noise on the other side, and put a hand on the door. But he didn't push the door open, because his nerve had failed him. 

He gritted his teeth, and squared his shoulders before knocking softly. 

"James. It's Steve Rogers." He said softly. There was silence. Steve huffed a breath and knocked again. "Loki sent me down here."

The shuffling noise stopped, and then started again, coming closer and closer to the door. Steve stepped back just as the door opened to a sliver and Steve could see James for the first time. It was nothing but a large grey eye amidst a tangle of hair, but it was something.

"Steve Rogers." James said roughly. Steve concealed a wince at the sound. It sounded painful, like the words were being forcibly dragged from his throat.

"Yeah." Steve said softly.

"Are you alone?" James asked softly. Steve's stomach did a funny thing, squeezing and making him feel sick. 

"No. Thor is with Loki."

"Ah." James breathed and leaned again the door frame. They stood in silence. James closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, his hair fluttering. Steve's fingers twitched, itching to push that hair back behind a ear. 

"May I come in?" Steve finally asked. James' face pinched and now it was his turn to shuffle from foot to foot. Steve was about to say that it was alright, he could leave, when James stood to the side and opened the door wider.

"Come in." He said softly. Steve, recognising the opportunity and not wanting to waste it, quickly squeezed past James into the bedroom. James shut the door and leaned against the wood. Steve turned around a squinted. The curtains had been pulled shut, and the room was as dark as it could be for the daytime. The bed itself stood in the middle of the room, huge and with the sheets ruffled. The duvet was pushed aside on one side, as it someone had been under the covers and wasn't ready to relinquish the safety of the bed just yet.

Taking an internal deep breath, he turned and saw James at the door. James was looking at him through the strands of hair that had escaped from the bun his hair was tied in to. His right arm was crossed against his chest, hugging the skin bared in his left shoulder by his over-large sweater. His sweat-pants hung off of his hips, swishing at the top of his feet. His toes dug into the carpet and flexed.

Steve's throat went dry as he watched James shuffle from foot to foot. The man looked so damn vulnerable that Steve just wanted to fold him into his arms and cuddle, but, knowing the history of James, he didn't make a move. Instead he gave James a soft smile. 

"How are you doing?" Steve asked. James looked up, having not realised that Steve was going to be the one to break the silence. Steve swallowed around his dry throat and stood back, giving James his much needed space.

"The reporter surprised me." James finally said. He watched Steve as the man ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"The guys a dick." Steve said. James let out a surprised laugh, and Steve grinned back. 

"Has he played been like that?" James asked, speaking louder. He still hadn't moved from the door, but Steve could see now that his feet were taking the weight of his body, not the door he had been leaning against.

"Since the beginning of Shield, and particularly the Avengers. He hates us."

"Why?"

Steve shrugged. "We do good to people? We don't reveal out clients secrets, we never speak to the press ourselves? All of us have private lives, and the last time he managed to nab a picture of any of us outside of work, we sued him."

James goggled at Steve. "For how much?"

Steve smiled at the memory. "Oh, it was settled out of court between him and the person he was published the pictures of. He got reamed. It was wonderful to watch." 

James finally let loose a small smile and came away from the door. He wandered past Steve and quickly pulled the duvet straight before sitting down. He kept Steve in his peripheral vision, but Steve waited until he received the invitation. James rocked back and forth on the bed, before quickly shuffling over and patting the duvet. Steve moved over quickly and sat at the end of the bed, leaning against the wooden bed posts. 

"Ashtown shouldn't come here again." Steve said softly. 

"How can he?"

"We'll help you both get a retraining order." Steve said. He desperately wanted to move closer, to touch Buck- _James_  on the shoulder, to bring him close to his chest. Not since Peggy had he felt so helpless, so heart-broken before. It was like something had shattered in his chest, making it hard to swallow. 

"Can we get individual ones, or just one for the apartment?"

"We can get one for both you and Loki, and one so he's not allowed to come close to the building. If it helps you and Loki to feel safe, then we can help as much as we can."

James didn't smile at him. He looked at Steve around his hair and his arm dropped from his shoulder to rest in his lap. Steve's finger's twitched and he itched to take that hand in his. He desperately wanted to check whether James still had that scar across his two right knuckles, from when he had tried to open a jar of sauce and had cracked it instead, breaking the glass over his hands and cutting them to ribbons. Steve, then a small toddler, had screeched from his place on the kitchen table and continued to cry wildly all the way to the hospital, only stopping when James, then Bucky, had pulled the boy into his lap and smothered his face in kisses.

"Is there anything I can do now to help?" Steve asked softly. He tried to move closer, but he sensed James tensing up, so he remained where he was.

"I don't know." James whispered. His hunched his shoulders up to his ears and focused on his hand. 

"Do you want me to leave?"

James shook his head, then nodded it. His face scrunched up and his hand came up to twist in his hair.

"Stop that!" Steve said and lunged over without thinking. He grabbed James' hand, then realised exactly what he had done and froze, not sure what reaction he was going to get. 

James froze as well, looking widely at Steve as his fingers twitched. Steve's hand was very warm, almost burning, and no one, other than Loki, had ever touched his bare skin before. 

Steve mentally prepared himself for the feeling of James taking his hand away, but before it got to that, James' fingers curled around his own and held it there. Steve goggled and then settled in closer, letting the distance close in for both Steve and James. Both of their hearts were beating wildly, and for James it was the fear of the unknown.

For Steve it was the fear that his careful self control would snap, and he would draw James into his arms and hold him close, thereby sealing the deal that James would never willingly contact him again. 

"Your hands haven't changed." James murmured. Steve's heart was beating so wildly he felt that it would leap out of his chest.

"Oh?" he said, his voice sounding strangled. 

"They're still very big, from before." 

Steve  _knew_ that James didn't remember their childhood together. But it still didn't stop him from hoping that James might be remembering.

"What do you remember?" He asked cautiously. "About that day."

James shrugged, still focusing on the way his fingers fit so well in with Steve's. His heart had slowed down, and, contrary to what he had thought, having someone close to him other than Loki was oddly comfortably. There was something wonderfully familiar about Steve, something that made him feel better about being alive.

"I remember some. Sometimes I have trouble figuring out what was real and what wasn't."

"You could ask Loki."

James looked at Steve for the first time since he had grabbed his hand. "I really shouldn't tell you this, but Loki has the same problem."

Steve frowned. "Would he tell Thor that?"

James shook his head. "No. Loki's closed off. Really secretive." 

"How so?"

"He cries. A lot." 

Steve felt a thrill of worry go through him. "I didn't think he would be the type." 

"He doesn't think I notice. But he goes into the spare bathroom, turns on the taps and cries."

"Has this happened often?" 

James shook his head. "Since the attack."

They sat in silence, with James still holding Steve's hand, and just when Steve was about to break the silence, James rubbed his thumb over Steve's knuckles, over Steve's corresponding scar over his own knuckles. 

"How did you get that?" James asked. Steve's chest squeezed and he swallowed back unexpected tears, and he gave James a trellis smile.

"A very good friend of mine once cut his hand on a jar." Steve started. He watched James for any reaction, but James' face was still blank. "He got 7 stitches in his hand, and so a week later, I cut myself on broken glass so we could match."

"That sounded like a stupid plan."

"Everyone thought so apart from me."

James' lips twitched and he curled his fingers further around Steve's cinching them together and pressing their palms together. Both of them had calluses on palms from fighting, although James' were slightly softer due to lack of use. 

"What happened to the boy?"

Steve chuckled, remembering exactly what Bucky had done to him when Steve, already pale and shaky from the pain, had proudly showed him his bloody hand. "He smacked me and shouted at me, before dragging me to my mother and not speaking with me for an entire week."

"Sounded like you were close."

The humour left Steve abruptly. He sighed deeply. "We were."

James looked up at the past tense. He frowned at the look on Steve's face. "Did he die?"

Steve looked at James, and couldn't speak. James looked back at Steve with confusion written on his face, not quite understanding why Steve was projecting pain so strongly that it was penetrating James' usually strong barrier of self-imposed blankness and reaching him. 

"Yeah." Steve finally strangled out. "Yeah, he died."

"Oh." 

They sat in silence for a while, James because he was still fascinated by the effect that Steve had on him, and Steve because he was paralysed by his internal grief. He was still the 14 year old boy lying in bed, recovering and listening to his mother tell him that the boy he was in love with was gone, never to return.

"The reporter will be back, won't he." James finally asked. Steve sighed and drew his hand back, standing up and running a hand through his hair.

"Unfortunately Ashtown is tenacious, and doesn't give up easily." He grumbled, and James let out his own sigh. "We can get a restraining order as soon as possible, but that doesn't mean he won't stand a centimetre outside the restraint order limit and yell at you."

"How do you deal with it?" James said, looking at Steve with huge grey eyes. 

"I just ignore him. But, I sense that may not be an option for you. He wants a story, and he going to do everything he can to get one. So we need to go an talk to Thor, and then we'll be able to get the ball rolling on your retraining order."

James nodded and stood up, and Steve opened the door, standing back and letting James walk through first. He closed the door and followed him to the living room, where Loki and Thor were sitting on opposite couches, taking in low voices.

When James wandered into the room, Loki stopped talking and stood up, coming over to James and touching him gently on the arm. James raised his eyes and shook his head, coming over and settling down on the couch. Loki looked at Steve and raised an eyebrow in question. Steve simply shrugged and Loki, whose expression slowly changed from causal worry to confusion, went to sit beside James, drawing his long felt under his body. James, completely unconsciously, leaned back and laid his head against Loki's shoulder. Steve watched this with hooded eyes, feeling jealously curl in his chest.

"We need to discuss the restraining order." Thor said, breaking the silence. Steve heaved a deep but silent breath and sat down beside Thor, pulling out a notebook and a pen and starting to jot down notes so that he could correctly put together the case to give to the judge.

"Is this the first time that Ashtown has harassed you?" Thor asked. Loki nodded. 

"We haven't left the flat since the attack happened, so we don't know exactly how long that cameraman was camped outside our door." Loki said. James nodded. 

"Why?" Steve asked, not looking up from his paper. 

James tiled his head to look at Loki, who pursed his lips and then nodded. "We didn't feel safe enough." James admitted. Thor let out a slow breath and Steve's hand gripped his pen tightly. 

"So you went out of the door today, and Ri- Licin was sitting opposite the door." Thor carried on. James nodded. 

"He was just sitting there." 

"But when he saw us," Loki said, looked at Thor with wide green eyes, "he called that reporter."

"He must have been waiting in the street." Steve said under his breath. But Thor heard this and nodded in corroboration.

"I noticed his charwomen we came in. He must have been living in there until you both came out of your apartment, and Licin gave the word."

James looked at Loki, who was looking at Steve and Thor with an unbelievable expression on his face.

"What the hell did he think was going to happen?" James finally asked. Steve grimaced. 

"He wants a story, and apparently you'll do." Thor said. James grimaced and Loki's hand came up to stroke his hair. Steve, witnessing this, concealed an internal wince.

"So what's going to happen?" Loki asked.

"Well, we'll contact a judge on your behalf and explain your situation." Steve said, leaning back into the soft couch and reviewing his notes. "We'll ask to get individual restraining orders for both of you against Licin and Ashtown, and we'll ask the building owner as to whether it would be allowed to us to get one against the both of them for the whole building."

"Do you know the building owner?" James asked.

Thor and Steve exchanged looks that ranged between amusement and annoyance.

"We're familiar with him." Thor finally said.

"How quickly can all of this happen?" Loki enquired softly. 

"It usually takes about a month." Steve said. James whined high in his throat, and this time, Steve didn't bother to conceal his wince.

"But I'm almost positive, based on your unique situation, we can get it rushed through." Thor said, leaning forward. That seemed to placate James and Loki, who visibly relaxed.

There were a few more questions, and then Steve and Thor were standing up. Loki and James, recognising the situation, stood up as well and followed the two men to the door. James hovered behind Loki, still feeling slightly out of sorts. Loki's bravado was only skin deep, and inside he desperately wanted to settle down on the floor and think about what had happened. Thor had come, Thor and Steve, and for the first time in a week, he actually felt safe. 

Steve opened the door but didn't exit. Instead, he and Thor looked at Loki and James, and Loki and James looked back. 

"You will be as safe as we can make you, we promise." Steve finally said. Thor smiled gently.

"I don't want Ashtown to be here again." Loki said in a hard voice. 

"I know, I know that." Thor said softly. He reached over and touched Loki gently on the arm, but Loki tensed and Thor drew his hand away.

"He's going to come back. Unfortunately he doesn't stop until he gets what he wants. He's a complete and utter pain in the arse, so, until he goes away, you're going to be seeing a lot of him." Steve said apologetically. James growled.

"We'll come back to check on you." Thor said suddenly, seized by a sudden impulse. Steve shot him a wide-eyed look.

"You will?" James asked softly.

"We will." Steve nodded firmly.

"Oh." 

There was a silence, but it wasn't that uncomfortable. Instead, each man simply looked at each other, and the time passed quickly. 

"We need to go." Thor finally said softly. 

"It was good to see you again." Loki said. James nodded. Steve gave James a small smile and he returned it.

Thor and Steve exited the house, and Loki went forward to close the door. However, before the door could close, Steve said suddenly "I'm glad that you have each other. it's good to see you've at least got past that."

"Huh?" James said, but Steve was already walking swiftly down the corridor. Thor nodded and followed him, letting Loki close the door. 

 

 

*********

 

 

Loki and James stared at the closed door for a long time before Loki turned around softly and looked at James with drawn brows. 

"Do they think we're having sex?" James asked.

Loki didn't say anything. He simply put his face into his hands and started to laugh hysterically.


	9. You've Been Tossing, Turning, Both Ends Burning (GoM)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It might not be protocol, but at least the Avengers aren't in a much denial as Steve and Thor. Literally any excuse will do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of filler.

The restraining order came through within two weeks, and despite what Steve and Thor had promised, neither man went to the flat. Despite both men having nerves to pure adamantium, when is came to Loki and James, it literally took them down at the knees. 

It ended up being Bruce who took them the deposition from the judge, a slim folder grasped in his hand. He stood at the door and knocked, then rocked back and forth on his heels, looking into thin air.

"Who is this?" came a voice from behind the door, jerking Bruce back from his thoughts and making him peer at the wood.

"I'm Bruce Banner, from the Shield Division of the NYPD. I have your restraining order here." He held out the folder, and then heard the jangle of metal as the bolt was released and slid back. The door opened, and James stood in the slim opening, eyeing Bruce with mistrustful eyes. 

"That's it?" he said in a slightly disbelieving voice. Bruce gave a small smile.

"That's it." 

James continued to look at Bruce with narrowed eyes, until he heaved a deep sigh and opened the door. Bruce sidled in, automatically sliding off his shoes. He looked around, and while James had retreated to the living room and had curled up on the couch, his eyes fixed on a re-run of COPS, Loki was standing in the door to the kitchen. There was a stony expression on his face, and he seemed to be ignoring the fact that the spatular he had was dripping slowly on to the carpet. 

"This is your re-straining order." Bruce said, this time to Loki. Loki's expression cleared up and he turned and put his utensil down, coming back and guiding Bruce to sit on the chair opposite. Loki himself settled onto the couch and James immediacy put his legs onto Loki's lap, where Loki absent-mindedly started to massage them. Bruce saw this, and in his mind, he started a file to document this behaviour. If this was the reason that Thor and Steve were currently sulking in the office, barely sober and for the first time in the history of humanity making Tony question his drinking habits, then he wanted to see if there was any credence to the rumour. 

Loki opened the envelope and pulled out the court order. James heaved himself up and read over Loki's shoulder. 

"It says that Ashtown isn't even allowed to speak to us." James murmured. Loki nodded without actually looking at Bruce.

"The Judge was incredibly sympathetic to your cause." Bruce said, smiling gently. 

"That's...good?" Loki looked up, eyes slightly narrowed. 

"Yeah, that's good." 

"What about the building?" James asked. "Steve-" he winced and closed his eyes, and Loki quickly took up the rest of the sentence.

"The detectives who were here said that the building would also be covered by the restraining order."

"Ah, yes." Bruce said. He opened the briefcase he carried with him and took out a separate folder. "Because you and Mr Barnes-"

"James, for the love of God." James said under his breath. He stopped reading and buried his head into Loki's shoulder. Loki, without stopping, leaned his head James' and rested it there. Bruce made another mental note in his mind.

"Okay,  _James_ , and Loki. Because the building doesn't actually belong to you, the owner took out a separate restraining order against Ashtown and Licin. They aren't allowed to come within 100 feet of the building. That doesn't mean that they won't follow you the minute you actually get within range, but it means that, unless he employs a loudhailer, you'll be pretty safe."

"It says he's not allowed within 100 yards of us."

"Yeah. Unfortunately, we couldn't make him go further. You know, until he hits the ocean."

Finally there was a smile from both men. Loki handed the paper over to James, who brought up his knees to rest the document against and read with intent. Loki, who had finished, got up and walked back to the kitchen. 

"Would you like a cup of tea?" he asked loudly. Bruce, who had been looking at James, startled slightly and leaned his head back. Loki was leaning against the door frame, his hair piled in a bun at the back of his head. 

"Do you have any green tea?" Bruce asked. Loki pursed his lips and went back into the kitchen, before coming back out a couple of minutes later and nodding. "I'd love some green tea."

Loki gave Bruce a quick smile and turned back to make tea. 

 

 

**********

 

 

"You two are morons." Bruce said, coming back into the office and seeing Thor napping at his desk whilst Steve makes effortless baskets into the office waste-paper bin. Walking past Thor to get to his lab, he thumped Thor on the head with his briefcase as he passed.

"Whazzat?" Thor asked, jerking upright and going too far, tipping his chair back over and falling. Clint, who is doing paper-work, snorted with laughter, snorted his coffee up his nose, and ran past Bruce, coughing. 

"I need new friends." Bruce muttered. He went into lab and kissed Betty, reminding himself that there were some people in the world who were relatively normal. 

"Who are morons?" Tony asked. He was poking his head out of the experimental portion of the lab, and when he took his goggles off, his eyes were the only part of his face not covered in smoke. Bruce was now internally screaming with grief at his choice in friends. 

"Where is everyone?" Bruce asked. 

"Natasha is getting food, Phil was sent home after a 76 hour shift, Nick has retreated back to his house to do his paperwork after Tony set rockets off in his office. Maria is sleeping in the break room." Betty rattled off, not looking up from her micro-scope. 

Bruce shrugged, set down his briefcase and went back to the main office, getting a mug off of the sideboard and getting coffee. Due to the fact that they had Tony Stark bankrolling their operation, they actually had quality coffee.

"Who are morons?" Tony asked again, coming through. Betty followed, handing him a damp rag with which he wiped his face.

"Those two." Bruce said, pointing to Thor and Steve. Both men were now sitting up and staring at him.

"Why are we morons?" Thor asked. He shared a glance with Steve, who looked equally confused.

"Because I have just come from Loki and Bucky's house, and I have actually observed how those two live around each other."

Steve frowned. "I still don't see how that makes us morons." He said slowly. He rolled up a sheet of paper and tossed it without looking. It made the basket and Tony whimpered slightly in jealousy.

"How are they?" Thor asked in a low voice. Bruce gave a casual shrug, pleased that it made the two men in front of him lean forward in their seats.

"As well as they could be, all things considering. That doesn't negate the fact that both of you too are unobservant morons." 

There was a long, long silence.

"Okay, I'll bite the bullet." Steve said finally. "How are we both unobservant morons?"

"Loki and James are not having sex."

There was another long, long silence.

"They sleep in the same bed." Thor started.

"They regularly get naked together." Steve continued.

"They hold hands and kiss."

"They never stop touching each other."

"They've never spent any time away from each other."

"Are you actually children?" Betty asked incredulously. Steve and Thor looked at each other again and opened their mouths to make another point, when Betty waved her hand. "Don't answer that question."

"They are not having sex." Bruce said slowly. Both Steve and Thor, both intelligent and shrewd men, looked dumb. Tony considered taking a sneaky picture, but one swift glance from Betty and Natasha, who had just come through the door and was looking in one the scene with amusement on her face, stopped him. 

"How-" 

"Do not finish that question Thor." Bruce said. Thor snapped his mouth shut. Tony, unable to help himself, snickered and was promptly whacked on the forehead by a paper ball by Steve. 

"What was it about them that told you that Loki and James were not having sex?" Steve asked.

"First off, I'm not a psychiatrist, despite what the members of this department think." Bruce said, sitting down at his desk and putting his feet up. The evil part of his mind, the part that was filled 24/7 with almost psychopathic thoughts (the part of his mind that Betty had called the Hulk), laughed maniacally when he saw Thor, Steve and the rest of the group lean forward.

"But given Loki and James' history, do you really think they would have sex?"

"It's been two and a half years." Clint said.

"Yes, they have moved on." Bruce said, spinning around. "But we all know their history. Loki was a sex slave, his whole being was based around the whims of sadists. And James was raped, repeatedly. Now they live together, and they've basically been living in a bubble for the last couple of years. Sex hasn't really entered the program."

"They have HBO, and Netflix. How can sex have not come up?" Tony asked. Being the man who paid their electricity, and their water, and everything, he knew exactly what was in their apartment.

"They may very well have seen it, but it's like you and violence, Tony. Disassociation happens."

Tony bristled but didn't move away. Unknown to him, his hand came up and started tapping at his chest, when his arc-reactor lay.

"But how do you know?" Thor asked.

"They treat each other like they are all the other has. They are closer than siblings, closer than most people are with their own families. This is not sexual in any way. To them, this is simple survival." 

There was a ringing silence when Bruce finished. Steve and Thor sat back in their chairs, each giving the other a quick glance. Tony turned and went back into the lab, having found the fun had left the conversation the minute Bruce had made a comparison to him and two men who had been dragged through a literal Hell and back. His didn't like to think about what had happened to him, how his had literally felt his own heart beating, how, at night, he would wake up gasping and clenching the bed sheets. 

God bless Pepper. She was a life-saver.

Bruce watched as Steve leaned back in his chair, his eyes moving to his desk drawer. In it was a picture of James Buchanan Barnes, aged 12, holding Steve Rogers under the elbows and grinning widely. Steve wouldn't look at it until he was sure that the office was empty, and then he would take it out and once again draw it until his fingers bled. Thor would take the opportunity to visit the approximate gravesite's of Laufey and Farbauti, mostly so he could tell them about Loki.

"Guys, they're surviving, but they're not living." Bruce said gently. Betty came over and stood at his shoulder, and he smiled up at her. 

Neither man moved for the rest of the day.

 

 

*********

 

 

However, after another week of sad looks and silence, the rest of the team had gone from gentle sympathy to being outright frustrated.

"Are they completely dense?" Natasha hissed, looking out of the door of Fury's office where they were gathered. Steve and Thor were once against sitting at their desks, this time doing paper-work, but still with the air of a kicked-labrador hanging around them.

"Seems so." Sam said, leaning against Fury's desk with his arms crossed. Although a new member of the Avengers, he was quickly initiated, Steve having given him glowing references. 

"Drastic times." Clint said, shaking his head. Natasha suddenly grinned, and was extremely gratified when everyone bar Clint moved back a quarter of an inch.

The next day, Steve and Thor went to what they thought was a crime scene with Natasha. It was a testament to how low both Thor and Steve were feeling that they allowed Natasha to drive. 

She drove up to the building where Loki and James lived and stopped the car. It took a while before Thor and Steve actually noticed where they were. 

"Is this a joke?" Steve said in a low, angry voice. 

"Both of you need to get your asses out of this funk you're in, and get up to your boys."

"They are not our boys!" Thor moaned, leaning his head back and running his hands over his face. 

"You too need to grow a pair and stop sulking! Look," she turned his her seat and glared at the two of them. Thor felt abruptly like he was being reprimanded by his mother. "You actually know these two, before they were taken. You have history with them, something the rest of us don't have. And Steve, you grew up with James. Those men, in that flat, have no life outside of those walls. You two hold the key to moving on. So for fucks sake, man up and go up there!"

With that, she turned around and stomped angrily on the gas peddle, making the car rev. Steve opened the door and tumbled out, followed quickly by Thor. They both stood on the pavement and watched as Natasha sped away, driving at least 10 kilometers an hour over the speed limit.

"Did that just happen?" Thor asked, feeling slightly dazed.

"Yep."

"Huh."

Steve and Thor turned around and looked at the building.

"Are you as scared as I am?" Steve asked.

"Probably more." Thor replied with a laugh. Steve turned and smiled at him.

"Well," he said, shaking his shoulders loose, "let's get this on." 


	10. Shadow, Shadow, Is The Only Friend That I Have (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end, it doesn't really take much. The connection is already there, now it's just time to plug in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for the wait. It's been a crazy few months, and I've needed to get my personal life in order and my head on straight for me to come back to this. I promise you, this is planned to the end, and will be written. Thank you for all of the people who stuck with me.

"Is it them?" James asked, looking over at Loki. Loki was peeking out of the window, and anxiously soothing down his waistcoat.

"Yeah." Loki whispered. His breathing hitched, but James heard him. James shot to his feet, and looked down at himself. He was wearing an oversize (stained) sweater, ripped jeans with bare feet. 

"I need to change." James moaned, running his hand through his hair. He winced at the grease he felt, and dashed to the bathroom to run his head under the tap. He would rather have wet hair than unkempt ready hair, and in his run to the bathroom and then his wardrobe, he skidded on the carpet and slid into the wall. "Ooof!" He yelped, standing and rubbing his nose. 

"Don't bleed everywhere." Loki said absently, watching the two men below him talk briefly and then walk to the door. His breathing hitched again as he saw Thor's shoulders roll under that jacket, and he jerked back from the window, absently patting his hair and running a hand through his thick strands. He could hear James in the bathroom, cursing as he tried to take the quicker whore's bath in the world, and pulled a band out of his pocket, tying his hair back. He went into the kitchen and switched on the kettle, getting out mugs and tea and coffee.

The water had almost finished boiling when there was a knock on the door, and James started swearing louder. Loki let a small smile cross his lips and went to the door, opening it and looking out.

"Detectives Roger and Odinson." He said, nodding to them. Thor fidgeted and looked down at his twisted fingers, and Loki grinned at this. Steve was trying to look over Loki' shoulder into the flat without appearing obvious about it.

"James is just freshening up." Loki said, opening the door wider and inviting Thor and Steve in. Steve gave him a grateful grin and walked in quickly. Thor lingered slightly, looking at Loki's face and smiling gently. Loki felt his stomach twist, and then felt a wave of cold flood his body as he suddenly recognised the feeling. He felt sick.

Loki must have turned white because Thor reached out a hand, and Loki jerked away sharply. Thor pulled back his hand slowly and walked in after Steve, leaving Loki standing by the door, trying frantically to conceal panicked gasps. His good mood was gone, and he swallowed down bile when he thought about the feeling he had felt when Thor has smiled at him.

"Hello Detectives." James said, coming down the corridor. He was dressed in a loose shirt and had pinned up the sleeve. His jeans had been switched for smart black trousers, and his hair, damp and still dripping slightly, was smoothed back against his skull.

"Hello James." Steve said. He kept his body loose and turned slightly to the side. He didn't want to feel like he was crowding James, and James subconsciously appreciated this. He spied Loki in the kitchen out of the corner of his eye. He frowned. Loki's hands were shaking slightly, causing the glasses to go  _tink!_ together.

"How are you?" Steve asked warmly. James tore his eyes away and caught Steve's eye, a small smile touching the corners of his lips. In turn, Steve smiled as well, and followed James to the lounge, slumping down on the couch and watching as Steve took a perch opposite him. Steve's smile faltered when he saw Thor come through slowly, shooting glances at Loki over his shoulder.

"Fine, fine."

"There hasn't been any more disturbances from Ashtown, or Licin?"

James shook his head. "Nah, they've been quiet."

"That's good. Good." Steve said and then hummed, rocking back and forth slightly and clasping his hands between his legs. James frowned and reached out his hand, accepting the coffee that Loki pushed into his hands. Steve shuffled over and let Thor settle in beside him, his cup of tea warming his fingers. Loki himself sat down beside James and drew his legs in, battling against leaning his head against James's shoulder like he normally would.

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence before Thor decided to take the bull by the horns. "I think that last time we may have got off on the wrong foot."

Both Loki and James frowned at Thor. "How?" James asked slowly.

"When we were here last time, we were under the impression than you two were...sleeping together." Steve said slowly, mouth pulling into a grimace when he tried to put his thoughts into words.

"We do sleep together." Loki said. He was frowning at the both of them, and his put his half empty mug on the glass coffee table, settling back against the couch and folding his hands delicately in his lap. 

"Ah..." Thor ran a hand through his hair and pulled the band out. Loki watch the blond locks puff around his face gently and averted his eyes quickly, the feeling in his stomach making him feel sick again.

"We mean, we thought you were... _sleeping together_." Steve emphasised.

Both Loki and James continued to frown at Steve and Thor, before, as one, their expressions cleared.

"Oh!" James said softly.

"Right." Loki nodded.

"You thought we were having sex." James nearly laughed in disbelief, but, seeing the poleaxed expressions on both Steve and Thor's faces, decided against it. He reached over and laced his fingers with Loki's, and Loki dropped his head onto James' shoulder. Thor's hands clenched. 

"You thought that we," Loki gestured to James and himself slightly frantically, feeling a bit hysterical, "us, the both of us, were having _sex_."

"Uh..."

"Sex. Actual, penetrative sex." James' voice dropped down, and all the humour left his face. Loki hands were shaking visibly now, and Steve and Thor were progressively feeling worse and worse.

"Yeah." Steve averted his eyes and muttered under his breath.

"I...we..." James tried to say.

"We don't have sex. At. All." Loki finally said firmly.

"Oh." Thor said softly.

"Yeah, that was a mistake." Steve said. He hadn't meant for either man to hear, but James heard anyway.

"How on earth are you two good detectives when you couldn't even figure out that we don't have sex?" Loki asked incredulously. Amazingly, this broke the tense mood and Steve and Thor erupted with laughter, causing James and Loki to follow.

"Our bad." Thor chuckled, rubbing his chin and trying to will down the blush that was turning his cheeks redder and redder.

"Yeah, we don't come across as that intelligent at the moment. I assure you, we're actually really good at our jobs." Steve adds, his eyes twinkling.

"I'm sure you are." Loki said, absently playing with the tail of his hair. Thor's eyes would occasionally stray to those long fingers.

"Actually it was our colleagues that got us to come here." Steve said suddenly, apropos of nothing.

"What?" Loki looked slightly confused.

"Detective Banner? He gave you the restraining order. He basically slapped out heads together and made us come here."

"You weren't going to come here yourselves?" James asked.

"We thought you might not want to see us again." Steve said after a pause.

James frowned. "Why?"

"Well, you know that the first time we met, it was at that awful place. We didn't want you to associate us with that."

Loki huffed a laugh. "Detective Rogers-"

"Please, call me Steve."

Loki nodded. "Steve. It was an unfortunate meeting, and yes, we will always associate you with that...place. But we have a chance to actually get to know you. How many people get the opportunity to start again?" He gave a smile to both of them, and Thor concealed a swallow of pain. Loki really had started over, as had James. Neither of them knew of their life before. Oh sure, they knew the facts, but they had no emotional connection to that. And neither man knew the prominent place that Steve and Thor had played. 

"That's true." Thor said, leaning back into the couch and sipping from his tea. It was perfect. "In that way, you are lucky."

James shrugged, and Steve watched the roll of muscles underneath the fabric of his shirt. The sleeve fluttered with the movement, and Steve's chest felt hollow. "Lucky is a relative matter." He muttered, but Loki heard him and nudged him.

"Would you like to go out for dinner?" Steve burst out. Everyone in the room looked at him with varying degrees of disbelief, but, once he had said the words, he let like it made sense.

"Huh?" James said.

"Dinner. Out. With us." Steve continued. Thor's face was slowly morphing from confusion to understanding, and his eyes were lighting up. He really liked the idea.

"Outside." Loki said flatly. All humour had left his face, and his hand was entwined with James', gripping so tightly his knuckles were white.

"Yeah. Thor knows this really neat place that serves brilliant Vietnamese food. His friend Hogun runs the place, it's really great."

"But outside the apartment?" James said in a soft voice. His eyes were bright with worry.

"Are you worried about Ashtown?" Steve asked slowly. Loki and James looked at each other, and then Loki shook his head whilst James nodded. They looked at each other again and then shrugged as one.

"A bit. We're trying to keep a low profile here and having someone like Ashtown around doesn't make it easy. He's like persistent mould, always creeping up on you." Loki said. Thor and Steve snorted.

"Yeah, that about sums him up." Thor muttered.

"You really want to take us out?" James asked slowly.

"Yeah." Steve said softly. 

"Alright."

The response, said so quietly by Loki that it was only noticed by Thor and Steve by virtue of them being able to read lips, made both of the Detectives feel relief flood through them. They exchanged grins and watched as Loki shuffled in his seat, setting his feet on the floor and clasping his hands together. James settled further into the plush couch, looking at Steve and taking solace in the calm blue of his eyes.

"What time should we pick you up?" Thor asked, checking his watch. It was only 2.30, giving all of the men plenty of time to get ready or (and Thor hoped this would not be the case) back out.

Loki looked at James and had a silent conversation. Steve's stomach twisted with something that was disconcertingly like jealousy when he saw this, remembering all of the silent conversations that he had had with Bucky when Bucky had still been here. Steve had long since reconciled with the fact that, despite James being the physical presence of his thought of long dead friend, Bucky had died when he had been snatched off of the street walking home from school.

"Would 8 be amenable for you, detectives?" Loki finally asked. A strand of dark hair fell over his eyes and Thor's fingers twitched, remembering how he would sit with Loki during the scant week that they knew each other and brush his hair, until it fell like black silk.

"8 would be fine." James finally said. Steve nodded and stood up, Thor following with a shake of his head. James and Loki stood up, their own fingers brushing together. James followed them to the door, seeing them out with a nod. When the door closed, he turned and walked back to the living room to find Loki on his knees, gripping handfuls of his hair and taking in panicked, hitching breaths.

"Oh...God...oh...God...I can't go...out!" Loki said, gritting his teeth. James fell to his knees beside him and wrapped his arm around Loki's shoulders, bringing him to lie against James' chest.

"We could cancel." James whispered into his hair. Loki shook his head violently.

"I need to...see him...again. I...must!" Loki hissed, turning his face to James's and looking at him with burning eyes. "And you...must see...Steve!"

James swallowed as he thought about Steve, and his kind, kind eyes. "I do want to see him again. But it's not worth going out if neither of us are going to make it past the front door."

Loki laughed, finally relaxing and settling back into James. This was the most comfortable position for both of them, remnants of the ays when they would both seek whatever comfort they could, James as the Soldier taking the role of protector rather than assassin, and Loki as Pet, trying to find something good in a world that only gave him pain.

"Ae we ready?" Loki asked finally. They had been sitting in relative silence for half an hour, letting the sound of traffic and people soothe them. For all that they had their own private world in their apartment, rarely moving from it's doors, they were comforted by the fact that there were other people around. When they were in the base, there would sometimes be such silence as to convince Pet and the Soldier that they were alone.

And not in a way they liked.

"I think..." James sighed and leaned back against the back of the couch. "I want to think that we're healing. You know, getting better."

"We can't forget." Loki whispered.

"Steve and Thor know that. After all, they were there and have seen us at out worst." James gripped Loki's shoulders tighter, remembering the burning thirst and the pain from his arms. He remembered Loki's thin, hard body and the unwashed smell of him, disgusting and yet oddly comforting. He knew Loki when everything else had been lost.

Loki in turn was taken back to the sight of two angels, feeling the pain between his legs and the certainty of death. He sighed and stretched out his legs, wiggling his toes in his socks. He winced when his muscles twitched after a long time in the same position.

"Can we do this?" He asked finally. 

James nodded. Loki felt it on the top of his head, and then bounced up, slapping his hands together. "Right, we need to get cracking."

"Huh?" James said, feeling flummoxed at the abrupt change in attitude.

"We've got a date tonight." Loki said. His eye were still slightly wet, but his lips were twitching into a smile. "First date for a while."

"First date in forever." James muttered, but heaved himself up and shook his limbs out. Loki laughed and took James' hand, interlocking their fingers and rubbing his thumbs across rough skin, pressing gently on the scars that decorated it.

"We must get ready." 

"Loki, it's only 3.15."

"I know." Loki said, waving his hand. "But if we want to give the impression that both of us are reasonably adjusted adults, then we might as well start appearing so."

James laughed and Loki joined him. Loki turned and walked swiftly to the bedroom, undoing the buttons of his waistcoat and unhooking his watch, his fingers caressing the letters 'LL' without knowing. James watched him go and then went to the door, checking that it was locked. He leaned his head against the door and breathed out slowly, closing his eyes.

"James?" Loki called from the bathroom. 

"I'm here." James called back.

In the bathroom, Loki listened for James over the roar of the shower, and turned his face to the stream. He hoped that the heat would conceal his tears of fear that were running down his face, and his red eyes. His breath shuddered in his chest, and he wrapped his arms around his torso. He was very scared of leaving the apartment, the place that had become his sanctuary in the two years since he had escaped Hell.

"It's going to be alright." He said to himself. "It's going to be alright."

He hoped he could believe that.

"Are you alright in there?" James asked as he came through, pulling off his clothes and coming into the bathroom. Normally they didn't share showers, but given the unsettling situation both men were in, they had universally decided that normal rules didn't apply.

"I'm going to be fine." Loki said over the water. James sat down on the seat, watching as Loki washed himself. He knew that he was going to have to step in when Loki went to wash his hair, as Loki had trouble properly caring for the long length of it. Loki normally washed his hair quickly, letting it air dry, but since he was going out that evening, he was going to want to condition it. As fastidious as he normally was with his appearance, Loki was perfectly happy with letting his hair got for months without any treatment. Split ends and hair that snapped midway down the strand, Loki would finally let James snip his damp hair over the kitchen sink. But James could sense that Loki was going to need help condition everything.

James ran his own hands though his hair, pulling at the snarls. He was going to have to treat his hair if he wanted to make an impression.

He didn't even know why he wanted to make an impression.

"I don't have anything to wear." He said softly. Loki still heard him over the water and poked his head from the frosted glass of the divider.

"You can borrow one of my shirts. You're skinny enough, it should fit."

James frowned. "The sleeves are too long."

"Then roll them up. I'll help you pin up the left sleeve, I have a nice pin somewhere."

James leaned back against the cistern and watched Loki complete his ablutions. Loki tossed the bottle of conditioner at James, who caught it after some fumbling and stepped into the shower behind him.

There was silence as James helped Loki deal with his hair, and then Loki stepped out as James washed himself. He gave his own hair cursory treatment, and then picked up and towel, following Loki into the bedroom. Loki was sitting on the bed, letting his hair drip dry as he stared at the carpet.

"Want to cuddle?' James asked, drying himself and then slipping under the sheets. Loki nodded and also dried himself, curling into James.

"We're going to be fine." James whispered. Loki gave a shaky sigh.

"Do you really believe that?"

James didn't reply for a long time. When he finally did, Loki was pulled from a light doze.

"If we can't be safe with them, then there isn't a person on earth we can trust. So I have to believe we'll be alright, otherwise we will never leave this apartment again. And we can't spend out lives buried here."

"Why can't we?" Loki breathed.

"Because that's what the Master's would have wanted."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Uh, excuse me Sir?"

The man turned slightly in his seat, eyeing his secretary out of the corner of his eye. "What is it?"

The secretary concealed a gulp and held out a paper. "I thought that you might want to see this."

The man took the paper and read the headline. He smiled when he saw the accompanying picture, his purple eyes gleaming as he stroked one massive finger down the grainy and out of focus face of Loki.

"Nice to see you again, Pet." Thanos said, and he grinned widely.


	11. Gonna Need A Spark To Ignite (MSKWYDITD)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Steve take Loki and James out to dinner, each man hoping that there is...something...there.
> 
> That's not to much to ask, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My updating schedule is still erratic, but I'm getting there. We're finally slowly starting to get into the meat of the story. I'm so happy people liked my cliffhanger in the last chapter, I actually wrote that first.
> 
> Loki's inability to blush is something that I have. It's a pain in the ass sometimes, but a real blessing in others. Also, in my mind, he's a pescatarian, meaning he avoids meat and eats fish as well as vegetables and animal byproducts.
> 
> I, apparently, find it really difficult to write filler. It's kind of boring, but I promise, now we're finally getting into the meat of the story.

"If you swing that watch any more, it's going to fly out of the window and disappear. And I still can't believe you're doing that whilst-OW!" James jerked glared at Loki. Loki looked down at his right hand. His watch dangled from it's chain

"I'm sorry." Loki said and tucked his watch away. His free hand was holding the pin he had been trying to pin up Jame's spare sleeve. He lifted it up and deftly pinned the sleeve quickly. 

"Stab happy, you are." James muttered. He ran a hand through his hair, and looked at himself in the mirror of the shared bedroom. He normally detested looking at himself, but he wanted to leave a good impression with Steve.

(He didn't know why.)

"I'm sorry. Are you bleeding?" Loki asked, peering at James' side. He shook his head and stepped in front of mirror, cutting of James' view of his own, dead eyes. He straightened his waistcoat and fingered his watch chain. 

"I'm fine. What about you?" James said. He leaned down and slid his feet into his nicest shoes. Loki had spent a good deal of time shining his own boots, and he could see his reflection in them.

"I don't actually know whether I'm going to make it out of the door." Loki said wryly. Nevertheless, his hands were shaking minutely.

"You'll be alright." James says quietly. He rests his head on the back on Loki's neck, and Loki leans his head back to rest on James'. 

"If you say so."

They stood for a time, James rocking them back and forth gently, before Loki pulled out his pocket watch. "It's nearly 8." James nodded and released Loki, going to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and take his evening painkillers. His reliance on them to dull the shooting pains in his back was something that made him want to scream, but, ever since he had broken it so many years ago in the service of Hydra, he needed them to keep on functioning. 

Loki comes out and settled himself on the arm on the couch, tapping his toe against the floor. Jame was equally nervous, and paced the kitchen.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked Loki. Loki nodded.

"I refuse to be caged by my own fear. I want to live, not exist. And besides," he grinned suddenly, causing James to widen his eyes in alarm, "Thor is nice to look upon."

James tilted his head. "Mmmmm. Steve is cute too."

"Nice arse."

"Firm. You could bounce a quarter off of those cheeks."

Loki laughed, and at that moment the doorbell rang. James walked to the door and opened it, and watched as Steve blinked at him and lowered his hand, surprised by the quick response. 

"Hello James." Steve said softly. Behind him Thor is craning his head, seeking out Loki.

"Detective Rogers." James nodded his head and stepped back, allowing Thor and Steve to enter the apartment. Thor's eyes light up when he saw Loki, and Loki, his hair in a long braid down his back, averted his eyes. Loki couldn't blush, but he did go white whenever he felt any strong emotion. This had the added affect of bringing out the green in his eyes and the black of his hair.

'Beautiful.' Thor thought. Loki kept averting his eyes and fiddled with his hands.

"It's good to see you again, James." Steve said, smiling. James nodded back, keeping Loki in the corner of his eye.

"I...we..." James siad and then spluttered to a stop. Steve gentled his smile and stepped forward holding out his hand for James to shake. James shuffled his feet and then reach out slowly. His fingers brushed Steve's before he jerked his hand back, rubbing it on his jeans. Loki, who was watching, stood up and reached for James's shoulder, squeezing hard to try and ground James.  Steve's eyes dimmed slightly but he stepped back.

"Are you ready?" Thor asked. Loki nodded and watched as Steve and Thor turned and walked out of the door. James and Loki stared at the threshold, both of their expressions frozen and worried. 

"It's just one step." Loki said, his voice shaking.

"Mmmmhmmm." James hummed. 

But neither man moved. Loki gripped James' hand tightly.

"Loki, James?" Thor asked, poking his head through the door. Loki jerked and stalked forward, crossing the doorway with only a moments hesitation. James took and deep breath and followed, closing the door behind him. 

And then jerking it open, racing inside and grabbing the keys. He left again, this time closing the door and locking it.

They followed the detectives to the car and got in the back, subtly holding hands as they sat there. Steve exchanged a look with Thor as they got in the front, and then Thor put the car into gear and drove off.

Loki and James settled into their seats. James' leg was tapping against the floor. He was trying desperately to conceal his anxiety, but leaving the house was something he hadn't even wanted to do. It was only the enticement of Steve and the safety that both he and Thor represented that allowed James to leave the safety of his front door. 

"We have reservations at the White Swan." Steve said, turning around to look at Loki and James.

"Oooooh," Loki said, grinning. "Its supposed to be really good there."

"You would know. You spend enough time on those foodie websites." James muttered. Thor, hearing this, grinned.

"Hmmm." Loki hummed. 

They made it to the restaurant within 20 minutes, which was very good timing considering New York traffic. James had settled back into his seat with his eyes closed, but Loki was pressed up against the window, looking at the passing lights and attractions with wide eyes.

They pulled up in front of the restaurant, and somehow managed to get a space about a block away. Thor turned off the engine and hopped out, opening Loki's door. Loki slid out, still wide eyed at the spectacle around him. 

"It's a lot, isn't it?" Thor asked with a grin. Loki refocused his gaze and looked at Thor. Loki was a tall man, taller than James. But Thor had two inches on his, and Loki, looking into Thor's ice blue eyes, felt suddenly very small.

"It's very...bright." He finally said. He fiddled with the end of his braid, and Thor's heart skipped a couple of beats.

"It's New York." Thor said. He wanted to offer his arm, but Loki was already going around the car to reach James. He knew that it would be in bad taste to link hands, but Loki brushed his hands gently against the back of James' shirt. James himself wasn't looking around, but was keeping a steady eye on Steve. Steve himself was locking the car, aware of James' eyes on him. He recognised that look.

James- _Bucky-_ had often looked at him like that when Steve had been sick and still wanted to go to school. A mixture of intense suspicion and wary amusement. 

James was enjoying himself, however reluctantly.

They entered the restaurant, which was full but not heaving. Steve led, James and Loki in the middle, Thor bringing up the rear.

"We have a reservation under Stark." Steve said to the maitre'd, who jumped and then looked at Steve with narrowed eyes.

"You're not Tony Stark." He said. Steve closed his eyes and sighed slowly, reigning in his temper.

"The table was booked under Stark, for me." He said through gritted teeth. He was never going to let Tony book him a table again.

"And you are?"

"Steve Rogers."

There was a long silence. "Oh." The man said finally. At the back, Thor was smirking widely.

"Stark?" Loki mouthed to James. James shrugged, looking equally stunned. Although Loki was more socially aware than James was, both of them had heard of Tony Stark.

"Your table is ready." The maitre'd said, coming out from behind his podium and grabbing a couple of menu's, before leading Steve, Thor, James and Loki to a table situated at the back of the restaurant. It was slightly out of the way, which suited all of the men perfectly. They settled down and pulled a menu in front of themselves. Steve ordered a glass of water, followed by James and Loki. Thor asked for a beer.

"I take it it's been a while since you've both been out." Thor asked. He settled back, having already chosen what he wanted, and sipped his beer. 

"We don't really go out." James muttered from behind his menu. Loki was being more open, although James could feel his leg jumping with nerves.

"We order in, though." Loki said, raising his head.

"Not recently." 

Loki kicked Jame sharply under the table. James didn't react visibly, but rested his foot on top of Loki's in warning.

"So you're police officers?" James asked, finally raising his head. He tucked his hair behind his ears, and looked at Steve. (Not in the eye. Never in the eye.)

"Private detectives. We work for an Organisation within the NYPD called SHEILD."

"The Avengers." Loki said with a grin.

Thor turned slightly red and rubbed the back of his neck. Strands of hair were falling out of his bun, and Loki's fingers twitched. "That's what the newspaper started calling us after the raid." Thor said that, and then froze when he heard the words coming out of his mouth.

James was frozen as well, but Loki was ignoring the comment, sipping water slowly and desperately trying not to let memories of that day cloud his mind. "And you don't mind the nickname?"

Thor jumped on the comment. "Not really. It's kind of flattering, in a way."

"But Avengers?"

Steve laughed. "I don't really mind the name."

The waiter came back, a small smile on her lips. "Are you ready to order?" she asked. The men nodded.

"I have the steak, rare." Thor said with a smile. 

"I'll also have the steak, but well done." James muttered. Steve unconsciously raised an eyebrow. James, during his youth, had preferred his meat practically still alive.

"Fish stew." Loki handed the menu to the waitress with a smile. The waitress smiled back, blushing slightly. 

"The chicken cacciatore, please." Steve ended. The waitress nodded and left. 

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence, before Steve leaned over towards James and Loki. "I take it that this is a bit much for you." He said. Surprisingly, both James and Loki suddenly laughed.

"Are we really that obvious?" Loki asked.

"A bit." Thor nodded along.

"Its just...since Ashtown..." James looked at Loki. "We haven't really gone out."

"We don't want to be recognised." Loki added. The restaurant was nice enough to have cloth napkins, but Loki was still trying to unconsciously shred his on his lap. Thor eyed this and bit his lip, knowing that any sudden or unseen movement towards him would result in a sharp flinch, and all his hard work would be undone.

They made small talk for a while, and then Thor turned his head to see that the waitress was coming back with their food. He signalled this to Steve, who nodded and moved his napkin onto his lap. In doing so, he managed to knock his knife to the floor. James noticed this as well, and they both bent to pick it up, which resulted in them knocking their heads together, quite hard.

"Oww." Steve said, sitting back up and rubbing the goose egg on his temple. Loki, seeing the pained expression on James' face, snorted with laughter.

"Smooth." He said under his breath. James glared at him and dug the heel of his boot into the top of Loki's. Loki's face didn't change, but he leaned in under the table and pinched James hard on the thigh.

James jumped and glared at him. Loki answered back with an angelic smile and picked up his fork, digging in to his stew. He hums when he tastes it, finding it delicious.

It seems to be a universal symbol for the others to dig in too, and each man went for it. Thor and Steve didn't each out much, usually spending their evenings in the office or at the table of a friend. Both mean lived lonely lives, and didn't like spending their evenings alone, because it usually meant Steve will go running until his legs stop working, and Thor would play video games and feel mildly depressed.

There was a comfortable silence this time, and slowly each man started feeling comfortable with the others. A concentrated effort is made not to talk about the work that Steve and Thor do, it brining back bad memories for James and Steve. Having already been so intimate with each other in the apartment, it feels like a backwards step.

"So what do you do when your not working?" James asks, digging into his steak. He knows, without his memories, that he prefers his meat rare, but the sight of blood causes his stomach to lurch and sweat to break out under his arms, so he avoids rare meat.

Thor and Steve look at each other and decide, unanimously and without words, to both make their private lives much more exciting and sociable than they actually are.

"I run. I'm training for a marathon." Steve said. He wasn't normally one to toot his own horn, but he wanted James to think he ran for more than to drive the loneliness out of his chest.

"Whoa." James said. "What do you run for?"

"Alzheimers Research and Cancer Research." 

James nodded his head, looking impressed. Loki was happily chewing fish, following the conversation without contributing. When it came to Loki and food, it was a one on one affair. James had learned early on that to disturb Loki when he was eating got him a truly ferocious growl and silence for the rest of the evening.

"And you, Thor? What do you do?" James asked. He steadfastly kept his eyes on Thor's face, avoiding the bright red meat on his plate. He knew that if he looked at it, his stomach would rebel and he might do something hideously embarrassing like throw up.

Thor wracked his brain, but couldn't think of any way to make "I drink beer and play video games" sound sophisticated. But he was coming up short. Loki's expression was getting more and more joyful as he watched Thor turn slowly white. James was frowning at him, and Steve was shovelling food into his mouth at an industrial rate, not meeting anyones eyes.

"I play videos games!" Thor eventually blurted out, and then turned puce with embarrassment. But then Loki, the man to whom food is elevated to almost mythical status, laughed and put down his fork.

"That's cool." He said. He ignored the look of wide eyed astonishment that James was giving him, and gave a tentative smile to Thor. "What do you play?"

Thor blinked at him, and then smiled. It was as if the clouds had parted, and Loki felt something in his lift. "Call of Duty, mainly."

Loki's smile dropped slightly. "You enjoy those games."

"I play the Zombie level mainly. Actually, I mainly play zombie games. I get enough action in my life."

Loki... _giggled_. James goggled at him.

"Is it fun, battling zombies?"

"It's enormous fun." Steve butted in. "I join him on weekends. We buy bags of chips and a crate of beer and spend ages jumping in the dark."

James finally smiled. "That sounds...frightening."

"It's a good stress reliever." Thor said honestly. Loki nodded and resumed eating, eyes flickering between Thor and his stew. James, watching this, turned back to Steve and started asking about his training regime. He kept as fit as he could, but someday he would like to go outside and run. 

Of course, running with one arm was a bit comical. Lopsided. He frequently made Loki laugh.

They had finished dinner and were looking at the desert menu when Steve's phone started ringing and he and Thor groaned in unison. "Please, fucking no!" Steve moaned as he pulled it out. Thor groaned and put down the menu, sitting back with a dark expression on his face. Loki sighed and looked at James, who shrugged. 

"Might as well cut our losses." He muttered to Loki, who nodded. 

"Isn't that a job for the regular police?" Steve says. He's now holding the phone between him and Thor, and Thor is leaning in, frowning hard. There is a murmur on the other end, and Steve abruptly goes white. 

"Is there confirmation?" Thor asked in a rumble. Steve's eyes were flickering to James and Loki, who both sat up. James' senses were going haywire, and he was starting to narrow his eyes at Steve. Steve gave him an even gaze back.

"We'll be there." Steve said and stood up. Thor, James and Loki quickly followed, and they hurried out of the restaurant, with Steve saying hurriedly "Bill the meal to Tony Stark." They get outside and Thor quickly slid into the driving seat. Steve turned to Loki and James with an apologetic look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, there's not enough time to call you a cab and wait with you."

James waved a hand. "It's fine. We'd rather be with you."

Loki nodded. "Safer." 

Steve gave them a small smile and slid into the other front seat, leaving Loki and James to slide into the back.

 

 

**********

 

 

It's been a good 20 minutes since they reached a rather shady alleyway entrance, and Steve and Thor left the car, pulling guns out of the compartment in the passenger side.

"Wait here and keep an eye out." Steve said and then moved off. Both men walked almost silently for their size, and it had soon got boring waiting for them. James and Loki were now playing Candy Crush on Loki's phone, swapping between rounds.

"How are you doing so well?" James asked incredulously, looking over Loki's shoulder. Loki's fingers were flying over the keypad, and he was gaining widely.

"I practice."

"Do you do anything else?"

Loki was about the throw a sharp glare over his shoulder when both men heard a shout from the alleyway, and a man dressed in black came hurtling out, running as fast as he could. Thor quickly followed, bellowing.

"STOP! STOP, THIS IS SHIELD!"

This did absolutely nothing to deter the running man, and he approached the car rapidly. Loki, sensing an opportunity, dropped the phone beside him and bread himself. 

When the man was level with the front of the car, Loki jerked his hand and swung the door open. 

It worked beautifully. The man ran full on into the door and bounced back, falling to the ground and knocking his head on the pavement. He wasn't so dazed, however, not to reach for the gun in the back of his pants. But James had taken the opportunity to exit the car, sprint around the other side, and proceeded to trap the hand reaching arm in his boot.

"Don't even think about it." He growled. He leaned in and was about to sneer something else when he noticed the patch seen onto the sleeve.

It was a red octopus.

James went white and nearly staggered, but ground the mans arm further into the concrete. He looked up to see Loki, who was out of the car and had seen the patch not the opposite sleeve. Loki was leaving back against the car, his face in his hands. "No, no, no." He was muttering in a despairing litany under his breath.

Thor caught up with them and removed James' leg, flipping the man over quickly and cuffing him. He looked up at James and Loki with a solemn expression on his face, but didn't say anything.

Steve eventually appeared, blood smearing the left side of his face. He quickly assessed the situation, read the man his rights as fast as he could, and bundled him into the back of the car, strapping him firmly to the far side.

"You guys are going to have to sit in the back. Will you be alright?" He asked gently. James took a deep but shaky breath and wrapped his arm around Loki, who was still hiding his face.

"We can manage." He said in a  croaky voice. Steve gave him a brittle smile and guided them gently back into the car, allowing them to huddle against the door. Thor took the wheel and Steve allowed himself to lean his head back. His head was aching something fierce.

The drive to SHIELD was almost silent, except for the occasional hitches in Loki's breath. Thor drove as fast as he was able to go, and before long, they were pulling up in front of a smart glass and concrete structure. There was a stylised eagle stamped on the front of the glass, and the sight of it was enough to stop Loki's panicked tears and take both of their minds briefly off of the man sitting next to them. 

Steve left the car and hustled the man out, holding him firmly whilst Thor opened the door for James and Loki. Both men staggered out, Loki quickly wiping his face on his sleeve.

"James, Loki." Thor said with pride in his voice, gesturing to the building.

"Welcome to SHIELD."


	12. Like A Fool At The Top Of My Lungs (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a threat is interrogated, Loki and James are introduced to the Avengers, and the plot starts picking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates should be regular now, but don't expect miracles. We're really getting into the meat of the story, so I'm really excited for what's going to happen!
> 
> Reviews are love! Just leave a few words, it really spurs me on to write more stuff for you.

Loki and James were ushered into SHIELD by Thor and Steve, each man wide eyed. They had of course seen the SHIELD offices on the news, whenever either man watched it, but it had never occurred to them that they might be able to see inside.

The building was actually attached to the main police precinct. That was the condition from the commissioner that Tony Stark would adhere to, if he wanted to fund his own offshoot of the police. But, whilst he regularly funded improvements to the main police building, he managed to save his nicest architectural work for SHIELD. It was all glass and concrete, with wide windows to let in natural light and a large pot plant every so feet to oxygenate the area.

Thor and Steve strode confidently towards the back, where the Avengers office was. It was a huge area, with the private gym attached at the side. Each member had his own desk and cordoned off area, with a large communal room further back that Nick Fury's office opened on to. On one side was a huge dart board, with arrows sticking out of it and scorch marks obscuring some of the numbers.

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." James muttered to Loki, who grinned and fiddled with his watch in his pocket.

Thor and Steve pushed the man into the interrogation room, which was off in a small corner, completely airtight and without a window. Steve chained him to the bar on the table and then left, whilst Thor sat James and Loki down in the communal room and poured them both a cup of strong coffee, the good stuff that Tony kept constantly running.

Loki took one sip and his eyes bulged, swallowing the coffee and gasping.

"What the hell?" He said. James grinned at him.

"I forgot to tell you, it's strong." Steve said, flicking through his emails on his computer.

"No shit." Loki said and shuddered. James reached over and took a sip, merely raising an eyebrow.

"It's fine." He said, grinning at the glare Loki was levelling at him.

"I'm getting the rest of the team in, we're working on HYDRA together." Steve said, coming back into the room. Thor had wandered to his own desk to start ringing the team. Steve didn't want to leave Loki and James on their own, and so Thor and Steve had decided that they were going to wait until the entire team was in before they interrogated the perp.

Bruce and Betty arrived first, Betty's hair scraped back into a bun, Bruce still in pyjama pants. "You got something?" Bruce yawned.

"Yes. How did Tony call us when he's at home?" Thor asked, frowning.

"You should know that he monitors police activity whilst at home." Bruce said. Steve and Thor felt momentarily incredibly stupid, knowing their colleague. "Anyway, you said he was HYDRA?"

Thor nodded. "He's wearing the badge and has some of the weaponry that they were using during the bust. He hasn't said anything yet but I'm 99% positive he's HYDRA."

"Well that's all very we-" Betty said but abruptly stopped, looking over Steve's shoulder with wide eyes. Bruce was actually open mouthed, taken completely by surprise. Steve looked over his shoulder and saw Loki and James huddling in the doorway. Both men were staring at Bruce with abject fear in their eyes.

"Loki, James? You alright?" Thor asked. He came over to where James and Loki were standing and reached out to put a hand on Loki's arm. Loki flinched away sharply and Thor stopped, looking stricken.

The moment was broken when Clint slouched into the room and slumped into his chair, Lucky lying down and whining at nothing. Natasha came in afterward, looking perfectly made up.

"How do you look so good?" Betty gasped. Natasha smiled at her and pulled out her phone, playing on it whilst they waited for the others. It was gratifying to see that Pepper also looked like she'd been dragged from bed, whilst Tony was wide eyed and bouncing. Finally, Maria and Coulson came in, followed closely by Fury.

"So you caught him." Tony said.

"Yes, and thanks for the tip." Steve said. Loki and James were moving slowly back into the break room, but James, not noticing where he was going, banged his shoulder on the doorframe. Unfortunately, it was his left shoulder, and he often suffered from debilitating phantom pains whenever he was stressed.

His current situation defiantly qualified as stressful. He hissed and gripped his shoulder.

"Hey, you alright?" Loki asked, touching him gently. James shook his head.

"You don't have an arm." Tony said suddenly. Everyone cringed and James turned slowly, fixing a harsh, direct gaze on Tony.

"No shit, really?" He said. The sarcasm dripped from the words. "I came in with two arms, has anyone seen a spare lying around?"

Loki's lips were twitching, and Steve had outright given up and was grinning widely.

"Oh haha." Tony said, shoving through the group of people and coming towards James. James had several inches on Tony, but Tony had more self-confidence than James and Loki combined.

"Uh, Tony?" Natasha said, coming up behind Tony. Steve and Thor were bracketing James and Loki, and everyone else was leaning back, waiting for the inevitable explosion.

"Get away." Loki hissed, his eyes flashing.

"I'M GOING TO INTERROGATE THE PERP!" Thor suddenly yelled, defusing the tension and causing everyone to jump. James and Loki took the opportunity to scuttle back into the break room, and Natasha and Pepper grabbed tony by the arms and dragged him away to his desk. Everyone settled down, and Thor nodded to Steve and went off, Clint and Coulson following him to watch.

"That was..." Bruce said.

"Uncomfortable." Maria finished. She looked through the window at James and Loki, who were huddling by the coffee maker.

"Tony can't shut his mouth for one second?" Thor asked.

"He's been up for the past 72 hours. He wired on coffee." Pepper said with an apologetic smile.

"He's vibrating." Bruce said, looking over her shoulder. Tony was indeed shuddering in his seat, talking a mile a minute. Natasha was sitting on the desk, watching him with a gleeful expression on her face and her phone out, recording it.

"You're letting her record him?" Maria asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You all need blackmail material against him." Pepper said, heading to the break room for coffee and ignoring the flinches from James and Loki. 

"Why did I bother to come in?" Fury muttered to himself and followed. 

 

 

**********

 

 

"Look, I'm so sorry about Tony." Bruce said half an hour later, coming to sit with James and Loki. James looked up from the cradle of his arm, and Loki stopped playing with the lighter he had stolen from Pepper's desk. "He has no brain to mouth filter."

"It's not everyday you get come on to by Tony Stark." James said with a weak smile.

"Not the best choice of words, but when he finds something interesting, he generally forgets about common courtesy."

"I've seen his press conferences." Loki muttered, staring entranced at the flame. He flicked it off and tossed the lighter in the air, catching it and flicking the flame on again.

"Yeah, so have I. He's got a good heart."

"Under the flashlight." Natasha said. She was lying on the couch, playing on her phone and eavesdropping. Thor, Clint and Coulson still hadn't come back, and everyone was trying desperately to kill time before they got news. Tony was being kept away from James by Pepper and Maria, Fury was retreated into his office to do paperwork, Betty had gone into the lab, and Steve was sitting at his desk, polishing his shield.

"Is that thing actually real?" Loki asked, leaning backwards in his chair and looking at Tony, who was sulking and throwing pleading glances at the break room.

"Yes. It's a real arc reactor."

"That's...kind of amazing." James said, tapping his fingers on the table.

"For gods sake, don't tell him that to his face." Steve said, coming over. He took some coffee and sat beside Bruce, sipping slowly. "His head's big enough already."

"He actually put a futuristic battery in his chest himself?" Loki asked, looking intrigued. He stopped playing with the lighter and was looking at Tony with a wide, slightly manic grin.

"Loki, down." James said. Loki sat back wth a pout and Steve snorted into his coffee.

"How long does this normally take?" Loki asked, rocking back and forth on his chair. Steve watched this with a raised eyebrow, and James, seeing this, put a foot on the back of Loki's chair, pitching him forward.

"Can take anything from 10 minutes to a few hours. It all depends on the attitude of the perp." Natasha said. She had pocketed her phone and wandered over, sitting down beside James and leaning over his shoulder. He turned his head and glared at her, but she merely smiled back and continued to lean in.

"What was your longest interrogation?" James asked. Steve laughed and pulled his hand through his hair.

"37 hours." Steve said. Loki gaped at him.

"What the hell?" He said.

"He wouldn't talk. He was caught dead to rights on a B&E, but wouldn't talk. We tried everything, literally everything."

"Tony talked until his voice cracked." Bruce said, grinning.

"Clint played the same 3 chords on a guitar whilst screaming for an hour." Natasha said. Steve shuddered.

"We put on the full 10 hours of rising shepherd tone on YouTube. He started banging his head against the table by hour 6 but didn't say anything." Steve shuddered. Natasha high-fived Bruce, as she was the one to suggest that after watching Gravity Falls.

"So how did he confess in the end?" James asked.

"Nick came in and stared at him. He cracked in a minute. Mind you," Bruce said, remembering, "he'd been up for the full 37 hours and was completely wired. It was amazing he didn't crack earlier."

"That was the longest interrogation for any of us." Natasha said. "The shortest one didn't even make it to the interrogation room." 

Steve laughed. "Yeah. Maria was brining him in, and he saw Thor standing in the door, and he went to pieces there and then. About 30 cops heard his confession, and he begged to be put on the cell as far away from Thor as he could."

"Speaking of." Bruce said. Everyone turned around to see Thor, Clint and Coulson coming out of the interrogation room. Each man was frowning, and they were talking quietly to each other. Steve, Natasha and Bruce left the break room, coming to stand with them, and James and Loki followed slowly, situating themselves at the desk closest to the room door (Bruce's).

"So, what happened?" Tony asked.

"He, uh..." Clint said and rubbed the back of his neck. Coulson sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"He doesn't know anything." Coulson said in a calm and collected voice.

"Huh?" Betty said, coming out of the lab. She pushed her goggles up over her head, and frowned at them.

"He was looking for an address. That's why he was loitering outside the records building. He was waiting to break in." Thor said, sitting at his own desk. 

"And he is HYDRA?" Pepper asked. Thor nodded.

“But then why hasn’t he committed suicide, like all the others?” Clint asked under his breath.

“It’s because he’s just a soldier.” James said abruptly. The others turned and looked at him, and he shifted uncomfortably. Loki, leaning against Bruce's desk, stopped playing with the lighter in his hand and focused on James.

“What now?” Coulson asked. James couldn’t meet his eyes, and his hand buried itself in his hair. But he forced himself to continue speaking.

“He’s…just a soldier.” He said quietly. “He doesn’t know anything. He can be let loose, and nothing incriminating will get back to the top. It’s only when you get higher up that you get cyanide capsules.”

There an uncomfortable silence as everyone looked at James, and James looked at the floor. Loki didn’t move behind him, frozen in memory.

“So he knows nothing?” Steve finally asked. James shrugged.

“I don’t know about now. The organisation is all screwed up since you lot. It might be different, I don’t know. But they took out my back molar, just in case.”

“What happened?” Asked Bruce, horrified. James gave him a grim smile.

“I was too zombified by that point to need it. They were assured self-annihilation if I got into the hands of the enemy.”

There was a wet gasp from Loki, and James felt him come up behind him and bury his head into his hair, Loki’s long arms wrapping around his waist. James reached down and laced his fingers with Loki, squeezing hard.

"So he was looking for an address. In public records. Did he say what address he needed?" Natasha asked. 

"No. He only had the first part of the ZIP code. He said he would know if he saw it."

"This is really weird. This is the first guy we've had from HYDRA in what, 8 months?" Fury said, looking around. Steve nodded. 

"And the last guy was more of a freaky groupie than anything. This guy is serious." Clint said.

“But we eliminated HYDRA in New York 2 and a half years ago!” Tony cried, running his hands through his hair. “We did, we confirmed it!”

“So why on earth are they…coming…back…” Maria said, slowly turning her head and looked at James and Loki. James and Loki were frozen where they sat, each of them staring at the Avengers in horror. Loki quickly took his hand away from the open flame of his lighter, and started to shake again.

“The article.” Thor said inaudibly.

“They know where James and Loki are.”

James moaned in fear.

“They’re coming back for us.” Loki finally said, and the Avengers felt their collective hearts sink into their stomachs.

"Oh, shit." Steve said under his breath.

"Fuck." Added Natasha.

"Right, we need a watch detail organised." Fury said, deciding to take action.

"What?" Tony said. 

"If HYDRA is coming for Loki and James, then we need to make sure that they're never left alone."

James and Loki frowned at him. "Never left alone?" James muttered to Loki. Even thought the thought of HYDRA catching them sent both men into a cold sweat, they valued their privacy with an almost fanatical devotion. Although each man longed to spend more time with Thor and Steve, they didn't know any of the other members of SHIELD, and this made them nervous.

"Pierce, Gem and Zola were never caught, so it's probable that it was them that ordered that man to get their address." Bruce said. Steve watched out of the corner of his eye as James shuddered and closed his eyes.

"They're wanted men. Even the CIA has them on their wanted lists. Why on earth would they risk it all to get Loki and James back?" Clint asked, frowning.

"Because we belong to them." Loki said. Everyone stopped for a second time. Loki took a deep breath and came out from behind James. He was wringing his hands and looking at the floor, but then he looked up, eyes darting from face to face. 

"Our memories start with them. Everything we are was made by them. Whatever life we had before is gone."

*SNAP* "Shit!" Thor swore softly, shaking his hand as ink dripped off of it. He's snapped his biro and was now body picking plastic shards from his hand.

"They're possessive. They would never let us go." James muttered.

"But they left you in that basement. Ow!" Tony frowned at Natasha, rubbing his ribs where she had dug her elbow.

James shuddered. "They were panicking." He said.

"They would have taken us with them, but you were almost on them. They had to get out of the state before you managed to get them."

"You were down there for hours alone. They could have taken you with them." Pepper pointed out gently.

Loki laughed harshly. "They were too scared for their own hides at the time."

"I remember Zola taking a thumb drive out of the computer." James said. "I think it had something to do with their international operations."

The Avengers gaped at him. James frowned at them slowly. 

"In...international operations?" Coulson said, looking stunned. Tony secretly took a picture, intent on collecting evidence of Coulson's differing facial expressions.

"Yes." James said slowly. There was a long pause. "Wait, you actually think they stopped with America?"

"They've been present since the early 90's. They're everywhere." Loki said. Even he knew this, and he's spent his time with them mainly in a cell or bedrooms.

"I've got more air miles than any of you." 

"Which is why you need a watch detail on you, now more than ever." Fury said, stepping in. "If what you say is true, then they'll do anything to try and keep you quiet. With any luck, we can use you two to flush them out and finally bring them to trial."

James and Loki shivered. Maria and Coulson immediately started writing a list, everyone else contributing according to their schedules. Thor, having finished wrapping his hand, went to  cupboard at the back of the room and pulled out a blanket, draping it around the two men.

"Thanks." Loki whispered. Thor shook his head.

"I'm sorry this has to happen to you again." He said. James shook his head.

"As long as this works, I'm pretty open to any suggestions to get them."

"Will you be able to handle seeing them again?" Steve asked, coming over with coffee. James lunged and took his, sipping frantically, whilst Loki was slower.

"We'll have to." Loki said and then stopped talking. He felt wrung out, completely empty, and leaned his head against James' shoulder. James continued drinking and didn't meet anyone's eye, tapping his foot frantically against the floor.

It was decided that Natasha would accompany them back to their apartment and sleep over, and then the security detail would sort itself out properly in the morning. The two men said goodbye to Thor and Steve softly and then hurried to the cop car, each man looking out of the window and trying to drown their frightening thoughts with lights. 

It didn't work, and that night, they lay huddled their bed, listening to Natasha watching TV.

"I don't want to see the Master's again." Loki finally said. He felt James' chest heave with a sigh and looked up, eyes glowing in the dark.

"I know." James whispered. "I know."

"This has to work."

"It will." James said. He rolled over, Loki's arm slung across his chest, and stared out of the window. The light's on the street flickered, and James closed his eyes and shuddered, rubbing his shoulder, which was enflamed and agonising. "Trust me, this will work."

If only he believed it himself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Did he get it?"

The man shook his head and managed to avoid jumping when a glass was flung at his head. He shivered when he felt his Master roar at him in anger.

"Patience, Thanos." A voice said from the back, and a man came into view. He was old, yet had the bearing of a much younger person. His face was kind, serene, almost trusting. But his eyes were pale blue and hard as flint. There was no kindness in those eyes, and some years previously, they had looked on a young man and had only seen a weapon. "We knew it was a long shot."

"He failed!" Thanos roared.

"We knew he might. But remember, that reporter did manage to flush them out. We know their in the city, and we know now that they're with the Avengers. All we have to do in monitor them, and one day, something will go wrong and we can get them."

Thanos watched as Pierce took a sip of his whisky and tilted his head, smiling slowly. "Who do you think should monitor them?"

Pierce smiled a chilling smile. "I believe that Rumlow is itching to get back into the field. Besides," he said with a chuckle, "who would ever suspect a dead man?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I went to see Civil War...
> 
> Oh, the feels. THE FEELS! I won't say any spoilers, but go and see it. The Russo brothers pulled it off again, it's a masterpiece. And although it's not going to do much to alter the plot, I'm going to add T'Challa in as a character, because he's seriously awesome.


	13. Then It Woke You Up Last Night (GoM)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A security detail is organised, and more characters are introduced to Loki and James. But will it be enough?

Despite the fear the enveloped both of the men, they still managed to fall asleep. So waking up to the smell of eggs and frying bacon was a shock to Loki and James, before James remembered that Natasha had stayed over.

"It's alright." He groaned, tapping Loki on the shoulder and then slumping down into his pillows. He was still exhausted, bad dreams preventing him from falling into deep sleep. Loki had slept slightly better, worry having exhausted his mind. He stretched and them slapped James' left shoulder, causing him to yelp.

"Are you boys alright?" Natasha yelled from the kitchen.

"Yes, we're still alive." Loki called back, pulling on his dressing gown and wandering out. His hair was sticking out of his plait, and he was yawning wildly. Natasha looked fresh as a daisy, which caused Loki momentary annoyance before he saw she had brewed tea.

"Oooooh, tea!" He moaned and shuffled over, pouring his out and sipping in reverence. Natasha had her hair scrapped back into a bun, and she was humming along with the radio, shuffling from foot to foot. Loki leaned over her shoulder and saw the saucepan, before taking a swallow of tea and walking to the toaster, slipping in some slices of wholemeal and heating them.

"Thanks, these eggs are nearly done. Will James be coming out?" She had pulled out some plates and knives and forks, laying them out neatly on the breakfast counter.

"Yes, eventually. He hates the morning, it might take him a while to become properly conscious." Loki said. He normally had some salmon with his eggs, but as Natasha didn't seem to know about his chosen dietary choices, he would make do with plain eggs.

"He's lazy." Natasha said with a smile.

Loki shrugged. "He likes comfortable beds."

Loki was half way through his eggs and tea when James stumbled into the room, blinking his eyes as he tried to focus. He moaned softly when he saw the bacon, and clumsily assembled a bacon and egg sandwich. 

"Fanks." He said to Natasha around with his mouthful. She grinned at him.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" She asked, holding up two. James, whose eyes were still not focusing, shook his head.

"Three. What about me?" He gave Natasha the finger, and she laughed.

"Loki told me you're not a morning person." She said, and James, starting to wake up with an injection of protein in his stomach, shrugged and went to the coffee maker, turning it on and pulling out his personal cup. He kept his back to Natasha and Loki, uncomfortable with the fact that he was wearing nothing but a tank top and jeans. His left shoulder and lack of arm was on display, light glinting off smooth white scars,

"He knows me. How long are you still here for?" James asked abruptly, turning around and starting to sip. He took his tea like he took his coffee, black.

"I need to talk to you about that." Natasha stood up and walked to their living room, carrying her drink. Loki and James shared a look and followed her, each carrying their own drink.

Natasha settled down in the armchair, and Loki and James settled down beside each other. Loki tucked his legs under his body, and James stretched his own out and rested them on the coffee table. Both men fixed Natasha with slightly unnerving gazes.

"I've spoken with the rest of my team."

"Already?" James said with a raised brow. Natasha smiled.

"Each member is eager to get going with this." Now the smile dropped from her face. She looked serious and focused, which was reassuring. "Now, we have a plan of action, but it can only be achieved through complete cooperation with the two of you."

"That sounds ominous." Loki said. Natasha shrugged.

"It's not without it's risks. We know that Alexander Pierce and Thanos Gem know approximately where you are." She saw them shudder. "We know that they're looking for you. We know that, given their personalities and previous actions, that they'll stop at nothing to get the both of you back and then disappear."

"That...yes, that sounds about right." Loki said after a long silence. Natasha nodded. 

"What we have devised is a way to get rid of the problem, but in such a way as to keep you safe. We have an opportunity to end this completely, wipe HYDRA off of the map. But, like I said, this involves a certain level of risk, especially for the both of you. This isn't going to be easy. I'm not going to sugar coat it. It's going to get stuff. Your past is going to be picked over with a fine tooth comb, but only so we can keep you safe."

There as another long silence. Loki laid his head against James' shoulder, and felt the minute shudders of fear beneath his skin.

"What do we have to do?" James asked after a while.

Natasha sat back. "We're going to expose you. There's going to be a member of my team and some close associates with you at all times, even at night, but what we want to do is get you name out there. Not the national press, but discreetly. We want to try and draw Pierce and Gem out of hiding, get them into the city and as close to you as safely possible, so we can finally arrest them." 

James closed his eyes in horror. "You want to put us on display."

"No display, but with enough of a profile that you cannot be ignored. Ashtown has already put your name out there, and with the arrest of that man last night, we know that they know you're in the city. But New York is massive. It could take a very long time before something happens, and by that time, Pierce and Gem might have reached a country with no extradition order with the US."

"How do you know they haven't done that already?" Loki asked.

"That fact that they're trying to find you. I don't think, and my team agree, that they would risk trying to get you back if they were out of the country and couldn't control the extradition. It's much harder to move contraband from a long distance."

"So you want to give us a body guard and light us up like Times Square." James said flatly. Loki snickered, slightly hysterically.

"Don't underestimate my team. We're good detectives and just as determined as you to get these guys."

"You have no idea." Loki muttered. 

"So there's going to be someone with us at all times." James said. Natasha nodded.

"We'll rotate on a 12 hour basis. It's going to be the Avengers and those members of the public we explicitly trust. Maria is organising out schedules around our other duties, but since SHIELD is funded separately from the rest of the NYPD, we can be flexible with our times."

"The NYPD won't worry."

Natasha grinned at them. "They're always so pissed off with us that this shouldn't even give them pause."

James's lips twitched. Natasha saw this and was glad that they at least were feeling better.

"How sure are you that this will work?"

"100%. This does mean that should the person on duty need to go to the office or somewhere else you'll need to go with them." She said. Loki looked at James.

"At least that'll get us out of the house." He said. Now it was James' turn to giggle. 

"Why are you so sure about the success of this?" James asked.

"They really want you back. They wouldn't send a man to New York otherwise. But I know how the Avengers work. We're tough, and tenacious, and we won't let them touch you. You can trust us, I promise."

Loki looked at Natasha, and then James. He had a silent conversation, which James returned, and then both men turned to Natasha.

"Alright." Loki whispered. "Alright, we'll do this. If you can keep us safe, we'll do our part as well."

Natasha smiled softly at them. "Excellent."

 

 

**************

 

 

At 12 in the afternoon the doorbell rang, and Natasha stood up, stretched and walked to the door. Loki looked up from his book and saw her leading a talk black man into the room.

"Loki, James, this is Sam Wilson."

"You're not an Avenger." James pointed out. He was slowly edging away from the chessboard, eyes narrowing.

"No, I'm not. But I'm a close friend of Steve Rogers." Sam said with a smile.

"You can trust him, he's a good man." Natasha said, slapping Sam's shoulder. Sam winced and rubbed at, glaring at her.

"I didn't need that." He muttered. Natasha ignored him and settled down in front of the chessboard, nudging her knight into place and taking one of James' castles.

"Make yourself at home." Loki said cautiously. James had resumed playing, every so often turning and pinning Sam with a cold grey gaze. His hair was falling into his face, coming out of the bun Loki had put it in after his shower. 

Sam nodded to Loki and put down the bag he had brought with him. In in was his laptop, a couple of books and a change of clothes. He had been informed by Steve about the situation and the plan, and although he thought it was high risk, he also thought that desperate times called for desperate measures. Loki, watching him, decided that he may as well be a good host and stood up. Curled up in a small ball, but didn't giveth impression of someone who was tall. But as he unfolded, Sam raised an eyebrow. He'd met Thor, he knew Steve, and this man had got to be as tall as Steve himself. He didn't have the bulk to carry it off, with made Sam think that a stiff breeze would blow him away.

"Tall ass white men." He said to himself under his breath and set down his bag beside the couch. James' eyes were flickering from Sam to the board, and although he was still playing, his wasn't concentrating anymore.

"James, are you alright?" Natasha asked softly. James swung his head around and his face pulled into a grimace. 

"I'm sorry." He muttered and shook his head hard. Natasha frowned and Sam turned and walked into the kitchen as fast as he could, feeling the oppressive nature of the atmosphere and not wanting to make the situation worse.

Loki was humming to himself in the kitchen, moving gently from foot to foot as he made coffee. Sam watched him, watching his hair sway dow his back.

"You take coffee, right?" Loki looked over his shoulder. Sam nodded and watched as Loki quickly assembled the coffee and cups and milk and sugar. "I think you can so this yourself." He moved out of the way and Sam quickly added milk. He looked over into Loki's cup and saw a teabag floating.

"No coffee?" He asked.

"I only have it when I go out." Loki said, sipping slowly. He jerked when he realised that he had forgotten to take out of the teabag, and quickly removed it. He flashed a lightning quick smile at Sam and wandered back to the living room, curling up again with his book. Sam watched James and Loki. He'd heard all about them, from Steve especially. 

He knew exactly who James was. It damn near broke his heart.

"Checkmate. And that's me off." Natasha stood up and walked to the door, pulling her coat on. James stood up and walked with her, raising his eyebrows when Natasha reached up and kissed Sam on the cheek.

"Don't worry, there actually great guys." She whispered and left with a finally wave. The door closed loudly and James released a breath. He fiddled with his jean pocket and then swept by Sam, locking the door and resting his head against the door frame, whispering to himself. Sam frowned and then looked at Loki, who was staring at his book without reading it. He was clutching his book so hard he was starting to dent the cover.

"Alright." He muttered under his breath and walked to the couch, opening his bag. James walked back to the living room and stood at the entrance, watching him.

"I know you haven't met me before." Sam said.

"You're not a member of SHIELD." Loki said, finally putting down the book and looking at Sam with piercing green eyes. Sam grinned.

"I'm actually a consultant for SHIELD and the Avengers."

"How?" James asked. He leaned back in the chair that Natasha was vacated.

"Steve recommended me a year ago, and I was recruited a month later."

James frowned at him. "Natasha said that you knew Steve."

Sam nodded. "I've known him for about 4, no, 5 years. He's a good guy."

"He...seems to be." James said slowly. Sam looked at James. He looked like many of the men that Sam saw at the VA, missing limb and all. He'd seen those blank eyes before. 

"He's actually a former soldier. I met him when he came to the VA. He's one of the bravest people I've met."

"He's a soldier?" James frowned. "That...seems about right." He muttered.

"Yeah." Sam laughed, leaning back and getting comfortable. "He was called Captain America."

James froze. He gripped the armrest tightly, knuckles white. Even Loki looked interested. 

"I've heard of him." Loki said, sounding quite excited. "I've read his name. That's Steve Rogers? He did amazing things."

"He's pretty cool."

"That idiot." James said under his breath, and then froze in his seat. Loki didn't notice, still leaning towards Sam.

"Is it true? Did he really rescue a group of captured men and go against his superior when he first got to Afghanistan?" Loki said. He sounded like a small child, eager for stories about his heroes.

Sam nodded. "He nearly got court-marshalled. But what he did got the attention of the brass still in the US, and he got a promotion and his own unit."

"The Howling Commando's." James said, still under his breath. He'd stopped looking at Sam and was staring at the window, getting whiter and whiter as Sam continued talking. Sam was keeping him in the corner of his eye. 

"He hates the nickname." Sam said with a laugh.

"He would." James whispered and closed his eyes, starting to sweat. Now Loki was starting to notice, flicking worried glances towards James. Sam continued talking, but pulled his phone out of his bag and quickly dialled Maria Hill's number. Steve and Thor were tackling paperwork, and would not be available for another day. Maria Hill was the calmest person he could think off at the moment.

"But he came back?" Loki said.

Sam nodded. "That's really his story. I mean, it's public knowledge he came back after 3 tours, then became a member of the Avengers. You've seen that shield he carries?"

"Does he actually use that thing?" James asked with a croak. Sam laughed.

"He actually does. It's ridiculous but it actually works. It bounces off things, it's got something to do with the metal it's made out of."

James closed his eyes and the couch fabric creaked. Sam didn't know whether he should shut up or keep talking. Loki was now looking at James with a worried expression on his face. James was shaking minutely, eyes closed and his lips pressed together. There was an oppressive silence in the room, almost thick.

"Does..." James swallowed and opened his eyes. Sam nearly recoiled. Where once they were blank and almost painful to look at, now they were swimming with emotion. James licked his lips and whispered. "Does he still draw?" 

Sam jerked. "How the hell do you know that?" Sam said.

"I...I don't..." James stood up and ran to the bathroom, flinging himself in front of the toilet and vomiting harshly. 

"James!" Loki stood up and ran after him, pulling his hair out of his face and stroking the back of his neck. "It's okay, you're okay." He soothed. Sam hovered in the doorway.

"Is he alright?" He asked. He felt terrible, he had no idea what was going on. But he knew that it had something to do with Steve and the man once known as Bucky. 

"He'll be fine." Loki said, trying to smile at Sam. But his eyes were as worried as Sam, and he couldn't stop stroking James' back.

"How did I knew he drew?" James moaned. "How did I know?"

Sam felt helpless. He honestly didn't know what to say. He was normally so good at this. Leading his VA groups, he had an answer for every question was was flung his way, every time a person had asked "Why dd this happen to me? How do I get back to a normal life?" But this was something new. And now he could see why Steve had wanted him on the security detail for James and Loki.

He was about the only person that the Avengers knew who might have been able to deal with this. So Sam took a deep breath and went into the bathroom, kneeling down in James' other side. He didn't touch James, knowing that the only touch James would tolerate was the person he remembers most, but he kept his face calm and his voice even.

"You may be remembering things." He said. It wasn't only James who jerked. Loki swept his hair back and was looking at Sam with narrowed eyes.

"Remembering." James said, voice echoing.

"Yeah, from before." Sam didn't want to say anything that would trigger anything, so he kept his answers short. 

"I...don't know...remembering..." James said, leaning his head against the rim.

"You did have a life before...before." Sam said firmly. "And you've been out for nearly 3 years. Maybe your mind is finally accepting that you're safe and is allowing your memories to come through."

"But why would I remember Steve Rogers?" James asked, finally raising his head and wiping his mouth. Loki stood back, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms. His facial expression was becoming blanker by the second, and Sam shivered internally when he caught Loki's eyes. Despite the seeming frailness of his figure, Sam had seen the pictures of what he had done to that robbers face with just his nails.

"I suggest you ask him." Sam said.

The silence was fraught.

"You know." James said. He sat back and fixed Sam with an unwavering gaze. Sam abruptly felt like a butterfly, pinned to a board by green and grey pins.

"It's not my story to tell." he said firmly, feeling especially played that his voice didn't waver. When he didn't hear anything from either Loki or James, he stood up and walked out of the room.

"I'm turning on the TV, anyone want to watch House of Cards with me?" He said over his shoulder. He sat on the couch and flicked through the channels, studiously avoiding looking towards the bathroom.

"Steve, you owe me so many pints." He muttered under his breath. Despite the fact that he loved the man, from his stupid good looks to his ridiculously big heart, at the moment he would happily drop the man 100 feet to the ground from his wings.

Although, knowing Steve, he'd probably still bounce from sheer goodness.

 

 

**********

 

 

"You remember?" Loki said, not looking at James cleaning his teeth. He was leaning against the door, looking out to where Sam had gone.

"I'm not sure." James said around his toothbrush. "It's more like muscle memory. I don't know if it's true or not."

"But Sam seemed to indicate that it's right." Loki pointed out. Jame shrugged. They stood in silence for a while before Loki shifted, starting to walk out of the door. "Are you actually going to ask Steve Rogers?"

"I don't know." James whispered after gargling.

"You should." Loki said firmly, and then walked to the living room, curling up with his book and already starting to argue with Sam. 

James looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't know whether he wanted to pull on that thread

But if it made him closer to Steve...

It might just be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and kudos spur me on. It's love, baby! LOVE!


	14. Fly Me Up On A Silver Wing (CoG)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony comes up to see Loki and James, but will they butt heads? Or will something else catch Tony's eye?

It had been a quiet 3 days, but finally no one in the office was able to hold him back. So, during a rainy day where the humidity was causing Loki to curse in front of the mirror with a hairbrush, Clint opened the door to see Tony grinning on the doorstep.

"Shit." Clint swore but stood aside.

"You don't look pleased to see me." Tony said with a pout, walking in and fiddling with the bag across his shoulders. Clint closed the door and sighed.

"Tony, they really don't need any drama." Clint warned. He came up behind Tony, who was standing in the doorway to the living room, watching as James surreptitiously looked at Clint's cards. 

"Oi!" Clint said and came through, snatching his hand up and glaring at James. James shrugged, unrepentant.

"I was losing, I though that I might as well give myself an advantage."

"Cheater." Clint grumbled.

"Absolutely." James finally looked up and grinned, which dropped from his face when he saw Tony hovering. He was looking around with a contemplative expression on his face. 

"Right, well, it's time to switch over. This is Tony, he's a pain in the ass but a good man."

"Such glowing praise." Tony said before coming around Clint and plopping down in the couch. He opened his bag and pulled out a StarkPad, turning it on and flicking through the files, trying to find a file he had mislabelled. 

"I would have won anyway." Clint said, turning over his hand and watching as James laid down his own cards with a scowl. Clint chuckled when he saw how bad a hand James had and grabbed his own bag. "I'll see you guys around. Tell Loki I said goodbye." Clint nodded to James, glared at Tony for half a second and then walked out of the door.

James leaned back against his beanbag, ostensibly watching the television but keeping Tony Stark in his peripheral vision. 

Loki stomped out of the bathroom, hair pulled into a tight plait, and stopped when he saw Tony sitting on the couch. James looked at him and shook his head gently, and Loki narrowed his eyes.

"Mr Stark." He said, walking slowly towards Tony. Tony looked up from his Pad and grinned.

"Loki! How are you? Hair under control?" He set down his Pad. Loki frowned at him.

"How did you know?" 

"I could hear you swearing from outside the door." 

Loki froze, and then made his way to the couch. He perched on the end, keeping Tony in vision. Tony grinned back, then looked around.

"It's nice to see you keeping this place in good nick. I knew that you would look after it."

Both Loki and James froze and then looked around. Tony looked back, frowning at the expression on their faces before realising what he had said.

"Ooooh, you didn't know." He said, as if figuring out a secret.

"Didn't know?" James growls, giving up the pretence of watching television and swinging around on his beanbag, giving Tony the full force of his glare. Tony suppressed a shiver. No person in the Avengers had grey eyes, and they were truly piercing.

"That I owned the apartment. And the building. And, uh, kind of the street."

There was a very loud silence. Both Loki and James glared at Tony.

'Steady there, Stark.' Tony thought to himself. He didn't look back, but allowed his eyes to flicker around the apartment. When he had renovated it, just before James and Loki had been released from hospital, it had been pretty much bare, with basic furniture and blank walls. Now there were paintings and drawings covering them, some of which he knew Loki had drawn himself. He had seen the artwork adorning Loki's skin, and knew that he had some talent with a pen. There were books and DVD lining the shelves, the spines of favourites bent and creased. In the kitchen there were plates and cutlery drying, and Tony knew that in the bedroom were soft cotton sheets, bought by Loki and James for comfort and appearance rather than utility.

All in all, this looked like a place that was lived in, and Tony was pleased to see this. 

"Clint mentioned something about a person giving this place to us." James finally said. Loki frowned at him, wracking his memory.

"When?" he asked.

"When we first got here." James looked at Loki. Loki's memory during those fraught early days was tricky at best. It had improved greatly with time and a stable, healing environment, but sometimes Loki had had a tendency to mentally drift off, especially after they had first been rescued.

"Yeah, well. You guys needed a place, this seemed like the best solution." Tony said. Loki looked at Tony and pursed his lips, thinking.

"You...just...gave us an apartment. You didn't even know who we were. No offence, we'd never met you before going to SHIELD the other day."

"You never saw me on the news?" Tony pouted. Despite himself, Loki's lips twitched.

"Yes, we've seen you on the news." James said. He was also starting to smile. "It's kind of hard to miss you."

"How are you married?" Loki asked, then went white. He clamped his lips shut and looked away, nails digging into the fabric of the couch. 

"Pepper is extremely understanding." Tony said, not meeting anyone's eyes. There was another silence.

"You're completely whipped, aren't you?" James finally said, grinning widely. Despite himself, Tony laughed.

"She's great."

Loki snickered under his breath.

"So you gave us this place out of what? The kindness of your heart? Or is there something else you want?" Loki asked. Tony shrugged.

"Despite the public image I work  _so_ hard to keep up, sometimes I can do something for a good reason." Tony looked at the two men before him. He had seen them once, when they had been brought up from the room they had been left in. He remembered Loki's wide green despairing eyes, the sight of James' left arm, and was taken back to the attack by Obadiah Stane. He felt his chest laid open, could practically hear Pepper screaming. He had staggered to the side, sitting on the pavement and getting his gun down. Bruce had sat down next to it, rubbing his back as Tony gasped in panic. 

The next day he had visited the apartment complex and started renovating. He wasn't a people person, didn't know how to deal with trauma, so he wanted to contribute in the only way he knew how. Throw enough money and resources at the problem until it either got better or went away. 

In this case he was glad this it had got better.

"So, you gave us a fully furnished apartment, paid for our bills and our wifi, out of the goodness of your heart." James said. Tony shrugged again. 

"From the goodness of my light night at least."

Loki laughed and Tony watched as his eyes flickered to his chest. He'd had enough people ask outright to see his arc reactor, most of them drunk, that he could accurately see the question on Loki's face. He undid his shirt and spread it aside, and both Loki and James came closer, eyes riveted.

"Holy shit." James said under his breath. The light from the reactor illuminated his face, and Tony watched as Loki tilted his head, the green in his eyes reacting oddly with the blue light. 

"It's...oddly beautiful." Loki said. He reached out a hand and touched the reacted, tapping his nails against the unbreakable glass.

"Can you buy me a drink before you fondle me?" Tony said dryly, closing his shirt and quickly doing up the buttons. Loki and James jerked back, looking uncomfortable.

"Yeah." Loki said, avoiding everyone's eyes.

"I'm sorry about that." James muttered. But at least he sounded sincere.

"It's not actually the worst thing that's happened to me with this thing." Tony said. He wasn't the most people say person. Pepper normally dealt with others, leaving Tony with the building and the marketing side of things. He was very good at talking about himself and the products his company made, but when it came to tact or being polite, Tony had a self-admitted problem. The first time he had met Clint, shortly after Clint had joined SHIELD and was training to join the Avengers, he had asked him why he hadn't joined the circus instead. 

Clint had punched him in the face. And thus had started a beautiful friendship.

"I can imagine that you get a lot of questions."

Tony nodded. "You get used to it. Most people aren't so polite when it comes to asking about it."

Loki snorted and finally settled back into the couch, playing with the end of his plait and allowing James to lean against his legs. Tony looked at them and thought about Pepper. On difficult evenings, this was often how they sat, Tony on the floor, Pepper running her nails along his scalp. If he was being particularly manic, this was one of the only ways he would calm down.

"Actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about." Tony asked after a long silence. Loki and James both looked at him, James with a blank expression, Loki with a raised brow.

"More than you have already?" Loki asked, standing up and wandering into the kitchen to make tea. He automatically pulled out a third cup for Tony, spooning coffee into it and the one for James. 

Tony looked at him, twisting himself over the couch in an effort not to move. James smirked at him.

"Yeah, well, I do have something important to talk to James about."

"Me?" James asked, frowning slightly.

"You." Tony picked up his StarkPad again and started flicking through the images, finding something that he wanted to show. He had been working on an idea since he had seen James and Loki at SHIELD, for once (according to Bruce, Natasha and Fury) being altruistic and non selfless. Pepper knew better.

He wanted a challenge, something interesting and new. And his new chosen project was just that.

"Milk, sugar?" Loki asked, putting his head around the pillar. Tony didn't look up from his Pad.

"Just black for me." He muttered. James stuck his tongue out in disgust and accepted his sweetened coffee, watching as Loki settled himself back and went back to watching the television.

"Ah, here it is." Tony said. He took a huge swallow of coffee (Loki looked at him in surprise, as the coffee was still boiling and could scald with only a sip), and leaned forward, offering the StarkPad to James. 

James took a look, ideally drinking. When he saw what was being shown, he stopped drinking and slowly set down his cup, eyes widening when he saw the diagram.

"I asked Clint. He said that you left the hospital with a prosthetic." Tony said, watching James with a grin of his own. Loki leaned over James' shoulder, his plait falling over both their shoulders. He opened his mouth in surprise when he saw the drawing, and he let his hand fall onto James' shoulder, squeezing gently,

"Yes." James said with a slightly strangled voice. "Yes, I had a prothetic, and it was-"

"Shit." Loki finished for him. He turned and gave Tony an unnervingly sharp grin, and the hairs on the back of Tony's neck rose. There was something dangerous about that smile. In that moment, Tony was reminded of the tigers he used to see at the zoo when he was a child. They used to lie in the sun, looking like large house cats. Some of them would lie side by side, almost snuggling. But when they yawned, you could see those massive teeth, and Tony never forgot that they could kill him with a single bite if they were so inclined. 

Loki looked exactly like those tigers in that moment. Tony was glad that he was carrying a gun, but only at Bruce's insistence.

"They didn't you a good one?" Tony asked. James shook his head.

"No. It was...static. And plastic, and uncomfortable." James turned to Pad, and the image changed, showing the reverse.

"What happened to it?" Tony asked. Loki snickered, showing his teeth.

"Loki set it on fire." James muttered. Once again, Tony surpassed a shiver of discontent.

"You burnt your arm? Were you drunk?" Tony looked at Loki. Loki smiled back. 

"It was uncomfortable and basically useless. There was no point to James having it, and he's proven to be perfectly able to use one arm in the subsequent years." Loki looked back over James' shoulder, reaching out one finger and making the image spin slowly, so they could see all of the details.

"You couldn't have chucked it out? You decided to risk setting off the fire alarms."

"I had it perfectly under control." Loki said. He "ahhhed" when James braced the Pad against his leg and engaged part of the image. Tony felt a frisson of pleasure go through his gut. He always enjoyed watching people show appreciation for his creations, one of the main reasons he still designed and built for Stark Industries. He still loved the attention, and the reactions that Loki and James were giving to the design on the Pad warmed the cockles of his heart.

He was NOT steely hearted, no matter what Clint said.

"So you want to build me an arm instead." James finally looked up from the Pad. The blue light that came from the Pad illuminated the paleness of his face, bringing out the dark circles under his eyes and making him look a little sick.

"Yeah. Isn't it cool?" Tony said, preening. 

"It's very...futuristic." James finally said. 

"Is that wrong?" Tony asked. In his defence, he couldn't have known exactly what James wanted, so he designed the arm in the most basic way he thought of and brought along the blankest prototype he could think off. Given his preference for flash, he thought that he had done rather well.

"No, no." James said, shaking his head. He turned the image around slowly, watching it spin. "It's just..." James sighed in frustration and handed the Pad to Loki, running a hand through his hair. "You designed an arm. Tony Stark designed an arm. For me. You don't even know me, and you've designed an arm."

"Well, yeah." Tony said, not getting why James was acting like he was. "But it's not a finalised design. I mean, I brought this along so you could add stuff yourself. Make it yours entirely."

"Huh?" James looked at Tony with a confused frown.

"I mean, it's your arm. If it was my arm, it's red, gold and lights in the palms all the way. But Pepper and Betty said you might like something a little different."

Finally James laughed, and he picked himself up from his beanbag and sat down on the couch beside Tony. He sipped his drink and accepted the Pad from Loki, who was settling back and watching them. He preformed a complicated balancing act with the Pad and his cup of coffee, which Tony watched with a raised brow, before finally settling down.

"I might have some ideas." James said. He shuffled his knees and the Pad slid between his knee and Tony's, who back away slightly before regaining his senses and coming back.

"I don't like things being handed to me." Tony muttered.

"Deal with it." James said and finally gave up the struggle, quaffing his drink and handing the cup to Loki. He picked up the Pad and enlarged the image.

"So, what do you want to change?" Tony asked, leaning over and looking at the image. 

"Well, the colour for a start."

"Not a fan of beige, are you?" Tony asked. Nevertheless, he took the Pad from James and tapped some buttons. The beige colour of the drawing faded away, exposing the metallic under layer. James's eyebrows raised.

It was oddly beautiful. The metal was bight silver, and was sectioned in pates, which overlapped occasionally. James could almost hear the sound of the moving, the smooth sound of metal on metal, and abruptly his left shoulder started aching.

"It looked boring." Loki said. He was leaning over and watching the Pad, the light reflecting of the arm once again making the green in his eyes light up in a way that was most disconcerting.

"Fair enough." Tony said. 

"There isn't any muscle definition." James said, pointing to the straight line that the arm had coming up from the elbow. Tony looked at James with a raised eyebrow.

"You want guns there, big man?" He asked. James looked at Tony with a stony expression. 

"I want them to match."

"Man, you want the arm to be silver, it's not really going to look similar." Tony said. But, seeing the expression on James' face, he enlarged the muscles of the arm. Now it looked like an arm rather than just some metallic plates that were in the shape of an arm.

"How heavy is it going to be?" Loki asked. His voice was soft, as if in awe of the image in front of him.

"Not very. It's going to be made out of the same material Captain America's shield."

"Huh?" Loki said.

"Captain America?" James asked, looking confused. Tony laughed.

"Steve Rogers. They called him that when he was in the army."

"That's...weird." James said, shaking his head and focusing back on the arm.

"So there's the colour and the actually shape of the thing. Remember, these are just preliminary ideas. If you want to go through with this, and this is entirely up to you, we can change the design right up until I can install it." Tony said. There wasn't any arrogance in his voice, no subterfuge. It wasn't very often that Tony thought of others with no thought of himself, but when it happened, he threw himself who heartedly into the situation. 

He  _wanted_ to help James.

"What about the hand?" Loki asked. He had settled in beside James and was leaning against him, looking at the arm with slightly narrowed eyes.

"What about it?" Tony asked.

"Well, James said that the arm had to match. Surely that also applies to the hand." Loki gestured to the drawing. "At the moment there are simple steel rods with bolts were the joints would be."

"What would you suggest?" James said, looking down at Loki. Loki looked at Tony.

"Would it be possible for the whole hand to be the same metal plates as the rest of the arm. Surely hundred of little joints would give the hand a greater range of flexibility."

Tony nodded, seeing as to what Loki was saying. He had designed the prototype for easy building, but now that Loki had pointed it out, he could see how the redesigned arm would look.

"It'll take longer to build." He warned. He was looking forward to the experimentation of it, getting every joint to work and giving the hand and arm a normal, or even an enhanced range of movement. But he still needed to warn James and Loki of the time restraints.

James laughed and handed Tony back the Pad. "Tony, if there's something that Loki and I have an abundance of, it's time."

Tony grinned. "So you want this thing? James, my man, shall I build you an arm?" He said as theatrically as possible, causing Loki to giggle. James smiled at Tony, lips twitching with carefully concealed emotion.

"Yes. Pleas." He said.

Tony clapped his hands together. "Excellent. That's awesome of you, and I promise, it's going to be amazing. That's a Stark promise. Now," he changed the subject, looking at the television. "Do you have an X-Box."

Loki nodded and stood up, opening the cabinet that the television good on and pulling out the X-Box.

"Do you have Super Mario Cart?" Tony asked. Loki nodded and handed him a controller. 

"I warn you," Tony said, leaning forward in anticipation. "I'm really good at this."

James snorted. Given his lack of a second arm, he had a specially adapted controller, and frequently played against Loki, who had reflexes not normally seen outside of snakes.

"Not as good as me." Loki said, getting ready.

Tony snorted. "We'll see about that." he said, feeling immensely confident. He was so going to win this. He just knew it.

 

 

**********

 

 

He was trounced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and kudos, people. REVIEWS AND KUDOS! They actually do help me, I really like hearing from people about my work. Just a few words is all you need, and then I get a boost and start pumping out chapters for your enjoyment!


	15. I'm A Young Lover's Rage (MSKWYDITD)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does Thor want? What does Loki want? And who will make the first step?

It was 5 days later, and nothing had happened. It was as if HYDRA had gone to ground, and now there was a cloud hanging over everyone. It was incredibly tense, and every night, Loki and James went to bed and just held each other, waiting for the storm to break.

In the meantime, they got used to having other people in their apartment. Clint came over again, and Natasha with him. Bruce showed them how to properly meditate, to try and get rid of the anxiousness that he could see in their bodies, and it was a very relaxing 5 hours of total silence, James lying on the couch, Loki and Bruce sitting on the floor, eyes closed, Loki gently swaying. Tony had come over again but had not mentioned his prospective project, instead spending the entire time either playing against James or watching the news with Loki. Sam had been their quite lifesaver, spending the time reading or finishing reports.

Neither Steve not Thor had come over, both men being head of the investigation and therefore tied up in leads and investigating and paperwork. 

It had nothing to do with not wanting to see James and Loki, to see two men in the middle of this spiderweb.

No. Not at all.

However, neither man could stay away for ever, and so, when Betty was in the kitchen teaching Loki how to make a decent curry and James was watching the television, eyes glazed and hair falling out of his hasty bun, there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it." James said and went to the door. He remembered the safety protocols that Natasha had taught him and edged sideways, staring out of the peephole with the fireplace poker held taught in his hand. In the kitchen, Loki clutched at the largest knife he could and Betty was fingering her gun, a small model that Bruce had given her and Tony had customised when she had joined SHIELD.

James licked his lips and looked through, instantly relaxing when he saw Thor's face smiling at him.

"It's Thor." James said and relaxed his arm, sliding the poker under his elbow and opening the door. Thor nodded at him in thanks and then stepped through, raising an eyebrow at the poker.

"I see that Natasha has been instructing you in proper safety technique." He said, grinning at James. Thor put out such an easy aura that James found that he was automatically smiling back, shrugging and leading Thor back into the living room after he had closed the door.

"She's been very diligent. And thorough. Is she always that paranoid?" James asked, putting back the poker and sitting back down, muting the television.

"Yes." Said Betty, putting the curry on to simmer and coming through. "She taught me, when I joined."

"You didn't join immediately?" Loki asked with a frown. Betty shook her head.

"No. I mean, unofficial I did, but after HYDRA attacked the station a few years ago, they decided to get me certified and officially a member of the team. Natasha did my training."

"Oh, was it her?" Thor asked, leaning over the edge of the couch. "I wondered why you two had the same fighting styles."

"Yeah." Betty sat on the edge of the couch and looked at the television. She frowned when she saw an add for Hammer Tech, and looked at James. He was once again sitting with his eyes glazed, giving Betty the impression that he was barely awake.

"Hi, Thor." Loki said softly from the doorway. Betty wouldn't have made a big deal of it, thinking that Loki was being polite, except that James' blinked his eyes and sat up slowly, turning his head to look at Loki. Betty turned his head and saw Loki looking at Thor with a small smile, hands worrying themselves in front of him. Betty frowned slightly, and then heard a slight choking noise from behind herself. She turned back as saw James looking at Loki with an open mouth.

"Good afternoon Loki." Thor said with a smile. Loki's smile widened and he came into the room, hovering beside Betty. Betty suddenly felt a bit like a ghost, so she stood up and gathered her bag.

"Bye!" She said, walking to the door. James waved at her, and Thor tore his eyes away and nodded his head towards her. She was going back to the office first, to see Bruce and then back to their apartment to sleep. They had all agreed on 12 hour shifts, seeing it as a good way to keep at least one person in the apartment at any one time rather than eight hour shifts. 

"I'll see tomorrow." Thor said. He stood up and walked to Betty, kissing her on the cheeks and walking her to the door. Loki's eyes followed her, and James was still looking at Loki with a slight incredulous expression on his face. Betty nodded and walked to the door, closing it and walking to her car.

"Sorry about that, Betty's been up for nearly 28 hours. She's about ready to pass out."

"Why's she been up for so long?" James asked.

"She's been working on the case." Thor said, coming back to the living room and bushing past Loki. His hand touched Loki's gently and rubbed the pale skin, almost accidentally before sitting back down on the couch. Loki hovered, worrying his lip and stroking his hand without noticing. James looked at him out of the corner of his eye, and decided to engage Thor in conversation about what was playing on the TV to see how long it took before Loki cracked.

It lasted a minute before Loki, bottom lip badly chewed, blurted out loudly "Would you like some tea?"

Thor turned and looked at Loki, frowning slightly. James also looked at Loki, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

"I prefer coffee. Do you have any?" Thor asked gently. Loki looked slightly stunned for a minute and then nodded frantically.

"Coffee, yes. We-I-we have coffee. I'll just..." Loki turned and walked back into the kitchen as fast as he could, turning on the kettle and pulling out mugs before realising what he had sounded like and burying his head into his hands, silently screaming.

"Uh..." Thor said, slightly stunned.

"Nicely done." James muttered under his breath, repressing the urge to snicker.

"Do you want cream and sugar?" Loki yelled, trying to get his thumping heart under control. 

"Cream, please." Thor said. He was slowly starting to get his brain back into gear, and was starting to smile. James, seeing this, settled back and curled up in the corner of the couch. Loki walked in slowly, balancing three mugs in his hands. James reached over and took his own mug in hand, watching the interaction between Loki and Thor. Ever since that dinner he had been wondering whether the spark he saw between them would grow into anything more.

He tried diligently not to think of Steve. 

"Thank you." Thor said, once again brushing his finger against Loki's hand as he took his drink. Loki concealed his shudder and settled down beside Thor, equal distance from James and Thor. He didn't look at either of them, instead sipping his tea and tapping his fingers against the porcelain. 

"So how have you both been doing?" Thor asked, looking at Loki but speaking to them both. James, seeing that Loki was now basically useless with nerves, decided to answer.

"Nervous. But it's been nice, having someone here. Gives us a sense of...protection. And we badly need it." James added under his breath, breathing in the steam of his coffee. Loki toes were now tapping against the couch, and the steam was turning his cheeks red, something he couldn't do himself.

"I know that telling you both that you're going to be fine is now becoming irritating," Thor said, watching as James' face pulled into a grimace at the words, "but we're doing all that we can to bring HYDRA down. This is personal for us as well, not just you."

"Yeah, we know. But still-"

"But nothing." Thor said firmly. He leaned forward, looking at James with serious eyes. If his elbow brushed Loki's knee, well, that was just a happy coincidence. 

"All of us, every single person, has had a run in with HYDRA at some point on our lives. All of us want this to end. This may have started off as an adventure, but now the threat they've become is greater than ever. A cornered animal is at its most dangerous. I don't want to see the both of you to come to harm, but this strategy is the best we can do. Short of putting you both out on the street, this is what we have to work with."

"And you really believe this will work?" Loki said, looking over at Thor with wide green eyes. His mug was still steaming, and Thor wondered in a corner of his mind as to how his tea was still warm when his was already starting to go cold.

"This is the best option we've got. I know that every member of the team will have said this to you or will say it, but it's going to be fine. I promise."

There was a silence, before Loki smiled again and shuffled closer to Thor. The small smile on his face softened his angular and sharp features and his eyes were glittering. 

"If you promise." He said gently. James, seeing this, grinned and focused on the television, balancing the mug on his knees and grabbing the remote, turning the sound back on. He wanted to give Loki and Thor something to talk about other than the mission, and television was a good place to start.

"Have you ever been to the Tower?" Loki asked as an ad for Tony's StarkPad came on. Thor laughed.

"Yeah."

"What's it like?"

Thor leaned back and reached out an arm. He let the fingers dangle, one occasionally tickling the back of Loki's neck. Thor didn't even bother to make it seem that this was accidental, and Loki, after freezing initially, relaxed into the back of the couch. He tucked one leg under himself, and leaned towards Thor. James, seeing this, set down his mug again and pulled out the book he had stashed under the couch. He opened it and started to read, seeing that Loki was still in good hands.

The rest of the day went pleasantly. James kept to himself, intent on plowing through his book, although occasionally he would look over the top. Throughout the day, as the television had moved from adds Loki had flicked on to the TV shows that he had recorded Loki and Thor's conversations had moved from tentative one word conversations to spirited debates about Supernatural and Community.

"And a movie! There's got to be a movie!" Loki said, waving his hands. Their sandwich plates were on the table, Loki having made them lunch three hours ago and forgotten to take the plates through to be washed.

"I don't know." Thor said, rubbing his scruff. He smiled at Loki's animated face, enjoying the way that his eyes danced. "They ended pretty strongly. It wouldn't be bad for the writers to end like this."

"No." Loki shook his head and slumped back on the couch. His shoulder bumped Thor's and he didn't even flinch. James, seeing this, smiled and went back to his book. "No, they promised a movie. We have to get a movie."

"If you insist." Thor said. He nudged Loki and Loki, gone with happiness and a spirited debate, nudged back. He then realised what he had done and the smile slowly slid off of his face. He looked at Thor and Thor, seeing the expression on his face, reached out and took Loki's hand. He rubbed his thumb over the knuckles. 

"Hey, if you want there to be a movie, they'll probably be a movie. There's enough momentum behind it for there to be one." Thor said in a low voice.

They sat in silence for a bit, letting the sound of Dean and Castiel wash over them, before Loki took a deep (hidden) breath and then squeezed back. Thor looked over at Loki and gave him a gentle smile.

They held hands for the rest of the afternoon, and when it came time to swap over, Loki walked Thor gently to the door. 

"Thank you for coming." Loki said, not meeting Thor's eyes. Thor gently reached under his chin and bright his head up. Loki's eyes darted everywhere and then settled on Thor's, fright evident. 

"It was truly my pleasure." Thor said gently and then squeezed Loki's neck, before opening the door and walking past Maria. Loki let her him and then closed the door, letting out a deep breath, before opening them and walking back into the living room. Maria had excused herself and gone to the guest bathroom, and now James had put down his book and was looking at Loki with a wide, slightly incredulous grin.

"Wow." He said.

"Oh, shut up." Loki grumbled. He sat down heavily on the couch and started channel hopping.

"I mean, wow. I've never seen anything like that." James shuffled over and nudged Loki, who turned and poked him viciously in the ribs. "You've got it bad. That was some of the worst flirting I've ever seen, when he first came in."

"Have you seen much flirting?" Loki snarled under his breath. James laughed.

"We've seen about a million movies together, and I know good flirting when I see it. And you, my friend, nearly crashed and burned."

"Oh, stick a sock in it." Loki grumbled and James snickered with glee.

"So Thor was here. How did he do?" Maria asked. Loki wouldn't look at her, instead hunching and bringing his shoulders up to his ears, so James took pity on him and answered. 

"It was fine. It was nice to actually see him, and he was objective enough that it wasn't uncomfortable. He also explained this...thing...that's happening to us, so it was nice to finally have that clarified."

Maria nodded and gave them a smile. Loki looked up and saw that it was nearly 7, so he stood up and went to the kitchen to re-heat the curry that Betty had shown him how to make earlier. "Do you want dinner?" He asked Betty, quickly pulling his hair into a ponytail and pulling out plates.

"Oh, yes please." Maria said. She stood up and quickly made her way to the guest bedroom, quickly unpacking her overnight bag and coming back into the kitchen to help Loki cook some rice and peas. James, seeing that everything was under control, put down his book and picked up his StarkPad, flicking through his emails to see if anyone had contacted him. He had been checking his emails regularly, ever since Tony had promised that he would send him some finalised plans.

His eyebrows rose when he saw an email from Tony and he tapped it open, mouth opening in when he saw the beauty of the object in front of him. He laid the StarkPad flat, eyes shining, and then tapped it, frowning then he couldn't activate the 3D function. It was something that was built in to every Pad, but James had never been able to access it. But the email from Tony had said that it was better to view this in 3D, so he was now trying desperately to open it.

"James, do you want coconut yoghurt-Oh." Loki came in, two plates and cutlery in hands. He quickly hurried over and set down the plates, taking over the tapping and getting visibly more and more irritated when he saw that nothing was happening.

"Fucking thing." Loki snarled. Maria, coming through and seeing this, laughed and set down her own plate. She pulled the pad towards herself.

"Tony likes making this difficult on occasion, just to be contrary." Maria said, tapping. There was a  _ping!_ and suddenly her face was illuminated. She quickly laid down the Pad and pushed it towards James. James slowly set down his plate and stared at the image in front of him. 

"Whoa." Loki whispered, fork hovering.

It was...beautiful. Bright silver, with visible plates and intricate detailing on the fingers. James reached out a hand and spun the image slowly, looking at the elbow joint and the fingers. The hand seemed to be able to fully articulate and move just like a real hand, and Tony had even etched fingerprints to the ends. James contracted the image and saw that Tony had even added in how it would attach to him. There was a solid lump of metal around his sunken in shoulder, with it seeming to reach under his skin. 

"It says here that they're going to have to anchor it." Loki said, looking at the text underneath the image.

"How?" Maria asked, also leaning close. She was always amazed by what Tony managed to dream up, but he had really outdone himself this time. It was strange and alien and perfect. 

"They're going to have to fuse it to your chest and spine. Make sure that there is no chance of the arm suddenly ripping itself out of your body."

The mood abruptly changed in the room. The magic of the image was been sucked out, and Loki watched as James went pale and started to look sick. He quickly got rid of the image and settled back with his curry, nudging James so that he would eat. James started to eat mechanically, not really tasting the food. Maria watched him, frowning with worry.

"Do I-" James finally said.

"You do know that you have no obligation to do this. Tony's pushy, but he won't make you do anything that you don't want to."

"It is beautiful." James said in a low voice. "And I do want a second arm. This is becoming a pain in the ass." He demonstrated alternating between his plate, fork and the Pad. Loki laughed and nudged him.

"You don't have to make a decision tonight." Loki said, pouring yoghurt onto James' curry and pushing it towards him. James nodded his thanks and settled back, pushing the Pad under the coffee table and settling back to watch the television. Loki and Maria took the hint and too settled back, starting to engage in conversation. Loki appreciated Maria's level headedness, her sensible nature and her wry sense of humour. Parks and Recreation seemed like a good bet, and it proved to be engaging enough that James could watch them, happy to let his heart slow down and not think about that gift that was being dangled in front of his face.

He didn't think about it as he brushed his teeth or got to bed, nor as he heard Loki's breath deepen and slow as he drifted off to sleep. He stayed awake, staring at the ceiling and tapping his fingers against the scars on his left shoulder.

 

 

***********

 

 

**_Sent 3.49am, Monday 17th July_ **

_'Dear Tony,_

_I'll do it. When do you need me to come in?_

_Yours_

_James B Barnes.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is starting to get exciting. I'm really invested in this, so I hope that you enjoy this! And remember, only a few words can really make me happy!


	16. You're Seeing In Your Dreams (GoM)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A photo, a flashback and a fitting. It's a busy day for Loki and James!

It was another roasting day, and James and Loki could find no motivation to move around, so were lying on the floor of their living room, Loki reading, James listening to music and tapping his foot against the carpet. Bruce, their minder for the day, was in the kitchen, making ice cold smoothies for them all and none to subtly resting his back against the the fridge, sighing as the searing cold touched his over-heated skin. It did, however, make him shiver, which had the unfortunate effect of causing more sweat to pop up. 

"Any allergies?" He called to the living room.

"Boredom!" James yelled and then groaned when he felt his skin move.

"Dull people." Loki murmured. 

Bruce chuckled and came through with their drinks. He handed one to Loki to didn't look up but nodded his thanks, and then to James, who peeled himself up from the floor and took it. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if they had hardwood instead of beige carpet.

'Like peeling a plaster off.' He thought and grimaced, sipping his drink. He sighed when he felt banana and strawberry hit his tongue, and lay back down. He stretched out on the carpet and angled the straw towards his mouth. Bruce settled himself in front of the TV and lay back against the soft couch.

They sat in silence for a long time, each man desperately trying to deal with the heat. Loki continued to read, the easiest with the searing temperatures, whilst James and Bruce whined and moaned.

It was about 2 in the afternoon when Bruce's phone chimed and he took the call. He sat up with a groan and wandered to the kitchen, ignoring the weak fingers grabbing at his ankles. "Fuck off Loki." He said and earned a wide grin. 

There was a brief discussion with the person on the other end before Bruce back in with a grin. "Tony just called. He wants you to come in, James."

"Huh?" James said, sitting up and groaning when he felt fresh sweat pop up on his skin. 

"He needs you to come in for a fitting." Bruce said. He gathered his bags together, sliding in his reports and his laptop, and watched as Loki wandered towards their bedroom to grab a top for James. James himself was heaving himself up, whining faintly about the heat and the discomfort.

"Oh, grow up you child." Loki said, coming back in with a bag around his shoulder and a t-shirt in his hands. He threw it to James, which struck him in the face and made him flop back onto the floor. "Get up." Loki said, poking him in the ribs with his foot.

"Can't we do this on another day? You know, when you can't cook eggs on the sidewalk." James grumbled, but he pulled the shirt on and stood up, rolling his shoulders to work out the kinks and walking to the door to slip on his trainers. Loki, although stylishly dressed on a silk shirt with the sleeves rolled up and drainpipe jeans, slipped his feet into flip flops.

"You're ruining the image there." Bruce said, nodding down.

"Sometimes comfort comes before style." Loki said, shifting through his bag to pull out his phone. He checked the time and then walked to the door, opening it and ushering Bruce and James through. He locked the door and then took a deep breath, leaning his head against the wood frame. 

"Easy there, Loki." He whispered and then hurried off after Bruce and James. James had settled in shotgun in the front of Bruce's car, and as Loki settled into the back, he caught James' eyes in the door side mirror. Loki gave James a quick nod and looked out of the window as Bruce pulled out. 

They spent the ride of the Avengers brownstone in silence. Both Loki and James were nervous to be out of the apartment, as they hadn't left since that first date with Steve and Thor. Both men had clung to their privacy and their safety ever since the realisation that the Masters were after them again, and so hadn't even stepped out of their apartment to collect their shopping, which was now being delivered. So it took a good half an hour to coax Loki and James out of the apartment and into the car, and both Loki and James were sweating with nerves.

"It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay." James whispered to himself, clutching at his knees and gripping the fabric so hard his knuckles were turning white. Bruce saw this out of the corner of his eye and gripped the steering wheel hard.

The drive to Avengers Tower (Tony's idea, not theirs), was quiet, fraught with tension. But when Bruce pulled to the overlarge brownstone, James and Loki pressed their faces against the windows and gaped.

"Holy shit, you live here?" Loki asked, toes scrunching against the foam of his sandals.

Bruce nodded, a grin curling his mouth. "Yeah. Tony decided he wanted us all together when the Avengers were formed, so he bought half the street and modified them. We have our own apartment, and there's a gym in the basement."

"Nice." James whispered and unbuckled his seatbelt as Bruce drove into the sunken car park and parked. He opened the door and stood up, stretching and groaning as his bones clicked. Loki got out and looked around. He remembered that the gym was down here and was peering at the doors, trying to see whether he could spot Thor working out. The thought of those muscles wet with sweat made him lick his lips. 

"This way." Bruce said and made his way to the elevator. James and Loki followed him like so many ducklings and they stood in the sleek silver box, looking around with amazement in their eyes. James in particular liked the sleekness of the transport, his long dormant affection for machinery having been awakened when he had first seen the design Tony had sent for his arm.

"Good afternoon, Mr Banner." A smooth British voice said, causing both James and Loki to jump.

"Hi, JARVIS." Bruce said.

"JARVIS?" James mouthed to Loki, who shrugged. Bruce grinned when he saw James speak, as the walls were so shiny as to reflect everything.

"He's Tony's AI. Tony designed him years ago, and his software is ever-evolving, so he's self aware and learning."

"Glowing praise, Mr. Banner. It's all in my code, Sir deserves at least part of the credit."

"Please, don't let him hear that. His head might become so swollen he might not make it through the door."

The conversation was calming James, who had started sweating with fear when he had got into the elevator, but when the elevator got to the top floor where Tony's lab was, James shivered and closed his eyes in fear, and felt Loki reach out and brush his fingers against his hand, clenched in a fist at his side. Bruce strode out to the lab, James following reluctantly with Loki bringing up the rear. 

The lab itself was spacious and well light, with floor to ceiling windows and robots rolling around, a couple holding wrenches and the last one holding a coffee mug. Tony himself was standing at the far end, looking at 3 different holograms, one of which held the design for James' arm.

"Ah, RoboCop!" Tony said, turning around and hurrying over to James. Bruce had gone over to his own desk and was pulling out his own StarkPad, flicking through the images Tony had sent him and keeping an eye on James and Loki.

"Tony. You needed me to come in?" James said. Tony nodded and rubbed his hands together, turning and walking over to his station.

"It's not so much a fitting." Tony explained over his shoulder. James looked at Loki, who shrugged and pushed James in between his shoulders, making him stumble forward. Loki was rolling his sleeves up, and taking his water bottle out of his bag, sipping and looking around. 

"Can you stand against the wall?" Bruce asked, coming over with a metallic wand of sorts. James frowned at him and then looked at Tony, who was once again engrossed with his holograms. "You might want to take your earrings out." Bruce advised, and Loki came over and took them out for him, slipping them into a secure pocket in his bag and standing back, looking interested. 

"Arms," Tony looked over and saw that flat look James was giving him, "arm out." James looked at him with a confused expression on his face and slowly held his arm out to the side, feeling slightly ridiculous. Loki didn't help by sniggering.

Bruce pressed a button on the wand and held it out, ignoring James' flinch. A light came out from the end of the device and covered James' head. 

"Slowly, Bruce. We need a clear picture." Tony said, bringing up another hologram. Loki leaned in and looked over Tony's shoulder, watching the image be created. 

Bruce slowly drew the light down James' body, covering every nook and cranny. James tried not to shift in discomfort, but the feeling of being scanned was distinctly odd and uncomfortable. It took a good five minutes for the light to get down his body before Bruce switched off the wand and nodded to him. James let his arm flop to his side and let out a deep breath, rolling his neck on his shoulders and looked around. He frowned when he couldn't see Loki, and turned to Bruce.

"He asked to explore the building. As long as he doesn't leave the building, he's perfectly safe." Bruce said, handing the wand to Tony, who plugged it into an outlet and watched the scan of James appear on the hologram.

"But no one can see him." James said.

"JARVIS has eyes everywhere, and his system is unhackable. He's not going anywhere, JARVIS will alert us if anything happens." Tony said, pressing something on the hologram. James's attention was caught as the image of his body came into focus. Tony pressed something else and his clothes, skin and muscle was stripped away, showing his skeleton.

"That's distinctly creepy." James said, and Bruce laughed.

"We needed to see your internal structure so we can see what else we need to do. You know that we need to brace this arm against your chest plate and spine, to make sure that your arm won't rip out of your body. This gives us a template to work against." Bruce explained, coming over to stand beside Tony. James nodded and stood back, watching as Bruce and Tony carefully brought the hologram over to Tony's work station, which stood in the middle of the room and was the largest structure in the lab. James stood to the side and watched Bruce and Tony talk. 

"They'll be gone like this for several hours." Said a voice from the door, and James turned to see Steve standing by the door. He smiled at James, and James' stomach flipped at that smile. 

"Do you think they need me for anything else?" James asked. Tony looked at Steve at the doorway, and then James.

"We're good. You can go play now." He said, waving his hand at James, who frowned at him. Steve laughed and nodded to James. James came over and Steve left the lab, James following. 

"I'm on the next detail." Steve explained, walking over to the elevator. The doors opened and he went inside, James hurrying up before the doors closed. "But, since your both here, you don't need to go back to the apartment if you don't wish."

James nodded, thinking. He wanted to spend more time with Steve. Despite the fact that they had left the safety of the apartment, and there was a content prickle of unease at the back of his neck, James felt safe with Steve, and indeed this building offered more protection to both him and Loki than any other place could.

"Have you see Loki?" James asked. Steve nodded. 

"He's wandering around Natasha and Clint's floor. He's fine." Steve said. He pressed the buttons to the basement, and James looked at Steve with a confused expression on his face.

"I was wondering whether you wanted to work off that extra tension in the gym?" Steve said, smiling at James. He was only slightly taller that James, but those couple of inches felt like a whole mile.

"How did you know-"

"Your shoulders are hunched and your constantly clenching your hand. I thought that you might like to wallop a punchbag until you feel better."

James laughed and nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good." He said, grinning.

"Excellent."

They spent the quick journey to the gym in silence, Steve bouncing on the balls of his feet. Tony's elevator was fast and smooth, so it only took a couple of minutes to get to the basement. The doors opened and James's mouth dropped.

"Wow." He muttered and Steve laughed.

"Tony really likes to impress. As soon as we all confirmed that we were going to move in, he had this built. It's state of the art, most gyms would kill for this kind of equipment."

"You're telling me." James said and stepped out, looking at all of the high tech gear. There were state of the art running machines, rowing machines and resistance equipment. Weights were dotted around the edges and in the middle was a large boxing ring, with gloves hanging off of the ropes. At the back of the room were several bags hanging from the ceiling, along with mats for padding.

"This is...kind of amazing." James said. He wandered around, eyes wide. Steve stood in the doorway, a somewhat sad smile on his face as he looked at the expression on James'.

"It's very useful, especially since we don't have to pay membership. C'mon, lets get set up." He said and walked towards the bags, James following. Steve stripped off his shirt, boots and socks when he got there, clad in nothing but his vest and loose track pants. He grabbed some tape and started binding his hands, watching as James followed suit. He knelt down and undid the laces of his boots and then stood up, toeing off his boots and then hopping as he pulled off his socks. He laid them to the side and then grabbed the back of his t-shirt, before looking up at Steve with an oddly blank expression on his face.

"My, uh. My shoulder-"

"I don't care." Steve said quickly, shaking his head and holding up his hands. James took a deep breath and yanked off his t-shirt, tossing it on top of his boots and rolling his right shoulder, studiously not looking at Steve. Steve himself looked at the web of scarring on James's shoulder and the smooth line down his body, took a deep and silent breath, and then came over.

"Shall I tape for you?" He asked. James hesitated for a brief second and then held out his hand. Steve took it gently and started to tape it up, ignoring the brief shudder that ran through James' body at his touch. Steve was quick and efficient and soon backed away, walking to the back of the bag and starting to hold it.

"Ready?" James asked. Steve nodded his head and was about to ask that James go slowly at first when James turned on his leg and preformed a flawless roundhouse kick. It was so strong that it knocked Steve back completely, causing him to drop the bag and stumble.

"Are you alright?" James asked. But there was a small smile tugging at his lips, and Steve couldn't find it in himself to be annoyed. Instead, he was impressed.

"That was...very strong. I didn't know you could do that." Steve said, running a hand through his hair and coming back to the bag. "I would have thought your balance would be wonky at best."

"I can compensate for it. I've spent the last two years with only one arm, you do end up adapting well." James said. He waited for Steve to get back to the bag and then nodded to him. Steve grinned and braced the bag, knowing what to expect this time. James started punching, and once again he impressed by James's strength.

James pounded the bag, occasionally kicking it to add some variety, and Steve held on. James was a very strong man who had compensated for the lack of the arm and the balance he had lost by training relentlessly. It was nice to actually have someone to practice against. Loki, as much as he was in the gym in the apartment with James, didn't fight like James. He spent his time on the treadmill and doing push-ups, his musculature wiry and not as defined at James. Occasionally, Steve would push back on the bag, causing James to give him a sharp grin and hit back twice as hard.

"How's the tension?" Steve asked after half an hour. James had backed away and was shaking his head, breathing hard. His body glistened and, as Steve watched his chest heave, he felt something tighten in his stomach. 

"Gone. That was great." James said. He caught the towel that Steve threw at him and started mopping. It felt good to work out like this, his muscles twitching and sore. He was going to sleep to well tonight. 

Steve gave James a water bottle, already opened, and watched James' throat move as he gulped. The sensation in his stomach moved to his chest and he reached into his back pocket, bringing out his inhaler. He took a hit and breathed out slowly. He saw that James had stopped drinking and was looking at Steve with a frown.

"You...have asthma." He said under his breath.

"Yeah." Steve said softly.

"I feel like I should have known that." James muttered. He took another drink and then walked to the bag, knocking it and making it swing slightly. "You up for this?" He asked. 

Steve laughed and came over, putting his inhaler back into his pocket. But something fell out and James swooped down, picking up Steve's wallet. "Oooh, Steve's wallet." He said, waving it like a trophy. 

"Aw, no." Steve groaned. He came over to grab it but James danced out of the way, a wide grin on his face. 

"What's in it? Something contraband? A spliff, a condom? A really embarrassing photo?" James said, continuing to dart out of the way. 

"James, c'mon." Steve whined. "Give it back." He reached over to snatch the wallet, but James was a fraction of a second quicker. 

"No, I want to see." And James darted around the boxing ring, cackling. When he had put enough distance between himself and Steve, he flipped open the wallet. He saw credit cards and a FroYo card, a couple of cards with phone numbers on them. But when he saw what was in the plastic jacket, the photograph that was slightly creased as though it had been constantly taken out and put back in, his breath caught in his chest.

"Steve...I..." He gasped, his eyes never leaving the photograph. He stumbled back against the ring and slid to the floor. Steve came around the ring and knelt by James, feeling helpless.

There were two boys staring at the camera, on the roof of a building. One boy was wrapped in a light blanket, small and tow-headed. He was being pulled to the side of another boy, one with thick dark hair and a wide grin on his face. His grey eyes were sparkling with mischief and love, and the small boy at his side was leaning his head against the other's boys shoulder, his face infused with adoration. 

"That boy." James heard his voice say. It felt like it was coming down a very long tunnel, echoing oddly. He felt numb, removed from his body. "That boy is me."

 

 

*************

 

 

**14 Years Ago**

_"It's fucking boiling." Bucky moaned as he stumbled back on to the roof. He was hauling an icebox with him, and Steve turned over on his blanket to watch him. His cough was getting worse, and both Steve and Bucky knew that he was a couple of days away from getting admitted to hospital. But for now, James was going to enjoy the time spent with Steve, and, in his mind, this included iced Coke and_ _Ice-cream on the roof._

_"It's the middle of summer, Buck." Steve said and coughed. "It's gonna be hot."_

_"This is unreasonable." Bucky said and finally slumped down beside Steve, opening the ice-box and taking out a Coke. He opened the tab and handed it to Steve, before opening his own and pressing it to his forehead, moaning with relief._

_"Chicken." Steve said. He took a drink and sighed when he felt the drink move down his chest. He didn't jump when he felt Bucky reach over and tug his t-shirt over his head, but he did squeal when Bucky pressed his glass to his back._

_"Fucking Christ, Bucky!" Steve swore and shivered, glaring at Bucky when he laughed._

_"You're supposed to be a good Catholic boy, Stevie. Blaspheming, tut tut." He said, snickering at the expression on Steve's face._

_"You're such a hypocrite." Steve grumbled and then coughed. This was a bad attack, and he bent double, hacking. When he had finished, Bucky wrapped him in a thin blanket and brought him to his chest._

_"You're going to be fine." Bucky whispered into Steve's hair. Steve didn't say anything, only wrapped his hand around Bucky's, which had sneaking across his bare chest and was pressed against his heart, feeling to the irregular beat of his heart._

_"You can't know everything." Steve said. Bucky frowned at this and tugged Steve's head to the side, making sure to look Steve in the eye._

_"You will be. I know you will be. I'm gonna see you everyday, and you're going to come out and be alright. And one day, you're going to be tall and healthy, and be able to kick my ass in everything."_

_Steve hacked and laughed. "You've been reading those science fiction novels again."_

_Bucky shrugged. "Yeah. But that doesn't stop me from wanting it to be true."_

_"A cure won't suddenly just...walk into my hospital room and offer itself to me. Life doesn't work out like that."_

_"Psssh. I never took you to be a pessimist." Bucky said, rocking Steve gently. He took another drink of his Coke and then offered it to Steve, who took a sip and leant back against Bucky's chest._

_"I'm not. I'm a realist." Steve mumbled._

_"Well, I need you to be optimist. You're going to come out of hospital, and I'll take you to Coney Island like I promised."_

_"I'll throw up."_

_"No, you won't."_

_Bucky and Steve sat in silence for a long time, watching the sun set behind the buildings. When he door opened behind them, Bucky looked over and smiled at Sarah._

_"I thought you might be up here." Sarah said, coming over and kneeling beside Bucky. Steve looked over and hacked, and Sarah's face pulled into a grimace._

_"It's nice and warm." Steve mumbled. Bucky hitched Steve up his chest and continued rocking them, pushing his face into Steve's hair._

_"Yeah. But you need to come down soon. I have medicine." Sarah whispered, running her hand through her son's hair. Steve winced but didn't move. Instead, Bucky slid around and brought Steve with him. They were facing Sarah when she said "Wait!"_

_Buck frowned at her, and she grinned at him. She stood up and took a camera out of the pocket of her scrubs. "Stay there. Smile!" She pressed the shutter of the camera just when Steve leaned his head against Bucky's shoulder._

_"Perfect." Bucky whispered and kissed Steve gently._

_It was the last photograph of Bucky. Four days later, he was snatched from the street going to see Steve._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the late post. Real life got in the way, but I'm back on schedule and eager to get going with this. I hope that I didn't lose anyone, and remember, reviews and kudos are my fuel to go on. Show your love!


	17. In The D-Details With The Devil (MSKWYDITD)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve can't hide anymore, not when James fees those piercing grey eyes on his. In the meantime, Loki finds a red-headed spider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things are starting to move along. I hope that this satisfies, I'm trying to be sensitive with James and Loki, I hope that it's working.

"-ames?"

James blinked and swayed, coming back to himself. For some reason he was on the floor with his head between his knees and the photograph clutched in his hand. There was a cold cloth on the back of his neck and he shivered, digging his forehead into his knees and gritting his teeth as the feeling of sadness swept through him.

"James, please speak to me." Steve begged. He was hovering by James, hands clenching and unclenching as he fought the urge to gather James to his chest.

"Why...No, why..." James tried to speak, but his tongue seemed too big in his mouth and his throat was dry. 

His eyes were burning, and there were tears on his face.

"James." Steve said and slid down to sit beside him. He leaned his head back against the boxing ring and sighed, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

James wiped his face, the photograph still clenched in his hand, and looked at Steve. He had never seen Steve look so defeated, not even during the liberation of that basement 2 years ago.

"Why am I in that picture?" James finally asked. He smoothed out the picture without looking at it, feeling slightly ashamed that he had creased it. But to actually look at the photograph would take more courage than James was willing to give, so he gently handed the photograph over to Steve. Steve took it and looked at it, giving James a very sad smile.

"I can't...I..." Steve said. He was finding this more difficult than he thought, but every time James turned those familiar/different eyes on him, words left his head.

"Steve." James said. 

Steve sighed and then finally looked at James. "We used to know each other."

There was a roaring in James' head, and he swallowed, tears once again crowding his eyes. But he fought them back valiantly. 

"How? How did we know each other?" James demanded. 

"We grew up next to each other. Our apartments were opposite with each other, and my mother would frequently leave me with your family when she went to work." 

"A nurse." James murmured, the image of a truly tiny woman with wheat gold hair and the bluest eyes he had ever seen on a person aside from Steve. 

"Yes. She worked in the infectious diseases ward, and she would drop me off in the morning and, if she wasn't on shift during the night, pick me up around 9." Steve smiled when he thought of those evenings when he had to stay over. During the early days, he had been placed in the travel basinet in Bucky's room, and when his parents would come in in the morning, Bucky would have liberated Steve during the night and was holding the baby in his arms, breathing gently against Steve's hair. 

"So we...grew up together." James said. He felt the sensation in his chest grow, and he slowly realised that, whilst sadness was prevalent, there was also intense happiness. 

When he had been lying in that hospital after being liberated, arm newly amputated and the only person he knew was the man called Pet, he had been told about his family and their deaths. But he had felt nothing, not emotion attached to them. His memories had been completely wiped by years of systematic torture and abuse, by the horrors he had been forced to do. But now there was something from his past that he knew was true, something that he could hold in his hands and know that it was true.

He had the photographic evidence, and the memories to go with them. He had never felt so blessed.

"But there was more." He whispered. He looked at his hand and remembered holding a fragile ribcage in his hands, so brittle that one squeeze would have broken the bones, and knowing that he had that power in his hands and would only use it to protect. 

Knowing that at some point he had protected someone other than Loki was a heady feeling.

"Yes." Steve said and said nothing more. He didn't want to lead James, but his heart was trying to beat itself out of his chest, and he felt at though both him and James were on the edge of precipice, about to fall over. 

James frowned as he thought. "We...kissed. I remember we kissed. Did we kiss?" He asked, looking at Steve with imploring eyes.

Steve sighed and nodded. "Yes, we did kiss. We were, uh, going out by that time."

James shook his head. "No, no. We'd been going out for ages by that point." He insisted, and then stiffened as another memory assaulted his mind.

_He was tiny, only about 4, and yet he was so proud. He was holding the hands of something precious, something he hadn't realised that he wanted until it was dropped into his lap two years ago._

_"C'mon, Stevie." He whispered, and the baby he was walking moved another leg forward. The tiny, thin faced was scrunched with concentration, and when he had finished, he looked back up at Bucky with a wide grin._

_"Another step. You can do it, Stevie." Bucky urged and walked a couple more steps. Steve squawked and shuffled forward quickly, just about to run out of balance before he was swept up into arms he knew as well as his mothers._

_"You did it, Stevie!" Bucky had exclaimed and kissed Steve's face, causing the boy to giggle. Bucky leaned back and then pressed his small lips to Steve's in a quick, grown up kiss._

_"What happened here?" His mother came through._

_"Stevie walked!" Bucky exclaimed, walking forwards and showing Steve off like a prize. The baby himself had his arms wrapped firmly around Bucky's neck, happily settled into his second favourite place in the world._

_"Did he really?" His mom asked. Bucky nodded and then put Steve down, showing her what had happened. He approved of her applauding, and allowed her to lead himself and his baby to the kitchen for snacks._

_They deserved it._

"We went out as children?" James asked and watched as Steve turned pink. A smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth as he watched Steve shuffle without meeting his eyes. 

"It was kind of...we didn't really know how to define it." Steve blurted out, his ears flaming red. At the expression on his face James laughed, feeling light and airy. 

He didn't know how much he missed having memories of before HYDRA until he got them back, and, even though he had two, he hoped with all his heart that more would come.

"It was a kind of difficult situation to explain." Steve finally said. He was now also smiling, seeing the change in demeanour in James, and hoped that maybe sharing these memories would help James heal. "There just wasn't anyone else that either of us wanted. It had been us for as long as either of us had been alive, so we just naturally assumed that we would spend the rest of out lives together."

"And after I disappeared?" James asked softly. Steve sighed.

"There was someone, for a brief time. Peggy Carter. I was engaged to her for a few months, but we broke it off."

"Why?" James asked, tilting his head.

"I didn't love her as much as I should of. She's smart as a whip, so she recognised this before I did and broke off the engagement. We still talk every weekend. She's fantastic."

There was a silence, but it was a comfortable one. James and Steve sat side by side and looked out across the gym. James sighed gently and smiled, turing to look at Steve.

"I'm glad that you had someone, even if it was for a brief time."

Steve sniffled and wiped his nose, turning to look at James with a smile of his own. He held out the photograph.

"Oh, no. It's yours." James said, holding up his hand. Steve shook his head and practically pushed the photograph at James, who took it gently. 

"I've got a copy. You can have this. It'll be good for you."

James looked down at the boys in the picture, and felt the phantom press of lips against his. He stood up and slid the photograph into his back pocket, heaving up Steve as well. They continued holding hands, looking at each other's faces and seeing the boys that had been left behind, until James looked down at their connected hands and released Steve, blushing slightly.

"I know you didn't really have a workout holding the bag." James said, walking back to the bag and holding it. Steve grinned at him and followed, going to the other side and holding up his fists. "What say you to relieving some of your own tension and beating the living crap out of this?"

"You ready to brace, old man?" Steve asked. James narrow his eyes at him and settled back on his legs.

"Come at me, midget."

 

 

*********

 

 

Loki had quickly realised that watching James being x-rayed wouldn't be the most stimulating viewing he had ever seen, so he quickly decided to leave the room before he fell into a boredom coma. He knew that, if the day was any colder and he wasn't feeling sweat roll down his back he might be more interested in Tony Stark's lab, but at the moment all he wanted to do was find somewhere cool so he could melt in peace.

He walked the floors, eyes open to the paintings and the rich architecture. Had he the income, he might have done up the apartment he shared with Bucky a bit more, but, although Tony Stark provided them enough to live comfortably, they didn't have the income to make changes to the actual brickwork.

And getting a mortgage was laughable.

He found himself on a floor on the far right of the building, frowning at something that called itself modern art, but instead hurt Loki's brain. The door opened beside him and he looked to see Natasha Romanov peer out of the door, mouth slightly open in surprise.

"Oh." She said. Loki tilted his head.

"Natasha." He said. He paused to wipe the sweat from his forehead and smiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't know that this was your floor."

Natasha laughed. "I don't think that Tony hands out a floor plan whenever someone comes over." She then frowned. "Why are you here?"

"James needed to come in for a fitting." Loki said.

"Oh, the great and secret project." Natasha laughed again and stood back, gesturing Loki inside. 

It was pleasant, like his own. Wide open windows let in a lot of sunlight, and every few feet were scoreboards full of holes. Sitting by the coat rack was a bow and quiver full of arrows, and the coat rack itself had an extra row where guns and magazines were sitting, freshly cleaned and ready to be grabbed.

"Do you know..." Loki said, taking off his bag and toeing off his flip-flops. There was plenty of hard granite and this cooled his down slightly. 

"Tony couldn't keep a secret if he wanted to." Natasha drew Loki to the kitchen, where she poured him a glass of water with ice cubes floating in it. Loki immediately fished those out and held them to his neck, moaning as he cooled down even more. "A new arm, huh?"

"Yes." Loki said. 

"I thought that James managed perfectly well with just one." Natasha said softly.

"Yes. But he misses having two. And I think that having two hands will just...help him. Heal him just a little bit more. He lost the original in the most terrible of circumstances, and and he intently dislikes the memory of it." Loki said. He remembers those horrible first weeks, when James had wept in his sleep from the horror of the pain of the injury, and the ugliness of the injury itself.

Natasha nodded and drank from her own glass of water. They sat in a comfortable silence, watching the sun slowly move across the sky. 

Eventually, and it did take a long time, Loki noticed that Natasha was wearing a sports bra and tight spandex, and had bare feet. He looked over his shoulder and saw a mat on the floor beside the floor to ceiling window.

"Did I interrupt you?" Loki asked. Natasha shrugged. 

"I was just doing yoga. I heard you wandering around, it's fine."

"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt you." Loki said, holding up his hands. 

"No need, I was just resting." Natasha saw Loki looking back to the mat and, seeing the tension and worry pulling at the corners of his mouth, and made a decision. "Would you like to join me?" She asked.

Loki looked at her with slightly narrowed green eyes, and then nodded. "I don't know the steps or positions." He warned her, standing up and following her to the mat. The floor was padded with dark grey carpet, and he was slightly thankful he didn't have to do this on the granite floor.

"It's fine, you can just follow me." She said, and then started with the half moon pose, Loki copying her after rolling up his sleeves. "Nice ink." She said with a sharp grin.

"Thank you." 

They moved in silence for a long time. Natasha didn't ask Loki any questions, allowing him to breathe his frustrations out into the world, and let him follow her, eyes half closed and the expression on his face serene. Natasha had often seen that expression on the faces of her friends, tight with memory. They also had different coping mechanisms. Thor, Steve and Clint preferred to exorcise the demons at the gym, punching, boxing each other and, in Clint's face, firing arrow after arrow until he felt better. Bruce and Tony worked until they found or designed something they liked. Betty, oddly enough, sewed cushions. 

And Natasha did yoga. It worked. 

Thy finished in the Lotus position, breathing deeply with their eyes closed. The silence was so thick you could have cut it with a knife, but it was a peaceful silence, and Loki and Natasha revelled in it.

Lok opened his eyes and looked out of the window. The window showed the enormous garden at the back of the house, and the grass looked particularly lovely in the sun. He could almost smell the scent of it.

"You look better." Natasha said. Loki looked at her and gave her a gentle smile, the feeling of utter peace filling his chest. He hadn't felt this at piece in such a long time.

"How long has you known Thor?" He heard someone say, and then almost looked around convinced that someone else was in the room. He then realised that it was him that asked, and closed his eyes in mortification. He didn't know that last time he had been that embarrassed. 

"Why do you want to know?" Natasha said, and he could hear the laughter in her voice. Loki sighed and then sat back on his hands, looking at the ceiling. 

"I just...I..." Loki said and then shrugged. He looked everywhere but Natasha. Natasha herself was smiling at Loki, amused by the sudden pallor of his skin as all of the blood in his face rushed away. She guessed, correctly, that this was his version of blushing.

"I've know him for about, oh, coming on to 3 years now." She said. She stood up and Loki followed, once again wiping the sweat from his face. She went to her blender and started putting fruit into it, before pouring in a ton of milk, after putting on the lid, set it off, making a smoothie. "He joined the Avengers last."

"Really?" Loki asked. He settled at the kitchen table and looked at her. Natasha thought that he looked a bit like a kid during story time, so eager he was for any tidbit about Thor. She knew, from the expression on Loki's face when Thor had turned up during that bodega robbery, that Loki had...feelings...for Thor. And she was all about a little romance.

"Yeah. He actually came in to report his stolen car, but we got caught up in a fight, and he took a guy out with a hammer."

Loki laughed. He took his drink from Natasha with a nod of thanks and settled back, his eyes sparkling. "Let me see...he used to have his own security firm before he joined us. And before that he was a lawyer."

"Really?" Loki said, his eyebrows shooting to the top of his head. Natasha nodded and took a sip. She enjoyed the expression on Loki's face, the eagerness, the need to find out more. 

"Yes. But he hated it. So he quit. Quite sensationally too, from what I managed to find out."

Loki grinned. 

"What else?" Natasha hummed, wracking her brain. "He's from Norway, originally."

"Ah, that explains the accent." Loki said to himself. Natasha nodded. 

"His father owns one of the largest law firms in New York. Borson and Partners LLP, you must know it."

Loki nodded. He had seen the name of the firm on top of the legal documents that had been given to him when he was in hospital, detailing the search that had been done for him when he had first been snatched, 12 years ago.

"That's...something." Loki whispered and buried himself into his drink. He suddenly felt very small. 

Thor came from such good pedigree, a family of lawyers and upstanding citizens. Why on earth would he do anything with someone like Loki, who couldn't remember his own name when the nightmares took him, and had been used in such degrading ways that the filth must be embedded in his skin?

"Hey, hey!" Natasha said firmly. She reached out a put a hand on Loki's, which was ice cold. "Don't think like that!"

"Like what?" Loki snarled. His eyes flashed brighter, and Natasha felt her skin break out in sweat as she was suddenly infused with frightened heat. 

"Thor  _likes_ you!" Natasha said. "He really, really does. He keeps asking about you, it's been driving us insane."

Loki looked at her with a stony expression on his face, but Natasha could see that the hate in his eyes was slowing going away. She continued to touch his hand, and slowly, very slowly, Loki calmed down. 

"He really likes mead. I mean, whenever we go on a night out, we always go to somewhere they serve mead, which means our options are pretty limited." Natasha continued talking about Thor. The corner of Loki's mouth twitched, and Natasha seized upon this and continued to talk about Thor. Thor, by his very nature, was a very relaxing person to be around. Talking about him seemed to have the same effect. 

Loki was laughing at the story of Thor and the extremely hot curry when Steve turned up at the door, looking inside with a smile. 

"Are you ready to go back?" Steve asked. Loki nodded and stood up, walking to collect his bag and flip-flops.

"Thank you, Natasha. You've been very...informative." He said, nodding his head. He walked out, leaving Steve to look at Natasha with slightly drawn brows.

"What was that about?" He asked. Natasha shrugged and cleaned up, a smile tugging at her mouth.

"Just an exchange of information between comrades. Nothing to worry about." She said.

Steve laughed. "I'm not worried. You made Loki laugh. That's a rare talent."

"Yes, well," Natasha said, looking up but eyes glazed. "He's not actually that difficult to read."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that everyone is enjoying this. I love writing it, and I'm getting excited as things are moving along. Please, leave little donation to the cause in the form of kudos and reviews!


	18. Show Me How To Be Whole Again (CoG)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a date is planned and executed, and one Peggy Carter comes a-knocking at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a bit of filler, a bit of plot. Not my strong point, filler, so bare with me on this one.

Loki had never really seen himself as a forward person, especially considering the years of training that had been beaten into him. This was at odds with a mischievous personality that was just starting to break through his exterior, and thus, when Thor came calling three days after they had gone to the Avengers Tower, Loki was at the same time pleased and shy when Thor dropped his bag at the coat stand, stretched, and then turned to face Loki with a blinding smile.

"Good afternoon, Loki." He said. He walked up to Loki, who was standing in the kitchen, and gently rested his hand on Loki's shoulder. His skin was warm, and Loki closed his eyes and concealed a shudder of delight.

"Hello, Thor." He said quietly. Thor nodded to James, sitting in the living room reading, and accepted a cup of strong coffee before wandering to where James was sitting. 

"Budge up, budge up." He said, sitting down and shifting. James threw him a glare and moved over, studiously ignoring the fact that Thor was now giving him a shit-eating grin.

Loki looked over and took a deep breath, finishing his own cup of tea and then walking to the spare side of the couch. He sat down and balanced the mug on his knees, watching the television and keeping Thor in the corner of his eye. Thor was alternatively irritating James, who had given up on his book and was prodding Thor back, and looking at his phone.

"Are you expecting a call?" Loki asked eventually. 

"Yes." Thor said. He turned his head and smiled at Loki, who felt the air whoosh out of his lungs. "Just someone else to come. I've got plans."

There was a pause. "Oh." Loki said almost silently, and took a long, deep swallow of his tea.

Thor sighed and looked at Loki. "I'm waiting for Sam to come over so I can take you out." He turned in his seat and looked square at Loki, who was frozen in surprise. 

"Huh?" Loki said. In the part of his mind that wasn't frozen with surprise, he berated himself for his own inability to say anything articulate. But never, in his wildest dreams, did he imagine that Thor might just like him.

The same way that he liked Thor.

James sat on his knees, grinning from ear to ear. He loved how flustered Loki was getting, his face getting paler and paler as he struggled for words. James had been spending time with Steve at the Tower, training and building up his body to take on the new arm that Tony was still designing. He needed core upper body strength to deal with the pull of the arm. Even though it was going to be reinforced around his bones, and even though the metal itself was lightweight, he still needed enough muscle along the left side of his body to support the weight.

But Loki hadn't seen Thor outside of him coming over to look after them, and James knew how much Loki liked Thor. So this was perfect for the both of them.

Loki was silent for so long that Thor furrowed his brows and leaned in close, putting a hand on Loki's knee. Loki jumped and went whiter still.

"Unless you don't want to go?" He asked softly. 

"No!" Loki practically yelled. "No! I do! I do!"

Thor beamed. "Oh, good. I thought in 15 minutes? Sam should have arrived by then, so we can go straight afterwards."

"Yep!" Loki squeaked and then bolted for the bedroom, practically tearing off his shirt as he ran. Thor looked after him, frowning, whilst James snickered. Thor slowly turned to James.

"Is he...alright?" Thor asked slowly. James got his laughter under control and sat up, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Oh, he's fine. He's just excited, is all." He said. Thor thought about this and nodded his head slowly, pulling out his phone when it vibrated. Sam was outside, coming up the stairs, and so Thor stood up and let him in when he pressed the doorbell.

"Hey, man." Sam said with a warm smile. He shook Thor's hand and took off his bag, slinging it to the side and then sitting down beside James, who had pulled out a games console and was playing Mario Kart with his tongue stuck between his teeth.

"Don't distract me." He said to Sam, who held up his hands and waited until James fell of the bridge on his own. He then took the other console and set about joining in, whilst Thor waited by the door with a smile tugging at the corned of his lips.

Loki soon came out of the bedroom, nodding to Sam. He was wearing a dark green silk shirt with his usual black waistcoat, his watch tucked into the pocket and the chain dangling as he walked. His black drainpipe jeans were tucked into his boots and he had braided his hair, the long rope of it swinging with each step.

"Ready?" Thor asked. Loki nodded and touched the watch in his pocket on reflex, reassuring himself that it was still there. Thor opened the door and walked out, Loki following closely. He closed the door and hear Sam on the other side lock it.

Given that they were splitting Loki and James up, every member of the security detail had agreed to any and all extra measure if the two men were to be separated, and, given who was coming after them, nobody thought to question them.

They walked in silence together to Thor's car, Loki easily keeping up with his strides. They got in the car and Thor started to drive off. Loki looked out of the window, now playing with the end of his braid.

"Where are we going?" He asked suddenly, looking at Thor in the reflection of his window.

"I'm assuming that you haven't been out of the apartment much since you first went into it." Thor said. Loki's shoulders stiffened and he turned his head slowly to look at Thor out of the corner of his narrowed eyes.

"Your point being?" Loki said with frost in his voice. Thor was undeterred. 

"Well, I thought that you hadn't seen New York in the way that you should of, so I'm going to take you to see some of them." Thor said. He turned and smiled at Loki, who had lost the look of suspicion on his face and was looking slightly poleaxed.

"So where are we going?" Loki asked again.

"You'll see." Thor said with a grin. Loki groaned and rested his head against the window, looking at people as they past.

They drove in silence for a while before Thor pulled up into the parking lot and got out, opening Loki's door. He then guided Loki to the door and opened it for him.

"Welcome to the Museum of Natural History." Thor said grandly, sweeping his arm around. He garnered a couple of odd looks from some of the patrons, and Loki laughed.

"I've never been here." Loki said, looking around with wide eyes.

"I know." Thor said, looking at Loki with twinkling eyes. Loki grinned and nudged his shoulder, causing Thor to stumble and then to laugh. He walked with Loki to the ticket office and bought their tickets, handing one to Loki so he could keep it. Loki slid it into his back pocket and looked around, mouth open in awe. Loki had always wanted to come here, but his and James' crippling fear of leaving that safety of the apartment had prevented him from going out. 

But with Thor he felt safe.

"Where do you want to start?" Thor asked. Loki turned wide eyes onto him and then shrugged. 

"You've been here before?" Loki asked softly. Thor nodded. "Then show me everything you like."

Thor nodded and started walking, and Loki followed.

They wandered around the meteorites and minerals, Loki leaning in close to the glass and marvelling at the colours. Loki gazed at the Hall of Biodiversity, amazed at the variety in life. All Loki had seen was the occasional pigeon. 

At the Hall of Ocean Life, Loki looked up at the Blue Whale and felt very small.

"I never knew something could be so big." He whispered. Thor didn't look at the sculpture, but instead looked at Loki. 

Ascending floors, Loki was entranced by the differences in cultures, was amazed by the life size animal cultures, and patted the tortoise with a fond look on his face when he went into the Reptiles and Amphibians room. Thor followed, grinning when Loki turned to him with a smile.

"Slow and steady wins that race." Loki said in a sing-song voice. 

"But sometimes speed is necessary." Thor countered and Loki laughed. 

Loki was silenced when he saw the dinosaurs on the top floor. He had always wanted to see them, and now he was among the bones (or the casts of them at least), he felt both small and very, very young.

"They're amazing, aren't they?" Thor whispered. Loki nodded slowly. 

"It's funny to think that they lived on this planet." 

"Nothing remains the same." Thor said. Loki turned his head and looked at Thor with a sharp look, but then turned back to look at the dinosaurs. 

They spent a good 5 hours in the museum, happy strolling amongst the exhibits, and, when Thor and Loki felt like they had seen almost everything, they went back down to the Hall of Human Origins. Loki had been oddly subdued during that part of the exhibition, but he wanted to go and see it again, and Thor had no desire to deny him.

They walked slowly amongst the figure, and Thor felt the hair rise on the back of his neck whenever he went into this part of the museum. It was distinctly unnerving, in his opinion, to see the skeletons of those creatures, slowly standing upright. The brain cases getting larges and the face flattening. He could see the human in them, and was reminded that these beings had been more human than the two men (and he used the word loosely) coming after Loki and James.

"Sometimes I didn't believe that I was human." Loki said suddenly, bending over to look into a case. He wasn't looking at Thor, but Thor could see tension in his shoulders. His hand were gripping each other hand behind his back, and Thor's own fingers twitched. 

"What?" Thor finally said. He said it so softly that it was only Loki's absurdly good hearing that allowed Loki to hear it. He straighten up and moved on, griping his own hands harder and harder.

"When I was with... _them_...I wanted to believe I wasn't human. When they would have me, and made me do things that hurt me or humiliated me, I wanted to believe that it was because I wasn't a human being, that I was an animal that had done something wrong and was being punished."

Thor felt his stomach drop and went cold all over. He followed Loki as he walked slowly, his hands slowly clenching into fists at his side. 

"Whenever James came back and they would give me to him, to calm him down, then I would remember that I was also human, and it would make things worse when I went back to them."

"You are human." Thor finally said. Loki turned around and looked at Thor. His eyes were glistening and a tear was snaking it's way down his cheek. "What they did to you was barbaric. They are the ones who aren't human."

"I...know this. But still..." Loki said. He quickly wiped off the tear and smiled. But his lips were trembling. 

Thor reached over and grasped Loki's hand tightly, tangling their fingers together. He rubbed his thumb along Loki knuckles and squeezed. Loki looked at Thor and then leaned in, resting his head against Thor's shoulder.

"You're more human than anyone else." Thor whispered. They walked around the exhibition and Loki rested his head against Thor's shoulder, smiling softly. Every so often he would squeeze just to feel Thor squeeze back.  

'This has been a  _good_ day.' Loki thought to himself. And he smiled at Thor.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Three days later, James was in the basement of the Tower battling against the punching bag. Steve was at SHIELD, battling paperwork and meeting some of his informants, those who might have heard something about HYDRA. James had come in for a fitting, and, given that his own apartment had no bag, he had agreed to stay and work out here. Loki was with Phil, who had come back from the office to work with Tony, and they were both in Bruce's apartment, reading quietly.

James was punching the bag again, allowing his left shoulder to catch it and then throw it. In this manner his mind was blank and filled with white noise. He found out that, since the fittings and measurements for his arm tended to drag up some unwanted memories of his time with HYDRA, working out helped him with the shaking and the terrible images that filled his head.

He was sweating profusely, rivulets running down his back and being absorbed into the fabric of his sweatpants, when he heard head tapping against the floor of the gym. He gave one final punch and he turned.

"Hello?" He said cautiously. The footsteps stopped and then sped up, and, around the boxing ring came a smarty dressed woman. She was tall, just a bit shorter than James himself, with dark brown hair curled elegantly around her face and bright red lipstick. Her eyes were large and dark, and her suit was pinstriped and navy blue. She looked like she had stepped out of a 1940's comic book, glorifying strong women.

"James Barnes, right?" She said. She had an English accent, strong and cut-glass. James nodded slowly. 

"Yes." He finally said. She looked familiar, and James was wracking his brain to figure out where he had seen her before. 

"I'm Peggy." She walked towards him, holding out get hand, and as James shook it, he realised why her face seemed familiar. 

"There's a Peggy at The Artist." He said cautiously. The Peggy in front of him laughed.

"My Aunt. I'm Peggy Carter."

James felt himself go cold as he stared at the beauty in front of him. 'Steve almost married her.' He remembered, and withdrew his hand slowly. 

" _You're_ Peggy Carter?" He asked. Peggy, watching his face go white, frowned and put a hand on his shoulder, guiding him to one of the benches at the side.

"I see that Steve has told you about me." She observed, worry in her eyes but the corner of her mouth twitching.

James gave a strangled laugh. "Yeah, he told me." He sat back and accepted the bottle of water she handed him. Peggy then sat down next to James and leaned back against the wall, looking at the ceiling. They sat together in silence for a while, James drinking and getting his breathing back under control, Peggy waiting him out.

When James felt that his nerves where under control, he took a deep sigh and turned his head to look at Peggy.

"Steve's not here." He said cautiously. Peggy nodded.

"I know. I came here to speak to you." 

James frowned. "Why?" His voice was sharp, but Peggy gave him a look and James immediately felt slightly ashamed. 

"Because you'r starting to remember, and I want to make sure that you'll do right by Steve."

James forgot his trepidation and gaped at her. "Excuse me?" He finally said after a long silence.

Peggy sighed a ran a hand through her hair, disrupting the curls slightly then shoved it behind her head, tying it tightly in a bun.

"Look," she said, "Steve's been through the ringer. Especially when it comes to you."

James frowned. "You don't need to remind me." He hissed. His lips pulled back and he leaned in close, eyes raging. But Peggy Carter was made of sterner stuff, and she merely looked at him with a raised brow. 

"I know that the past is...painful...for you. But I love Steve, I really do, and all I want is to make sure that he's not going to be hurt again."

James leaned back. "You love him?" He asked in a small voice. The cold feeling in his body spread, and all he could think about was Steve leaving him. Even though his rational mind was telling him that Steve had not married her, suddenly he was assaulted by images of Peggy and Steve together, and he shivered despite the heat.

"Oh, for God's sake." Peggy muttered and then snapped her fingers sharply in front of his face, drawing James back from his mind and to the present.

"Yes, I love Steve." She said when James' eyes had focused on her again. "I always will. But honestly, my love please when in comparison to what he feels for you."

James blushed pink, and ducked his head. And suddenly Peggy could see the boy in the photographs and the stories, the notorious flirt, the loyal friend, the loving companion. And now she wasn't worried. Steve had told her that James' memories were coming back, and that, although he would never be the boy from Steve's childhood, he was happy for what he had.

"God, you two. You try and make everything so much harder for yourselves, when you both should just let what happens, happen. Don't try and fight it." Peggy said, leaning over and nudging James' shoulder with her own. James finally smiled at her.

"Where you like this with Steve?"

"Oh, yes." Peggy said with a wide grin. "Sometimes his sense of honour trounced common sense, and then we would be in all sorts of trouble."

James laughed. He leaned back against the wall along with Peggy and his eyes sparkled. "Tell me more." 

Peggy laughed and started talking. "Well, when we first met..."

They must have talked for a good hour when suddenly, above their heads, the alarm went off. James stood up, walking quickly over to the screen by the door (which had locked itself) and pressing a few buttons.

"James?" Peggy asked, coming over. She put her hand slowly into her handbag, grasping the gun she went nowhere without.

James quickly pressed a few buttons and saw that Tony was busy shoving all heavy and large pieces against the doors to his lab. Loki had been locked in the toilet of Bruce's flat, and James could imagine the swearing. Phil himself was standing by the window on the living room, on the phone and putting together a large assault rifle. 

"Someones come into the Tower invited. It's been breached." James explained, trying to remember the button for the lobby. The security system had been personally designed by Tony himself, which corroborated with the one in the SHIELD Building. It had been explained to both James and Loki the second time they had been in the Tower.

"Breached?" Peggy said. She pulled out her gun and primed it, and it was a testament to James's ability to read people that he didn't even turn around. 

"Yes. There's been an explosion in the lobby, and someone is making his...way..." James stopped and stepped back, going sheet white. His forehead started beading with sweat and his limbs started to tremble.

"James? What's wrong?" Peggy came up and looked into the screen. There was a man staring directly at the camera. He was tall, with closely cropped dark and and dark scruff on his jaw. He was grinning at the camera, and Peggy surpassed a shudder. She had never seen eyes so wild with sadistic glee. 

"It's him." James wheezed, voice hoarse with terror.

"It's Rumlow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Life got in the way, and I got stuck on this chapter. Hope that you enjoyed this! Again, please leave a little contribution in the form of kudos or reviews!


	19. Thought It Was Dead And Buried (GoM)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumlow makes his move, but underestimates how much James doesn't want to go back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so enjoyed writing this chapter. Rumlow is so deliciously morally bankrupt that writing him was a joy. And having James start fighting back? A real treat.

"Rumlow?" Peggy said. "Brock Rumlow? Crossbones?"

"Yes." James said around a dry throat. "He's somehow manage-" Then he heard what Peggy had called him and turned, confusion making him frown. "Crossbones?"

Peggy nodded. She came up to James and watched as Rumlow walked closer to the camera, the grin growing wider and wider on his face. "Yes. That's his codename, the one he used when he was working for Thanos and Pierce." Peggy ignored the shudder that those names produced and leaned in closer. "But he was confirmed dead."

James shook off his fear. "Dead? We were never told." He said. He avoided the image on the screen and focused on Peggy. She had briefly put her gun back into her bag and was tying back her hair and shedding her jacket. Underneath she was wearing a spaghetti strap top, and her arms were pale and tight with muscle.

"There was a strict need to know policy." Peggy said. James felt a flare of anger in his chest. 

"And nobody thought that Loki or I should be included on that list?" He growled. Peggy gave him a flat stare. 

"No. You and Loki needed to focus on recovering, and we all knew that any mention of HYDRA could send both of you spiralling back."

James gaped at her, feeling completely wrong footed. "Who  _are_ you?" He asked. Peggy gave him a grim smile.

"I'm attached to SHIELD." She finally said. On the screen in front of them Rumlow had moved on, leaving three men in the lobby of the building as guards. Peggy reached out and pressed the buttons again. Tony had finally managed to barricade the door and was assembling weapons, handheld repulsers that he had designed himself. A press of a button later showed Phil was sitting on the re-arranged couch, looking extremely placid except for the enormous rifle he was holding and pointing at the door. Peggy pressed a few more buttons and saw that Rumlow was leading his men up the stairs, the elevator having immediately cut off in case of a building breach. 

"JARVIS?" James asked, standing back and looking at the ceiling. There was a crackle of static and then a brief burst of the heavy metal music that Tony liked to listen to whilst he worked before there was silence again. "JARVIS, can you hear me?"

"Perfectly, Mr Barnes. My apologies for the delay, the intruders managed to scramble my frequency for a few minutes."

"But you're fine now." James said, feeling relief flood through him.

"Yes. Sir designed me with an unstable frequency. I can switch between frequency should the one that I am currently on become comprised. It just took a few minutes to find on that the intruders weren't on."

"What's the situation like, JARVIS?" Peggy asked. 

"Three men in the lobby, 17 men including Rumlow are climbing the stairs. He seems to be a leaving a man on each floor as he passes. From what I managed to gather from their communications, Rumlow seems to think that both you and Mr Laufeyson are on the top floor."

"You hacked their tech?" James asked, impressed. 

"Indeed. It wasn't very hard." JARVIS said, sounding smug. 

"Did anyone managed to contact SHIELD?" Peggy asked. 

"Yes. Both Sir and Mr Coulson managed to call the office and their on their way. But it'll take about 20 minutes before they arrive."

"Damn." Peggy said under her breath. 

"What about us? Are there any people coming into the basement?" James asked. His voice cracked towards the end, and he closed his eyes.

There was a brief pause. James could feel his heart in his ears. He remembered feeling scared whenever Steve, when they had both been smaller, had gone into hospital. 

'Great, another memory now.' James said, remembering being tiny and sitting with Steve when he had been hospitalised with pneumonia when he was 6. Despite the feeling of compete terror he felt, there was a small sliver of joy that he had recovered another memory. And especially one of Steve. 

"They don't know that there is a basement." JARVIS finally said. 

"Say what now?" James asked, incredulous. 

"Non of the intel I can see shows that they are aware of the basement. You and Miss Carter are completely undetected."

"That's...good." Peggy said. "That's very good news."

"Yeah." James murmured. He turned and walked quickly to the back, pulling on his t-shirt and slipping his feet into his trainers. He did up the velcro and stood, jogging back to Peggy. 

Peggy watched him come with raised eyebrows. "You must be joking." She said. 

"Give me the gun." James ordered, holding out his hand. Peggy gaped at him.

"No!" She exclaimed. James shook his head, feeling twitchy and uncomfortable.

"The other one in your bag." He said. Peggy didn't even question as to how James knew about her other gun, and took it out, handing it to him with a wave of irritation. She watched as James extracted the magazine and counted the bullets, slotted it back in and primed it. 

"You really think you can do this?" Peggy asked. James rolled his shoulder and didn't look at her. He focused on his breathing, making sure that he wasn't going to hyperventilate at the panic spreading through his body. Even though he knew that he was safer down here, Loki was still in the main part of the tower, and, although the man kept himself in shape, he didn't have the same combat training that James had. And Loki had never worked with Rumlow. Sure, he had been given to the men in the past, as a sick form or reward for a mission gone right, but James had fought alongside Rumlow, learnt how he moved and how he thought. 

And unless Rumlow had drastically changed his fighting style in the 2 and a half years since James had last seen him, James was the only person who knew what Rumlow was going to do.

This didn't stop James from breaking out into a cold sweat at the thought of going up against him.

"I'm ready." James said, and he opened the door.

 

 

***************** 

 

 

Loki lay down as flat as he could in the tub, as close to the porcelain as he could manage. He had taken off his watch as soon as he had stopped swearing at Phil, who had explained in a gap between expletives that someone had breached the Tower, and Loki was to stay into the bathroom until someone that he knew opened the door. Phil had locked it from the outside, and when Loki had heard this, he had felt cold with terror.

The watch chain would clatter against the porcelain, and so it was tucked into his back pocket along with his ever-present lighter. He had taken off his flip flops and was lying on his side facing the door, one arm pillowing his head and rapidly going numb. 

Loki pressed a hand to the hot porcelain and sighed, feeling the heat in his hand. He could hear Phil shuffling around as he assembled his gun, and tried to crouch down lower. Phil hadn't told him who was invading the Tower, but Loki could make an educated guess as to who they were working for and what they were after. 

"Please." Loki mouthed and closed his eyes, two tears burning a trail down his face. "Please."

But he didn't know what he was pleading for.

 

 

************

 

 

James and Peggy were utterly silent as they made their way to the lobby. The entrance to the basement was concealed behind the receptionists desk, and only a person who knew what they were looking for would be able to find it.

James opened the door an inch and looked out, feeling his stomach drop when he saw that Rollins was one of the men that had been left in the lobby. He was staring at the door, a frown on his face. One of the other men was looking up the stairs where the rest of the group had gone, and the other was wandering about, looking at the different works of art that Tony had decided to decorate the lobby in.

"What's the situation like?" He could hear Peggy breath into his ear. James closed the door softly and turned to her. 

"Three men. Rollins is standing closest, looking through the door. There's another man at the stairs and the last is doing a circuit."

"Jack Rollins?" Peggy frowned and James nodded, feeling the blood drain from his face. Rollins had been there that last day, staying by the door and sneering at the Soldier when he had swayed on the table, arm full of infection and pain making him sweat.

"How good a shot are you?" James whispered. 

"Very good."

"As good as me?" James wasn't bragging. He knew that he was a crack shot, he always had been. And he knew, despite not being told, that everyone at SHIELD had read his file when he had been the Winter Soldier. And since Peggy was attached to SHIELD...

"Yes. I competed in the Olympics."

James raised his eyebrows and then grinned. He stepped away from the door and Peggy took his place. James leaned over and opened the door as silently as last time, and Peggy lined up her shot. 

"Get ready to duck." She said through a breath. James nodded and watched. Peggy took a deep breath and then squeezed. The shot pierced the silent air, and caught the guy circling the lobby in the temple. He dropped, spraying the side of the lobby with blood and brain tissue, and Peggy and James dropped to their knees when Rollins and the other guy turned and started firing at the walls.

"This is fun!" James said sarcastically, and Peggy grinned. She didn't seem to mind that the flying plaster was turning her hair white and that she had sustained a cut to her right cheek. James glared at her and clutched his gun. 

A minute later there was a brief silence, and immediately Peggy and James jumped through the door, firing off. The sudden emergence took Rollins and the second man completely by surprise. They had been in the middle of reloading their guns when Peggy and James had sprung from the door, and thus had their hands full and were weaponless. Peggy's first shot caught the second man high in the shoulder, causing him to exclaim and fall. James just kept firing, hitting Rollins repeatedly in the legs and arms.

There was a white noise in James' ears, as he saw the scarred face of Rollins twist in pain. He bellowed and dropped, and James just kept firing. He felt such a furl of anger in his chest, drowning out all other emotion.

"Soldier!" Rollins exclaimed when he saw who had been shooting at him. James abruptly jerked back and stopped. Both men were down on the ground. Peggy was busy hog-tying the other man, and she was keeping James in picture out of the corner of her eye. 

James bared his teeth at Rollins, gun falling to his side. He leaned over Rollins and spat in his face. 

"You came for me and Loki." James hissed at him. Rollins didn't acknowledge, but continued to glare up at James. "Did you honestly think that this would work?"

"Fuck. You." Rollins said and bit down hard, white foam collecting in the corner of his as he gurgled and twitched. James stood back and looked at him, lip curling as he sneered. 

"Suicide." Peggy said, coming to stand beside him. Rollins gave a final twitch and then lay still, and James smiled grimly. 

"He deserved worse." James said in a blank voice. Peggy looked at him. 

"True." She said. "But it would have been good to be able to question him, find out where Thanos and Pierce are."

So angry was James, so furious, that he didn't even twitch when Pierce was mentioned. Instead he turned and looked towards the door leading up the stairs. "They went up there."

"Yes." Peggy said. She handed James a second magazine, and he switched over without looking at his gun. The man that was tied up as secure as Houdini kicked and then winced as his shoulder wrenched, and Peggy hurried over with a roll of duct tape taken from her bag, taping his mouth shut.

"So shall we?" James said and finally looked at Peggy. His grey eyes were hard and frozen, and Peggy concealed a shudder. There was no person in the world who should have eyes like that. 

"Indeed. Let's go." Peggy moved past James and ascended the stairs, listening as James moved behind her. It was only the knowledge that he was behind her that allowed her to listen for his footsteps. Otherwise James was completely silent. 

This what was the Winter Soldier must have been like. Silent, deadly, and completely inhuman. 

 

 

**************

 

 

Loki jerked in the bath when he heard, what he could only describe as a sonic boom echoed throughout the apartment. He cautiously looked over the rim and saw the door rattle on it's hinges.

"What the fuck?" He mouthed. There was the sound of several mean screaming, and Loki crouched down again, this time covering his head. 

He hadn't seen the size of the gun that Phil had been assembling when he had been shoved into the bathroom, but, based on the size of the boom, it must have been humungous. 

'Where was he keeping it?' Loki thought and breathed into his hot palm, the steady stream of air heating up the already hot skin. He shifted and felt his watch and lighter dig into his hip, and remembered that, although Phill seemed to be taking care of everything, he wasn't actually helpless. 

'I'll give them 10 minutes.' Loki thought and settled back.

 

 

**************

 

 

James and Peggy made their way silently up the floors, alternating who was in front when they came to each individual man who had been left there as a guard. They used kill shots, as neither of them wanted them men to alert the others that they were being eliminated. After each man was down, Peggy would move them to the corner, and then they would move on. 

They were on the sixth floor when the most almighty boom shook the air, and the ceiling above them rattled.

"What was that?" Peggy said. 

James grinned sharply. "It sounds like Phil finally used his gun."

"You mean the mini cannon that he was putting together?"

"Yeah." James said. They could now hear moaning and the occasional cry of pain, and Peggy couldn't even find it in herself to feel pity. "He's always wanted to fire it."

"I can see why." Peggy said dryly and moved up the stairs.

There were 7 men in various states of consciousness lying on the ground. Phil was standing at the door, the 'mini-cannon' in his arms and his skin blackened up to his elbows. His shirtsleeves were in tatters and there were blackened stains around his face. The space around his eyes were completely clear, making him look like a reverse panda. 

"Did you have fun?" Peggy asked. Phil nodded.

"That was amazing." Phil said, sounding breathless. James walked amongst those who were alive, quickly tying them up and then reaching into their mouths. Peggy, seeing this, frowned but didn't stop him. 

They briefly went into Bruce's flat, which was missing doors and had a large hole surrounding the door frame. Phil put down the gun and walked down the corridor to the bathroom, knocking on the door. "Are you alright, Loki?" He asked. There was a brief silence and then he heard someone move out of the bathtub and knocked back on the door.

"I'm fine. May I come out now?" Loki said. He sounded irritated, but safe.

"No."

There was a drought silence before Loki slammed against the door. "OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" He yelled, and Phil winced as he moved away, rubbing his ear. James walked to the door and banged back on the wood. 

"Loki, calm down."

"James?" He asked.

"Yeah. Listen, there are still some people out there, so you need to stay here."

"But you're all going after them." Loki said. James looked at Phil, who nodded and then looked up at the ceiling. James' mouth opened in realisation and he turned back to the door.

"JARVIS is going to watch over you."

There was another silence. "You've got to be fucking joking." Loki said, sounding scornful.

"Excuse me, Mr Laufeyson." JARVIS said, sounding a bit put out. "But I am equipped with first class lockable technology and I can shut down that bathroom door should you be threatened."

Yet another silence, before James heard Loki sigh deeply. "Alright. You lot go off and be heroic, I'm going to sit in the bathtub and contemplate the tiles." James heard Loki move away from the door and then climb into the bathtub, and he sighed softly and moved back to where Peggy and Phil were standing. 

"JARVIS, how long before the others get here?" Peggy asked.

"10 minutes, Miss Carter." JARVIS answered. Peggy nodded and then walked back into the corridor. James and Phil followed, each priming their weapons. 

"Rumlow and the other three will be up at the top if they still think that both James and Loki are in the penthouse. How's Tony doing?" Phil asked.

"Sir is standing towards the door, repulsers primed and ready to fire."

"Right. He's going to blast them out of the way, but we might want to get there before they shoot him first." Peggy said with a grin and moved off to the stairs. James followed on her heels, with Phil slightly behind, the weight of his gun slowing him down slightly.

Rumlow was now down so many men that he hadn't bothered to leave a man on the remaining floors, and, by the time that the three of them got to the top floor, Rumlow had managed to get through Tony's doors and was firing indiscriminately, trying to kill Tony before he could fire off another pulse. However, none of the men had ever gone up against someone not firing bullets, let alone someone firing plasma blasts.

"'Bout time you lot got here." Tony yelled. There was already a man down, a scorched hole burnt into his chest. Rumlow and the other two men had taken refuge behind various tables and machines, firing at Tony who was backed up against the wall, a workstation in the way and one of his repulsers dead. 

Phil water no time in firing off his gun, the boom making Peggy wince. It blasted one of the men out of one of the windows, his screams following him down into the street until he landed on the pavement with a wet  _crunch!_ Tony pulled a face at the sound and then fired a pulse, passing close enough to Rumlow to make him swear at the heat. Phil massaged his shoulder, and Peggy  and James came in firing. Peggy ran to Tony, firing indiscriminately, but James decided to focus all of his bullets on Rumlow, intense hate twisting his face. Rumlow in turn had noticed James, and was firing back with a wide, sadistic grin.

"Soldier, stand down!" He cried, and James momentarily stopped. It had only been a few years since he had been rescued, and for 12 years he had followed Rumlow's orders, been called nothing but Soldier. His body stopped, and he looked at Rumlow with confusion in his eyes. 

"JAMES, SNAP OUT OF IT!" Tony roared and sprinted over, cuffing James upside the hear with his dead repulser and then dragging him back behind the workstation. James shook his head and touched his temple, feeling blood drip down his face from the cut the repulser had given him. 

"I'll apologise later!" Tony said and fired off. The whine and the subsequent blast brought James back to reality and he leaned over, firing his gun until the click told him he was out. His eyes sought Phil and Peggy, and when he couldn't see them, panic flooded his chest.

"Peggy!" He cried and leaned around the workstation to see that she was trying up the last man with Phil. Rumlow was already tied up, looking furious.

"We're fine. We're fine." Peggy said and stood up. She walked over to Tony and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing. Phil was standing at the door, looking out and massaging his shoulder. 

James took stock of the room and then walked to where Rumlow was lying. Rumlow glared at him and spat, but didn't manage to hit James at all. James walked over the stood above him, a blank expression on his face, before it once again twisted with hate and he bought his leg down hard into Rumlow's right kneecap, causing the bone to shatter and the man to scream with pain. 

"That's no less than you deserve." James hissed and kneeled down. Behind him, Peggy and Tony were watching with blank faces. 

"They're coming to get you." Rumlow sneered, sweat beading at his temples. "They'll take you both back and make you watch whilst your friends die. As your lover perishes. And you'll beg for death in the end."

"Not before you." James growled and brought his hand out of his pocket. In his hand was every suicide pill he had salvaged from the men as he passed them, and he leaned across Rumlow, using his knee to lever his law open before depositing every pill inside.

"JAMES NO!" Peggy cried and rushed over, but Rumlow was already starting to choke. James stood up and watched, an ugly smile twisting his face. Rumlow gargled and reached up to clutch at his throat. His eyes went red a blood vessels burst and his lips turned blue. James watched all of this, far above Rumlow, smiling.

When Rumlow had finished gasping and twisting, when he finally died, James turned and walked to where Tony was standing. He slid down the wall and looked out at the rest of them with blank eyes.

There was commotion at the door and the Avengers arrived with Loki in tow, asking questions and looking at the contorted body of Rumlow with wide eyes. Steve broke away and walked to where James was sitting, crouching in front of him and putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"James?" He asked softly. James' face didn't change, but his eyes flickered to Steve and seemed to recognise him. "James, talk to me."

James didn't say anything for several minutes, and then suddenly he tipped forward, his head coming to rest on Steve's shoulder and his arm around Steve's back. Steve clutched him to his chest, burying his face into sweaty hair and reminding himself that James was alright. That he was alive.

"I'm so tired, Steve." James whispered.

"I'm so very, very tired."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Sir?"

"JARVIS, get the schematics up for James' arm."

"Sir, you should be resting. The attack only happened a few hours ago, and Mrs Stark-"

"I can't sleep, JARVIS. My home was attacked."

"..."

"I need to...do something. Make something. And we've got everything ready."

"Indeed, Sir. Pulling up schematics for James Barnes' arm, getting robotics activated and ready."

"Good. Now, JARVIS. Keep the light on the arm. Let's start building this sucker."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and keep me going by leaving a few words at the bottom, or pressing the kudos.


	20. So Light 'Em Up (MSKWYDITD)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When even Tony Stark is stumped about technology, who ya gonna call? THE GUARDIANS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week there won't be an update because I'm on holiday and will be waaaaaaay to sleep deprived to write, even though I have a stellar internet connection. But I hope that you enjoy this chapter, because I loved writing the Guardians. They're so dynamic and different, and yet work so well together.

"I have never seen this gun before."

Clint looked at Tony, aghast. The Avengers, James and Loki were standing in the communal area of their SHEILD office, staring at the gun that Natasha had taken from one of the captured HYDRA operatives. After Tony had examined it and come up short, he had brought it into the office where he had hoped that someone else (Natasha) would be able to explain it to him. 

But no one was able to explain what exactly he was looking at.

"Have you taken it apart?" Steve asked, leaning in close. James looked over his shoulder, eyebrows raised. When he had been with HYDRA, he had always been supplied with the newest weapons for missions. But HYDRA appeared to have moved their game on in the two years since he had left. Although, with their main funds cut off, James did wonder how on earth they had managed to get such advanced weaponry.

Tony scoffed. "Yes. Of course I did. But, like I said, this is tech that I've never seen before."

"What do you mean?" Steve asked. He took the gun and hefted it, eyes shooting up when he felt how light it was. Loki leaned across the table and poked it, frowning. He then jumped back when the gun made a noise and activated the gun, where blue lights flashed down the side and there was a whirring sound.

"AH, FUCK!" Clint said and leapt back, grabbing a snow globe and holding it above his head. Everyone had jumped back with him and even Steve looked spooked, holding the gun out from his body.

"Did you know that it would do that?" Thor asked Tony, slowly lowering the stapler he had grabbed. 

"No, idiot!" Tony snapped. He disliked having his heart beat fast, reminding him of the scraps of bullet perilously close to his heart. "I didn't know it could do that."

"It didn't do that when I took it apart, or I would have told you." Tony snapped, feeling decidedly off centre.

"Then why did Loki activate it?" Bruce asked, finally coming out from behind his desk. He had been working on the report of the attack on the Tower, and he was the only one who hadn't been startled when the gun started flashing, but now everyone had calmed down, he walked up and took the gun from Steve. He laid it on the table and then turned to them, crossing his arms wide a grin pulling at his lips. 

"I...I don't know." Tony muttered. Everyone turned slowly to look at him.

"You don't know?" Betty said. Tony's ears turned red.

"You heard me. I have no idea what that... _thing_...is." He waved to the gun in Bruce's arms. 

There was another silence as everyone looked at each other, and then Natasha heaved a deep sigh. "We have to call them."

"Noooo!" Moaned Tony. "Not them. He's so egotistical!"

Loki and James gaped at Tony. "There's someone on Earth who's got a bigger ego that Tony Stark?" James muttered to Loki, who snorted with laughter and settled back in his chair. 

"They're the only one's who might know exactly what this gun is. They supply us, they might know what weaponry HYDRA is using. They've been operational for more years than you, Tony." Steve said, sitting down beside James.

"I supply you." Tony sulked. Natasha patted him on the shoulder, nodding solemnly.

"We know, Tony. And we appreciate that, but like Steve said, their whole business of weaponry. And you've given that up in an official capacity."

Tony nodded, looking resigned and pulled out his cell phone. He swiped the screen a couple of times and then handed the phone to Phil, looking resigned. 

"You have them on speed dial?" Thor asked. Tony nodded. 

"Rocket's a surprisingly good drinking buddy." 

Phil nodded and held the phone to his ear. He waited for a few seconds. "Hello, Peter. This is Phil Coulson. We need your group to come in and evaluate a weapon for us. Yes, Tony has been examining it and doesn't know what it is."

"Oi!" Tony said. Phil ignored him.

"You're not going to make him say it, Peter, so just come in and tell us what HYDRA is usin- Yes, it was HYDRA who attack-." Phil pulled the phone from his ear and handed it back to Tony, who grabbed it and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Are you still sulking?" Clint asked, sounding delighted. Tony sneered at him.

"Uh?" Loki raised his hand slowly. "Who's coming?" He asked. 

"The Guardians." Natasha said.

"The what?" James said, frowning.

"Yeah. Buckle up." Clint said, wandering to the corner for coffee. "You might need this."

 

 

************

 

 

"HELLO, AVENGERS!"

"Oh, no." Tony groaned and slammed his head into the table. Betty poked her head out from the lab and snorted, going back in. Loki looked up from his game of poker with James, Steve, Clint, Thor and Natasha and saw a group of people enter the office. He put down his cards (not hearing the groaning as the others saw his winning hand) and walked to the door of the break room. 

It was certainly a diverse group of people. In front was a tall man, built with short sandy hair and a pleasant open face. He was as tall as Steve, and was wearing a floor length red leather duster. The woman standing next to him had a face as featureless as an Easter Island head, slight disdain in her eyes. Her skin was dark, and her black hair had red streaked through it. Occasionally the light caught several scars on her face, and she was wearing a brace on her left arm. The man behind her was built like a wrestler, bald and covered in tattoos. His pale blue eyes were oddly intense, and he stalked forward like he was hunting something. The two men behind the woman and the other men were startling in their contrasts. The first man barely scraped 5 foot and had salt and pepper black hair, with dark circles around his eyes and scars up and down his arms. The other man was the tallest man Loki had ever seen. He was also bald, with an open face and kind black eyes. There was an enormous scar on his throat, and he was resting his hand on the small man's hair, idly running his hands through the strands.

"Hello, Peter." Steve said. He came out and shook Peter's hand. Loki turned his head to look at the others, and saw that James had gone sheet white. 

"James?" Loki said, only for James to bolt from the table in the direction of the bathroom. Everyone looked after him, but Loki waved them away and continued to look at the newly arrived group with the frown on his face. He felt like he had seen them before...

"I heard you need help." The grin on Peter's face didn't waver. Steve sighed a ran a hand through his hair.

"You heard about the attack."

"Yes." Said the tattooed man. "Your building was destroyed and you were almost killed. You seem to have had a very trying couple of days."

"Yep." Clint said, coming through and stirring his coffee. He was on his third cup already, and his leg was starting to jiggle when he stayed still. "Anyway, in the clear-up we got our hands on a few guns and Tony didn't recognise the tech. Considering who you are, we thought you might want to take a look and tell us what you know."

There was a snickering sound from the back and the small man came forward, rubbing his hands together. "Show us the goods."

Steve sighed and brought the group through to the communal lounge, where the gun was sitting against the couch. The other Avengers came through, making the communal area packed. The woman looked at Loki and frowned in confusion.

"Oh, yeah." The small man said and hefted the gun into his arms. The Avengers and Loki leaned back, whilst the Guardians leaned forward in intrigue. 

"I didn't know that he actually put it into production." The woman said.

"Who are they?" Loki asked Thor. Thor looked at him.

"Nobody told you?" He asked. 

"I know what they do, I just don't know who they are."

"Oh. Sorry, I thought someone told you. That's Peter Quill, he runs the Guardians. There's Gamora to his right, and beside her is Drax. The two men hovering over the gun are Rocket Raccoon and Simon Groot, known by his last name. They're arms suppliers for private companies. They supply us occasionally."

"And they would know what the weapon was?" Loki whispered. 

"They all come from backgrounds with a focus on weaponry. Quill's an ex-marine, Drax specialised in self-defence and Rocket and Groot are ex-cons that used to be weapons smugglers. They agreed to work with Peter so their sentences could be reduced."

"And Gamora?" Loki asked softly. Thor shrugged, not noticing Loki's shoulder's tense when Gamora looked at him with a deeper frown.

"Is mysterious." Loki looked at Thor, who gave a small laugh. "No one knows where she came from. She doesn't even have a last name."

"Gamora..." Loki whispered and settled back.

"When you've finished drooling over it," Natasha said, and Rocket and Groot looked up. 

"Huh?" Peter asked. Natasha sighed.

"What can you tell us about it?" Phil asked, settling on the arm of the couch. 

The Guardians looked at each other and then stood around the gun, facing the others. Gamora reached out and tapped the gun in the exact place Loki had, and the lights flashed along the side. 

"This gun is finger sensitive." Rocket started. "It connects and will only fire when the user pulls the trigger."

"Like in Skyfall." Tony said.

"Yes. Like in Skyfall. Each gun was tailor made for the man and could only fire when he wanted to."

"So how come when Loki touched it, the lights came on?" Clint asked.

"You mean like this?" Gamora said and made the lights come on again. "That actually tells the user how much ammunition they have left. See?" She pointed at the bars. "The gun had 25% of it's ammo use left."

"And the ammunition itself?" Steve asked. Groot took the gun and turned it in his massive hands, grunting under his breath. He then held the gun above his head and then pressed something, and the magazine slid out and Drax caught it. He examined it closely.

"Depleted Uranium shells. They will cause great damage to your body." He said.

"That explains the damage done to the floors. They were shredded." Tony leaned over and took one of the bullets out of the gun, examining it closely. 

"If one of these hit you, you'd be dead. They would tear through veins, skin, arteries. You'd only have minutes." Gamora said. She sounded a bit sick, and Groot put a hand on her shoulder, dwarfing it. "I've..." She swallowed. "I've seen it happen."

She had the attention of everyone in the room. The silence was fraught and Gamora wouldn't meet anyone's eyes.

"It was HYDRA that attacked us." Thor finally said.

Gamora blanched and her knees went week. Drax caught her and lowered her down onto the couch, putting her head between her knees. Peter fluttered around, looking panicked until Clint guided him to where the water cooler was and he got some water, hurrying over and giving Gamora the glass. 

"HYDRA? As in that pharmaceutical company that you got taken down?" Peter asked, standing up and crossing his arms. He looked perturbed and faintly irritated. 

"Yes. Turns out that they went underground but are still operational. They seem to have been waiting for Loki and James to surface, and now they're trying to re-claim what they think is there's." Steve said. Loki was looking harder at Gamora, something tickling in the back of his mind. 

"So that's why you have one of their guns." Drax said, nodding to himself. 

"You said something when you came in." Thor said, looking at Gamora. "You said that you were surprised that 'he' had put it into production. You've seen this gun before."

Gamora nodded and grimaced. "Yes, I-"

"Hello, Gamora." James croaked. He was still sheet white, and was chewing gum like it was going out of fashion, but his face was resolute and his eyes were steely.

"Soldier. You got out." Gamora whispered. She stood up and rushed over, hugging him. James stood still but closed his eyes, resting his face on her shoulder.

"Uh, can someone explain this to me?" Tony said, pointing at the two of them. Gamora sniffed and rubbed her eyes, turning and giving a weak smile.

"I was with HYDRA for..some years in the past. Before I got out." Gamora said. She shifted on her feet and wouldn't meet anyone's eyes. Her team knew about her past, but only the basics. They had no idea that she knew that man known as the Soldier, who was legendary amongst most peace-keeping organisations, and who had disappeared off the map 2 years ago. 

There was a long silence. "WHAT?" Rocket screeched and waved his hands. Groot frowned and stepped back, eyes narrowed. Peter's eyebrows shot to the top of his head.

"That's news." Drax said mildly, looking supremely unconcerned. 

"You said criminal organisation, you didn't say HYDRA." Rocket said. Groot grunted in affirmation. 

"Yes, well. I was there for a few years."

"Why?" Natasha asked sharply.

"Thanos," (James and Loki twitched sharply) "was my...stepfather."

"NEBULA!" Loki roared and stood up, pointing at Gamora and looking pale. Gamora went whiter.

"Whose Nebula?" Peter asked. Loki lowered his arm and stood, shaking. 

"Nebula was...with me. For some time." Loki whispered. Gamora shut her eyes and them opened them, pushing down her emotions and walking back to the gun. 

"Nebula was my younger sister. When I proved to be the better fighter, she was kept with Pet, uh, Loki to keep me plaint."

"I'm surprised you remember her." James muttered to Loki. 

"I didn't, until just now." Loki said under his breath. 

"What happened?" Steve asked.

"She committed suicide." Gamora said. 

The silence was deafening. "I left the next day." Gamora whispered and accepted the coffee that Bruce thrust into her hand. 

The feeling in the room was so depressed that everyone settled down into seats, and Thor grabbed Loki's hand, rubbing the knuckles with his thumb. 

"Who built that first gun?" Steve finally asked, dreading the answer.

"Armin Zola." Gamora finally said, looking at the rest of them. James flinched, once again feeling the bone saw against his arm, the whirring and the pain making him feel sick again. He took the mint gum out of his mouth and wrapped it up to dispose of it later, and then leaned back in his chair, kicking his feet onto the table. Steve put his own leg up and braced the back of James' chair, making sure that he didn't fall over. 

"He survived, then." Natasha said in a low voice to Bruce and Tony. 

"He must have been building them in secret." Peter said.

"But Gamora said that he was building the guns during the time she was there. How come production stopped after James arrived?" Steve said. 

"I don't know." Gamora said. "Zola stopped and told Thanos he was working on a biological weapon."

"Biological weapon?"

Gamora shook her head. "I think that the subject died. Or something happened. But Zola stopped working on both the weapons and the guns."

"I can't believe Zola's still alive." Loki muttered and touched his lighter in his back pocket. James nodded and shuddered, clutching at his shoulder. 

"We have to find him." Bruce said. "Any time he works with Thanos and Pierce he creates destruction and pain. He might even be updating his weaponry as we speak. If he knows that we have the weapons he supplied to the soldiers, then he knows that we've been able to discover that he's alive."

"If we take him out, then Thanos and Pierce have lost their weapons man. They'll be cut off and become increasingly desperate in their search for arms." Steve said.

"If they contact you..." Tony said.

"We'll contact you." Peter said, nodding his head firmly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Betty slept in the spare bedroom, conked out after the tensions of the day. But as James lay asleep, Loki lay awake, looking at the ceiling and tapping his fingers against his breastbone.

Gamora had been a shock, and his remembering Nebula even more so, since he had virtually no memories of his time with HYDRA and absolutely none of his time before.

"You need to shut your brain off." James said sleepily. Loki sighed and turned over, looking at James blinking in the dark. 

"I can't. I remember Nebula."

James sighed and sat up, rubbing his face. "You knew her better than I did."

"I barely knew her at all." Loki whispered. But nevertheless he saw, in his mind's eye, a small bald girl, curled up with him in his arms as they waited for the men to come back, for the Master's to come and collect them. She would cry and cling to him when Thanos came through the door, and then scream and wail when Thanos would drag her out by the arm, leaving the boy only known then as Pet to watch and gasp.

"I found her dead." Loki said and winced when the image of her, lying on their bed with wide open wrists and blood soaking the sheets. She had fallen against a mirror in Master Pierce's bathroom and smuggled a glass shard in the lining of her shift. Pet had been taken out for the night and had come back with whip marks on his back, wobbling on legs painful from being forced to his shoulders. Pet hadn't screamed, hadn't mad a fuss. He had only tilted his head and wondered whether it would be possible to grab the glass from her hand and slit his throat before the Handlers came.

"I know. I carried her out." James said and rested his head on Loki's shoulder. Then he frowned. "That's how we met."

"Did we?" Loki asked, sounding slightly desperate. James knocked his head against Loki's shoulder. 

"Yes. And even in that terrible place, at least I had you."

Loki abruptly snorted and buried his face unto his hands, shoulder's shaking. "That's so cheesy!" Loki squeaked out. James started laughing softly as well, lying back onto the pillow. Loki followed and settled back, drawing the sheet up to his chest and rolling onto his side.

"We'll be alright, won't we?" James asked, voice already going soft with sleep.

"Yes." Loki said. He sighed and snuggled into his pillow. "We'll be fine."

But as he slipped off to sleep, Loki thought about Zola, and he felt his chest go warm with worry. He didn't want to see that man again, not after everything that had happened.

Zola was somehow scarier than Thanos and Pierce, and with him out there, Loki couldn't quite believe that they would, in fact, be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and kudos, people. REVIEWS AND KUDOS WILL KEEP ME GOING! MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!


	21. I Don't Want To Be An Island (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of the attack on the Tower, Thor takes the opportunity to reassure Loki of his safety.
> 
>  
> 
> Lasagne may or may not be involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's filler time again, not my speciality, but perhaps a much needed break after the action in the last two chapters. Hope you enjoy, because things are going to speed up next chapter, and the plot really advances!

"You getting ready for the big date tonight?"

Loki threw a black glare over his shoulder and resumed cutting up onions for his mince. James was sitting on the couch, ostensibly reading a book but in reality choosing to bother Loki about that night. Thor was coming over for a date, and Loki was trying his hand at cooking lasagne, which he knew was a favourite of Thor. They had been talking about it last week and Loki had thought to make it when Thor came over.

"It's not a date." Loki muttered.

"And denials just a river in Egypt." James said, grinning and unrepentant. 

"Ahh, fuck off." Loki said and added the onions to the pan, stirring and watching them turn translucent. "And don't you have a fitting to get ready for?" 

"How could I possible get ready? All I have to do is stand there and listen to Stark and Bruce talk about where my arm  _should_ be."

"I thought Stark had already started building the thing." Loki added seasoning and mince in good order.

"He has." James stood up and stretched, his t-shirt riding up his stomach. His abs were starting to show, his tri-weekly work-out sessions with Steve starting to show results. Not that he hadn't been in bad shape before, having used the gym in the apartment everyday. But instead of being just fit, he was now working on conditioning and strengthening. Betty had actually recommended it, stating that although the arm that was being built from the lightest and strongest material known to man, it would still take a toll on his body. He needed the muscles to support it. "But they still need to get me in three days a week for scans."

Loki nodded and stirred. "Have they given you a date yet? For the operation, I mean."

James shook his head. "No. I think that they want to make sure that the arm and the socket is built and modified first before they stick it into me. It'll be much harder to make modifications after the op."

Loki snorted. "True." He put the lid on the pot holding the mince and started on the béchamel sauce. "Who's picking you up?"

"Natasha. She should be here in a couple of hours."

Loki nodded and stirred, adding flour and milk until he had a nice thick sauce bubbling on the stove top. He turns the heat right down and walked to the living room, wiping his hands on a towel as he stared at the TV with blank eyes.

"Is Clint still sleeping?" Loki asked James, coming out of his head and leaning back until he could see down the corridor to the spare room. Clint had arrived for his watch practically sleep-walking, and had been out of it for the last 10 hours. Neither James nor Loki had been able to figure out why he was so tired, but if Loki had to make an educated guess, he would say it had something to do with the recent attack and the talk with the Guardians.

"Yeah. He's bushed, I wonder why?" James said. He sat back down and pulled a blanket over his legs, taking up his book again. Even thought it was 30 degrees outside, it was relatively cool in the apartment, both Loki and James preferring colder temperatures. 

"I think that you know why." Loki said darkly. He looked at James, sharing a dark look with him before shaking himself and walking back into the kitchen. He took out some lasagne sheets and boiled some water, softening them to put into the dish.

"That went dark quickly." James muttered and started to read again. But in truth, Loki and James had been on their last nerves since the discussion with the Guardians. The sudden emergence of memories for Loki, of Nebula and his early days with HYDRA, had made him snappish and deeply sarcastic. He didn't have any memories of his time before, and still very few memories of HYDRA itself, but it was obvious that Loki had been deeply affected by what he had seen in his minds eye.

"You guys fighting?" Clint stumbled out of the spare room, hair standing up on his head and eyes still half closed. 

"Nope!" James said cheerfully, abruptly gaining another memory of Steve stumbling out of his room after a nap, still mostly asleep but small face spreading into a grin when he saw James sitting at the kitchen table, drinking juice and with toast spread with jam ready. Memories were starting to come thick and fast with him, both the good of his life with Steve, and the bad with HYDRA. Those memories left him sobbing during the night, Loki's arm around his shoulders and whispering in his ear that he was safe, that everything was alright. 

Steve helped. At the end of those training sessions, he would sit down with Steve, share a bottle of water and talk about what had come into his mind that week. It was very therapeutic.

Loki turned on the coffee machine and got a cup out. He poured out the coffee and added cream and sugar appropriately, knowing that Clint preferred his coffee with only a little cream but a stupid amount of sugar.

"Thanks." Clint said, taking the cup and breathing in the fumes. He closed his eyes and sighed, walking back to the living room and carefully slumping on the couch beside James. James immediately moved the remote for the TV over with his feet, still reading, and Clint switched on the TV, flicking past the news and making his way onto Animal Planet.

"Animal Planet?" James said, putting down his book. Clint nodded, looking slightly more awake.

"You can't beat David Attenborough." Clint said. James laughed and sat back, watching orca's hunt. Loki kept an ear out in the kitchen, happily assembling lasagne and garnishing with cheese, ready to be put into the oven so it could come out in time for dinner. He started on the garlic bread, smiling softly to himself as he heard Clint and James cheer.

It was a comfortable 2 hours, in which Loki finished off his dinner prep and came and sat with them. He had a cold glass of coke in his hand and, for the first time in a long time, didn't feel any  anxiety. 

Clint's phone rang, and he picked it up. "Hey, Natasha." He said. "Yeah, he's ready." He looked over at James, who blanched and then raced to the bedroom, throwing off his blanket and pulling off his sweater. He had been instructed to keep the clothing on his upper body light and easy to take off when it came to scans and measuring. Loki looked after him with a raised eyebrow, and Clint snorted with laughter. "Ok, he'll be ready in a couple of minutes. You and Thor could come up now, Loki's got a lasagne cook and it smells delicious."

"Clint!" Loki exclaimed. 

"What that meant to be a surprise?" Clint said, looking surprised. Loki groaned and chugged his drink, wincing as he concealed a burp and walking back to the kitchen to put the garlic bread in the oven beside the lasagne. Clint groaned and continued talking to Natasha, who was busy admonishing him for spoiling the surprise. He could he Thor laughing in the background.

The bell sounded and Clint got up to open the door, groaning as his back clicked. He had spent the previous night hunched with Tony and Steve in front of a computer, reading any and all files on HYDRA that the Guardians had sent over. It was nothing new, just from a different point of view, and they were no closer to tracking down Thanos, Pierce or Zola. None of the men that had been captured had talked, and everyone was starting to feel the pressure.

"Hello Loki." Natasha said, coming over and kissing him on the cheek. He accepted and then grinned at Thor over her head. Thor nodded back, smiling. He was dressed in a deep red shirt tucked into tight jeans. Loki felt something flutter in his stomach and he turned quickly, pulling out ingredients for a salad and grabbing the dressing from the shelf above his head. The colour rushed from his cheeks in his version of a blush. James, coming out of the bedroom, saw this and grinned, coming over and leaning against Natasha. She shoved him playfully and he smiled back.

"You ready to go now?" Clint asked. 

"Yep. Have fun, Loki!" James said and walked out of the door. Clint followed and Natasha nodded to both Loki and Thor, leaving the apartment last and closing the door, hard. The bang was enough to draw Thor out of the stupor he had fallen into when he had seen Loki and he rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling softly to himself.

"Is this the first time Loki has cooked for Thor?" Clint asked as they got into the back of Natasha's car. It was a sleek blue Audi, and Natasha babied that car like it was her own child. Clint wasn't even allowed to drive it.

"Yeah. He's actually been really nervous." James said, smiling softly out of the window. He felt good for Loki, moving forward in his relationship. He wanted this to happen now this is own relationship with Steve was happening. 

"That sounds adorable." Natasha said. 

"Loki anxious  _is_ adorable. He's been practising all week, I've never eaten so good." James said, sitting back. 

"It's nice to see Thor moving on as well." Clint said. He leaned back on his own seat and fiddled with the air-conditioning, blasting cold air into his face. "i think that they'll go very well together. In the mean time," he turned and looked at James, "after Tony and Bruce had been playing with you, fancy a pizza? I'm buying."

"Oh, God, yes."

 

 

************

 

 

"I have this." Thor said. He held out a bottle of white wine, and Loki took it, looking at the label.

"Ooooh, this is nice!" He said and put the wine in the fridge to cool it, turning back to his salad. Thor rubbed his hands together and moved to Loki, slipping one arm around his waist.

"Do you need any help?" He asked. Loki looked at him and smiled softly. 

"You can cut the tomatoes." Loki said and handed him the knife. Thor nodded and then, impulsively, leaned in and kissed Loki on the temple. Loki went white and turned back to the salad, smiling softly. 

They worked quietly together, assembling the salad. When that was finished Loki pulled out plates and cutlery and handed them to Thor, directing him to set up the tiny table by the window in the living room. It was rarely used, both James and Loki preferring to eat sitting on front of the television. But it had been cleaned and polished for this evening, and, after Loki had checked on the lasagne and garlic bread, he brought over glasses. 

"I'm glad you brought some wine. I didn't know what you liked." Loki said. Thor nodded.

"I'm more of a mead person, but I do appreciate a good white. What do you prefer?"

"I like both red and white. I'm not that fussy, but I really don't like beer. Can you still buy mead?" Loki asked. 

Thor grinned and nudged Loki with his shoulder. "My parents actually make it and they send me a couple of casks a month."

"Isn't that illegal?" Loki frowned. Thor laughed, a great booming laugh that Loki could feel in his bones.

"They don't sell it, no money changes hands. And honestly, it's great. I'll bring some next time."

Loki grinned and surpassed the urge to wiggle in delight. Thor thought there would be a next time, and Loki couldn't be happier at the thought. 

The timer beside the oven went off and Loki hurried over, slipping on some oven gloves and pulling out the lasagne and garlic bread. The salad stood by waiting for dressing, and Thor exclaimed in delight when he saw what was being served. 

"How did you know?" He said, coming over and leaning in, sniffing deep. The scent of rich mince and cheese made him smile, and Loki gave himself an imaginary pat on the back at going with his gut.

"Some secrets need to be kept." Loki said loftily and grabbed his spatula and knife, cutting the lasagne into chunks and putting it onto plates. He slid the garlic bread onto a plate and juggled his plate, the garlic bread and the salad bowl to the table. Thor followed, eyebrows raised as he watched Loki stumble to the table.

"Do you need help?" He asked. Loki huffed.

"Nearly...there!" He said and plopped everything down on the table. The salad bowl wobbled and Thor rushed over, catching it and righting it.

"Thanks." Loki said and sat down, before wincing and running back to the kitchen to grab salad tongs. "Sorry." He mumbled and sat down.

"No problem." Thor said and grabbed the tongs, putting a health pile of salad on his plate and cutting up several slices of garlic bread. 

They ate in silence for a couple of seconds before Thor sighed and walked back to the kitchen, getting the wine from the fridge. He turned and brought it back, and Loki groaned and put his head into his hands. "I'm really screwing this up." Loki said, muffled by his hands.

"No, you're not." Thor said. "I forgot too." Thor pulled the multi-tool penknife and used the cork-screw to open the bottle. He poured them out a glass and Loki took a sip.

"That's really crisp." Loki said and sighed, taking a longer sip.

"Delicious." Thor sighed and set his glass down, sipping slowly. It was a perfect addition to the lasagne.

They kept the conversation light, but each man knew what Loki really wanted to ask. Ever since the Guardians Loki had been deliberately limiting his exposure to the others, in fear of dredging up even more memories. This dinner date had been on the books before the attack, but now Loki spent even more time in his room, playing with his lighter and looking at his pocket watch. Even James had become worried. 

Phil had summarised why Loki seemed to be regressing whilst James was becoming more extroverted. "James is working towards something. He has a future with two arms to look forward too, and he's got Steve to help him reach that goal. And he's bonding with Steve. Steve is triggering memories and James is gaining more and more of who he used to be. And he's remembering Steve, who was important to him then and is becoming more and more important to him now. Steve is becoming integral to his success.

"Loki, on the other hand, isn't gaining any memories back. His entire life, to him, started 3 years ago and what memories he does have are tainted with HYDRA. With the growing threat, Loki is becoming less anchored in himself and has a looser grip on trust. The only person he totally trusts is James, who's spending more and more time with Steve. And whilst Loki seems to be happy for James, it only serves to remind him that he has nothing of his life except that watch. He's scared and distrustful, and all he wants to do is run. He's going against every instinct in his body to remain here and trust us to handle the problem." Phil had then shrugged. "It's no wonder he spends all his time alone. He doesn't even trust himself, who on earth can we expect him to trust people he doesn't know from Adam?"

Loki finished his lasagne and leaned back in his chair, looking out of the window and letting the cool evening sun wash across his face. His hair was loose and there was a long strand over his shoulder, and Loki played with the end. Thor watched him, a soft smile on his face.

"Please say you're full." Loki said, turning back. Thor groaned and patted his stomach.

"I couldn't eat another bite. It was delicious." Thor said.

"Good. Because I forgot to buy dessert." Loki smiled and stood up, collecting plates and hustling to the kitchen. He put the plates in the dishwasher and then stretched, yawning and cracking his back at the same time.

"That sounded pleasant." Thor said, coming in with the glasses and the salad bowl. Loki grinned and then cracked this neck, causing Thor to wince and then laughed. 

"It's incredibly satisfying." Loki laughed and put the salad in the fridge. Thor quickly ran back and tidied up the rest of the table, and helped Loki wash up. They finished putting everything away and walked back to the living room, sitting down in front of the television with the rest of the wine and the glasses.

"So I have a question." Loki said, settling back. He had draped his hair over one shoulder, and his knees were pulled up to his chest. His sleeves were rolled back, and Thor admired the ink on his arms as the sun hit them.

"Go ahead."

"Where do you come from? I mean originally."

Thor frowned at him. "How can you tell I'm not American?"

Loki snorted. "You have a faint accent."

"Really?" Thor frowned. He thought that he had managed to get rid of it by this time. 

"I can hear accents. Even faint ones." Loki grinned and took a sip of wine. He let it settle on his tongue and enjoyed the taste. He didn't really drink, and James was a beer man.

Thor laughed. "I was born in Norway. Oslo. My father moved to America when I was nine. He's a criminal lawyer."

"Oh? Has he tried any big cases?" Loki leaned forward.

"He was on the list when HYDRA was brought to trial, but it was decided that, because I was on the team that brought the company to trial in the first place, it would be a conflict of interest."

"Oh, I don't remember anyone named Odinson on the list." Loki murmured to himself. Both he and James had been given a a transcript of the trail when it had happened, and Loki had read it avidly, memorising it to remind himself that HYDRA was gone and not coming back.

The irony wasn't lost on him.

"He stuck by the old way of naming. He's Odin Borson."

"Borson? How I know that name..." Loki said to himself, frowning. He knew Odin Borson from something he had read.

Thor felt himself go cold and he took a big gulp of his wine, looking for the remote. He didn't know whether Loki knew that Odin had pushed forward the investigation when Loki had gone missing, and that this information had been given to Loki when he had been released from hospital. 

"I'm supposed to be from Scandinavia as well." Loki said softly. "They tell me I'm from Iceland. But I don't sound Icelandic."

"You sound British." Thor said, and Loki laughed. 

"I know. I don't know how that happened. As I learnt English I developed this accent, despite living with James."

"It suits you." Thor said. Loki beamed at him and then snuggled closer. Thor flicked on the television and held out an arm, at which Loki hesitated for a moment and then slipped under, resting his shoulder on Thor's.

"This is nice." He murmured.

"I know." Thor said quietly into his hair. He took the end of Loki's hair and started playing with it. Loki hummed happily.

"Thanks for coming this evening." He whispered.

Thor nodded, watching Animal Planet. There was a pack of lions hunting a heard of wildebeest, and Thor was abruptly reminded of the situation with James and Loki. 

"I'll always be here." He whispered, and he meant it. But in his heart he knew that HYDRA was closing in, and, much like the lions on the TV, it was only a matter of time before the lions came out of the grass and running was the only means to survive.

Unfortunately for those lions, the wildebeest in question had firepower on their side. Nature was never is not fair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those who reviewed, it's lovely to get your notes. If you would like to leave either a note or kudos, it would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> BTW, if anyone wants to make some fan art for this or any of my stories, I'd be delighted and thrilled.


	22. Bring Me Home In A Blinding Dream (CoG)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time lapse. In which Thor and Loki date (and bond) and Steve and James work out (and bond). Also, in which there is the appearance of a certain African King.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a time lapse, as the chapter said. Again, it's filler, but needed to move the plot along. Trust me, after this things really start heating up.
> 
> I'm sorry about the late update, life got in the way but you'll get two updates close together. You lucky, lucky people.

**_ Loki _ **

 

_August_

As far as Loki was concerned, the hotter the weather got, the happier he got in turn. Thor chose to wear shirts with increasingly shorter and shorter sleeves, and Loki could feast his eyes on Thor's arm's. There were muscled and golden and glistening. Loki wanted to run his tongue over them. 

"How do you feel about Central Park?" Thor asked and held up a picnic basket. 

"Ooooh." Loki said and hurried to the door, slipping into his flip-flops and flinging open the door. James leaned back over the couch and exchanged a wink with Thor as he left the room. Phil was playing cards with him, waiting until he had to transport James to his appointment at the Tower.

Loki piled into Thor's car and hummed under his breath. He looked out of the window as the scenery past, the smell from the basket wafting in the car and making his stomach growl. So comfortable was he now with Thor that he didn't even look his way, simply giggled and patted his stomach. 

"I'll find us a nice shady spot and then we'll eat." Thor promised and Loki grinned. Thor hurried off and Loki wandered after him slowly, hands tucked into the back of his pockets. He watched the families and lovers mill around, taking advantage of the sun and the light breeze. He saw Thor pull out a rug and settle down, unpacking plates and taking out a plain bottle.

"What's that?" Loki asked, sitting down with his knees underneath him.

"Mead. My parents make their own and send it to me. Here," Thor help out a cup to Loki, and Loki took it, holding it up to the sun and watching the light catch the golden notes, "try it."

Loki took a sip and then sighed, letting the honey roll over his tongue. "It's delicious." He admitted and took a deeper pull. Thor grinned and pulled out cheese and crackers, cutting up apples and laying them on a board. Loki settled back and looked over the grass, for once since HYDRA had reared it's ugly head content and at peace.

Thor and Loki ate silently, enjoying each other's company. At some point Thor had shifted and was brushing his shoulder with Loki's and Loki's fingers were tapping against the top of Thor's hand. 

A soccer ball suddenly sailed through the air and hit Thor on the side of the head, causing him to wince and Loki to laugh.

"I'm so sorry!" A small boy about 10 years old came running up, grabbing the ball and standing back. Loki looked at him and felt something swoop in his stomach. The boy had pitch black hair and a pointed face with sky-blue eyes. "Papa kicked it too hard!"

"It's no bother." Thor smiled and handed the ball back.

"Narfi!" A man came over, black hair plastered to his head with sweat, and with his short sleeved short sticking to his body. He looked like his son, the same eyes and pointed face. "I'm sorry about that." He said to Thor. Loki couldn't speak, instead looking at the child. He had seen photographs of himself as a boy, and this child looked so much like him that he was feeling very odd.

"It's no problem." Thor nodded and smiled, and the man put a hand on the boys shoulder, nodding turning back. There was another man waiting with a baby in his arms, who was happily chewing a small stuffed toy. The baby resembled the man holding her, blond hair and bright green eyes. The man with the black hair reached him and pressed a kiss to the baby's cheek and then leaned up and kissed his husband gently on the lips. He turned with one final nod and walked away with his family.

Loki and Thor sat in silence, the atmosphere between then slightly tense. Finally Thor sighed and looked at Loki.

"That boy..." He said. Loki heaved a sigh.

"I know." He whispered.

Thor looked at Loki and then reached over, taking Loki's hand and kissing the back. "We'll get there." He promised. Loki gave him a small smile and leaned over, pouring himself a glass of mead.

"Do you have any more apple?" He said, picking up a slice of cheddar. Thor nodded and reached into the basket, pulling out a block and slicing it up.

 

  _September_

"How did you get so good?" Clint groaned. Loki grinned and watched him throw, the dart sticking in the board just a millimetre short of the bullseye.

Loki and Thor had been standing in line to the cinema when Thor had got a call from Maria that someone had been brought in from the STRIKE team of HYDRA. Since Thor and Steve were pretty much the primaries on the case, it was usually them that got to interrogate the people brought in. And Steve was off visiting Erskine's daughter, trying to find any connection to HYDRA not already explored. That left Thor free, and so he had come to the station with Loki. Luckily, Clint and Natasha were working there, and had decided to temporarily stop filing paperwork to keep Loki company and distract him from the man Thor was interrogating. 

Clint had broken out the dart-board and was currently battling Loki, and Natasha was sitting on the couch and recording the argument with her phone.

"Practice." Loki narrowed his eyes and threw, the dart burying itself into the bullseye. 

"Fuuuuck you." Clint groaned. Loki snickered.

"Clint's pulling his throws." Natasha said, and Loki turned to Clint with his mouth open in outrage.

"Uh...sorry?" Clint said under his breath, looking sheepish.

"How well do you really throw?" Loki said, standing back and crossing his arms. 

Clint sighed and stood back, loosening his shoulders. He stood for a second and then threw, arm blindingly fast. The darts thudded into the board, and when he had finished Loki walked to the board and gaped. Every dart was in the middle of the board.

"And that's why he's the precinct sharp shooter." Natasha came over and pressed a kiss to his cheek before wandering back to her desk, laughing softly to herself.

"So why did you..." Loki trailed off. Clint shrugged.

"I wanted to see how you did when you were on top. You're really good."

Loki tilted his head, still frowning and sat down on the couch. "James is better." He said. Clint laughed and nodded.

"Yeah. Does he still practice?" 

"He's recently started." Loki sat back and looked out the break room window. 

Clint frowned. "Because of the arm."

Loki nodded. "Yes. He didn't before, because of...you know..."

"Yes."

"But he's been working with Steve and I think that he wants to seem useful."

Loki saw Thor come out of the interrogation room and talk to Maria and Natasha. He stood up and walked to Thor, putting a hand on his shoulder and watching Thor's eyes light up.

"We missed our movie, but we can still make our dinner reservation." Thor said. He took Loki's hand and rubbed the knuckles. 

"Let's go then." They held hands walking out and Natasha took a picture. It was Thor's wallpaper on his computer for the next 3 months. 

 

  _October_

"Why did you think that this was a good idea?" Loki groaned into his hands. Thor grimaced and rubbed the back of his head.

"I thought that this might be fun for the both of us. I mean, we're both intelligent human beings, this shouldn't be so difficult."

"Why didn't you invite the others? I might have been better then just the two of us." Loki stood up and stretched, trying desperately not to look at Thor standing sheepishly by the TV. He glared at the walkie-talkie sitting on the desk, and tried not to bang his head against the wall.

It was Thor's idea to play an Escape The Room scenario for this date, and so far it wasn't going well. Thor and Loki had managed to find two of the three keys, but had come up short on the third. This had caused tempers to fracture, and Loki and Thor were in the middle of their first argument. 

"We could have gone to the theatre. We could have gone to the movies. You could have cooked us dinner, but noooooo. You had to trap us in a small room with a metaphorical apocalypse about to happen, and the third key apparently invisible."

"Loki..." Thor groaned. 

"This is going to drive me insane. I'm going to become the World Leader when the apocalypse happens, and nothing you do will be able to stop me." Loki started banging his head softly against the wall, tugging his hair loose from his plait and pinging the band against his wrist. 

"Can you stop being so melodramatic?" Thor snapped, picking up a pillow from the bunkbed and flinging it as Loki's head. It connected and Loki spun around, so angry it looked like his eyes were flaming. 

"YOU. TRAPPED. US. IN. A. TINY. ROOM!" He shrieked. He threw his arms to the side and Thor winced at the volume.

"Again, I thought that it might be fun. Could you lower your voice?" He said sharply. 

"Oh, really?" Loki sneered. 

"It's echoing, and I'm trying to think." 

Loki twisted his face into a hard expression, baring his teeth, but kept quiet. He stalked to the table and sat down hard, crossing his arms and growling under his breath. He leaned his head back and looked at the ceiling. 

They sat in silence for a while until Loki sat up, looking harder at the ceiling. "Uh, Thor?"

"What, Loki?" Thor said.

"Those stains on the ceiling." Loki stood up and absently tied his hair back. Thor stood up from the bed and came to stand beside Loki, looking up. 

"This place is scrupulously clean, why would there be marks on the ceiling?" Loki muttered.

"It's Morse Code." Thor realised. He squinted and then started to read it out. "Slowest moving, largest monument, cold water sculpture."

"Glacier!" Loki exclaimed. "It's talking about the Lambert Glacier. It's the biggest glacier in the world." He rushed to the map on the wall and found the middle point of the glacier. He saw Thor walk to the phone on the wall and started to yell out the coordinates. Thor put them into the phone, and then exclaimed in joy when the phone cradle fell down and the third key was revealed. 

"Yes!" Loki exclaimed. Thor put the key on the corresponding lock and turned and then walked to where the second key was as Loki took the first.

"Ready?" Thor asked.

"One, two, three." Loki said and turned at the same time as Thor. There was a loud sound and the door hissed open.

"Finally!" Loki said and hurried for the door. Thor followed and watched as Loki hurried to the car, flinging himself into his front seat and pulling the seatbelt around himself in jerky, angry movements. Thor got into the car and drove off, the silence between them fraught with tension. 

They pulled up in front of Loki's building and Loki shot out of the car, walking briskly to the elevator and getting inside. Thor stood beside him and watched Loki in the reflection. Loki was visibly grinding his teeth and there was a vein in his forehead that was jumping. The elevator pinged open on Loki's floor and he flounced out, pulling his key out. James and Steve were inside, having just come back from a fitting, and Thor was due back in the office. 

"Are we still on for Friday night?" Thor asked. His heart was thumping and he felt distinctly nervous. He realised how much he had got used to Loki's company and how much he enjoyed his somewhat biting wit, and the thought of losing that made him feel distinctly uncomfortable. 

Loki froze for a second and then turned. "Don't be late." He gave Thor a fleeting smile and opened the door, walking inside and closing it behind him.

Thor looked left and right and waited until the elevator doors had closed before pumping his arm. "Success!" He said and grinned, feeling on top of the world.

 

_November_

"Can I kiss you?" Thor asked softly. Loki looked at him, the coffee in his hand making the steam curl in the air. He huffed in surprise and dropped the apple in his hand back onto the pile.

"What?" He whispered. 

"Can I kiss you?" Thor asked again.

Loki gav a soft smile and nodded. He was the same height as Thor, and so Thor simply leaned over and pressed his lips gently to Loki's. Loki tasted of coffee and musk. He smelt like Loki, and Thor closed his eyes when he felt Loki kissing back.

'This," he decided, 'is perfect.'

 

 

************

 

 

**_James_ **

****

_August_

"Do you have to kick so much?" Steve said, gasping as James spun and struck out, catching Steve on the shoulder and sending him stumbling back. 

"Yes." James huffed, temporarily stopping and breathing deeply. Sweat was rolling down his back, and he walked to the edge of the ring to grab his towel. He wiped his face and then turned, grinning at Steve. "I have one arm and two legs."

Steve laughed and walked over, grabbing his own towel. "True. But you're still giving me wicked bruises."

"Whatever works, pal." James threw him a grin and picked up his water bottle, opening it and taking a long pull. 

"How are you feeling? I'm surprised you were willing to work out after Bruce and Dr Cho had finished with you." Steve leaned back against the ropes and watched James. James shook himself out and looked back at Steve, giving him a crooked smile. 

"I'm getting better." He said and tried not to think about the feeling of fingers along his spine. Dr Cho, who had been brought in under confidence to assist with the eventual surgery, had needed a detail hands on examination of his body. There were scans, but since she was going to be one of the people actually cutting him open, she preferred to actually feel what she was going to cut up. 

"Have they set a date yet?" Steve asked. James shook his head.

"Not yet. Tony's still building the inside, and he said something about getting some special material for the outside. And they still need to map my spinal chord and brain stem. This arm is seriously high tech, I think that they want to get this right since I'm not going to be able to take it off."

"Huh. Tony's being secretive. That's new." Steve said, bending down and climbing through the ropes. He held them open for James and they walked to the entrance, each wanting desperately to get into the shower. It was a baking hot day and Steve had offered to take James back to his apartment, Loki being out with Thor.

They walked to the car and got in, James grimacing when the back of his shirt stuck to the leather seats. "This is gross." He muttered and Steve snorted.

"I loathe not having a shower straight after." He said.

"You could have leant me your shower." James looked over and watched as Steve's ears turned red.

"I didn't think of that." Steve muttered and James laughed.

"Next time I'm racing you to the cold tap. Ah, a cold shower, so nice." James moaned, wriggling and then wincing as sweat bloomed on his skint the contact. Steve looked over and the back of his neck turned red along with his ears.

"You can borrow my shower." James said, innocently smiling. 

"How generous of you." Steve said dryly and smiled as James cackled. 

 

_September_

"Your mom's name was Sarah." 

Steve turned and saw James standing by one of his bookshelves. He was holding a photograph and smiling at the glass. Steve put the bottles of water he had taken out of the fridge onto the table and walked over, looking over James' shoulder.

Sarah Rogers was standing in front of their old apartment, her arm around Steve, tiny at 12 and holding an inhaler in his hand. On the other side was James, his arms around Steve's waist and hugging him tightly. His dark brown hair was slicked back with water, and he and Steve were wearing tank tops wet with water. Sarah was laughing and holding a hose.

"Yeah." Steve said softly, and slowly reached up to put a hand on James's shoulder. James had finally stopped flinching whenever someone touched the left side of his body, and he leaned into Steve's touch.

"She was...really tiny. But she had a furious temper. Didn't she?" James turned to look at Steve. Steve gave a small smile and nodded. He walked back to the table and retrieved the water, cracking them both open and handing on to James. James had put down the picture and took a long drink, walking over to sit with Steve on the couch. It was a cool day, and both Steve and James had decided to forgo their workout to watch the baseball game on Steve's gigantic flatscreen.

"Yeah. She was Irish, so when she started swearing it sounded almost lyrical."

"She swore?" James tilted his head, looking confused. He still didn't have enough memories of Sarah to remember this, but he did remember her frequently tucking him into the same bed as Steve when he stayed over too late.

"Oh yes." Steve laughed and threw his arm out, his fingers brushing the back of James' neck. "If you got her riled up enough, she would really go off."

"Did she get riled up enough?" James was starting to smile, leaning back and kicking his feet up onto the mahogany coffee table. 

"She had remarkable patience, but every once in a while I'd do something or you would say something and she would blow. It was...really something to watch."

James snickered. He felt something brush his hair, and suddenly he was 7 years old, hugging something small and brittle to his chest and half asleep already. There was a soft, lilting voice singing to him and stroking his hair as they lay in bed, and James felt his chest tighten. He swallowed and blinked back tears, but Steve noticed and muted the TV, turning fully to look at James.

"I remembered something." James muttered, fixing his eyes on his lap. His hand was squeezing his empty water bottle, and the crackle of crumbling plastic was a good distraction. 

"Oh?" Steve said gently.

"Did something happen when you were about 5? You went into hospital and I was allowed to stay the night."

"I got pneumonia." Steve said. He was frowning as he remembered, but he could distantly recall the event James was talking about. "You screamed and cried when your parents tried to take you away, so the doctors let you stay for the time I was in there, and my mom also stayed."

James was silent, so Steve switched in the sound on the TV again and settled back to watch the game. He was aware of the slightly sombre atmosphere, but kept his eyes on the TV. 

About 5 minutes later he heard James sigh and he turned his head to look at James. James was looking at him with a soft expression on his face, his eyes gentle. "I'm glad I was there." He said quietly, and Steve smiled back. He reached over and pulled James so that his head was resting on Steve's shoulder.

"I'm glad you were there too, buddy." He whispered, and they both turned and watch the TV.

 

_October_

James was quite happy to be tossing the salad, because cutting up vegetables was difficult enough with one arm, and all he had to do when it came to pasta was make sure that the water didn't boil over. Steve was busy stirring the ragu he had made and was setting the table. Loki and Thor had gone out to dinner, and Steve had invited James to have dinner in his apartment. 

"How's the salad?"

"It's finished tossing off, so I'll just let it relax now." James said, putting down the bowl and turning back to Steve with a wide grin. Steve gave him a dark stare. 

"That's disgusting." He said and frowned deeper when James snickered. He turned back to the ragu and stirred harder, ignoring the sounds coming from behind him as James started crooning to the salad, singing ever more salacious lyrics.

"Are you going to ride this wave all the way through till dinner?" Steve asked dryly, and James laughed.

"Nah. That sauce must be ready." He picked up the salad and walked over to the table, putting it in the middle next to the water and walking back to the kitchen to drain the pasta.

"It is. Are you okay draining that pasta?"

"Yeah. Get the plates out. Have you grated the cheese?"

"Yes, it's on the table." Steve lifted the pot and put it on a board, putting in a ladle as James drained the pasta and put it back into the hot pan. Steve decided to serve himself first, to get out of the way, and quickly put pasta and sauce onto his plate before moving to the table. It took a bit of manoeuvring to get both pasta and sauce neatly onto his own plate, but eventually he was moving to the table. 

"How has your day been?" James asked, dumping cheese and salad onto his plate and picking up his fork.

"Stressful. There was someone in from the media. Ashtown's been trying to stir up trouble, trying to find out if you and Loki are still in the same apartment."

"The reporter who outed us." James frowned, chewing pasta slowly. "I thought that the restraining order would keep him at bay."

"It is, but he's a persistent little tick." Steve gave James a grim smile and stabbed at his spinach leaves. "Luckily there was a movie premier the other day, so Ashtown been busy snooping around celebrities trying to air their dirty laundry."

"Oh, goody." James muttered under his breath, stuffing his mouth.

"How was your afternoon with Natasha?" Steve asked. 

"Interesting. Apparently she and Loki have been doing yoga together, and so I've spent the afternoon watching the two of them twist themselves into increasingly stupid positions." He snorted as he remembered the black expressions on Loki's and Natasha's face when he had laughed at them. They had sent him to the bedroom, his laughter trailing after him as he moved off. He put down his fork and took a drink of water, and Steve watched him with a curious expression on his face. 

"I've been meaning to ask you," Steve said, also laying down his fork. "How come you have your ears pierced?"

"Oh, I thought you knew." James said with a smile. "Loki got them for me as a present."

"Why?"

James shrugged and looked out of the window. There was a stiff and cold breeze in the air and the leaves were quickly leaving the trees, and James was dressed in a heavy wool jumper and jeans. "It was...a decision. For 12 years HYDRA had dictated what I was to wear, how I was to look, and getting my ears pierced was something for myself. I made the choice."

"You, uh," Steve swallowed and grinned at him. "You look good."

James felt the back of his neck heat up, and he quickly looked down at his plate. "Thanks." He said softly, and smiled when he felt Steve kick him gently under the table. He kicked back, and felt his chest lighten when he heard Steve laugh.

If he could hear that every day, James decided, he could die a happy man.

 

_November_

James winced again when he swung his arm, and the bag almost lifted itself from Steve's hold. He stepped back and rolled his arm, feeling it pull and the muscles twitch.

"Do you want to stop?" Steve asked from the other side of the bag. James shook his head.

"Nah, it's just pulling wrong." He said. Steve immediately stopped and stepped out from behind the bag.

"You're going to do yourself an injury." Steve said and stood behind James, touching him gently on the shoulder. He hissed. "God, your muscles are like iron. What the hell was Tony making you do?"

"He was mapping how my muscles move. So he had me swing my around around, pick things up, stuff like that."

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"Yeah, ah fuck!" He swore when Steve pressed hard, and then Steve took his hand and led him to the thick exercise mats. 

"Sit." He said. James sat down and then Steve knelt behind him, immediately digging his thumbs into the thick muscles that had been building on James' shoulders.

"Oooooooh!" He moaned and buried his face into his hand, feeling his muscles spasm and then release. It was exquisite agony followed by immense pleasure as his muscles relaxed, and he breathed slowly, calming his mind as his shoulders and back slowly loosened. 

Steve took his time, releasing the feel of James' scar ridden skin under his hands. He read his hands down James' back and whispered "You look very different."

James did. The months of hard training, of conditioning his muscles to bear the weight of a metal arm. His formerly thin frame was now thick with muscles, his stomach hard and his back thickly corded. He didn't look like a profession body builder, but he was now strong and somewhat intimidating. Because he was shorter than Steve, the extra muscle made him look stockier, but he felt powerful in his own right. To go with this new physical appearance, he had started shaving again, keeping his face smooth and clear, and had had his long hair cut and styled a little around his face. It was long enough to tie back, and James was learning to enjoy the feeling of Steve running his fingers through it.

"Yeah." James breathed and leant back into Steve's chest. Steve wrapped his arms around James' chest. He rocked them gently from side to side and James leant his head back onto Steve's shoulder, breathing with him.

When he felt Steve press his lips to James' hair, James closed his eyes and swallowed. He didn't know a time when he had ever been this content.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Good grief, Tony Stark. You don't seem to have changed." 

Tony turned and exclaimed in delight, holding out his arms and walking towards the tall man standing in the entrance to his lab. He huddled him tightly and then released, bending low into an over-exaggerated bow.

"Your Majesty." He simpered, and the man laughed.

"Tony, we both know that you hold no respect for any kind of authority, let alone Royalty." The man, T'Challa, King of Wakanda, took a seat at a workbench and bent to examine some wires. It was in the curious shape of a hand, and as he slowly reached out to touch it, Tony threw a rag over it and then ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even further and trying desperately to look cool about it.

It might have been a surprise to many, but T'Challa and Tony were actually good friends. They didn't have many opportunities to see each other, Tony living in America, and T'Challa living in Africa. They had gone to MIT together, Tony a young, brash 16 year old, and T'Challa padding out his accomplishments. In a modern monarchy an heir was expected to be accomplished not only in their duties but must also have a good education. He had met Tony when Tony, drunk and having driven every so-called friend away, had fallen into a fountain. He might have drowned, but T'Challa had reached in and hauled Tony out.

"You nearly died." T'Challa had said later, when they were sitting in the nurses off and Tony was sulking, staring at the wall. 

"You don't know that." Tony had said, practically hissing at him. T'Challa had raised an eyebrow.

"You swallowed about half the fountain." T'Challa had said dryly. Tony had stared at him for so long that T'Challa had gotten distinctly uncomfortable, before Tony started roaring with laughter. T'Challa had started laughing as well, and the night had culminated in the two men watching cartoons until 5 o'clock in the morning, drinking orange juice and bitching about their respective classes. T'Challa was fascinated by engineering, the same as Tony and was in his final year, designing a glove that would be able to extract a set of wicked claws on command. 

His project was derailed in his final weeks when a terrorist attack had killed his father, his mother and two of his younger siblings during a meeting at the palace with the Cabinet. A man had walked in as a caterer, bent to serve the Queen a fresh cup of coffee, and unleashed a bomb so powerful that it had blown out a quarter of the palace. His two younger siblings, aged 5 and 8, had been with their tutor on the floor above and had been killed when the floor had collapsed, crushing their tiny bodies under tons of heavy rock. There hadn't been any bodies to bury of his mother and father.

T'Challa had flown to Wakanda, both to arrange the funerals and to assume the throne immediately. Tony, in a manner not many had seen, had attended the funerals with him, Pepper at his side and Obadiah Stane managing the company. It was Tony's steadfast presence and ability to somehow find the humour in any situation that had got T'Challa through those difficult first months, and when Tony had flown back to complete his degree, it was long, late night phone calls that allowed T'Challa to grieve for his family. His 3 other siblings, two brothers and a sister, had also become acquainted with Tony, and every Christmas up until the founding of the Avengers Tony and Pepper had flown to Wakanda to share the holiday with the Royal Family.

"A secret experiment?" T'Challa asked, accepting a cup of coffee from Tony and sitting back. The room was bathed in soft light, the meeting happening late at night. Pepper was already asleep, and everyone else was either at Loki and James' flat or at SHEILD.

"Kind of. I actually asked you here for a favour." Tony sat down opposite him with his own cup, looking oddly serious. 

"I'm building something."

"I gathered. From the plans lying around, it seems to be a limb of some kind. And yet you have all your natural limbs with you, which, given your new occupation I still find surprising."

"Haha. The arm is for someone else."

"Tell me." T'Challa leaned back and crossed his arms.

"Okay, but it's a long story." Tony took a deep breath and started telling T'Challa about how SHIELD was founded, the emergence of HYDRA and finding Loki and James in the basement. He told about Loki and James coming back into their sphere, how Thanos and Alexander Pierce were rearing their heads, and why Tony had decided to build James an arm.

"That is...something." T'Challa said, looking out of the window. He took a deep breath and ran his hand over his face, then took a deep swallow of coffee. "Show me the plans."

Tony bounded up and walked to his main work-station, tapping a few buttons until holographic images filled the air in front of him. T'Challa moved around until he stood side by side with Tony, and looked at the plans.

"This is magnificent." T'Challa breathed and leaned in, tapping the board and bringing forward one of the holograms. "It responds to his brainwaves."

"Yes. It's going to be hooked up to his spinal cord and his brain stem. It can detect pressure and hot and cold, but will not be able to feel pain." Tony explained, hands bringing up more holograms and pointing them out.

"So what do you need from me?" T'Challa turned and crossed his arms. He had a feeling he knew, he just wanted confirmation from Tony.

Tony rubbed the back of his neck. "I want to build the out arm out of vibranium. It want it to be as a strong as Cap's shield."

"Why?" T'Challa narrowed his eyes, and Tony sighed. 

"HYDRA coming for them, and I'm not so stupid as to think that this will end peacefully. I want to give James the best chance of fighting back and actually living through this. Loki told me that he burnt the shit prothetic that James got from the hospital. I want to give him something that he can be proud of."

"And you want to show off."

"I can't deny that." Tony laughed and T'Challa chuckled with him. He reached out and clapped a hand onto Tony's shoulder.

"I shall give you your vibranium. Give me specifications, I will get you the best there is for your friend."

"Thank you." Tony gripped T'Challa's forearm with his hand, and T'Challa pulled him in for a hug. They slapped each other on the back and then released each other and Tony powered down the holographs. 

"Now, my friend. Let me introduce you to mead. I can't wait to see what a king looks like drunk on alcoholic honey."


	23. Don't Look Over Your Shoulder (GoM)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HYDRA attack SHIELD, because attacking the Tower didn't pan out. And the Avengers realise that the sand is running out of the hourglass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the second of two updates close together. I hope that this satisfies. Like I've said before, the action is really starting to happen, and everything is coming together.

The only warning that Betty got before everything went to hell was a sudden silence amongst the Avengers, and then the click of a hammer being pulled back. The hair stood up on her arms, and she immediacy ducked down, covering her head and the back of her neck with her arms.

There was an explosion of sound, and Betty winced and ducked down harder. There was a gun in the medical kit by the door, and she waited for a break in the gunfire before crawling quickly to the door and standing swiftly, grabbing the medical kit and crouching down again, opening the kit and rifling though bandage packs and tubes of ointment. The gun was hidden at the bottom and she grabbed it and ejected the magazine, checking the bullets before slamming the magazine back into the gun and pulling back the slide. She slid to the entrance and, taking a deep breath, peered out.

Most of the Avengers were in the office, with Phil at the apartment with Loki and James. There had been a surge in break-ins and murders and everyone was convinced that HYDRA was combing through apartments, trying to find Loki and James and bring them to Thanos and Pierce. They had managed to apprehend a man coming through the ground floor window, covered in blood and on the phone to Pierce, and Sam and Steve had been busy interrogating him when the attack had happened. As it stood, Sam and Steve were pinned behind the wall that lead to the interrogation room, each man looking furious and mightily pissed off. Rhodey, who had been visiting Tony, was on the other side of the desk with him, firing with gusto. Thor was with Natasha and Clint in the break room, Clint and Natasha being the only people who were armed. Thor was spotting for the both of them, ducking and wincing every time a bullet past too close. Nick was crouched behind the wall in his office with Maria, each firing furiously. Bruce was at the Tower, going through the latest medical scan of James with Dr Cho and Pepper, who was negotiating with T'Challa about the shipment of vibranium.

"Betty?" Thor asked, sticking his head over the top of the wall briefly, eyes sweeping the lab before looking at her. 

"Thor. I'm okay." Betty said, firing and then flinching when a barrage of bullets hit the wall above her, causing plaster to rain down on her head.

Thor snorted. "I doubt that." He ducked down and spoke briefly to Clint and Natasha, before poking his head back up. "Clint and Natasha are going to organise a uniform fire, and we can get you over here."

Betty nodded and swallowed, her heart thudding in her throat with dread. She hugged her knees to her chest and waited. There was a beat of silence and then a completely deafening noise of gunfire, before Thor jumped up and reached through the blown out window.

"Betty!" He yelled and Betty leapt up, flinging herself threw the window and throwing her arms around Thor's shoulders. She could feel the glass in the ledge slice through her clothes and the skin of her legs, and she winced as Thor knelt back on the floor with her, taking the gun from her and putting a hand on her head, patting it. Betty let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes against the tears.

"How are we?" Thor asked Natasha, who was peering out of the edge. 

"There are three men down, but 22 still firing back."

"How are we for ammo?" Clint asked. 

"We're okay. We're better than they are, 'cause Tony's paranoid enough to stash ammo everywhere."

"Tony, or you?" Clint said with a raised eyebrow.

"Mayyyyybe." Natasha smirked at them, and Thor chuckled and crawled to where there was an ammunition stash under the couch. Thor reached under and yanked when he felt a plastic bag. There was a clacking sound and Thor crawled back to the others and handed them the bag, where Clint, Natasha and Thor himself pulled out their relevant magazines and put them into any and all pockets that they could. Thor had taken the gun from Betty with her blessing, and was preparing to fight back. 

"How are you two, Steve?" Natasha yelled, and Steve shifted to the edge of the wall.

"We're pretty pinned down!" He cried back, and then winced when the wall a millimetre beside his head blew out with a gun shot.

"How is everyone else?" Clint yelled.

"Peachy. Anyone fancy a martini?" Tony snapped, ducking down further behind his desk and covering his head. Rhodey snorted and then fired off furiously, hitting two more of the attackers who fell down with a cry. 

"Sarcasm really isn't needed here, Stark." Fury snapped. 

"Sarcasm is always needed!" Tony said and Sam laughed before coughing harshly as he inhaled the dust in the air.

"How many left?" Maria asked, peering over the edge of the wall she was hiding behind. The back of her head was stinging, as she had been standing with her back to the glass window when the attack had first happened, and the flying glass had left cuts to the back of her head.

"17." Thor called. He was holding his upper arm, as a bullet had grazed it and Betty was tearing his shirt to make a bandage. 

"We're doing well."Rhodey said wryly, and then exclaimed when a bullet hit his leg. He fell down, groaning and clutching it and Tony pulled him behind the desk, dropping his gun and putting pressure on the would.

"Rhodey is hit!" He yelled, his hands very red. Rhodey gave him a tremulous grin. 

"Advertise it to everyone, why don't you?" He said and Tony gave a weak snicker.

"You need to bring him to my office." Fury said. 

"I don't know if I can." Tony yelled, pressing harder on the wound and Rhodey winced.

"Sam and I can cover you." Steve said. He looked at Sam, who wasn't even supposed to be in today, he had only come in as a favour to Steve, who nodded and shook his shoulders loose.

"Get ready to bolt." Sam said, and Tony got Rhodey into an upright crouched position behind the desk. Everyone was bracing themselves to fire, so that Tony and Rhodey could get into Fury's office. Tony put his arm over Rhodey's back, getting ready to heave Rhodey through the office. 

"NOW!" Steve cried, and the sound of bullet's flying through the air was deafening. Tony bolted, hauling Rhodey with him. They made it to the office and Tony let Rhodey sink to the floor, groaning with relief. Maria immediately started working on his leg, and Tony leant against the wall for a second, his heart beating so quickly he felt a bit sick.

"How many?" Fury asked now.

"13. But they're coming closer." Steve said. He sounded exhausted, and was starting to flinch whenever he heard a bullet. Sam nudged his shoulder and he looked at him, eyes very far away.

"Only a few more minutes." Sam muttered and put a hand on Steve's shoulder, squeezing hard. Steve took a deep, shuddering breath and gripped his gun harder.

"Has anyone managed to contact the Tower?" Clint asked. Maria nodded.

"I phoned Bruce. He's in contact with the NYPD whose on their way, but there's a parade happening and they said they'll take a while."

"Fuck." Natasha swore. Thor looked at her with his eyebrows raised. Natasha very rarely swore.

"We have a chance to end this. Steve, where's your shield?" Natasha asked.

"At my desk."

"I can maybe get it to you. If I can, will you be able to throw it and take out those three men closest to us?" 

Steve peered out and assessed the situation, and then nodded to himself. "Yeah. But be careful."

"You don't need to tell me." Natasha said and breathed out slowly, readying herself. "You ready?"

"Go!" Steve cried and Natasha leapt out from behind the break room wall, somersaulting her way to Steve's desk. The shield was resting against the side, and she gripped it and threw it as hard as she could to Steve, who caught the strap and took a second to regain some balance. He then gripped the edge and threw it as hard as he could towards the three men in black who were closing in on the break room. The shield flew through the air and pinged off of the men's head, the sound greater a meaty  _thunk!_ The men fell to the floor, two of them with bleeding foreheads. 

Steve caught the shield on the re-bound and hurried out from behind the wall, using the shield to deflect the bullets fired at him. Natasha had sunk down beside his desk, white faced with pain as she gripped her side. It was bleeding freely and as Steve knelt down beside her, she gave him a sharp grin.

"Bye bye bikini's." She whispered.

"Yeah, you'll look hideous." Steve said and she coughed and then laughed. 

"How are we doing?" Thor yelled.

"7." Fury yelled back, and Thor let out a deep breath. 

Steve looked over at Sam, who was looking at the remaining men. They had taken refuge behind the desks closest to the door, which were Clint's and Natasha's. They were close enough that Sam could hear their deep breaths.

"Truce, truce!" One of the men yelled suddenly, and there was a ringing silence as the gunfire stopped. The dust in the air settled as everyone settled back against what they were leaning against and took deep breaths.

"What do you want?" Fury yelled out, changing out his magazines and bracing himself against the floor. A sharp of flying glass had lacerated the left side of his face, and he was hoping that the reason he couldn't see out of his left eye was because of the blood and not because of a more serious reason.

"We only want to know where The Soldier and Pet are."

Thor felt something drop out of the pit of his stomach, and he gripped his gun tighter at the mention of Loki's old name. He knew that Steve would be woking his jaw, fury filling his veins. They were abruptly reminded of in how much danger Loki and James were in. HYDRA wouldn't stop until they had Loki and James in their hands, and Thor knew that Loki would rather die than go back. 

"If you tell us where they are, then we'll leave. You only need to tell us. No one else need get hurt."

Steve met Natasha's eyes and she squared her jaw, fighting the pain and bracing herself for one final push. He turned and saw Sam nodding towards him, and then looked over his desk to see Clint and Thor looking at him to determined eyes.

"Fuck that! Avengers, attack!" Steve roared and stood up, shield at the ready and firing off. Natasha followed, lying down around the desk and hitting the legs of the men closest to her. They fell down, yelling and Natasha finished them off with headshots. Thor and Clint had come out of the break room, firing so accurately that everyone man that went down was killed instantly. Maria, Fury and Tony stated in the office, making sure that there was enough covering fire to confuse the invaders. 

The men fell quickly, and Steve moved forwards with Thor, Natasha and Sam. The men were trying to fire accurately, but there was such a volley of bullets from the Avengers that it was virtually impossible to aim accurately and make sure you didn't get hit in turn. Steve made sure that any bullets fired in their direction were swiftly deflected by his shield. They walked forwards, a slow but determined force, and back the men into a corner, dropping them like flies.

Eventually there was one man left, and he kept pulling the trigger of his gun even though he had long since run out of bullets. Natasha, Sam and Thor lowered their guns and looked at Steve, who took a deep breath and walked forward, pulling the gun out of the man's hands and dropping it.

"Surrender." He said. The man gave a weak chuckle and tipped his head back. He was barely older than Steve, and Steve swallowed when he saw the almost manic grin on the man's face.

"Hail HYDRA." The man raised and pulled out a knife from his thigh, bringing it to his neck and slitting his own throat. Steve leapt forward but he was too late, and the blood spayed from the man's throat and onto his face. 

Steve let the body drop and stood frozen, his breath hitching in his chest. Sam slowly walked over and put a hand on Steve's arm, making him turn slowly. 

"Oh god." He said under his breath as he saw the look in Steve's eyes. 

"We...I..." Steve said and Thor walked over.

"Steve, my friend." He said lowly. He took the shield from Steve's arm and set it against the wall. Steve took a deep shuddering breath and abruptly crumpled, letting Sam guide him to a chair and sit him down. Everyone else slowly relaxed and Thor looked out of the door, swallowing.

"Are you alright?" Clint asked. Thor shook his head.

"I don't know." He said in a daze. "I don't know."

 

 

********

 

 

They sat in the break room an hour later, as the NYPD cleaned up the scene and and medics treated what injuries they could. Natasha and Rhodey had been taken to hospital, and there was someone gently dabbing at Thor's arm as he winced.

"This'll need to be stitched." The medic said, and Thor sighed.

"Just get on with it." He muttered. The medic nodded and pulled out a needle, injecting his arm with a local anaesthetic before pulling out a sterilised needled and thread. He set about to stitching the wound and Clint swallowed and looked away.

"This was unprecedented." Fury finally said and everyone turned to look at him. "But nevertheless, you all fought well."

"Oh shit." Tony breathed. "Fury's giving praise, the apocalypse must be upon us." Fury threw him a nasty look and Tony didn't even respond, instead settling back against the couch and sipping coffee.

"We had no idea that they would attack. There's be practically silence from HYDRA, we can barely tell if there's anyone left in New York, let alone is they're going to attack." Steve said. Sam nodded, standing by the blown out window and watching the NYPD shift through the ruined desks to try and find bullet casings. 

There was a deep silence, as everyone looked at the floor. Finally Maria took a deep breath and said what they were all thinking. "We're running out of ideas."

No one tried to disagree with her, and the medic finished with Thor's arms, slapped a dressing on and walked out of the room, muttering to himself about foolhardy idiots and their freakish healing. Thor leaned back and accepted a cup of strong coffee from Clint.

"What happened to the man you were interrogating?" Betty asked, running a hand through her hair, which was stained grey with dust. 

"Killed himself. Reckon he heard the gunshots and guessed that the men were either coming for him or wouldn't let him live." Sam said. Steve looked down at his blood stained shirt and shuddered. 

"What can we do? I mean, is there anything else we can do?" Tony said, sounding slightly desperate. Fury, Thor and Steve slowly shook their heads. 

"The problem with squeezing HYDRA down to the last drop is that there slowly becomes a lack of people to interrogate. We've been cracking down on HYDRA relentlessly, and sooner or later they were either going to die out or start fighting back. A cornered animal is always the most dangerous." Thor said, pulling out his phone and checking his messages. Loki had texted, asking if he was alright, and Thor smiled when he saw the message.

"And yet we still can't find either Thanos or Pierce." Fury said with disgust.

"They'll come." Steve said softly. "They want Loki and James back. They'll come."

"And until then, all we can do now is wait." Tony said. His voice was serious, and he was tapping the ARC reactor in his chest relentlessly, a sigh of nerves and discomfort. And every nodded.

They had run out of options, and now could only wait, dangling Loki and James like bait and hoping that they could get HYDRA before HYDRA got them.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The train drew into the private station slowly, and the man sitting beside his luggage looked up from his phone with a slow grin. He tucked his phone back into his pocket and walked to the door opened for him, a man behind in scurrying with his suitcases. He entered the luxurious cabin and nodded to the man sitting at the back, a large glass of cognac waiting.

"Thanos." Alexander Pierce said, sitting down opposite him and picking up the glass. He took a sip and signed in-audibly as he felt the liquid slip down his throat. 

"Has there been any confirmation they they're in New York?" He asked. Thanos nodded, his odd blue eyes almost glowing. 

"Yes." Thanos' voice rumbled throughout the cabin, and Pierce sat back, looking out of the window and with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "They are under the protection of SHIELD."

Pierce snorted and took another sip. "They think that they can still escape us. What fools."

Thanos nodded and laughed, his voice booming. "They think that they have some life outside of us. Poor deluded idiots."

Pierce leaned over a clinked his glasses with Thanos, and sat back, imagining having The Soldier once more in his grasp. He would bend him, he would break him.

And when he and Pet had nothing left, they would beg for death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note as to why Thanos and Pierce are taking the train rather than flying. 1) It takes longer 2) You can pay with cash and you don't need a passport to board a train 3) As if Pierce and Thanos would travel in anything else than luxury 4) They don't need to declare when they pull into a station, especially if it's a private station. I hope that this clears things up.
> 
> Reviews and kudos are my coffee. Fuel the author, people. FEED ME!


	24. 'Cause My Echo, Echo, Is The Only Voice Coming Back (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has an operation, and Loki decides to move on for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we've all known it's coming. Hope you enjoy this. I don't have a medical knowledge of the human body and robotics, so take this with a pinch (or a handful) or salt. Hope you enjoy!

James put a t-shirt into his bag and stopped. He closed his eyes and sat down slowly on the bed, breathing in and out and trying to calm his beating heart.

"I don't think I've ever been this nervous." He said. Loki poked his head out of the bathroom and walked out, closing his wash bag and putting it into his own bag sitting on the bed. He zipped it shut and then sat down with James, smiling softly.

"You must have been nervous before." He said. James shrugged.

"Yeah. I mean, whenever Steve got sick and went into hospital. But this is the first operation I've ever had."

Loki gave a snort and looked at James' empty sleeve. James glared at him and smacked him on the shoulder. "You know what I mean." He said. He sounded irritated but his mouth was twitching. 

Loki finished snickering and leant back on his hands, staring at the ceiling. He fingers tapped against their duvet, and he was biting his lip.

"I'm nervous too." He confessed. "I worry about you."

James smiled softly and nudged Loki's shoulder with his own. His stomach growled, and he glared at it. He's been ordered not to eat any food or drink anything for the operation, and James was very diligent. It didn't help, however, that Loki had discovered his mean side and had spent last night happily licking the icing off of several doughnuts, laughing manically as James glared at him. Clint, who had been on duty, merely turned his back and continued to play Call of Duty.

"Are you ready to go?" Thor poked his head through the bedroom, and smiled at Loki and James. James took a deep sigh and nodded, standing up and picking up his bag. Loki too his, and both men exited the room. Thor took the keys from Loki's hand and locked the front door after them. He guided them to the car, and James sat in the front. He could feel his heart beating on his throat, and he closed his eyes.

"You'll be fine." Thor said, and James turned to him with a wobbly smile.

"If you say so." He whispered. 

"I know so." Thor said firmly. "Tony may be a lot of things, but when it comes to robotics and the things that he cares about, I'd willingly put my life into his hands."

"That's...reassuring." Loki said under his breath, looking at the scenery as it changed. His hands clenched on the leather of his bag, and his fingers were once again tapping against his legs. 

"He's got the best people waiting. He got everything prepared. You've really got nothing to worry about."

James didn't replay, his nerves and his quickly beating heart making him feel sick. He leaned his had back against the headrest and closed his eyes, despite everything dropping off into a light doze. Thor looked into the rear view mirror and met Loki's eyes, who merely gave him a long, blank look and once again resumed looking out of the window.

They arrived at the Tower half an hour later, and James got out of the car slowly, the blood steadily draining from his face. He swayed slightly and then opened them. Loki got out of the car with the bags, which Thor promptly took and led them up the steps to the reception, where Steve was leaning against the receptionist desk, eyes blank as he looked out of the window.

"James!" He exclaimed when he saw the part arrive, and he walked over, pulling James into a tight hug and rubbing his back. "How ya doing?" He asked softly.

"I'm fine." James said, trying to bluff despite his white face and tumbling voice.

"Yes, he's completely fine. He's Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. Fine." Loki said wickedly and grinned, baring all of his teeth. James hissed at him but Steve nodded, releasing James from the hug but keeping an arm around his shoulder. He led them to the elevator, and pressed the button, the doors quickly opening and shutting behind them. Steve let James lean against him, minute shudders now wracking his frame. 

"Shhh." Steve whispered into James' hair, and James finally let go of his pride and buried his face into Steve's shoulder.

Loki looked at them with narrowed eyes and tilted his head. His fingers twitched, and then Thor, seeing this in the mirror, gently took his hand. Loki looked at him sharply and Thor shook his head, thumb rubbing against Loki's knuckles.

The ride to the medical floor (the penultimate floor of the Tower), was tense and silence, James shuddering with fear, Steve whispering to him, and Loki and Thor watching them. The ding of the elevator made them all start, and Steve led James out. The antiseptic smell made Loki's nose wrinkle, but James stopped dead and swayed.

"I...I..." he said. 

"James?" Steve said softly.

"HYDRA." James whispered. "HYDRA."

"Not HYDRA, never HYDRA." Steve said soothingly. He put his hands on James' cheeks and made him look at Steve. James' grey eyes were glossy and terrified, and his breath came in stutters. "This is the Tower, and over there is Tony. See?" Tony, outfitted in scrubs and a mask, waved and gave a thumbs up. Reluctantly, James smiled. "Your just going to go to sleep, and when you wake up, you'll have another arm."

"Yeah?" James whispered.

"Sure thing. I'll be right there when you go to sleep, and I'll be the first thing you see when you wake up."

James took a shuddering breath and squared his shoulders, letting Steve guide him over to the tent where he was to undress. Given how extensive the surgery needed to be, the doctors had specified that he needed to be naked, but he would be given a gown to start off with. As he undressed, Tony came over for some final measurements.

"How are you doing?" He asked. 

"I'm...I don't know." James confessed as he stripped off. He took off his shirt and then let Tony flutter over him with a scanning device. Bruce stood at the entrance, looking at his notes and then at James.

"You've put on a substantial amount of muscle, which is what we wanted. Even though the arm is as lightweight as possible, it looks like you'll be able to balance it well."

"That's what we trained for." James said, letting Tony finish before pulling off his pants and accepting the gown that Steve handed to him.

"Nice." Tony said, looking James up and down. Steve flushed scarlet, but James laughed. 

"You have all the time in the world to ogle during the op." James snatched the gown from Tony and put it on. "Aww, backless?" 

"Yes. I'm sorry, but we need to actually get to your back, and this gown does the trick." Bruce said. His tone of voice was apologetic, but his lips were smiling, and James smiled back. His nerves were going and he was starting to feel relaxed and eager.

He let Steve tie up the top of the gown, and was then handed thin piece of blue gauze with elastic around the edge. He frowned at it and then looked at Steve, who nodded to his head.

"Oh, no."

"Yep." Tony said brightly. "Sorry not sorry, but we need your hair out of the way, and this does it."

"I'll look like a fucking idiot." James whined. On the other side of the curtain he head Loki snicker.

"Indeed you will. Still, hair up Rapunzel." Tony said, walking out of the tent and plugging his scanning wand into a tablet. Something came up on the screen and he walked away, muttering to himself. James reluctantly handed the hairnet to Steve, who gathered up his hair and slipped it on. His fingers brushed the back of James's neck, and James shivered, his nipples peaking. He took a deep breath and walked out of the tent, where Loki's eyes widened.

"Oh, James." He breathed.

"Just get it over with." James said. He waved a hand and Loki burst into cackles. Thor was fighting the urge to snicker by the door, and James stood there waiting until Loki had cleared his laughter from his system. It took a while, but eventually Loki got his laughter under control and wiped his eyes, coming over to stand by James. He reached out tentatively, before withdrawing his hand sharply.

"It's going to be great." Loki said softly. He gave James a slightly weak smile, and then gathered James into his arms. James gripped back tightly, breath shuddering again.

They hugged for a minute and then released each other, James releasing a deep breath and then knocking his forehead against Loki's lowered one for an instant. He then turned and walked back to Steve. Steve looked over James's head and saw that Loki was looking at him with a very hard expression. 

"Don't let anything happen to him." Loki mouthed. Steve nodded and would swear on his mother's grave that Loki's eyes flashed red for an instant, before Loki turned and stalked back to the elevator. Steve gave Thor a sharp nod and then led James into the medical wing.

They entered a separate section from the operating theatre and James sat on the bed, his hand clenching and unclenching as he fought the urge to be sick. Steve stood by him, one hand gripping his shoulder tightly.

"It's gonna be alright. I promise you." Steve said. James took a deep breath and gently laid back on the bed, breath stuttering past his lips. 

"There's going to be a little prick, it's just going to be a needle." A nurse came up beside Steve and gently inserted the IV, and James whimpered and closed his eyes. Despite himself, a tear leaked down his cheek, and Steve bent down and kissed it. James suddenly turned his head and pressed his lips to Steve's, hard. Steve kissed back, and then let James lay his head back.

"Just in case." James whispered.

"No need for that. Now, sleepy time for you." Steve said. He stroked the hairnet, and moved aside so a nurse could press a mask to James face.

"Punk." James said, giving Steve a last small grin.

"Jerk." Steve gave James' hair one final stroke.

"Count backwards from 10." The nurse said. James looked at her and started counting.

"10...9...8...7...6........" James eyes slipped close and his face slackened.

"They normally get to about 8." The nurse said, smiling at Steve. She nodded to another nurse through the door and they quickly wheeled James through to the operating theatre. Steve walked out of the room and to the viewing area, where someone (Bruce) had put a chair and a fresh pot of coffee on the table. Steve let a deep breath go and sat down, resting his elbows on his knees and his face into the cup of his hands.

"Is everyone ready?" Dr Cho asked. In a corner of the room stood a stainless steel box, which Steve knew contained James' new arm. Tony was standing beside it, and he looked up from his StarkPad.

"Ready." He said. The other doctors and nurses in the room also gave their affirmation, and then Dr Cho leaned over James' bare torso.

"Making the first incision." She said. She lowered her scalpel and Steve leaned back in his chair.

"Here we go." He whispered and settled back. It was going to be a long wait.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Do you resent Steve?"

Loki turned from where he was examining Thor's family photo's and looked at Thor, frowning. "What do you mean?"

"Do you resent Steve's closeness to James?" Thor asked. He was leaning against the wall, looking at Loki with a blank expression on his face.

"Oh." Loki said softly and looked down at his hands. He sighed, realising that he was stalling, and looked back up at Thor. "No, I don't."

"Why?" Now Thor looked confused.

"Because he had Steve before he had me, and now he gets to have Steve again. And I couldn't possible resent him for that." Loki turned and leant against the wall. He crossed his arms and raised his head, looking Thor in the eyes through lowered brows.

Thor narrowed his eyes at him and then snorted. "I thought you were a better liar."

Loki's lips thinned and he narrowed his eyes. There was a tense silence and then he snorted bitterly, turning away and slumping down on the sofa. His hair, loose this evening, swayed and was pulled over his shoulder so Loki didn't sit on it. "You're right. I am resentful."

Thor sat down beside him. Loki had pulled his legs up and was looking at the darkness out of the window, but Thor could see that his face was tight in the reflection. "Talk to me." Thor said softly.

Loki heaved a deep sigh. "He has Steve. He's always had Steve. And he knows this now." He leaned his head back against the top of the sofa and looked at the ceiling. His face was still blank but Thor could now see that his eyes were sad. "He's been regaining memories quickly. He has flashbacks all the time, sometimes of what happened at HYDRA, but mostly of Steve. He's been getting so much better. And I'm stuck."

"How?"

Loki growled in frustration and gripped his hair. He turned burning eyes to Thor and Thor felt sweat break out on his forehead. "I. Have. No. MEMORIES!"

There was a ringing silence and then Thor softly said "Oh." 

"I've got nothing. Nothing has come back. I don't remember my parents, I don't remember school, I don't remember anything. I have nothing from before HYDRA, and I don't even remember most of what happened with HYDRA. All I have are the last three years, and mostly that includes James."

"You remembered Nebula." Thor said gently, and then flinched when Loki gave a sharp bark of laughter.

"Yes, Nebula! And I only remembered her when I saw Gamora. But there's nothing else. I was an illegal immigrant, I don't even belong in America." 

Thor watched and Loki breathed in deeply to get himself under control, and then took a deep breath himself. "We used to know each other."

Loki turned his head to look at him so quickly Thor thought that he might get whiplash. "What?" He snarled. Thor steeled himself (Loki was truly frightening when angry) and carried on.

"We met a week before you disappeared. You had only been in the country for a short time, and we met when you were in a fight. The reason you know the name Borson was because, when you disappeared I got my father to badger the police into trying to find you. He filed report after report on behalf of your family, and when they left the apartment he tried to find them as well. That's the only reason we know that your parents are dead."

Loki looked gobsmacked. He gaped at Thor, eyes wide with disbelief. The silence got oppressive and Thor could now feel sweat prickle on the back of his neck now. Finally Loki's face twisted and he leaned in towards Thor.

"You couldn't have told me this sooner?!" He hissed. Thor shuffled minutely backwards and squared his shoulders.

"I couldn't. You were too fragile when you were rescued, and then when we started hanging out I couldn't bring it up."

"Why?" Loki snarled.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you."

Loki sat back and looked at Thor with wet eyes. His breath was hitching and he abruptly looked to the side, biting his lip and digging his nails into the palms of his hands. Thor slowly reached out and took Loki's shoulder, drawing him down and letting his head rest on Thor's chest. He was soft and pliant, and his eyes seemed to be very far away. 

They said in silence for a long time, Thor rocking them both gently until Loki let out a deep sigh. "I still don't have any memories. I probably never will. But I can make more."

Thor smiled and tilted Loki's face up, dropping his own so that his lips rested on Loki's. They kissed for a long time until Loki drew  his lips away and tucked his head into Thor's neck. Thor rested his lips into Loki's hair.

"I'm glad you're happy." He mouthed. He entwined his fingers into Loki's hair, and gently stroked the fine strands in his fingers. Loki had been fastidious about his hair, and Thor was only so glad as to watch the fruits of that particular labour. He let his hand rest on Loki's back, and felt Loki's head beat through the fabric of his shirt.

The room gradually got darker, and slowly Loki drifted off to sleep. Thor stayed awake, staring at the blank television and listening to Loki's breaths getting deeper and deeper. Loki's body relaxed, and when his mobile chimed that it was midnight, he gathered Loki into his arms and walked with him to the bed. He laid Loki down and took off his boots and waistcoat, gently extracting his pocket watch and putting it on the bedside table beside him. Thor then took off his own shoes and slipped under the covers with Loki. Loki, sensing Thor's body heat, frowned and shuffled closer in his sleep. His eyelids were twitching as he walked the line between asleep and wakefulness. 

"Thor, dun leave me." He mumbled in his sleep. Thor drew Loki to his chest and kissed his forehead.

"I'm not going to leave." He soothed. "I'll never let you go."

Loki sighed and settled back into deep sleep, and Thor watched the shadows move across the wall, and thanked the Gods, both old and new, that he had Loki in his life. Loki, who had no memories of his past, but had resolved to make more. And Thor knew that he could now only be happy if Loki chose to make those memories with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you all deserve an explanation as to why I decided that Loki wasn't going to get his memories back. Look at the situation Loki was in when he was taken: 1) He was in a foreign country 2) He was an illegal immigrant, and Loki was intelligent enough to know what would happen if they were caught 3) He didn't speak a word of English, nobody knew who he was and he had no friends 4) He had only known Thor, the one good spot in his life aside from his parents, for about a week. All of this combined with HYDRA's complete and utter mental campaign to wipe out all trace of being from anyone they chose meant that Loki was a blank slate. Bucky managed to regain all of his memories because he had such a stable sense of self when he was taken, so Steve coming back into his life jumpstarted what sense of self he had been regaining in the subsequent years. Loki, when he was rescued, still couldn't speak English, and he didn't even know that he once knew Thor. Bucky was the only thing that he knew, and now he's slowly gravitating towards Steve, Loki's left a little lost. Also, this is a reminder that life isn't fair. I know that a lot of you wanted Loki to regain his memories, but that was never part of the plan. I knew, from that first chapter, that Bucky would regain his memories and Loki wouldn't. Sorry to disappoint, but I hope that this explanation helps you understand. 
> 
> Thank you for all the reviews and kudos that you have given me, but, like a proper greedy person, I NEED MORE!


	25. And Show Me How To Be Whole Again (CoG)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James stars retraining with his shiny new arm, and asks Steve a question he has be waiting for for a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've been waiting for it, and here is comes. Hope that this lives up to your standards, and that you enjoy it!

James gaped at the punching bag. 

And at his arm, which had just gone through it.

"Holy shit." Steve said. He had been holding the bag in place, and had moved out of the way just in time to prevent James' new arm from going through his head. 

"That's, uh...whoa..." James said and slowly withdrew his arm. Sand trickled out of the hole in the bag, and James shook his arm out absently. The plates in his arm had locked just before the punch, and luckily sand hadn't managed to get into the electronics. There was a thin metallic layer beneath the plates (Tony taking no chances for possible sabotage), but even so, there was a tiny chance for sand to wreak havoc with the internal systems.

"We might need to re-think your training." Steve said with a laugh and reached up, letting the bag drop to the floor. He kicked it to the side and ran off to grab a broom and shovel. He quickly cleaned up the sand and out it in the bin before walking over to where James stood and guiding him to the boxing ring.

"Take off your top. I want to check if you've injured your shoulder." Steve said, sitting down in the edge of ring. James nodded and stripped off his top. He sat with his back to Steve and then jumped when he felt fingers prod the seam.

"Does it still hurt?" Steve asked gently.

"It's does a bit. But Dr Cho said it's healing really well." James said. He let out a silent sigh and the muscles in his back relaxed one by one.

"It's really neat. Looks like it just grew out of your skin." Steve said. Even though a month had passed, it was still slightly strange to see James with two arms. 

"Yeah." James whispered. It was surreal for him to have another arm. It had taken him a solid week to get used to exerting the proper amount of pressure on objects, after he had tried to make an omelette and bake every single egg he had gripped. The culmination had come when he had had a nightmare and threw out his arm, smacking Loki in the face and breaking his nose. 

"How's finally putting on a shirt with buttons?" Steve asked with a grin. James laughed and turned to face Steve.

"Soooooo much easier. I can also wear shoes with  _laces_." 

"Awww." Steve said, reaching over and patting James on the head. "You're growing up."

"Punk." James said and reaching over and punching Steve in the shoulder. Steve winced and leaned back. "Oh, shit," James breathed. "Did I hit you too hard?"

"Don't worry about it." Steve said.

"It's still...uh...really strange. I mean," James leaned back against the ropes and stared at the ceiling, idly kicking his legs. "I've only lacked an arm for 3 years, but I got so used to it that I sometimes forget that there's something there again."

They sat in comfortable silence in the gym until James rolled his shoulder. Steve looked over. "Is it heavy?"

"It's not as heavy as I thought." James said thoughtfully. He held out his arms in front of him and waved them gently. "It feels as heavy as a regular arm. This stuff is kind of amazing."

"Vibranium? It's the same stuff my shield is made out of." Steve said. James looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"No shit, really? That's kind of awesome." James said, smiling. The shield in question was sitting with Steve's bag beside the door, gleaming and newly polished. 

"Tony knows T'Challa, so he asked him for a favour." Steve said, taking up James' hand and manipulating the fingers. Whilst James could feel pressure and hot and cold, proper sensation, such as pain, was beyond him. Tony had explained this to him, along with Bruce, when James was a week out of surgery and getting ready to go home. 

"It's great. It's really intricate." Steve touched a plate on the back on the back of James' wrist and it moved, sliding back into place as James relaxed. 

"Probably why it took so long to design." James said, letting Steve look his fill. 

"You didn't want something that actually, you know," Steve looked at James, "looked like a human arm?"

"Nah." James said. He wiggled his fingers at Steve and Steve smiled gently. "I mean, this is going to get me looks, but no more than when I didn't have an arm in the first place. Besides, how kick ass does this thing look?"

"Pretty damn kick ass." Steve agreed. He stood up and climbed into the ring, James following him. He helped Steve strap up his hands and stood back, bouncing on his feet and getting ready. He held up his hands in a defensive posture and watched as Steve shook his shoulders out and also held up his hands.

"Two minutes, alright?" Steve said. "Just to see what's happening. Then we can adjust your training accordingly."

James nodded and struck first, swinging his right fist wide and watching as Steve caught it against his arm. He counted quickly with his left, aiming for Steve's nose when Steve's leg left the ground and smacked agains this hip. He grunted, and ducked, pulling both fists close to his chest and waiting for Steve to retaliate. 

From then on, it was a brutal contest. Neither James nor Steve held back, each giving as good as he got. And whist Steve's face remained calm and resolute, James' lip slowly drew up over his teeth, turning his face into a vicious snarl. 

When they had finished the bout, they both slumped against the ropes. James fumbled the catch when Steve threw him a water bottle, opening it and taking and deep, long pull. He poured the rest over his head, feeling his t-shirt stick to his back with the liquid. When he put down the bottle and breathed, he looked over and saw Steve looking at his chest with a heated expression. 

"We couldn't have done that when you were smaller." James said, feeling something race up his spine. Steve blinked and cocked his head, smiling gently.

"You remember that much?" He said. He sat down against the ropes and James followed, shuffling over until he was beside Steve. He nudged Steve's shoulder with his own and then winced when he felt the t-shirt stick to his skin. 

"I remember...most." James said. He let his head rest against the rope and looked at the ceiling. He hand idly reached over and took Steve's, running his metallic thumb across the knuckles. The cold of the metal felt good against the bruises already forming on his skin. "I remember a lot of stuff. Mostly us, our childhood. Your mom. My mom, my sisters."

"HYDRA?" Steve asked softly. Jame shuddered.

"Yeah." He whispered. "I remember HYDRA."

"Sorry for bringing it up." Steve said and James shrugged.

"It happened, it's not like I can just forget. Besides, I'm not in HYDRA anymore, so all I have are the memories. It's not like they can hurt me."

Steve fought the urge to remind James of the fact that Pierce and Thanos were apparently intent on getting him and Loki back, and looked at James. James was looking at the ceiling with a blank expression on his face, and there was a drop of sweat sliding down the side of his face. Steve wanted to lick it off. 

"It's good you have so many memories back, James." Steve said with a grin.

"James." James whispered. He shrugged his shoulders and turned to look at Steve with a frown. "You called me something different when we were kids."

Steve's moth felt dry, and his eyes started stinging. He swallowed and then said "Yeah. You were called Bucky."

James frowned harder in confusion. "Bucky? Where the hell did that come from?"

Steve snickered. "Your middle name is Buchanan. You got called Bucky by everyone."

"Bucky." James said with a smile. He looked at Steve, and his grey eyes were soft. "I like it."

"It was...a good name." 

They sat in silence for a while and then James sighed, looking at their joint hands. He drew them both up and kissed the back of Steve's hand, letting his lips linger. 

"You can call me Bucky again." He said against Steve's skin. Steve would swear later on that his heart stopped.

"Huh?" He said dumbly. James snickered against his skin.

"James was for when we didn't know each other. But I do know you now. I remember so much about it it feels like we've just been though a really long time out, and now I feel like...there's something between us. I'm not going mad, aren't I?" James looked at Steve with a questioning look on his face.

"Yeah." Steve said, voice strangled with emotion. 

"We kissed when we were younger. We wanted to get married. Is that still there?"

Steve nodded, and James gave him a blinding smile. "Call me Bucky. I'm not James anymore."

"Bucky." Steve gasped and hauled James up to him, pressing his lips to James and wrapping his arms around his shoulder. Bucky shuddered and wrapped his own arms around Steve's waist, kissing back with equal fervour. 

Their tongues touched, and Bucky moaned at Steve's taste. Steve sighed gently and untangled, pressing his forehead to Bucky's.

"Bucky, Bucky." He said, kissing all around Bucky's face. Bucky smiled and went with his, closing his eyes and feeling Steve brush his lips against his eyelids. 

"Stevie." Bucky whispered and Steve kissed him again. Bucky shuffled closer and rubbed his hands through Steve's hair, gripping the strands as he aggressively kissed back. They swayed together, and when Steve pulled Bucky into his lap, his erection brushed the lump in Steve's pants. Steve jerked away abruptly and flushed bright red turning his head to avoid looking Bucky in the eyes.

"Uh, Steve..." Bucky said. He rolled his hips and felt Steve shudder, before leaning over and biting Steve gently on the neck.

"We don't need to do this." Steve said. His voice sounded strangled and breathy, and Bucky grinned against Steve's skin.

"Yeah, we do."

"Bucky..."

"Steve." Bucky said, leaning back and looking Steve in the eyes. His brow was raised, and he knocked their foreheads together gently. "We absolutely need to do this."

"But you..." Steve said. Bucky was now rolling his hips gently, and Steve's brain was rapidly loosing blood as it vacated south. "What about HYDRA?"

Bucky's face abruptly went stony and he leaned back on his hands. "This had nothing to do with HYDRA. I want to move on with you, and nothing kills my boner faster than you mentioning that word. I want to have sex with you, and if that's too much for you, then I'll jerk off and leave."

Despite himself, Steve laughed. He leaned forward and kissed Bucky on the lips gently, before standing up abruptly and bringing Bucky up with him. He wrapped his arms around Bucky's waist and climbed out of the boxing ring with him, temporarily getting tangled in the ropes before hurrying to the exit, his hand in Bucky's. The metal felt cool against his heated palm and he picked up his bag and shield, walking to the elevator and pressing the button to his floor.

"Hey." Bucky said before Steve pushed his against the wall and framed his face, kissing him harshly. Their teeth clashed and Bucky felt the sting of blood, but he didn't stop kissing Steve. 

They released each other and leant against the other, breathing in each other's scent. "This is..." Steve said between gulping breaths.

"Long overdue." Bucky said and leaned up, just as Steve leaned down. Their noses bumped against each other sharply, and Bucky and Steve drew away and clutched their noses.

"Ow." Bucky said, giggling.

"Yeah." Steve leaned in slower this time and pressed his lips to Bucky's forehead, letting them rest there.

They stayed like that for the time it took to get to Steve's floor, and then the door pinged open. Steve led Bucky out, dragging his bag and shield with him and then kicking them to the end of the couch. He walked briskly to his bedroom, Bucky's hand clutched in his.

"Fancy slowing down?" Bucky said and Steve shook his head.

"You can sightsee later. Sex now." Steve said and Bucky laughed, letting Steve push him into the bedroom and close the door.

"Pushy much?" Bucky said, but swallowed his words and kissed back, wrapping his arms around Steve's shoulders and leaning in, rubbing his chest against Steve's. Steve groaned, and Bucky sighed when he felt the vibrations through his t-shirt. 

Steve abruptly leaned back and yanked his shirt over his head, and Bucky took the opportunity to take his own off, mussing up his hair. His nipples peaked in the air, and he shivered. 

"Cold." He said. Steve shook his head. 

"I've got central heating. You shouldn't be cold." Steve said and reached forward and pinched Bucky's nipples sharply. Bucky yelped and turned red, before sighing. Steve walked Bucky backwards until his knees hit the edge of Steve's bed. His fell down and Steve knelt either side of his lips, grinning down and him before leaning down and taking Bucky's left nipple in his mouth.

"GOD!" Bucky said and bucked upwards, hands clenching the sheet.

"Good?" Steve asked, sounding breathless. Bucky nodded. Steve gave his nipple one final lick and then gently got off Bucky, letting Bucky scoot backwards until his head rested against Steve's pillows. 

"Get over here." Bucky said, holding out his arms and Steve walked on his knees until he collapsed into Bucky's arms, smothering his face in kisses. Bucky laughed and ran his hands down Steve's back and pressing against the muscles. 

"I've waited...so long." Steve said, voice chocked. Bucky softened his smile and patted Steve on the cheek, rubbing his nose against Steve's. Steve sniggered and rolled his hips, causing Bucky to groan.

"I know. Pants off." Bucky said, looking down at the impressive bulge in the front of Steve's trousers. His mouth watered and he slid his hands down the back, clutching his backside. 

"As you wish." Steve groaned and leaned up, quickly shucking off his pants and throwing them to the end of the bed.

"Fuck me." Bucky breathed as he looked at Steve. His cock was long and cut, the end bright red and already leaking. Bucky's mouth flooded with saliva and he leaned forward, hand reaching and taking Steve, stroking him gently.

"Bucky." Steve whispered and shuffled forwards again, taking Bucky's mouth in a gentle kiss. Bucky continued to stroke him, and Steve panted heavily, groaning low in his throat. "That feels...great."

"It should." Bucky said, grinning widely. Steve laughed and tweaked Bucky's nipples again. Bucky squeaked and flushed red when Steve laughed again. 

"Which way do you prefer?" Steve asked. Bucky shrugged.

"I go both ways." Bucky said, red creeping down his chest. Steve nodded and started playing with the cord on Bucky's sweatpants.

"How 'bout I do the heavy lifting this time, and next time you can bend me over the bed and have your way."

Bucky's throat moved, but no sound came out, and every drop of blood in his body had moved dow to his cock. He felt light-headed, and so he nodded and lifted his hips to let Steve slide his sweats down his legs. They got thrown to where Steve's own clothes rested and Steve ran his hands up Bucky's strong thighs. 

"You got...condoms?" Bucky asked as he writhed. Steve was leaning down and gently running his tongue up and down Bucky's cock, gently lapping at the slit and cradling his balls. Bucky's chest was now bathed in sweat, and he thought, in the corner of his mind, he thought that he had never felt anything like this before. Not even jerking off in his youth had felt as intense as this.

"Yeah." Steve breathed. He reached over Bucky's body and opened his beside table, fishing around and quickly bringing out condoms and lube. Bucky whimpered when he saw the lube and opened his legs wider. "I know, I know." Steve soothed, reached down and opening the bottle of lube, squeezing some onto his fingers and gently moving his fingers to rub at Bucky's pucker. Bucky jolted at least and for off of the bed and moaned louder, his left hand tearing the sheet beneath his fingers.

"Sorry." He said breathily. Steve shook his head.

"Doesn't matter." He said. He rubbed his fingers against the muscled hole and, when he felt it relax, gently inserted a finger.

"Fuck." Bucky said and buried his head into the pillow beside his head, chest heaving. 

"Is that good?" Steve asked. 

"Oh, yeah." Bucky said, voice strangled. He thumped his head against the pillows, his hair damp with sweat, and his legs shook when Steve added another finger. He moved them gently and Bucky sobbed.

"You ready?" Steve asked. He quickly rolled on the condom, squirted on some lube and moved between Bucky's legs, dragging his hips up and lining up his cock with Bucky's hole.

"Yep." Bucky squeaked and braced himself. He closed his eyes when he felt Steve slowly enter him, and breathed in deep, measured breaths. 

When Steve was fully seated and both men were shaking, Steve leaned down and kissed Bucky gently. "Are you alright?" He asked. His voice shook and he wanted as Bucky nodded slowly, hair sticking to his cheeks with both sweat and tears. "Why are you crying?" 

"'m happy." Bucky said and wrapped his arms around Steve's shoulders, gasping as Steve started moving. The initial movements were slow and careful, Steve wanting to make sure that he didn't overwhelm Bucky in any way. 

"You're going too slow." Bucky said and abruptly shoved his hips upward. Steve gasped as his cock was fully engulfed and stopped for a second, overwhelmed with feeling.

"Like it a bit rough, do you." Steve growled and started moving faster, causing Bucky to gasp and turn his head from side to side, the sensations racing up his spine. 

"That's more...like it!" Bucky said, and started moving his hips against Steve's, teeth gritted against his moans. He reached up and ran his hand down Steve's abs, poking at his navel and occasionally tweaking his nipples.

"Having...fun?" Steve asked. Sweat dripped off the end of his nose, and Bucky leaned up and licked it off. Steve groaned and leaned down, kissing Bucky roughly and biting his lips.

"You close?" Steve whispered, and Bucky nodded, face slowly turning red. "Me too." 

"Good." Bucky said and reached down, taking himself in hand and moving slowly, the feeling of cool metal against his heated flesh exquisite. He felt something slowly build in his lower stomach and tipped his head back, groaning loudly as he came, painting his belly with white.

"That's hot." Steve murmured and heaved against Bucky, coming as well. He dipped his head to rest against Bucky's shoulders, and Bucky gently cradled his head and stoked his sweat-matted hair. Steve finished and slumped against Bucky, shaking.

They stayed like that for several minutes as they got their breath under control, and then Steve leaned up as he took off the condom, tied it off and correctly lobbed it to the bin. He walked on shaky legs to the bathroom and came out with a washcloth, throwing it down onto Bucky's chest. 

"If you don't want to feel disgusting in the morning." Steve said, sitting down on the edge of the bed an running his hands through his hair. Bucky managed to get enough motor control to wipe clumsily this chest and stomach and then threw the washcloth at the bin, missing it by several inches.

"Well done." Steve said wryly.

"Shut up, you've sapped all my energy out." Bucky said. He lay on the bed and closed his eyes, trying to centre his breathing like he had done with HYDRA. But he couldn't. Instead, he felt tears come to the edge of his eyes. He turned his head and sniffled, trying to seem innocuous. 

"Hey." Steve said and laid a hand on Bucky's shoulder. Bucky shuddered and didn't turn his head, so Steve pulled back the covers and manoeuvred both him and Bucky under them. He drew Bucky's head to his chest and stroked his hair and Bucky sobbed silently.

"It's okay. You're okay." He soothed, and Bucky nodded and sniffled.

"I don't think that I've ever been this happy." Bucky whispered against Steve's skin. Steve smiled and pressed his lips onto Bucky's crown.

"Neither have I." Steve said, looking out of the window. It was starting to snow, and Steve felt true contentment flood his body. 'This must be what Heaven feels like.' He thought.

"Neither have I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry for the late update. I went to visit family and their internet service is deplorable.
> 
> Feed the Beast, people. Reviews and kudos are the only food acceptable!


	26. Through The Secrets That I Have Seen (CoG)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha, Clint and Bruce find Zola, and realise that everything is going to come to a head much sooner than previously thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few chapters left to go, and honestly, even I'm getting excited. I hope you enjoy this, and please leave me a little something to help me along, preferably in the form of kudos or a review. Enjoy!

"Is this is?" Clint said, tilting his head to the side and looking at the slightly dingy hospital. Natasha looked at the note on her phone, sent to her by JARVIS, and nodded.

"It's not exactly what I expected." Bruce said. pushing his glasses up his nose. He hefted his bag up his shoulder and started forwards, prompting Natasha and Clint to follow him. The hospital was small, and in such a backwater town south of New York that most people hadn't even heard of it. The town had a population of just over 5,000 people, and there was one hospital for all of them. 

Natasha walked to the front desk and waited for the nurse sitting behind it to stop texting and look at her. "What do you want?" She asked.

"We're here to see Arnim Zola." Natasha said. 

"Who?" The nurse said, sounding bored. Clint groaned behind her and she heard him slapping his face with his hand.

"Arnim Zola. He's here as a patient." Natasha said, leaning over and giving the nurse a wide, unnerving grin. The nurse blanched and turned on her computer, tapping quickly whilst Natasha leaned back, looking satisfied.

"Your wife is terrifying." Bruce murmured to Clint.

"I know." Clint said back dreamily. "She's great."

"Zola's on the third floor, room 312. He's got cancer, you know." The nurse looked up with a frown.

"We know."

"Are you family? We can only allow family to see him." The nurse leaned back and looked satisfied. Natasha, without breaking eye contact, reached into her pocket and drew out her Avengers badge. She handed it without a word to the nurse, who looked at it.

"You're shitting me." She said under her breath. 

"Not at all. May we go and see him?" Natasha said. She sounded perfectly civil, but the steel undercurrent in her voice made the nurse shrink in her seat. She nodded slowly and handed the badge back, gesturing to the side of the desk. There was an elevator, and when Bruce pressed the button the elevator doors squeaked open and the light in the elevator flickered.

"Does anyone fancy the stairs?" Clint said weakly.

"Nope. Get in." Natasha yanked him in by his arm, Bruce following with a smile, and pressed the button for the third floor. The doors shuddered close and the elevator started moving slowly upwards.

"I don't know what this says about us, but I miss the elevator in the Tower." Clint said, eyeing a patch of mould in the corner of the ceiling with distrust.

"Tony lives the high life, and has dragged us all with him." Bruce murmured. He reached into his bag and pulled out a folder, once again reading through it. 

"So Zola chose to go to some rundown hospital to treat his cancer?" Clint looked over Bruce's shoulder. "Why?"

"I don't know." Bruce murmured. "You'd think that both Pierce and Thanos would looked after the man who made them so rich in the first place."

"And he checked in under his own name. Did he want to be found?"

"That's what I don't understand." Natasha leaned against the bar running along the elevator, and then leant forward again with a wince when she felt how sticky it was. "He's given up all presence of secrecy, and 3 years ago it took us 7 months to find out his name."

"Do you think it's remorse? I mean, for all we know he's dying and wants to atone." Clint said, sounding doubtful. Bruce shook his head.

"I don't think that's it. He single handedly manufactured products that, at best, gave their users long term health problems, if not killing them outright. And he did this with full knowledge with what he had doing. You've seen the paperwork from those tests. He's a sociopath without a human soul, there's got to be some other reason.

"You say that, but-" The elevator door pinged open, and they all exited with sighs of relief. In front of them was another nurses desk, this time empty. 

"Uh..." Clint said, looking around. The hallway was empty, and most of the rooms had their doors closed. They stood there, looking around, before a door at the end of the corridor opened and a male nurse came out, visibly gritting his teeth against the person on the room.

"Oh." He said. He shifted the blankets in his arms and walked up to them. He was a pale man with a shock of bright red hair, and huge blue bruises under his eyes. "Are you...looking for someone?" He asked.

"Yes." Bruce said, walking forward. He held out his badge, and the man leaned over and looked at it before eyeing Bruce. "We're looking for Arnim Zola."

The man frowned. "What do you want with him?" He asked, sounding suspicious. He gently patted the blankets in his arms and a cloud of dust poofed upwards. 

"We need to ask him about...uh..." Bruce looked around and Natasha shrugged. "Where he was working before."

"Oh, you mean HYDRA." The man said. He nodded to himself and gestured to the room that he had just exited. "He's in there. You  _do_ know it's terminal, right?" He asked, looking at all of them with a frown. "He's got a few weeks left, possibly less than that."

"Thanks." Clint said, walking forwards. They passed the nurse and Natasha leaned over, looking at the tag attached to his scrub top.

"Nurse Hel?" She asked. The nurse, Hel, grinned and displayed a mouthful of teeth. The grin was so wide that Natasha felt cold race up her spine. 

"Yes. Good luck. He's a pain in the ass." Nurse Hel nodded to Natasha and walked off, humming quietly to himself. Natasha watched him walk away and shook herself.

"Odd." She murmured under her breath and walked to where Bruce and Clint were standing by the door. Bruce had his hand on the handle and was looking at the others. 

"You ready?" He asked. Natasha took a deep yet silent breath and nodded, and Bruce pushed down the handle and entered the room. Clint and Natasha follow quickly, closing the door behind them and looking around.

The room, like the rest of the hospital, was dingy and small. There was a single open window, where a stiff, cold breeze was blowing through the room. There were no personal touches, no a single photograph. There weren't even flowers. The bed itself was pushed up against the far wall, and various machines were beeping around the head.

The man himself was surprisingly small. The was thin, wasted away as the cancer at away at his body. Every single hair was gone, and he had his glasses pushed up to his eyes. He was eyeing the people in his room with a smile twisting his thin lips.

"Mr Zola." Natasha said firmly. She walked forwards with her badge, and the man on the bed looked onto her with a laser focus. "My name is Natasha Romanov. I work with-"

"SHEILD." The man said with a sharp cough. "I know you. And you, Clint Barton and Bruce Banner. What are the esteemed members of SHIELD doing at my bedside."

"We need to ask you some questions." Clint said, feeling weirded out. He walked up to the bed and pulled out a chair, sitting down. Natasha and Bruce did the same, and as they sat there, an uncomfortable silence fell upon them. Zola looked at them as the cat that had got the canary, and Bruce, Natasha and Clint looked at each other, before Bruce took a deep breath and reached into his bag.

"We need to ask you some questions." He said for the second time. He opened another file and drew out some papers, looking through them and handing copies to Natasha and Clint. He also handed them pens, and they sat back, waiting to start writing. 

"About?"

"Your work with HYDRA. We need to know everything about HYDRA, and how to bring them down."

"You think that I will tell you that?" Zola said with a sharp grin. Clint looked at Natasha before looking at Zola. 

"We can arrange your transfer to a nicer hospital." He said. He had authorisation from Fury to offer this, and was prepared to layers many cards on the table as he could so Zola could give up what information that they needed. "Better staff, better treatment. You'll be more comfortable."

"Indeed." Zola said and laughed harshly. Natasha stood up and walked to the side, pouring him a glass of water before offering it to him. Zola took long, deep sips before setting down his glass on his bedside table and looking at them with sharp eyes. "I don't care about that. I am perfectly happy to die here."

Clint looked at the others in panic, before Natasha sharpened her eyes. "Then what do you want?" She asked.

There was a long silence before Zola grinned at them. "How is the Soldier?"

Bruce and Clint gaped at him before looking at Natasha. She, too, was shocked, then she turned and sat next to Bruce, whispering into his ear. Bruce nodded slowly and Natasha sighed, before once again looking at Zola.

"He's fine." She said finally. "He's functioning well in society."

Zola nodded. He shifted in the sheets and pushed his glasses up his nose, before looking at the papers on Bruce's hands with interest. "What do you want to know about HYDRA?" He asked.

Bruce looked at him with narrowed eyes before looking down at his papers. He took a deep breath and said "What, precisely, was the nature of your work with HYDRA?"

Zola coughed. "I synthesised the drugs that the company sold. I created them and tested them, before the marketing team sold them for profit. I was also in charge of the live testing of chemical weapons."

"Chemical weapons?" Clint said. "For who?"

Zola gave a shaky laugh. "So many governments. If there was need for chemical weapons, they came to us. We developed weapons that could never be detected with conventional systems. We were the best at out job."

Bruce stomach turned over at the pride in the man's voice. He jotted down the notes said, and mentally made a note to himself to research chemical weapons usage abroad and in the US. Chances are the the weapons used could all have a trace on them. 

"So why go in to legitimate drug manufacturing?" Natasha asked. "If you were making so much money with illegal chemical warfare, then why risk everything by publicly making drugs?"

"Obscurity through transparency." Zola said. Clint frowned.

"What do you mean?" He asked. Zola sneered at him.

"If we publicly said that we were making prescription medication and our tax records showed this, then no one would look to closely at our...extra-curricular activities."

"A moment, please." Clint said and stood up. Bruce and Natasha followed him. "Why the hell is he confessing?" Clint hissed.

Bruce shook his head. "He's not confessing, he's bragging." He said. He looked over his shoulder and saw Zola cleaning his glasses, and then turned back to his notes. 

"But why?" Clint said, wringing his hands together. Natasha shrugged.

"Because he's got nothing left. He's literally dying and alone, he's probably been bursting to tell someone for months." 

Clint sighed and then nodded. They disbanded and walked back to Zola, sitting down.

"How much do you know about HYDRA now?" Natasha asked. Zola gave her a sharp grin, and she was slightly nauseated to see blood staining his teeth. 

"HYDRA is gone." 

There was a slightly ringing silence, and Natasha blinked. "Say again?" She said. Zola hacked and looked back at her with smug eyes.

"HYDRA is gone. When you raided us two years ago, you managed to cause enough disruption to our business that we weren't able to regroup. We, myself, Pierce and Gem went out separate ways, and HYDRA has gone." Zola hacked again. "Even if we wanted to come back, none of our former clients would work with us. And since that news article about our legal drug manufacturing came to light, our legitimate business had collapsed as well."

"Then why the hell is HYDRA coming after us now?" Clint burst out, running his hand through his hair. Zola grimaced and looked out of the window.

"Pierce formed an unnatural attachment to the boy." He murmured. Natasha, who was closest to Zola, heard this and raised her eyebrows.

"To James?" She asked. Zola waved a lazy hand. 

"I did not care about his name. He was only needed to join the STRIKE team."

"And you built the weapons for the STRIKE team." Bruce said. Zola waved a lazy hand.

"It wasn't my speciality, but yes. Conventional weapons could be traced, I was able to build specialised weapons."

"Why did you take someone so young?" Natasha asked. Zola shrugged.

"Complete compliance. We were able to erase almost all of his memories though various methods and have ourselves a perfect Solider."

Bruce felt sick to his stomach as he remembered Bucky in his early days in the hospital, when he had barely anything except Loki and was once step away from self-anihilation.  

"What about now?" Bruce asked through a growl. "Why is HYDRA still active?"

Zola snorted with laughter. "What you think is HYDRA is actually nothing. The last remnants of a fallen empire. Two men desperately clinging to the power that they once had, and who will do anything to gain back what they lost."

Natasha, Clint and Bruce felt collectively cold that had nothing do with with the open window. "A cornered animal is always at it's most dangerous." Natasha said under her breath. Clint nodded and Bruce took of his glasses, rubbing his eyes. 

"How do you know this?" Clint asked tiredly. Zola shrugged. 

"It is amazing what people say to you when they think you are asleep. Pierce and Gem came to see me just before they started travelling."

"What?" Natasha said sharply. Zola snickered.

"They're coming for them." He said. Natasha thought, in a distant corner of her mind, that he looked like a shark who had just killed something. His small eyes were shining with glee and his thin hands, nothing more than skin stretched painfully across bone, clenched his sheets. "Pierce and Gem are on their way to the Soldier and the other."

"Oh shit." Clint breathed. He scrubbed his hair and looked wildly about the room, as if there was something in that dingy, dirty space that could stop the impending collision that was about to happen. 

"Where are they?" Bruce asked sharply. Zola laughed and coughed. 

"You think that you can stop them now?" He whispered. Bruce felt the hair rise on the back of his neck and he tried to maintain eye contact. It was difficult, as looking into Zola's eyes was akin to staring into a black hole. "You can't do anything. When they reach the Soldier, and they will, they'll take him apart. And none of you will be able to stop them."

There was a deep silence, as Bruce, Natasha and Clint thought about Bucky and Loki back in New York. The men who didn't have a clue that two of the most ruthless men in the country were on their way to them, intent on finding them and destroying them utterly. 

"Why did Pierce and Gem leave you here?" Natasha asked. Zola shrugged.

"They don't need me anymore. Once my cancer flared up and I become a liability, they left me and continued on in their own way. But I was smart enough to see the sinking ship that was HYDRA. Really, my cancer couldn't have come at a better time."

"You'd rather had terminal cancer than be with HYDRA?" Clint said, somewhat aghast.

"I shall never see the indoor of a prison cell. I'll be long dead before that happens. But even so," he hissed, leaning in close. The joy on his face was almost palpable and Clint felt sick to his stomach. "The work that I have done changed countries forever. I have shaped people, moulded them. I created the Soldier. Without me, he would be nothing."

"You've got to be fucking joking." Clint murmured. It was like listening to a Bond villain talk, but instead this was real life. And he knew the victim. Bucky was a great guy, someone whom Clint was happy to know. They got along well, and when Clint remembered what Bucky had been like when he had first been brought in, and the person he was know, Clint still didn't know if the previous 12 years spent with HYDRA would ever be erased from him. 

"Right, well I think that's enough from you." Bruce said, standing up abruptly and sweeping everything into his bag. Natasha and Clint pocketed their notes. They walked to the door when Zola coughed harshly again. 

"You never asked me about the other one." He said. Natasha turned from the door and looked at him with a frown.

"The other one?" She asked. Bruce felt something cold settle into the pit of his stomach.

"The black haired boy. The one with green eyes. You never asked me about him."

"What about him?" Clint asked sharply. "What about Loki?"

"Oh, is that his name? I never learned it." Zola waved a hand absently. "I'm surprised that you didn't ask about him, given what he is."

"Huh?" Clint said.

"What he is? He's Loki." Bruce said. Zola looked at them all, frowning, before a slow smile spread across his face.

"You don't know." He said. Bruce winced internally at the glee in his voice. "You don't know what he is. You have no idea what he can do."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Clint snarled. He stepped forwards and Natasha grabbed his arm. 

"Oh, you'll find out. You'll find out." Zola said. He leaned back against his pillows and slipped off into sleep, and Clint, Natasha and Bruce realised that their session with him had ended. The exited the room and walked to their care in silence, each person thinking about what Zola had told them. 

They got into the car and Bruce started the engine, driving off. Natasha sighed and leaned against the window, looking out and watching her breath fog up the window.

"We've got the warn the others." Clint said from the back. Bruce nodded. 

"I know. We can tell them when we get back. Zola obviously isn't going anywhere, and of we need to we can get more information from him as needed."

"Yeah." Clint muttered. The silence between the three of them was deeply uncomfortable, before Natasha heaved a deep sigh and sat upright.

"What the hell did he mean about Loki?" She asked. Bruce shrugged and looked out of the window. The trees were bare, and the sky was already turning black as night crept up on them. There was a sense between everyone in the Avengers of time slowly running out, and Bucky and Loki were trapped in the middle of it.

"I don't know, Natasha." Bruce murmured. "I don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all coming, people. It's all coming! Again, reviews and kudos help me write. FEED ME!
> 
> I GOT MY FIRST FANART!: http://teckmonky.deviantart.com/art/Avengers-Fanfic-AU-Castle-of-Glass-635206927?ga_submit_new=10%253A1474220657 I'm so excited!


	27. You're Looking At The Ghost Of Me (GoM)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki and Bucky talk about their future, and realise that they might actually be able to move on. 
> 
> Then a spanner is thrown into the works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearly there. The end is coming, but first I thought we might like to check in with out protagonists first. I'm getting excited by this, even though I know what's going to happen. I hope that you enjoy this light breather, the next few chapters are kick-ass!

Loki rolled over in bed with a sigh, and stretched out his arm. It landed on the cold pillow beside his head, and this was enough to wake Loki up properly. He blinked sleepy eyes and saw that Bucky's side of the bed was cold and still somewhat neat.

This was the first time in almost 3 years which he had slept alone. 

Loki heaved a deep sigh and sat up, patting his bed-head down and fingering the end of his plait. He slowly shifted until he sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at his feet as his toes move against the plush floor. 

"Uhhnnn." He groaned as the first hunger pangs of the day hit him, and he stood up. He stretched and rubbed the back of his neck before walking out of the bedroom and padding softly to the kitchen. He looked at the couch and sighed when he saw the duvet and pillows piled at the end. 

Bucky was busy making scrambled eggs, his head down and his hair hanging in front of his eyes. Loki walked over and sat at the breakfast bar, accepting the cup of tea pushed into his hands and eyeing the back of Bucky's neck, which was flushing red.

"Good morning." He said, taking a sip of tea and humming with delight. The tea was hot enough to scold any other person, but Loki was fine with the heat.

"Hi." Bucky said with a slightly strangled voice. Loki sighed and accepted the plate thrust at him, picking at the bacon and eggs with his fork without actually eating anything. Bucky loaded up his own plate and sat down beside Loki. Breakfast was tense and neither man looked at each other. 

They picked at their food and half an hour later Loki heaved a deep sigh and stood up, collecting both of their plates. He scraped their food into the bin and quickly washed their plates, before walking back to the bar and taking up his coffee. He walked back to the living room and sat down on the couch, watching as Bucky took the chair with his own cup of coffee. 

"Is Bruce still sleeping?" Loki asked. Bucky nodded and took a drink of his coffee, wincing at the heat. "He's pretty much crashed since he took over from Thor."

"Yeah." Bucky said quietly. "He's been tired since that trip he took with Natasha and Clint."

"Do you know what it was about?" Loki leaned back against the couch and tapped his long fingers against the mug, looking at Bucky turned white. "Bucky?" He asked gently.

"They won't tell us, but I think that they went to see Zola."

Loki gaped at him. "Zola? They found him?" Loki said. His stomach swooped and he felt sick, so he took a deep pull from his tea and waited until the heat had made his stomach settle.

"Yeah." Bucky whispered.

"How did you find out?"

"I, uh," Bucky's cheeks flushed and he rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. "I hacked Bruce."

Loki whistled. "That's bad-ass." He said. "Also illegal."

Bucky shrugged. "I know, but I don't like the fact that they're keeping secrets from us. Especially since the secrets are  _about_ us. I'd rather know everything and be scared than know only bits and be blissfully happy."

Loki snorted. "I don't think that we've ever been blissfully happy."

Bucky's face flushed again and he looked out of the window. Loki raised an eyebrow.

"Oh-ho." He said with a grin. He leaned forward and put his mug on the coffee table, clapping his hands. "Did you finally put out?"

"Classy." Bucky said, and then he snickered. "Yeah."

"Was it...good?" Loki asked. 

Bucky looked at Loki and gave him a shy, close mouthed smile. "It was amazing."

"That's...well, that's good." Loki said with a firm nod. Bucky tilted his head to the side and looked at Loki, who was avoiding his gaze firmly and picking at his fingernails. Finally Bucky heaved a sigh and sat back, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and waiting until Loki stopped avoiding his gaze and met Bucky's eyes. 

"We need to talk." Bucky said gently and Loki nodded, biting his bottom lip in between his teeth. 

"Shall I start?" Bucky asked and Loki nodded. "Okay. So I slept on the couch last night, because since I started sleeping with Steve it...feels strange sleeping in the same bed as you."

Loki nodded slowly. "I can understand that. But you could have told me."

Bucky snorted. "Like it's easy to say 'Hey, fancy sleeping in the spare room because I don't want to shag you?' It's not that simple."

"And yet," Loki said, leaning forward and tapping his fingers against the glass of the coffee table, "you've just said it."

Bucky groaned a buried his face into his hands. Loki leaned back and looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes. "I take it the couch was a last minute choice." He said, kicking at the duvet and pillows with his feet. 

"Well, Bruce was in the spare room." Bucky said, and Loki laughed. He leaned back against the couch and tucked his feet underneath his body, looking out of the window. The trees on the street were bare, and the air was slowly starting to get colder and colder. A month ago Bucky had dug out their winter wear, and had confided with Loki that doing up his shirts was much easier now that he had two arms.

"So where did you get the duvet and pillows?" Loki asked, gesturing to the pile sitting beside him. Bucky shrugged.

"They were our spares. I remember you putting them away at the beginning of summer, and all I had to do was shake them out and settle down."

Loki frowned. "How the hell did you manage to get into our room, grab our spare linens and sneak out without waking me up?"

Bucky shrugged. "You were pretty out of it last night. I mean, you'd been up with Thor whilst I was at the Tower and according to him you'd missed a couple of night sleep. I could have walked a herd of elephants through the room and you wouldn't have noticed."

"Yeah." Loki said slowly. He had missed a couple of nights sleep, the attack on SHIELD and the subsequent talk with Thor weighing heavily on his mind. He tapped his hands against his feet and thought about when Thor had been here, how manic he had appeared and how he had only managed to get to sleep when Thor had sat beside him in bed, stroking his hair and crooning softly to him to try and calm his jittery nerves. 

"So you came home from the Tower and what, decided then and there that we couldn't sleep in the same bed?" Loki asked. Bucky looked at him with a frown.

"No." He said slowly. "I got home with Bruce, changed into my pyjamas and got into bed. And the lay stiff as a board as almost every cell in my body screamed at me to get out of the bed."

"That's nice of you." Loki said waspishly. 

"Oh, don't be like that." Bucky snapped, running his hand through his hair. His metal arm tapped a beat against the fabric of the couch, and the calm clicking of the plates soothed him. "It's not like you've been any different."

Loki's back stiffened. "Oh really?" He snarled. His eyes flashed and Bucky felt sweat prickle at the back of his neck. 

"Loki, you've got to calm down." He said. "I only meant that the talk with Thor and the attack on the Tower weren't the only reasons that you've been staying awake at night."

Loki huffed and crossed his arms. But then he slowly nodded and let his arms fall loose, picking at the fabric of his pants. "It doesn't feel right anymore." He whispered.

"Once you had that talk with Thor." Bucky said with a soft smile. Loki gave a soft chuckle.

"It feels like I'm cheating on him. Which is idiotic because we haven't slept together."

"Not idiotic. You don't need sex to have a relationship. And I can't believe that I'm the one giving you relationship advice. We are both the least qualified people to do so!" Bucky said, running his hand threw his hair and then wincing as some of the strands caught in the plates of his left hand. 

Loki snorted. "From what I hear, you're practically married. You've probably got the best relationship out of anyone I know. And sex does help."

Bucky frowned at Loki. "Had Thor been pressuring you?" He growled, feeling his blood stir.

Loki shook his head. "Not at all. But still, I don't feel right sleeping in the same bed as you anymore." He caught Bucky's eye and saw him nod before breaking the gaze and staring out of the window again. He heard Bucky sigh and shuffle forwards in the chair, clasping his hands between his legs and waiting until Loki looked him in the eye again.

"So who gets the spare room?" Loki asked. "Flip a coin?"

"Uhhh..." Bucky said, shifting in his chair and turning his head to avoid looking into his eyes. Loki narrowed his own.

"Bucky..." He said slowly.

"Yes, Loki?" Bucky said sweetly, knowing full well that that method of manipulation might work on Steve, but Loki was immune. 

"What aren't you telling me?" Loki leaned back and crossed his arms, fixing Bucky with a hard stare.

Bucky shifted uncomfortably for several seconds and then sighed deeply, finally meeting Loki's eyes. "Steve asked me to move in with him."

Loki looked back at Bucky, gobsmacked. "Huh?" He said through a strangled voice. 

Bucky looked down at his hands, clasped tightly together. "Steve wants me to move in with him, in the Tower when all of this is over. He's got enough room, and I really want to go."

"You're going to leave this?" Loki waved a hand to the apartment, without looking away from Bucky's face. His heart was thumping hard in his chest, and his eyes were stinging with tears he was holding back. "You're going to leave me?"

"No!" Bucky said, lurching forwards and grasping Loki's own hands. "No, I'm gonna leave you. But," He swallowed and looked at Loki, "I do want to move in with him."

Loki tilted his head to the side. "You really want to move in with Steve."

"Yeah." Bucky said softly. "I really do."

Loki licked his lips and looked over Bucky's shoulder at the window. The wind whistled down the street, bringing with it the last of the leaves. Loki sighed and shuffled over on the couch, letting Bucky climb up beside him. He leant his head on Bucky's shoulder and Bucky put his arm around Loki's waist, bringing them close together. 

"You must really love Steve to want to move in with him." Loki whispered. He felt the vibrations of Bucky's laugh through his skin.

"Yeah. I really love that dumb punk."

"And this is what you really want?'

Bucky nodded and Loki sighed. "Then I suppose I can't really stop you."

"That's the attitude!" Bucky said with a laugh, although the laugh was slightly watery. Loki tipped his head back to look at Bucky.

"You'll come and visit?" He asked.

Bucky nodded. "All the time. I don't think that you're going to have an evening free, you'll always be at the Tower having dinner with someone. And it's not like Thor isn't going to ask you to move in with him."

"You think?" Loki said softly.

"Sure! I mean, he loves you. A lot."

Loki smiled and leaned back into Bucky's arms. "It would be nice to move in with him." He said, musing. 

"Yeah. I mean, when I think of Thor's apartment I think of a Viking longhouse with Mjolnir hanging somewhere and the heads of those he's slain decorating the walls, but-hey!" He exclaimed when Loki started slapping him, and started slapping back, laughing. They rolled about together until Bucky managed to trap Loki's head under his arm, rubbing his head with his knuckles until Loki yelled "UNCLE!".

"His apartment is nice." Loki said, sitting back and smoothing down his hair. "It's all sleek lines and hand-carved wood furniture."

"Lovely. Anyway, I know that he's gonna want you to move in with him."

"That would be nice." Loki said with a small smile. Bucky nudged him with his shoulder.

"That's the spirit. With us two in the Tower, it'll be just like it was here. Except, you know," Bucky shrugged nonchalantly, "I'll be getting laid on the regular."

"You're so full of charm." Loki said dryly. "How is it that Steve can resist you?"

"He's got an iron will." Bucky said, stretching in his seat. "So are you really okay with this?" He asked. Loki shrugged.

"It's a change." He said after a long silence. "But everything changes, doesn't it? That's what we leaned from all those Discovery Channel documentaries."

"Mmmh." Bucky said. 

"So, this has to be good. For you and me."

"It'll be great." Bucky said. "Besides, this means that you'll get to badger Stark all you want in his lab."

Loki snickered and rolled away, standing up and stretching his spine. It cracked loudly and Loki groaned. "I do like bothering Stark." He said, looking down at Bucky with a sharp grin. Bucky laughed.

"I know. He's considering taking out an injunction against you."

"Oh, good." Loki said, undoing his braid and running his fingers through his hair. It flowed and moved gently, and Loki shook his hair out before putting it into a high ponytail. "So when's the big move happening?"

Bucky shrugged. "I don't know. Steve said nothing's gonna happen until after this...situation...is finished. He said when all the paperwork is done and filed and everything is over, he'll help move me in."

"That sounds great." Loki moved to the kitchen and put his empty mug in the sink, washing it quickly and then stretching again. 

"You know, you're never going to be alone." Bucky said, kneeling up on the sofa and resting his head on his arms. "No one is going to leave you alone. You don't need to worry about that. This is gonna be a huge change, for both of us. But you're gonna be fine. We're both gonna be fine."

Loki looked over at Bucky over his shoulder, and gave him a soft, slightly shrewd smile. "You really think that?" He asked.

Bucky nodded. "I know it."

Loki laughed and walked back to the couch, sitting on the arm and stretching again. He leaned back against the back on the couch, crossing his arms and grinning down at Bucky. 

"Well then," he said, his smooth voice sliding over the words and coating them with silver, "let's finish this so we can move on."

Bucky laughed and slapped Loki on the shoulder as he walked to the bedroom, and Loki watched his go with slightly narrowed eyes, head tilted to the side as he thought about the future.

"This...might actually work out.' He thought. But he could still feel the knot of feat, tight in his chest, at the thought of the confrontation with his former Masters.

"It's going to be alright." He said to himself. "It's going to be fine."

But even he knew that he was lying to himself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"You just slept for a full 12 hours." Bucky said as Bruce came stumbling out of the spare room, hair all over the place and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He accepted the cup of coffee that Loki pushed into his hands and slumped onto the sofa, sipping deeply until his eye started working.

"I was up all last night." Bruce said. Bucky and Loki sat on the couch and looked at him. Despite the fact that it was 4pm, it was starting to get dark outside, and Loki was about to turn on the fireplace when Bruce had come stumbling out of the spare room. "Working on the HYDRA case."

"Any news?" Loki asked. He was worrying his hands together, unnoticed. Bruce hesitated and then sighed. 

"There has been some news. Listen, the team would like you to come into the office today. Look over some of the things we've found."

"Like what?" Bucky asked.

"A train pulled into a private station in New York a day ago, and we need you to identify it." 

Bucky looked sharply at Loki, who had turned sheet white. They both remembered Thanos's private train, had both traveled on it when the Master's had wanted the Soldier to operate across the country and they couldn't leave Pet alone. They knew that train very well, and if that train was in New York, so was Thanos and Pierce. 

"We'll come in." Bucky said and stood up. He walked to his bedroom to pull on his jacket over his t-shirt. In a decision that Bucky was still working out as to whether it was a good idea, Natasha and Bucky had altered all of his shirts so that the sleeves on the left side of his body had disappeared. His black jacket had also been altered, and Bucky hated to admit it, but he liked the result. 

So did Steve.

Loki slid on his boots and cracked his knuckles. Bruce got himself together and walked out of the door, Bucky and Loki following quickly behind. Loki locked the door and put the keys into his back pocket, hurrying to the elevator door where Bucky was holding it open. The ride down to the car was silent, and Loki crawled into the back seat of Bruce's car before turning his white face to the window. Bucky shared a look with Bruce, who started the car and quickly drove out of the street.

The drive to SHIELD was silent and tense, and Loki didn't look out from his view of the window once. His fingers were tapping against his knees.

"Are you both alright?" Bruce asked. Bucky swallowed and tipped his head back, looking at the ceiling.

"We'll be...alright." He said slowly. Bruce nodded and winced internally. Everyone, both at ShIELD and at the Tower was feeling the pressure.

They pulled into SHIELD and Loki reluctantly got out of the car, straightening his waistcoat and smoothing down his hair. He was about to walk forward when someone collided with him, hurrying down the street.

"Excuse me." He said and stared after the man with a frown.

"Loki, we need to go inside." Bucky said and Loki shook himself, hurrying inside. 

Everyone from SHIELD was there, even Tony. They were all pouring over paperwork, looking at the giant billboard with the HYDRA notes on it, or talking in the break room. 

"Brucey!" Tony exclaimed and ran over, throwing his arms around Bruce and hugging him tightly.

"Is it a mark is institutionalisation that I don't find that weird anymore?" Bucky murmured to Loki. Loki snickered. 

"Hey Bucky." Steve said, coming over and hugging Bucky tightly. Bucky rested his head against Steve's shoulder and breathed in his scent. Loki looked over Bucky's head and nodded to Thor. 

"You got the train remanded?" Loki asked, walking over to the board. He looked it over, ignoring the ball of fear in his chest and peered in, squinting. "You have terrible handwriting." He told Clint, who was standing closest to him.

"Oi!" Clint said and smacked Loki on the arm, who turned and grinned at him.

"You do though." Natasha said, leaning back against her desk and grinning at Clint. "You really do."

"I hate the both of you." Clint muttered. 

Thor walked over to Loki with a plain manilla folder, and was about to open it and talk to Loki when Loki held up a hand. He looked down at his arms and saw that every air was raised, and that he suddenly felt cold. His breath caught in his chest and he turned to look at Bucky. Bucky looked back at him with the same wide eyed horror on his face.

"I...I..." Loki said and shook. 

"They..." Bucky swallowed.

There was an abrupt explosion at the entrance of the office and glass was thrown everywhere. Bruce and Tony hurried to the back of the office, and Steve was getting dragged by Bucky. 

Thor stode over and grabbed Loki by the elbow, pulling in to the back of the office and down the corridor. "What?" Loki gasped.

"You need to be safe." Thor said shortly. Two police officers who were assisting on the HYDRA case were standing by the coffee machine, and Thor jerked his head sharply at them.

"And what about you?" Loki said, stumbling as he was pulled along. Thor didn't answer, and opened the farthest cell that SHIELD had. It was a room that was rarely used, and only had a chair and a table, with one tiny window high above their heads. Thor pushed Loki into the room and was about to close the door behind him when Loki's arm shot out, grabbing Thor's shirt collar and dragging him close.

"Not without you." He hissed.

Thor shook himself loose and clutched at Loki's hand, gripping it tightly. He dipped his head and kissed it, murmuring against the skin "I'll be safe."

Loki looked at him with wide eyes, but before he could say anything else Thor closed the door and locked it.

"You...FUCKING BASTARD!" Loki said, slamming up against the door. Thor ignored him and looked at the two officers, who were standing there with looks of surprise and concern on their faces.

"Anyone comes down this corridor who isn't us, you shoot them." Thor said. 

"Yes, sir." The youngest of the two men said, and they both hurried to the door, standing either side of it and steadfastly ignoring Loki on the other side, who was swearing at them and slamming himself up against the wood. Thor looked at the door one last time and then strode back to the main office, pulling out his gun and mentally preparing himself.

The office was in shambles. Every desk that could be had was overturned and the Avengers were crouched behind them, someone once in a while peaking out to assess the incoming attackers.

"How bad is it?" Thor asked, crawling to where Tony, Steve and Bucky were sprawled.

"We're pinned down. We weren't expecting this at all." Steve said. He leaned over and shot, and someone on the there side went down with a cry. "Clint's trying to get into the air vents, so Natasha and Bruce are going to set up a barrage of fire to try and get him into them."

"How many are there?" Thor said, shooting randomly.

"We've counted at least 38." Maria said from the other end of the table. There was a cut above her eyes and her hair was coming out of it's normally neat bun. "I don't know how many more of them there are."

"Can't be too many more." Fury said. "That's a tight-ass entrance, they can only get through so many at a time."

"So we're pinned." Thor groaned, resisting the urge to bang his head against the floor. 

"Yes. This is going to be fun." Bucky said, and was about to say something else when a voice called out from the invading men.

"Soldier?" The voice was strong and, despite the age of the person, still able to command authority. "Solider, I know you're there."

Bucky went white and started shaking. The gun Steve had given him dropped from his hands and he gripped his hair tightly, rocking back and forth as his face twisted in pain. 

"Don't fight me Soldier. Nothing good can come from that."

"Bucky?" Steve asked, putting a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "Bucky, what is it?"

Bucky shuddered and closed his eyes, a tear leaking out and making its way down his cheek. "It's him." He said in a strangled voice. 

"It's Pierce."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The black jacket that Bucky was wearing at the end is the same on he wears during Civil War. Sleeveless and all. And I picked it because Sebastian Stan looked reeeeeeeeally good in it.
> 
> THE END IS NIGH!!!! Please leave a review or some kudos to sustain me, 'tis very much needed!
> 
>  
> 
> PS. I was watching Community the same time as writing this chapter, so at the end, when Bucky says "It's Pierce." Mentally, instead of Robert Redfords chiseled features, I got Chevy Chase instead. I could feel the tension bubble literally pop.


	28. Past The Black Where The Sirens Sing (CoG)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A battle.
> 
> The final battle.
> 
> The one that matters the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Bucky and the Avengers vs Pierce and the last of HYDRA. I hope that you enjoy this, I tried to make this as emotionally realistic as possible, considering the stakes.

Bucky rocked back and forth on his knees, his hands twisting in his hair and his teeth dug deep into his bottom lip, trying desperately to conceal his whimpers of terror. Steve put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze, his heart breaking as he watched Bucky's pain.

"Solider, don't fight me." Pierce said. Bucky gasped and buried his face into his things, hair falling around his face. Steve moved his hand to rest on the back of Bucky's neck, stroking the damp skin softly. Steve looked at Natasha, who nodded and started inching upwards to look at the situation. 

"Soldier, come out." 

Bucky whined softly, and it was all Steve could not to fling himself over Bucky, bringing his head to chest and resting his face into his hair. Instead he rested himself heavily on Bucky's back and watched as Natasha peeked over the edge and then slid back down the upturned table. She pulled a pen and a piece of paper out from one of her pouches on her waist and started writing. Everyone looked over with interest, but she shook her head. When she had finished writing she balled up the paper and lobbed it gently to Steve, who caught it and unfolded it.

' _Approx. 40, Pierce in middle. Armoured.'_

Steve looked at Natasha and nodded and then tapped Bucky gently on the shoulder. Bucky looked up with wet eyes and Steve face him a soft smile, leaning down and giving him a quick kiss. He then looked at the other's and gestured sharply to his head, towards the break room. Everyone nodded and started crawling as quietly as possible.

They had all managed to gather in the break room when Clint hissed sharply and pulled his hand up from the glass-littered floor. "First injury!" He said with a sharp grin, and Natasha snickered behind her hand before pulling out a roll of gauze. She gave Clint a quick field dressing before joining everyone else. They were all gathered in a rough circle against the farthest wall.

"How's everyone for ammo?" Steve asked. Phil looked around at the others before turning back to Steve.

"We're good. But we're pinned."

"Yeah. They've got more men than we have, and we were caught by surprise. They must have scoped the place beforehand, knew we were all going to be here." Maria said. She was scraping her hair into a tight bun, and already had a no nonsense looked plastered firmly on her face.

"Got a plan?" Fury asked Steve, who let out a deep breath and nodded. Beside him, Bucky was fiddling with his fingers, not looking at anyone in the room and trying to find that cold, unfeeling place inside of him that had ruled him when he was the Soldier. But since escaping and finding Steve, it was damn near impossible.

"I've got...something." Steve said. He sighed in frustration. His shield had been by his desk, and was on the other side of the table barricade. All he had was his gun, and he knew that, despite his effectiveness with firearms, he was a better hand to hand fighter. And the mind-bending physics of his shield (according to Tony), only added to his reservoir of moves. 

"Tell us." Bruce said. He was cracking his fists and had got a look in his eye that sent shivers up Steve's spine.

"Tony," Steve looked at Tony, who was fiddling with something on his wrist. He waited until Tony looked up and then jerked his head down towards Tony's wrists. "Will those work?"

"Huh?" Clint said. Tony didn't look at anyone else, but nodded. 

"Tony's been working on a...what did you call it?" Steve tilted his head towards Tony, who finally smiled.

"Mechanical power glove." He abruptly gripped a metallic band around either wrist and something metallic and red slid over his hand, encasing them in a thick armour with glowing palms.

"What the fuck?" Fury growled, echoing every person's thoughts.

"Like what you used during the Tower attack." Bucky said. He leaned forwards and touched the tip of Tony's left index finger. The finger withdrew with a whirr.

"Indeed, my mechanical friend. This is just much more refined." Tony flapped his hands and the palms glowed brighter with a whine. 

"Okay. Avengers, let get this together." Steve said, and everyone shifted to look at him. "Clint, could you get into the air ducts to provide us with support from there?"

Clint nodded. "You'll need to provide a distraction so someone can give me a boost, but I've got my quiver and arrows with me. I know these ducts better than anyone else." He said proudly, and it was a mark of the tension in the room that Tony didn't make a joke. 

"We can do that. Natasha, Maria, Phil. I want you three at the sides, providing covering fire." Natasha and Phil nodded.

"I'll join them." Fury said and Steve gave his a sharp jerk of his head. "Bruce, you don't have any combat experience, but you have a sharp eye. Can you stay back here and relay messages, sight-lines, things like that?"

Bruce sighed. "I can fight with you." He said. 

"I know you can, but you have a better eye than any of us, and if you get angry enough it does tend to cloud your judgement. Besides, if anyone makes it back here without us noticing we have you to watch out backs."

Bruce sighed again and then nodded, firmly clicking his magazine into his gun and pulling his miniature pain of binoculars out of his pocket. They were extremely high resolution and could change distance according to the user pressing the buttons on the side. They had been a Christmas gift from Tony, and Bruce carried them everywhere. 

"Thor," Steve turned to Thor, "I need my shied. It's by my desk. You have the best aim when it comes to throwing, can you would with Natasha and the others to great a big enough distraction so I can rush over and get it."

Thor gave a grunt of assertion and cracked his knuckles, readying himself. Finally, Steve turned to Bucky.

"Bucky, I need to get my shield. But once I have it, you're not going to leave my side at all. You got it?"

"Jerk." Bucky said through gritted teeth, but he nodded. He pulled out handgun from behind his back and primed it, taking quick, hitching breaths against the panic in his chest. Steve saw this and rested his hand on the back of Bucky's neck, squeezing hard. 

"Does everyone know their roles? Is everyone sure that they can do this?" Steve asked. Every person nodded and took deep breaths, mentally psyching themselves up for the task at hand. Natasha touched Clint's hand and he turned to look at her, mouth pulling into a smirk.

"Back in an hour for tea and biscuits?" He said. Natasha snorted. 

"Wrong country." She said. He scrubbed a hand through her hair and then bounced up onto the balls of his feet, looking up at the ceiling. 

"Avengers, get ready." Steve said. As everyone looked around, he took the opportunity to whip his head down and plant a quick kiss on Bucky's lips. Bucky jerked in surprise and then kissed back.

"You punk." Bucky said with a smile. 

"Jerk. Stay by my side. He won't get you, I promise."

Bucky nodded and steeled himself, and Steve looked at everyone. 

"Avengers, good luck. GO!" He yelled and everyone sprung into motion. 

Natasha, Phil, Maria and Nick rolled out of the room and started firing at HYDRA, fingers pulling tirelessly and making sure that a barrage of bullets made the interlopers at the door huddle down behind their own pieces of furniture. Bruce quickly took Clint's and boosted him up into the ceiling, making sure that he was secure before, hunkering down and focusing his eyes.

Steve hurried out of the room, Bucky hot on his tail, and waited behind the desks until Thor started throwing whatever he could get his hands on. His aim was startlingly accurate, and more than one man fell down with a cry as a sharply thrown chair leg caught him in his face. 

"Go, now!" Bucky said, eyes sharp, and Steve leapt over the desks and bolted as fast as he could to where his shield was sitting. 

Unfortunately, someone from HDYRA had also spotted the shield and was making his own way to it, gun tossed over his back. Steve gritted his teeth and slid to his knees, sliding quickly across the floor until he just managed to reached the shield before the other man. He grabbed the edge and swung it around, catching the other man across the face and sending him to the ground. 

"Quick, back here!" Bucky cried, and Steve ran back, holding his shield to his back. He could feel bullets ping off of it, but due to the nature of the metal, the shield simply absorbed the blows. He leapt back over the tables and crouched down, panting. 

"Where you hit?" Bucky asked roughly, running his hands over Steve's chest and back.

"No, I'm fine." He took Bucky's hands in his own and gripped them. "Is everyone alright?"

"Doing well." Phil called back. Maria was lying next to him, panting harshly and gripping her arm. Phil was trying to provide enough fire power for her to get back to Bruce, as someone had managed to get a lucky shot and clipped her in the shoulder. Her left arm was basically useless, and she needed a compression to make sure that she didn't bleed out.

"Thor, Maria needs help." Steve said. Thor nodded, threw the last chair back towards a HYDRA soldier making his way forward (it caught his against the face and there was an audible  _crunch!_ as the man's nose and orbital socket shattered), and knelt, quickly making his way forward and wrapping his arms around Maria's chest.

"Covering fire!" Steve yelled and there was an extra barrage of fire from the Avengers. The light from Tony's palms glowed and fire off for the first time. The resulting explosion took out part of the wall of the entrance, exposing the beams and killing at least 7 HYDRA soldiers.

"Fucking A!" Tony yelled and fired off again. 

"Bloody hell." Natasha murmured and grinned. 

"Ah!" A Soldier from the other side fell to the ground, an arrow in his eye. HYDRA immediately started firing at the ceiling, but Clint had already pulled the covering back and was moving to the next opening. 

(When Tony had been redesigning the SHIELD office, he had asked each member of the team [Thor hadn't joined yet] what they wanted from the new office. Not many people had said much, except for a break room and better coffee, but Clint had taken Tony aside and asked for air vents. Specifically, air vents he could manoeuvre around in, which were big enough to him to fire a bow in, and that would actually hold him without him falling through the ceiling. Tony had said yes, and for 3 weeks after the builders had gone, Clint had crawled around his new vents until Natasha grabbed him by the ankle and dragged his screaming back into the office.)

"Nice shot!" Bruce called from the break room, and the covering above his head shifted just enough for Clint to shove his arm through and give him a high five.

"Soldier!" Pierce called. He was still in the middle of the huddle, and had yet to fire off his gun. But there was dust in his hair, and a cut own his temple from a just missed bullets was causing blood to drip down his face. "Soldier listen to me!" 

Bucky gritted his teeth and fired in the direction of Pierce. He didn't hit him, and Pierce took the opportunity to move his huddle forward. From his pocket he drew out a small red book and opened it.

"Longing!" He called out, and Bucky froze. His gun trembled and he closed his eyes, swallowing hard.

"Nobody's got any longing here!" Clint called out with laughter in his voice. Tony laughed with him, but Steve was staring at Bucky. Thor had crawled back to where Bucky and Steve were, nd was firing off, but out of the corner of his eye he could see Bucky's gun, trembling wildly.

"Rusted!"

Bucky dropped the gun and gripped his hair, hyperventilating. 

"Seventeen!"

"Bucky?" Steve said and knelt down, putting a hand onto Bucky's shoulder and rubbing it gently. Bucky whined and buried his head into the ground. 

"Daybreak! Furnace!"

Bucky groaned behind his teeth and now Thor was crouching down and looking at Bucky with concern.

"Keep firing!" Steve said, waving his arm at Thor. Thor nodded and knelt upright, but the other Avengers had noticed as well. Steve gritted his teeth and listened as a bullet punched through the table and whizzed past his ear. He stood up and through his shield, watching as it pinged off of three men and flew back onto his arm.

"Uh, Steve?" Bruce asked. Steve looked at him.

"There are only 11 left. They're huddled around Pierce, but they're coming closer."

"Got that. Avengers, concentrate fire on the huddle!" He yelled to the other. Fury had got a bullet to the leg, and was in the break room with Maria and Phil, who had got dust in his eyes and couldn't see anything, despite the saline water Bruce was periodically dripping in.

"Roger that!" Tony said with a grin. Thor groaned.

"That got old centuries ago!" He called back. Tony snickered.

"Nine!" Pierce said. His voice had taken on an edge that suggested he was enjoying the situation, and behind the best, Bucky started banging his head against the floor.

"Bucky, what's happening?" Steve asked. He threw his shield and took out another man, but the huddle tightened and as he took his shield back, he saw that the remaining men were covering their heads with their spare arms. 

"Benign!"

"Bucky, you gotta tell me what's happening!" Steve said. Bucky was gasping now, hands clenched in his hair and rocking back and forth. Tears were leaking out of the corner of his eyes, but his mind was becoming disturbingly blank. 

"Homecoming!"

Bucky let out a shrill scream and banged his head harder against the floor. Steve dropped his shield and knelt down beside Bucky, his arms around his shoulders. Natasha and Tony were looking over with worry, but still firing, and Thor's expression was tight with dislike. In the ceiling, Clint was biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, and in the break room, Bruce was taking deep, calming breaths so he didn't 'Hulk out'. 

"One!"

"Bucky, you've got to stay with me!" Steve said. A barrage of bullets pelted against the table, and the dents were pressing against Steve side. The huddle of HYDRA and Pierce were only 10 yards away, and Bucky was shivering violently on the floor, forehead getting carpet burn and loosing chunks of hair to his fists.

"Bucky, please!" Steve begged, and Bucky let out a deep, heartfelt groan.

"Freight C-"

"NO!" Bucky roared and stood up, taking Steve's shield in his right arm and flexing his left so that the plates moved. He leapt over the desk and stalked towards the huddle of men, who were starting to look a bit nervous. 

"Cover him!" Steve cried and fired off, making sure that Bucky's path to the remains of HYDRA was clear.

Bucky was brutal in his retribution. He stalked closer and closer, face pulled into a rictus grin of anger, and shield held high above his face. A man came forwards, one the the best hand to hand fighters HYDRA still had, and Bucky crouched low on the balls of his feet before launching himself forwards. His left arm grabbed the man's neck and he cracked it with one squeeze, sending the body toppling down to the floor. 

"Fuck." Tony breathed. Steve swallowed and looked at Bucky moving forwards. 

"Keep him safe!" He ordered again, and changed magazines quickly. 

Bucky got to the edge of the huddle and swung the shield around, neatly decapitating the man closest to him. The huddle was how moving backwards, but Bucky moved forwards faster than they could. He reached under the bloody shield and grasped another man's arm, twisting until he felt the crack of bone breaking and the resulting shriek. He shoved the man to the ground and stomped down on his head, smashing it open like a melon.

"Shoot him!" Pierce yelled, red book forgotten on the floor. Guns fired off, but Bucky crouched down behind the shield and let the bullets ping off. He waited for a pause and, when it happened, store forward and took out too more men. 

A HYDRA soldier at the side fired off his gun, convicted he had the perfect angle to hit Bucky in the head, but Bucky brought up his left arm and the bullet careened off. 

"Is the arm meant to do that?" Clint asked, having come down from the ceiling and was now standing beside Natasha, giving Bucky as much support as he could.

"I didn't know it could." Tony said.

The diversion caused by Bucky's deflection was enough to make Bucky drop the shield and bring out his gun, shooting hard and fast. Three more men went down with holes straight between their eyes, and Pierce had now brought out his own gun.

It did no good. Bucky dropped his now empty gun and brought out his knife, crouching low and diving for the bodies of the renaming men. He was almost better with the knife, slashing viciously at the armour covered stomach's until he hit the vulnerable flesh below. The spray of blood didn't heed his vision, and soon there was nothing standing between him and his former master.

Pierce fired the gun once, twice, but Bucky’s left arm grabbed the muzzle of the gun and squeezed. The gun broke apart, and Bucky tackled Pierce to the ground.

“YOU RUINED MY LIFE!” He roared, pinning Pierce with his right arm and hitting him with the other. Pierce gasped when his nose broke, and kept struggling.

“YOU TOOK ME FROM MY FAMILY! FROM STEVE! YOU MOSTER!”

Bucky kept on hitting and hitting, slowly being blinded by rage. His breath was heaving in his chest, and the punches were only becoming harder. Pierce’s jaw was breaking under the adamantium fist.

“WHY ME?” Bucky cried. He stopped hitting Pierce and took him by the lapels, shaking him.

“WHY ME? WHY ME? WHY ME? WHYMEWHYMEWHYMEWHYMEWHYMEWHYME?”

Bucky sobbed desperately, a great cavern in his chest opening up. Tears poured from his eyes, dripping onto Pierce, who could only moan weakly. He was still shaking him, but with each iteration of “WHY ME?” the shakes were becoming weaker.

“Bucky.”

Bucky stopped shaking and looked over his shoulder. Steve was standing there, blood in his hair and on his face. His uniform was charred, but his shield was in his hand, and he was moving slowly towards Bucky. Bucky gulped and sat up slowly.

“Why me, Steve?” He wept. “Why me? I didn’t…want…”

“I know, Bucky baby. I know.” Steve hand nestled in Bucky’s hair, and Bucky buried his face into the crease in Steve’s thigh. It was the warmest place on Steve’s body, that crease, and to Bucky, it just smelled exactly like home.

Clint limped into view and cuffed Pierce, who was unconscious by that point. He leant against the wall and slid to the ground, watching Bucky cry. Bruce came up behind Steve, gently taking his shield away so Steve could kneel down and wrap his arms around Bucky, grounding him.

“Oh, I want to go back.” Bucky moaned in grief. “I want to go back, I want to go back, I want to go back.”

“So do I.” Steve whispered, rocking them from side to side.

Bucky wept for a long, long time. Not even Tony could say anything to lighten the mood. They watched as Bucky finally avenged that 16 year old boy that had been snatched one day, going to see his boyfriend at the hospital. But there was no joy in that vengeance, only grief at the time lost.

“We can go home.” Steve said, blinking back his own tears. “Let’s go home, baby. I’ll take care of you know.”

“I’m broken.” Bucky gasped.

“No, no.” Steve shushed him gently. “You’re not broken. You’re just Bucky. Just my Bucky, and that’s all you’ll need to be.”

 

 

***********

 

 

The break room was trashed. Glass strewn over the floor, the sofa's packed with bullet holes, and the only reason that the Avengers were sitting in there was that, miraculously, the coffee maker was still working. 

Steve sat with Bucky almost curled up in his lap. His hands were holding the mug of coffee that he and Bucky were sharing, and Bucky was sniffling on his shoulder. Everyone else had either claimed a piece of furniture, or had swept a section of the floor clean of glass and was sitting down with their head's drooping. 

"That was exhausting." Bruce finally said. His glass were crushed, and his own cup of coffee was so overly sweetened that Natasha, sitting beside him, could practically smell the sugar. 

"Pepper's gonna kill me." Tony moaned, looking out over the building. Police were everywhere, cataloging evidence, and Pierce was en route to the hospital, were his face would be set before he was incarcerated. The Avengers had all answered the appropriate questions, and now the high was wearing off for them. 

"Why?" Clint slurred slightly.

"Do you know how expensive refurbishing this place is going to be? Again?"

Steve smiled and stroked Bucky's hair, holding out the mug so Bucky could grasp it and take a sip.

"I suppose we should go and get Loki." Thor said, heaving himself up and cracking his back with a loud groan. He had sustained a deep cut across his forehead that had already been stitched, and the blood hadn't been wiped off fully. 

"Yeah." Bruce agreed and stood up, followed by the other with various groans and curses. 

As they made their way down the corridor to the cell, Bucky walked hand in hand with Steve. But as got closer, the peaceful expression slowly slid off his face as the thought about the men currently being body-bagged in the other room, and precisely who was missing.

"Steve." He said lowly.

"Bucky, what is it?" Steve said. Bucky didn't get to say anything as they got to the farthest cell.

They found the guards sitting oblivious, playing cards. But Thor could tell that something was wrong, and sure enough, when they opened the door, the window was open.

Loki had escaped.

“He can’t be so crazy as to actually…” Natasha said aghast. Thor let out a roar of frustration and gripped his hair, tugging it.

“There’s a note.” Bucky said, slipping past and picking it up.

“Why does it say?” Tony asked.

“ _Watch left at apartment. Back in 5 minutes. L_.” Bucky read. He growled and crunched up the note in his hand, the paper being torn to shreds by his plates.

“His watch?” Betty asked.

“His father’s watch. It’s the only thing he has left of his parents.” Thor explained. But then he thought about exactly what the note had said, and all of the colour drained from his face.

"Thanos wasn't here." Bucky said, his voice hitching with fear. "Thanos wasn't here."

“Thanos knows where the apartment is, doesn’t he?” Thor said in a dead voice. There was an absolute silence, before Coulson nodded slowly.

“Oh, God. Oh no.” Bucky moaned.

“Thanos is going to get him.” Tony said, already gearing up. Everyone else raced to the door, grabbing keys and guns.

“Coulson, Hill, come with me in the helicopter. We can get eyes in the sky for him.” Fury said. Coulson and Hill nodded and took off after him, while everyone else piled into the transport van. Clint, the least injured out of all of them, took the wheel, and was soon careening through the streets, everyone at the back strapped in firmly.

“What’s going to happen if we get there and Thanos already had Loki?” Bruce finally asked. Nobody wanted to answer.

Loki wasn’t a fighter like they were. He might not make this out alive.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Loki knew he shouldn't have left. He knew that this was an incredibly stupid idea. Everything in his body was crying out at him to go back, to remain in that cell with those guards at the door.

But his watched was missing. It was the last thing he had of his parents, the last proof that he had a life before HYDRA.

He unlocked the door to the apartment slowly, creeping inside and sliding the key into his pocket. His hair, in a thick braid down his back swished as he walked, flopped against his back as he slowly slipped inside as shut the door. 

"Where..." Loki said. He walked swiftly to the bedroom, flicking in the light as he looked on his side of the bed.

His bedside table was empty. Loki frowned and knelt down to look under the bed, hands sweeping in case it slid off and got kicked under.

"Not here." Loki murmured to himself. He walked out of the bedroom and wandered into the main rooms, eyes seeing the floor despite the dark to see where his watch had fallen out of his waistcoat when he had left the flat. 

He was about to walk back to his room when he sniffed and something foreign assaulted his nose. He snorted and rubbed it, frowning harder. The smell was sharp with iron, and something in Loki's stomach started churning. He sniffed again, walking slowly into the kitchen as the scent got sharper.

There was something in the sink. The smell of iron was almost overwhelming, and Loki swallowed loudly before he leaned over the sink, the list from the street illuminating the metal.

Bobby Ashtown's head sat in the bowl, face caught in a final expression of surprise. His eyes were open and glazed, his mouth open.

Loki's body went cold, and his breath caught in his throat. Every hair in his body was standing upright, and then he heard a deep, low chuckle from behind him. The light was flicked on, and Loki turned slowly, eyes wide and face white with terror.

"Hello, Pet." Thanos growled. 

Loki didn't move, didn't even breath. Thanos saw this and laughed again. He came fully into the kitchen, the last of the HYDRA soldiers filtering in behind him. There were about 11 of them, and they quickly made the windows secure, trapping Loki in the kitchen.

"I must admit, it's good to see again. Maybe we should have let you dress up a bit, get a little weight on your bones. It would have made you a bit more palatable to the eye."

Loki didn't even shake. His hand twitched to the sink, and Thanos looked over his shoulder and grinned.

"He was very eager to tell us where you lived. We almost didn't need to kill him."

No sound. Thanos narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, purple eyes not leaving Loki's own green ones. He slowly raised his arm, and Loki's watch danged from his massive hand. 

"It was nice of you to give this to us. Such a clumsy slave, losing it on the street."

Beside Thanos, the man who had walked into Loki outside SHEILD grinned at Loki, his gun pointed at Loki's chest. 

Thanos growled when Loki didn't say anything, and swung his arm, smashing the watch against the wall. The pieces flew everywhere, and Loki flinched badly, finally closing his eyes. He leaned back against the sink and gasped, his heart beating in his throat and making him feel sick. 

"You will look at me, Pet!" Thanos snarled and stalked closer, causing Loki to shrink up against the sink and open his eyes.

"Loki." He mumbled. Thanos tilted his head closer, walking forwards until he could smell Loki. 

"What did you say?"

"My name." Loki said, looking at Thanos and feeling cold sweat race down his back. "Is Loki Laufeyson."

"Ha!" Thanos said, laughing loudly. "You think you deserve a name! You're nothing, Pet. Just a hole to be filled, and that's all you'll ever be. I will take you back and bend you, break you until all you can remember is that you belong to me again, and that's all you'll ever be. You'll beg for my forgiveness, and when you do that, I'll-"

Thanos didn't get further when Loki struck out, slashing wildly with a nice he had liberated from the cutlery draw. He caught Thanos across the forehead, opening a large gash and caught Thanos to bellow with pain. Loki took the opportunity to dark forwards, knife in hand and breathing punching out of his lungs as he ran. But Thanos got his wits together faster than Loki thought, and he reached out, grasping the end of Loki's braid.

Loki shrieked and struggled for several seconds, as the HYDRA soldiers moved closer. But when he realised that Thanos' grip on his hair was too tight, he did the only thing he could.

He brought up the blade behind his head and slashed as his hair, severing the braid. Thanos fell backwards slightly as the tension disappeared, and the remaining hair Loki's had fluttered about his face. He took the opportunity to dart forwards, swinging the blade wide and slashing the throat of the man who had robbed him of his watch. He managed to get out of the flat and close the door before darting to the stairs leading up to the roof.

He knew that the building next to him was close, and he wanted HYDRA to think he had gone down the stairs whilst he crossed over on the roof. That was all he could think off despite the almost crushing terror in his head, and he burst onto the roof with a loud sob. He could hear his apartment door crash open, and Loki bolted to the edge of the roof, running as fats as he could.

It was too far to the other building. Only an Olympic long jumper would have been able to make it, and Loki was no Olympian. He stood on the edge of the roof, sobbing fully now. It was so cold that his breath fogged in the air, and his hair, which now brushed the tops of his shoulders, stuck to the tears on his face.

He heard the door behind him open with a bang, and he turned around and flung his knife at the soldiers. It caught one man in the throat, but now Loki was left without a weapon.

"That wasn't very good of you, Pet." Thanos said. He wiped the blood out of his eyes and walked forwards slowly. Loki turned around again, staring at the alleyway below him. 

In the skies above, a helicopter whirred into view, and on the street, a large van parked clumsily. Everyone piled out and ran into the building Loki had been trying to reach, Thor and Bucky being the first to burst onto the roof. 

"Give it up, Thanos!" Fury called via a megaphone from the helicopter. "We have Pierce, and HYDRA is gone."

Thanos snarled and walked forward to Loki, his boots making a heavy crunching sound in the ice developing on the concrete. His eyes were fixed on Loki, and all he could think about was getting his hands on that lithe, white body again.

Loki tilted his head down and looked at his hands, held in front of him. He closed his eyes and breathed out slowly, closing his fists. Time stopped and all Loki could hear was his breathing, slowly becoming regular with his heartbeat. For the first time in over an hour, he was calm and focused. He opened his eyes and looked down at his hands. still clenched in loose fists. 

"You think that you can run, Pet!" Thanos said, still getting closer. "But after this, all you can think of will be to beg for death!"

All of a sudden, a wave of heat washed over the HYDRA soldiers, and everyone starts sweating in their armour, despite the temperature in the air. The heat was oppressive and claustrophobic, and more than one man reached up to pull at the collar of his shirt. Thanos stopped where he stood and looked at Loki's back, a feeling of dread slowly filling his chest.

"Uh, guys?" Clint said, looking at Loki with an open mouth. Every one of the Avengers was in a similar state of shock as they stared at the man opposite them. 

Everyone, except Bucky. 

"Oh," He said softly, lowering the sniper rifle he had pressed to his shoulder. "I forgot he could do that."

Loki turned slowly, hair whipping around in the hot air surrounding his body. His body was loose and relaxed, and his red eyes focused on Thanos with such an expression of clear hate that Thanos felt sick. He looked at the man in front of him, and realised that he was about to be killed by his own creation.

Because Loki's arms...

 

...were on  _fire_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, if you don't feed the author reviews and kudos.......SHE'LL POST CRACK FICTION!!! Don't starve me!
> 
> And in other words....CLIFFHANGER! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
> Seriously, though. This is not a cop out. Loki's powers were always going to happen, right from that first chapter. I have been hinting throughout the story that when's Loki's emotion's run high, he has some connection or reaction with heat. As he had grown more emotionally stable and his relationship with Thor has deepened, his control had also grown. You may remember that Steve, a few chapters ago, thought he saw Loki's eyes flash red. This actually happened, but Steve chalked it up to a trick of the light. Whenever Loki get's angry, the people around him feel hot. And many of you have been slowing figuring out that Loki is something other that normal, especially since that talk with Zola. Don't worry, explanations will be coming, but I'm going to torture you for a week first. *Cruel Snicker*.


	29. 'Cause I'm Only A Crack In This Castle Of Glass (CoG)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's past.
> 
> Loki's present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrapping up the threads. This will (hopefully) answer all of your questions. Massive kudos to you people who have been asking me the last few chapters if there was something more to Loki. You got it on the nose. 
> 
> This chapter will not be pleasant. This is a warning, although, if you've stuck with me this long, I think you've come to expect that.

Of course, everyone had forgotten. Even Thanos had pushed it to the back of his mind, and the last person who had kept Loki's abilities at the forefront of his mind had died gasping in a hospital bed not 12 hours before.

Even Bucky. 

But the ability had always been under Loki's skin, pressing close to the surface. He had always been attracted to flame, always been happy when the heating was turned up. Loki would follow fire with his eyes, and claim to see shapes in the fire. Bucky had always nodded and carried on with whatever he was doing at the time, but Loki really could see shapes.

He might never had accessed his fire. It might have sat dormant in his chest, always at the brink but never achieving potential.

But when Thanos had cornered Loki, had trapped him on the edge of the roof and threatened him, Loki had finally realised that, for the first time in his life, he could actually fight back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It had started with Loki. 

Loki, a full two months before he had met Thor, had got into a fight on the street. He had been walking home from school, muttering to himself and kicking pebbles out of his path viciously when a group of boys (the same group who would introduce him to Thor) had stood in front of him, grinning widely. 

"Little freak." The leader had said, leaning in and spitting into Loki's face. Loki was already tall for his age, but whippet thin with very little muscle. So he simply narrowed his eyes and stood his ground. 

"You think you're something, dontcha?"

Loki took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He didn't know what the boys were saying, despite teaching himself english. He was only just managing to get through his assignments at school, barley scarping a grade. But when it came to speaking, he had nothing.

"Look at me, freak!" The leader poked Loki in the chest, and Loki stepped back and narrowed his eyes at him.

" _Don't touch me._ " Loki snarled. 

The boys exploded with laughter, and Loki went white with embarrassment.

"Hurry-gurdy-gurdy!" One of the boys at the back said, and Loki slowly closed his fists. 

" _I'm from Iceland, not Sweden._ " He said lowly, but this one again sent the boys howling. Loki was trying desperately to keep his temper. He was noted for his patience, his mother often commentated that, as a baby, he had very rarely cried whenever he wanted something. His father had confided in him that one of the reasons he had taken his family to America was that he was sure that Loki had the patience to learn English, and therefore thrive.

" _Get out of my way._ " Loki finally said and made to move to the side to get back home. But the boys blocked his path, and Loki stopped, hair swinging down his back. 

" _Fuck off._ "

"Give me your money."

Loki tilted his head to the side, looking at the group. His grasp of English was still poor, but he did understand what money meant.

" _No._ "

This was the answer that group had been waiting for, and they stomped forward, surrounding Loki and then reaching forwards. 

It was a brutal fight. Loki had spent the summers in Iceland working on his father's fishing boat, and so had built up muscle that didn't show on his body. And he had fought at school, as boys were want to do. But these boys were well fed and athletic, and laid into Loki like they were trying to tenderise him.

They left Loki lying on the floor, gasping and coughing weakly, and the biggest boy gave him a coup de gras with a rock to the forehead which laid open a cut so large that the blood pouring out it blinded Loki's left eye. He stumbled home and his mother, a hardy soul who put up with his fathers rages with a raised eyebrow, but who softened like melting snow when it came to her son, gasped and hurried over.

" _Was it those boys again_?" She asked. Loki didn't answer and let his mother clean his cut, until she sighed, pressed a hand towel to his face and said " _You'll need to get that stitched up_."

" _Mama, we can't go to hospital_!" Loki said in a panic. " _They'll know we're here and deport us_!"

" _Free clinic, Loki. Come on._ "

Loki sat sullenly in the chair at the free clinic, his mother figuring out the paperwork and trying to get Loki seen too despite the language barrier. Luckily for him, the reason he was in the waiting room was clear, and he was soon shown a room and was sitting on the bed, waiting for the anaesthetic to kick in so the doctor could stitch up his forehead.

"How did this happen?" The doctor asked. Loki looked at the doctor with a frown, and then his mother stepped forward.

" _Some boys attacked him with a rock_." She said, complete with fist movements. The doctor frowned at her.

"Are you two Swedish?" He finished sticking up the wound, wiped it clean with disinfectant and stuck a bandage over it.

Loki's mother went white with fury. But she held her tongue and watched as the doctor rolled up Loki's ragged sleeve and started wiping the inside of his elbow. 

" _What_?" She asked. The doctor smiled at her.

"It's just a routine blood test. Nothing to worry about."

Loki didn't even flinch when the needle went in, and was soon walking out of the surgery, a pocket full of antibiotics and the past half an hour already fading from his mind. That night, his mother made his favourite fish stew, and his father played chess with him. 

It was a good evening. 

 

 

***********

 

 

The blood circulated the system, and might have gone unnoticed had some of the properties contained within the blood not pinged onto the computer of Arnim Zola. He had configured his system so that it monitored the health centres of the US, looking for any person who might be compatible for the tests he was developing for Alexander Pierce and Thanos Gem, the CEO's of HYDRA Pharmaceuticals. 

"Us, Dr Zola?" One of the lab techs said, looking at the bloodwork on his screen. His hand was up, and Zola looked up from the boy strapped to the table in front of his, grey eyes glazed with tears and chest heaving.

"What is it?" Zola snapped. 

"Sir, we have a match." The tech stuttered.

Zola now looked interested, and deposited his tools into the hands of the surgeon standing next to him (the boy on the table heaved a sigh of relief, despite his broken ribs). He hurried over and leaned over the lab tech's shoulder, looking at the screen. 

"My goodness." Zola said faintly. "Look at that."

"It's a high match." The tech said. 

"Indeed. 97% compatibility. We must have him. What name is on the bloodwork?"

"Uh," the tech leaned in, squinting his eyes. "Loki Laufeyson."

"Contact that man, we just got him recruited. Rumlow, something like that. Get that boy." Zola said and nodded firmly, walking back to the boy on the table. 

 

 

*********

 

 

Loki realised, 4 days into meeting Thor, that something had changed about him. He now actively looked forward to the end of school, so that he could met Thor and spend a couple of happy hours with him until he had to go home. He had told his parents that he had made a friend, which had cheered his parents up immensely.

Thor was kind, and sweet, and very very handsome. He listened to Loki when he talked, helped him with his homework, and laughed when Loki was sharp tongued about his teachers. In turn, he helped Thor with his own homework, watched Thor as he ran the field, and accepted the food that Thor pressed into his hands. 

" _Loki._ " Thor said as he came around the corner, and Loki grinned, jumping off the the trash can he was sitting on and walking over. He accepted the sandwich Thor gave him and wolfed it down, licking the crumbs off of his lips and then walking with Thor to the track.

They didn't talk as they walked, but Thor held Loki's hand and Loki allowed himself to lean against Thor. It was such a simple, sublime feeling that Loki wandered if he was in Heaven, despite his family living in abject poverty and his status as an immigrant. 

They didn't talk much that day, but when Thor, sweat cooling on his shoulders, walked Loki back to his complex, he bent his head and pressed a quick kiss to Loki's lips before hurrying away.

" _Oh_." Loki said faintly and touched them. They were still warm. 

Four days later he was walking to the spot where he normally met Thor when a van pulled up and several men came out, quickly surrounding Loki.

" _What_?" Loki said, stepping backwards.

"Loki Laufeyson?" One of the men asked. Loki said nothing, a cold feeling starting to form in the pit of his stomach. 

" _I-_ " Loki said, but nothing further came out of his mouth as he was grabbed form behind. His arms were quickly tied, and Loki threw his head back, shrieking. 

" _HELP ME! SOMEONE, HELP!_ " He screamed, his voice echoing down the alley. But no one looked, and Loki was bundled into the back of the van, still shrieking. Tears were starting to leak from his eyes, but his face was contorted into a snarl of hatred, and he kicked as hard as he could until his legs were zip-tied as well. He lay on the floor of the van, breathing harshly and snarling with rage, as the van drove off. 

(The person who had told the team where Loki might be found was later discovered naked behind the trash bins. His head was never found.)

Loki lay on the floor of the van for the hour it took to get back to the underground facilities, tired and feeling sick with nerves, but still seething with anger. The men above his talked quietly, but didn't touch Loki as much as they wanted to. They had been warned by Zola that if there was eve a bruise on the boy, their service would be terminated. And they hadn't been allowed to use any narcotics to knock Loki out because Zola wanted Loki's blood to be as pure as possible. 

They reached the entrance to the facility and drove down, and when the van was stationary, the door was opened and Loki was bundled out. Upon Loki being freed from the van, he immediatley started screaming.

" _LET ME GO! LET ME GO, YOU FUCKS! YOU PIECES OF SHIT, I'LL TEAR YOU APART! LET ME GO!_ " He wriggled and yelled, but the grip on his arms and legs were too hard, and all he succeeded in doing was make himself tired and get his hair hopelessly tangled. 

The corridor they walked down was bare stone and large, thick steeled doors, and Loki looked on in helplessness as the men in black walked him to one on the fattest doors and opened it. They shoved him in and Loki fell onto his face.

"Ah, Mr Laufeyson." Said a voice above his head. Loki looked up through his hair and glared. 

" _Who the fuck are you_?" Loki snarled, and the man laughed in delight. 

"You have spirit. How marvellous! Gentlemen," he turned to his lab techs and walked to the computer terminal, "prepare him for the blood test."

Loki recognised the words blood test, and so, when he was brought to his feet, he struggled as hard as he could. " _No! No!_ " He yelled, but he was effectively stripped and strapped to a medical table within 10 minutes. Loki's cheeks when white with humiliation, and he tried to swing his hair to cover his face and the front of his body. But his hair was trapped between his back and the cool metal, and he knew that he was uncomfortably exposed to everyone's eyes.

"Geez, he's just a kid." One of the lab techs muttered, wiping anaesthetic into Loki's forearm. Loki glared at him, but the tech ignored him and stood aside as Zola walked over, a needle in his arms. Loki widened at the size of the needle and tried to smuggle his way free, but the leather straps that held him to the table were tight around his limbs. He squeaked and swore when the needle punctured his arm, and bit his lip as the needle was yanked free. He turned his head and gaped at the amount of blood that had been drawn. 

"That should be enough for the initial tests. Give him a gown and put him down in the cells, we can start tests in the next few days if his blood is compatible with the initial experiments." Zola nodded to the techs, who produced a dark blue surgery gown and manhandled Loki into it. Loki wriggled as hard as he could, but couldn't do anything against the amount of men holding him down.

They dragged him from the room and deeper into the facility, and now Loki was starting to feel sick with fear. He didn't struggle, but fought against the rising vomit in his throat. It was also getting colder, and goosebumps were breaking out on his skin.

"It's a pity what's going to happen to him. He's cute." One of the men said. Loki, who still couldn't understand him, knew the look that the man was giving him.

That look was the primary reason Laufey had left the village. One of his best friends, Loki's godfather, had cornered Loki behind his house and started kissing him. Laufey had found them, snapped the man's neck, and bundled his family onto a ship two days later when the police from the larger town 6 miles away had come for him. 

He shied away and then ducked his head, looking at the floor. There was a cold and lonely feeling in his chest, and he shivered, afraid and very, very sad. 

Four floor down was a series of cells, large open room with bars. They were old fashioned, very medieval, and impenetrable. Loki was thrown into a cell, and he lay on his stomach, hands covering the back of his head and biting back tears.

"Are you...alright?" A soft voice said. Loki gulped back his tears and knelt, turning around slowly. His gown was painfully short, just covering the end of his backside, and he pushed the front down as far as he would go.

There was a young man sitting in the cell opposite him, wearing nothing but a grey pair of boxers. His chest had the impression of rapidly gaining muscle, and his stomach was aligned with abs. His thighs were thick and hard, and Loki, in another time, would have licked his lips. But instead, he focused on his face. He had high cheekbones and a well defined jawline, with thick, kissable lips and a straight nose. His eyes were grey, stormy and sad, and he looked at Loki with concern on his face. 

There were bruised decorating his body, and he moved gingerly, like his ribs caused him harm. 

" _I don't understand you_." Loki said. The man sighed and ran his hand through his hair, shoulder length and dirty.

"Well, shit." The man swore. He leaned in closer, and so did Loki. He recognised a fellow sufferer when he saw one, and he could accept what scrap of affection the man had to offer, language barrier notwithstanding. 

"Can you understand me at all?" The man said. Loki shrugged and then shook his head. He leaned against the bars and let the tears drip silently off his cheeks. The man also leaned in, holding out a hand. Loki tried to reach across, but their hands were separated by only a few inches. 

" _Loki_." Loki finally whispered, bringing his hand back. The man tilted his head and Loki slapped his chest, once again repeating his name.

"Oh." Said the man. His eye turned sadder as he watched Loki's face crease with confusion. "I...don't know my name."

Loki pursed his lips, then sighed when the man shook his head. He shuffled back and crawled to the thin mattress on the floor, lying down and watching as the man did the same.

" _Good night_." Loki whispered. The man on the other side did the same, and watched as Loki closed his eyes and shivered himself into sleep.

"Good night, Loki." The man whispered. 

 

 

**********

 

 

Loki was dragged into the labs the next day, and was strapped tightly to the table. He shuddered in dread and stared at the ceiling at the table was tilted forwards, and he was stood almost upright. His gown had been removed and electrodes had been attached to his chest, monitoring his heartbeat.

"Beginning the first injection of solution F1-1004." Zola said and came over with a needle. The liquid inside was bright red, and instead of medical gloves Zola wore safety gloves. His clothes were thick, and in the corner of the room were a series of masks, such as one would wear over their face if they were welding. 

The needle point touched Loki's arm and went in, and Zola swiftly injected the liquid. 

Loki gasped and arched his back, gritting his teeth against the pain. He writhed, moaning at the pain and starting to sweat heavily. 

"Inject the stabilising agent." Zola said and the tech on the other side of Loki injected him with a thick green substance.

Loki sobbed loudly and tried to kick the table. His veins were on fire and his chest was burning, and he thought that he was going to die. 

"He's lasting longer than the others." One of the techs said, noting something down on a chart.

"His blood denotes strong residence to the serum. He should survive this." Zola said. Loki could feel colour heating his cheeks, and he smacked his head against the table to try and knock himself out. But there was a blanket placed under his head, and it didn't work. 

The agony lasted for at least half an hour, and then, somehow, Loki settled down. He lay back against the table, panting and occasionally sobbing. His chest heaved, and for some reason he felt like he had heartburn. But he was still alive, and 10 minutes later he was roughly garbed and thrown back into his cell after one more blood draw. 

He lay on his mattress, staring at the dank ceiling. His skin was oddly warm despite the temperature in the room and his goosebumps were non-existent. The cell opposite was empty, and Loki felt lonely. He wrapped his arms around his chest and turned over, closing his burning eyes and trying to escape his nightmare via sleep. 

Two days later he was dragged again into the lab and strapped to the table. In the corner of the room stood the young man, squinting through a black eye and gently tonguing a split lip. 

"I want you to look at the procedure. This is the future of weaponisation." Zola said proudly, swiftly injecting Loki with another dose of the serum. Loki didn't even twitch, but let his head hand and tried to breath through the heat.

Rumlow snorted. "You really think that's going to work." He slapped the young man on the shoulder and the man twitched away, wincing as a fresh bruise was pushed into his skin. 

"Mr Rumlow, biological weapons are the way forward. Especially those that can be controlled. This young man," she slapped Loki on the shoulder and then winced as his skin turned hot, "is the future of this company."

"If he survives." Rumlow said and walked out of the room, the young man hurrying after him.

Loki made it through the second procedure and was once again dragged back to his cell. He ignored the food sitting on a tray beside the door and crawl to his bed, sweat dripping down his face and his hair stuck to the back of his neck. He lay down on the bed and cried harshly, hugging his chest and kicking futilely at the air. 

The young man was shoved into his cell 3 hours later, broken wrist freshly bound and watched the boy opposite him as he fed himself the nutrient loaf that constituted food at HYDRA. Although it may have sounded sick, he hope that the boy would die soon. That way he could finally escape the hell he had been brought too and not have to suffer the fate of the 16 other people before him. The young man had been at HYDRA for 2 years but his count, and had seen every single on of those 16 die win the cell opposite, gasping their last breaths and crying for the mothers, fathers or spouses. 

And the young man envied them. 

Over the next few weeks, Loki was dragged out of his cell several times a week and injected with the bright red substance. He would sweat and writhe, and gasp and groan, and every time he would eventually calm down and get dragged back to his cell. Sometimes he would have the young man in the cell opposite, and sometimes he was alone. 

During one injection he raised his head and saw two men he had never seen before standing at the door looking at him. He narrowed his bloodshot eyes at them and the large man filling the doorframe laughed.

"He's got spirit." He said. His voice echoed through the room, and Loki winced as he felt his bones vibrate. His wicked purple eyes narrowed onto Loki's naked frame, and despite the heat in his veins Loki felt something cold shoot through his chest. That was the same look his godfather had had in his eyes before he had cornered Loki.

"He doesn't look very robust." The other man said with a frown.

Zola chuckled. "You'd be surprised, Mr Pierce. He's survived every test so far, and his bloodwork had come back with very positive results. I believe that he will make a fine weapon for HYDRA."

The large man snorted. "Then what the hell are we training the boy for?" He grumbled. Pierce turned a smile onto him.

"Thanos, it is always good to have backup in these situations. Besides, it would be a waste of time to get rid of him now that we have invested almost three years of training into him. He almost started to answer to Solider, he getting there."

Thanos nodded reluctantly, ran tight eyes down Loki's sweat soaked body and then exited the room, Pierce giving Loki an unnerving smile and then following him.

Loki watched him leave the room with narrowed eyes, and then let his head thump back against the table as he breathed through his panic. He let the heat circle through his body without a sound and, when it was over, he lay limply as he was dragged back to his room. They didn't even bother to dress him that time, and when he was flung into the cell, he couldn't make it to his mattress. He lay on the hard floor, the cool stone a relief to his body, and let his mind fill with white noise. 

That night, the young man was escorted to his cell, and he turned to look at Loki. He frowned when he saw the boy laid out of the floor, unmoving and naked.

"Somethings wrong." He muttered. The guards snorted. 

"He's getting treatment from Zola. If he felt right then Zola's clearly not doing his job." The guard poked the young man in the back with a baton, but the young man didn't move.

"I'll go into his cell tonight." The young man said firmly. The guard laughed and tried to move the young man along, but he didn't move. This carried on for a few minutes, and then the guard sighed and opened the door to Loki's cell. The young man hurried in and sat down by Loki's shoulder, ignoring the door as it slammed shut.

He pulled Loki into his lap and then winced at the burning temperature of his skin. He wiped Loki's hair from his sweaty face and gaped when he saw the bright red spots, high on Loki's cheeks. Loki's eyes had rolled into the back of his head, and only the whites were showing. His chest was barely moving and the young man couldn't even feel his breaths on his skin.

"Oh god." He said. In the back of his mind, he remembered doing this with someone else, someone small and precious. He shuffled with Loki over to where the sink was and wetted a cloth torn from Loki's mattress, laying it onto Loki's forehead and patting softly.

He did this for a long time, and then, when his eyes were itching with tiredness, Loki turned his head on the young man's leg and sighed. The young man gasped as his skin blistered with the heat, and then he watched as he simply stopped breathing. 

The young man jumped up and started banging on the cell door, screaming out "HELP! HELP, HE'S DYING! YOUR SUBJECT IS DYING! HE'S DYING! HE'S DYING! HE'S DYING!"

A guard came down the corridor, baton raised to smash against the young man's fingers, and then he gaped at Loki lying on the floor, skin rapidly going grey.

"Shit." He swore and ran back down the corridor, hurrying to the elevator and to where Zola's lab was. He barged in and spoke, and then, not five minutes later, Zola hurried out of the lab with a vial of the green stabilising solution. The guard, following closely, opened the cell and Zola hurried in, rolling Loki over and injecting the fluid into his buttock. 

"You will not die on me." Zola snarled and the young man stood to the side. Zola gestured to the techs who had accompanied him and then heaved Loki into their arms. They took his away and the young man was shoved into his cell. He sat on his bed and stared at his hands, feeling hot skin and empty air. 

And then he started to cry.

Loki came back a week later, quieter and more self contained. He no longer flinched when the men came for him to bring him to the lab, and he didn't bother contesting his nakedness anymore. The young man mourned for his life. 

He would rather that Loki had died. That was better than this hell.

 

 

*******

 

 

Nearly five months after Loki had been taken, he was strapped to the table, and Pierce and Thanos entered the room in great excitement. Zola had come to them that morning, and told them with much enthusiasm that he believed that the subject was ready for the first beta test. He needed one more injection, then, if he survived that (and Zola was confident that he would), then he could try using the abilities that Zola have been giving him.

"Thanos, really?" Pierce said as Thanos walked in doing up his fly. 

"Nothing happened. Nebula started crying." Thanos grumbled and then stood against the wall, crossing his arms and glaring at Loki.

Loki looked at both of them through his tangles of greasy hair. His eyes were bloodshot and deeply sunken and there were shoots of grey in his hair, making him seem much older than his 14 years.

(In later years, Thanos would start dyeing out the grey, saying that it made him look younger, and Loki would continue that tradition.)

"Prepping the subject for the final injection." A tech said and quickly wiped down Loki's arm, standing aside as Zola moved over with the final syringe. Loki turned his head slowly to glare at him, but didn't even move as his deeply scarred inner arm was swiftly injected. Loki's head thumped backwards and he looked at the ceiling with blank eyes, letting the heat swirl through his body and not even twitching as the stabilising solution was swiftly injected. 

"How long should this take?" Thanos asked, looking at his watch. Pierce chuckled at him and watched as Loki skin started to turn red. 

Pierce and Thanos talked quietly with Zola as Loki started writhing and groaning. It went well for the first 20 minutes, and Zola was laughing with Pierce when a tech raised his hand.

"Uh, Dr Zola?" He asked, frowning at his screen. Zola turned, irritated, and walked over.

"What is it?" He asked.

"The subject's heart is racing."

"That's normal." Zola said dismissively and leaned in to look at the screen. The nonchalant expression on his face dropped when he saw the readings. 

"It's beating nearly 100 beats a minute." The tech said nervously.

"His temperatures nearly 200 degrees." Said another tech, looking over his shoulder. 

"I've got a massive increase in brain activity." Another man said, backing away slightly from the screen.

"Zola, is he meant to be doing that?" Pierce said with a frown. 

Zola turned slowly and looked at Loki, who was, in turn looking at him. Zola gaped when he saw that Loki's eyes were bright red, covering the whole eye with a burning white nucleus. His teeth were bared in a rictus snarl, and he was alternatively snorting and huffing sharply, clasping and unclasping his hands. 

"Oh God." Zola whispered and backed away slowly. Pierce and Thanos had picked up on the vibe slowly moving through the room, and were frowning harshly at Zola. 

Zola looked at the boy on the bed, who had followed him with burning eyes. He was straining against his bonds, and the techs were backing away as Loki groaned with the effort. 

"Zola, what the hell is happening?" Thanos growled.

"I...don't know." Zola whispered.

Loki growled and slammed his head back against the table. The men in the room gaped at him as small flames slowly started sprouting from his skin, licking at the leather and growing bigger as Loki moved and snarled. 

"What's going on?" Pierce said. Loki looked at him and narrowed his eyes, jerking one hand away from the burning leather strap and reaching for him. The flames were building higher and higher, and the pressure in the air was starting to build. Zola was actively sweating, and was slowly starting to recognise the danger. He grabbed Thanos and Pierce by the elbows and hurried them out of the room, ignoring the lab techs questioning him as he moved. He shut the door behind him and locked it, not noticing the lab techs as they slammed against the door in a panic. 

"Open the door!" They screamed. On the other side, Loki was now engulfed in flame and it was still building, and the techs closest to him were screaming as they burned.

"Zola!" Pierce said. Zola shook his head, staring at the door with dismay on his face. 

There was a beat of complete silence as everything froze, and then an almighty explosion rocketed through the room. The people closest to the door screamed for a brief second before their voice were wiped out by a huge roar, and in the middle Loki burned and screamed. 

The force of the explosion was so great that the lab door, 11 inches of solid steel, buckled under the pressure and Zola, Pierce and Thanks ducked down, covering their heads as they watched the metal turned red hot. 

The boom was so loud that, two floors down, the STRIKE team and the young man looked up as the ceiling rumbled. The young man narrowed his eyes and stood where he was, not even noticing that his left leg was badly sprained. 

"What the fuck was that?" Rumlow asked and stalked to the exit, the rest of the team and the young man following him. 

Zola, Pierce and Thanos watched as the door eventually cooled, and as Rumlow walked up, Thanos gestured sharply to the door. Rumlow looked at the buckled metal and then back at his bosses. 

"Anyone got a key?" He asked sarcastically.

"Careful, Brock." Pierce said, and Rumlow sighed. He moved to the door and examined it, and then gestured to his men. The young man stood to the side and watched as the team managed to pry the door off of it's hinges. They let it drop to the ground and then everyone coughed as a billow of smoke exited the room. 

"What the..." Thanos said. 

The room resembled a scene from just after a nuclear bomb. The walls had been blasted white, and everywhere they look, there was the imprint of a contorted person burned into the stone. The ceiling was black from smoke, and the computers were simply melted into puddles on the floor.

Loki lay unconscious on the table, arms bright red with burns. The leather straps were gone, and he lay supine, head turned to the door and breathing gently. There was a solid streak of white down the left side of his head, and he didn't even twitch as Zola came over and poked his burned arm sharply.

"Did you mean this for this to happen?" Thanos growled, looking around the room. Zola ignored him and hurried to his second lab, grabbing a syringe and drawling Loki's blood swiftly. He hurried back into his second and put the blood into the machine, bringing up the results and examining them quickly.

"Was there an explosion?" Rollins asked. Pierce nodded and eyed the boy on the horizontal table as he breathed gently. 

Zola staggered back into the room, looking horrified. Thanos grabbed him by the arm and jerked Zola up onto the tips of his feet. 

"What. The fuck. Is wrong?" He snarled.

"It's gone." Zola said faintly. Thanos let his go, and Zola staggered. 

"What do you mean?" Pierce asked sharply. Zola looked at him and took off his glasses, wiping them ineffectually on his lab coat. 

"It's gone. The serum has disappeared from his blood. Gone, completely. Everything we've worked for has vanished."

There was a ringing silence. Everyone looked at Zola, then around the room, and then at Pierce and Thanos.

Pierce looked at Thanos, and then at the nearest shadow on the wall. He moved to Rumlow and held out his hand, and Rumlow, understanding immediately, handed him his gun. Pierce took it, made sure that it was loaded, and walked to the boy on the table. He placed the gun against Loki's temple, and the young man could only feel relief that Loki wasn't going to have to suffer anymore. 

Loki abruptly sighed and rolled over on the table, breath fanning his hair gently. His penis, soft and somewhat small, flopped gently against his leg, and the young man watched with a sinking stomach as Thanos' eyes zeroed in on this.

"Wait." He said. Pierce looked over and frowned.

"He's useless to us." Pierce said. Thanos shook his head and walked over. He leaned over and cupped Loki gently, and Loki sighed against and unconsciously lifted his hips into Thanos' hand.

"Not useless. Not to me." Thanos said and smiled, and the young man watched as Loki's brief relief was snatched from his hands and destroyed. His chest felt hollow and he closed his eyes, turning away as he heard Loki slowly wake.

He once again thought that he would rather Loki had died. 

It was better than the future that was slowly unveiling in front of him.

 

 

***********

 

 

It later emerged that the force of the blast and the energy used to create it had wiped Loki's memory, leaving him a blank slate with no knowledge of his past, not remembrance of any language, and no recollection of what he had done. 

The young man had cradled the boy in his arms and wondered if they had actually died in that blast. 

Because they both had seemed to be in Hell.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Forgot?" Thor asked, gaping at the man on the roof opposite him. Bucky nodded, sliding his gun over his back and walking to the roof door, intent on making his way to the roof of his friend. Thor and the others followed quickly, with the helicopter hovering in the air for covering fire. 

"Yes." Bucky said. His face was stony and hard, but his heart was beating hard in his throat. "He managed to use his...ability...once before, when he destroyed a lab in the HYDRA base. But Zola tested his blood and said that the serum he was given had burnt out. I didn't know that he still had that ability."

"So you knew." Thor said lowly. "You know the he could do this and told no one." 

Bucky stopped and turned to Thor. He stalked forwards and backed Thor into the wall, coming right up into his face. Steve, shield in hand, looked at them with narrowed eyes. 

"I. Didn't.  _Know_." Bucky snarled. "I didn't know. Zola had basically confirmed that Loki had lost his fire, and the entire time I was with him, both in HYDRA and out, he never showed me at all. If he had the power, he never told me."

Thor leaned against the wall and looked at Bucky for a long time, before sighing and nodding slowly. "Alright." He said.

"Good." Bucky said and hurried down the stairs. The others followed.

"You say that the last time he did this, he destroyed a lab?" Natasha said, keeping up effortlessly. Bucky nodded. "Then how do you know he can control his power?"

Bucky winced as he reached the street and hurried over to his apartment. "I don't."

"And you want to go there?" Clint asked, feeling something uncomfortable in his stomach that felt suspiciously like fear. 

"Loki needs us." Thor said. Clint sighed and followed them, readying an arrow. He didn't know whether he would have to use it on HYDRA.

Or Loki. 

 

 

*********

 

 

On the roof, Loki looked at the men assembled in front of him, the fire burning his arms and hands. His eyes, red and scorching, focused on Thanos, but as the others moved to the door, they switched to them with an intensity that made the sweat rolling down their backs turned cold with fear.

"What the fuck?" One of the men gasped. 

"Mr Gem?" Another men asked.

"Zola told me that it was gone." Thanos snarled. 

Loki tilted his head to the side, and then gave a small, chilling smile. "He didn't see." He said softly. Thanos felt something fearful settle in his stomach, and started moving backwards. Loki saw this and moved forwards, small smile still in place. 

"I'm outta here." A man at the back said and hurried to the door, and Loki focused his eyes on the door and waved a hand. There was a bubbling sound and the door hinges melted, turning into puddles before quickly solidifying. The door lock also melted, and the door became stuck fast, not matter how hard the men jerked the handle. 

"Stand down, Pet!" Thanos snarled, starting forwards in an attempt to scare Loki into submission. But Loki stayed where he was, and twiddled his fingers, making the flames licking his hands dance. His fire had burnt away his shirt sleeves and part of his waistcoat, and his tattoos writhed on his skin, looking almost alive.

"I'm not Pet anymore. I'm Loki." Loki said with a serene voice. His voice and general air was so disquieting that everyone, both the men on the roof and the people in the helicopter felt cold with fright. 

"Shit, he's scary." Fury muttered, and Coulson nodded.

"You will stand down, or I will make you suffer!" Thanos screamed. Loki face twitched and his calm countenance slowly cracked, until his face was once again infused with hate. He brought up his hands and settled into a fighting stance, letting his flames lick his up arms. The dye slowly worked it's way out of his hair, and his grey hairs and white streak danced in the wind, sweeping back from his face.

"You can't make me suffer anymore." Loki snarled. The men around Thanos shuddered as flames started licking out of his mouth, and backed away. More than one man wet himself as Loki focused his red eyes on them, and they realised that Thanos had just brought them to an un-winable battle.

"I've suffered too much at your hands." Loki said. He moved forwards and everyone, including Thanos, moved backwards. The heat in the air increased, and now Thanos was starting to sweat.

"Boss, we've gotta go." The man closest to Thanos said and moved to touch Thanos on the shoulder, and Thanos, in his panic, turned and shot the man through the temple. The man fell down in a spray on blood, and the other's jerked backwards in surprise. 

"Oops." Loki said and laughed shrilly, his terror making his voice high and slightly strangled. 

"You shot Hillards!" The man closest to Thanos said, kneeling down. "You fucking shot him, man!"

"Loki!" Thanos turned back to Loki and watched as Loki got himself under control and once again raised his hands. 

"One down." Loki said and swung his arm around, spreading his fire across the roof. It caught two men closest to the edge and they fell down, screaming and pawing at their clothing. They managed to get partially undressed before they succumbed to their wounds, and they lay on the floor, smouldering slightly. The sight was grotesque, and more that one of the youngest men of the group had started weeping in fear. Loki was looking less and less like a human now, with his bi-coloured hair, his red eyes and flaming mouth, and the fire moving further up his body. This was nothing like they had been prepped for, and the death of Rumlow several months previously had cut their numbers almost in half as men deserted and disruption caused operations to fall into chaos.

"Loki!" Thanos called again and moved back, panic taking over and making him weak. He had never gone up against someone like this before. Loki had always been weak, easily moulded and prone to crying. This... _thing_...in front of him was otherworldly. 

Freakish.

A _monster_ ,

"Don't say my name!" Loki snarled. He looked at the men at the back of the group, getting ready to jump from the roof in the hopes that they would only break a few limbs when they hit the ground, and brought his left hand up and down. The men immediately caught on fire and fell to the ground, shrieking and smelling like burnt rubber and barbecue.

A man close to Loki fired his gun, whimpering in panic. But Loki held up a hand with the palm flat, and the bullet stopped in the middle of the air and melted in the heat, dripping into the floor. The gun then proceeded to melt into the man's hand, fusing to his skin and causing him to wail with pain. Loki tilted his head and listened, feeling nothing but numbness in his chest. He listened to the cries of pain and when he had had enough, and superheated the liquid inside the man's head. His skull exploded under the pressure, showing those nearby (including Thanos) with boiled brain matter.

Not a few men were sick on the heating concrete, and Loki continued to walk forwards. His heat was blistering, and Thanos' arms erupted, causing him to grit his teeth against the pain. He held the gun close and forward, but couldn't find the courage to pull the trigger.

More than a few of the men had dropped their guns and were clawing at the door, in a gross parody of the last time that Loki had managed to access his powers. Loki, seeing this, tilted his head to look at them. He then realised his hand and pointed it at the door, increasing the heat and air pressure.

"OH FUCK! OF FUCK!"

"PLEASE, HELP US!"

"HE'S KILLING US!"

The screams at the door were horrifying, and many people in the surrounding area would suffer from nightmares in the ensuing weeks. But Loki was merciless, and increased the air pressure to such an extent that the bodies at the door eventually caved in and flattened against each other and then metal. Loki released the pressure and watched as the bodies slowly slid to the ground, lying in a tangled and bloody heap.

"Uh, Boss?" Said a quiet voice beside Thanos. Thanos didn't bother turning his head, but tilted it a bit to the side as he indicated that he was listening.

"What do you want us to do?"

Thanos looked at Loki, stalking closer. Loki's face was still twisted with hate, and Thanos drew up every ounce of courage that he had and turned onto Loki. Loki was everything that he had spent his life fighting and working against. He was thin, weak and pathetic. He was foreign, and freakishly beautiful, enough to tempt him into sin. He was sin, personified, and Thanos felt a swell of hatred in his chest.

"Fire! Fire at him! Kill him!" Thanos said, moving backwards and into the huddle of his remaining men. They surged forwards and fired.

But they had underestimated Loki and his fire. 

It was like watching a dance. Loki moved and swayed amongst the men, slicing his hands back and forth and burning the men he touched. Any bullets that got close enough were melted in the super hot air, and Loki would wave a hand and melt the gun, their hands, and then cook them from the inside. They fell screaming, crying, and praying to whatever deity was listening. To those who were too late to fire their guns, Loki would heat their clothing, burning them quickly and crisping them so that, as they fell to the ground, they longer resembled people but husks in body armour. 

Loki's arms waved in quick and elegant movements, and he kept his face a mask of hatred. His features were smooth and calm, but every so often his eyes would flicker to Thanos and his mouth would pull up, exposing his white teeth and fire flickering at the corners. Retribution was promised to him, and it was coming swiftly. 

Loki swiftly eliminated the men around Thanos, and then stood, surrounded by bodies. He looked at the ground, taking deep, calming breaths, before lifting his head to look at Thanos. His fire was calming down, receding from his mouth and his arms were becoming white again, except for great swathes of red burns. His hands still remained on fire, and he looked at Thanos with calm red eyes.

Thanos lifted his gun and fired, backing away swiftly. He fired again and again, but Loki simply waved the bullets aside and stalked forwards, cornering Thanos on the corner of the roof.

The two men stood looking eye to eye. Thanos was used to being the tallest man in the room, but Loki was easily his height, and Loki red eyes were burning into Thanos'. Thanos felt sick to his stomach and he wondered in a corner of his mind if this was what the Devil looked like.

"Mer-mercy." He gasped and fell to his knees. Loki tilted his head.

"Mercy?" He whispered.

Thanos nodded and clasped his hands together as if in prayer. "Mercy, please."

Loki looked at him, and then his face twisted. He closed his eyes and turned off his fire with considerable effort, and then reached forward, grabbing Thanos's head and dragging him to Loki.

"Mercy?" He snarled, leaning down. "Mercy? How dare you beg for mercy! You, who took EVERYTHING from me! My family, my home! My memory! Everything I had in life you stole! You would take me, take everything from me, give me to the others and grin! You fucked me so hard I bled for days, and the came back for more! You had no remorse, no guilt, NOTHING! AND YET YOU ASK FOR MERCY?!"

"Yes!" Thanos gasped. 

Loki leaned in close and breathed on Thanos' face. "You will know the extent of my mercy." He whispered. Thanos skin broke out in goosebumps and he swallowed. 

"And my mercy is this." Loki breathed and then slammed his mouth down onto Thanos'. Thanos opened his mouth in surprise, and that was his undoing. Loki breathed hard, and fired raced through his mouth, turning his tongue to ash. It tumbled down his throat, burning him from the inside out.

Thanos writhed and tried to scream, but Loki's grip was too tight. So he stayed where he was, on his knees and on fire. The pain was excruciating, and the execution slow. Loki relished every swallowed scream, every struggle, and gave them back to the long haired boy he had been, waiting for Thor by the trash cans. 

When Thanos's final struggle had ebbed away, Loki released his body and wiped the back of his arm across his lips, erasing the taste. The body tumbled to the ground, cracking as it hit the hard cement. Loki looked over his destruction and felt nothing. He was utterly empty inside, and he wandered to the middle and looked around.

There was a whirring noise from the door and it was suddenly blasted open by Tony, mechanical gloves held aloft. Each member of the Avengers pushed past the bodies onto the roof, looking around in equal amounts of dismay and horror.

"Fucking Nora." Clint said, wiping the back of his mouth with his hands.

"He did this?" Tony asked, looking askance. 

Thor looked at the corner of the roof and saw Thanos' body, and then hurried to Loki, taking the catatonic man in his arms and holding his face gently.

"Loki?" He asked softly. "Loki, look at me."

Loki's green eyes remained glazed, and Thor started patting his cheek gently, until Loki blinked his eyes and focused on Thor's face in a dazed sort of way.

"Thor?" He mumbled. Thor smiled, his eyes watery. 

"Hello, love."

"Thor." Loki whispered and leaned in, laying his head on Thor's shoulder and closing his eyes. Thor wrapped his arms around Loki's shoulders and swayed gently, concealing his tears in Loki's hair. 

Bucky walked to the body of his former master and looked down for a long time, clenching his metal hand over and over again. Finally he narrowed his eyes and spat on the body before walking swiftly back to Steve, who also took him into his arms for a hug.

Tony and Natasha started calling in the NYPD as Bruce wandered over to Loki, who was sitting on the floor with Thor.

"Loki? Can you show me your hands?" He asked gently. Loki blinked at him and extended his arms, which were covered in burnt patches. His palms were almost totally gone, simply huge, shiny swathes of burnt skin, and Bruce winced and started digging through his medical pack. Thor said beside him and kept his arm around Loki's shoulder, whispering to him gently whenever Bruce hit a particularly sore patch on Loki.

It was in the middle of the clean up, when Loki and Bucky were being bundled down the stairs to go to the hospital, and Loki stopped suddenly and looked at Bucky with clear eyes.

"Bucky," he said softly.

"Yes, Loki?" Bucky said. 

Loki abruptly burst into tears and allowed Thor to take him into his arms, guiding him down the stairs. "It's over." He sobbed. "It's over."

Bucky felt Steve rest an arm around his shoulders and he closed his eyes, tilting his head back and allowing a single tear to trickle down his cheek.

"Yeah." He whispered. "It's finally over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go. Reviews and kudos, people. Feed the writer a penultimate time, and enjoy!
> 
> Addressing the window issue that pallyndrome raised in the last chapter. My idea was that the room that Loki was shoved in was so underused that the window was crusted up and barely visible. HYDRA didn't know that it was there, and Loki only noticed when he was looking to escape. HYDRA wanted to separate Loki and Bucky, thinking it would be easier to take them both a single units, and so Thanos knew that Loki would do anything to get his watch back. Remember, Loki's watch is important to him, and with his lack of memories, his one link to his past.


	30. Hardly Anything There For You To See (CoG)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad that everyone enjoyed the last chapter. I certainly enjoyed writing it. But now, the end is here. It's time to face the final curtain.

_**Two Months Later**_  

 

"Is this the last of them?" Clint asked as he walked into the kitchen, swinging his arms around to try and get the pins and needles out. Loki looked up from the box he was leaning over and nodded, closing the box and stepping aside as Clint moved in with the roll of sellotape. He rolled it down the seam of the closed box, and then groaned as the sellotape started curling back on itself.

"I hate cheap shit." Clint murmured to himself. Loki snickered slightly and leaned over, running two fingers down the tape to melt it and stick it to the cardboard. He turned his red eyes to Clint and grinned.

"Do you know how creepy you look like that?" Clint sad before he could stop himself, and Loki laughed, closing his eyes and feeling the heat recede from his skin. He opened them and looked at Clint with his normal green's.

"I do. And it gives me endless enjoyment to watch people squirm and struggle to meet my gaze."

Clint frowned at him. "You're really quite malicious, aren't you?" Loki didn't answer him, but continued to look at Clint with a wide grin. Clint winced and quickly grabbed the box, hurrying to the elevator.

Loki looked around the room, and the smile fell from his face as he looked about the empty living room. His breath shuddered in his chest and he walked around, touching the empty walls where pictures had once stood, and then letting his feet guide him to where he had once slept. 

Clint shoved the box into the back of the car and closed the lid, looking over to where Bucky was talking with Thor. He walked over, rubbing the callouses on his hands.

"Last box is in." He said. Bucky looked over and nodded, grinning, and then started frowning as he looked for Loki and couldn't find him. "Was Loki alright?" He asked. 

Clint nodded. "He seemed fine when he melted the tape. He's probably checking out that nothing's been left."

Bucky continued to frown, and then turned to Thor, who was getting into the car and reaching for the key in the engine. "Will you wait a couple of minutes?"

Thor nodded. "Go up. I'll wait as long as you need."

Bucky gave him a quick smile and hurried to the elevator, pressing the button for the penthouse and bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for the doors to open. He opened the door to the flat gently and walked softly through the apartment, something heavy settling into his stomach as he looked at the empty rooms. He made his way down the corridor and opened the door to the bedroom.

Loki was sitting against the wall, legs pulled up loosely his chest and arms draped across them. He saw Bucky at the door and smiled softly, his eyes sad. His hair was coming out of its bun, and that thick streak of white was hanging in front of his eyes.

"Hey," Bucky said softly, coming fully into the room.

"Hi." Loki said back equally gently, not moving. He let one of his arms drop down to the side and patted the soft carpet gently, and Bucky immediately walked over and sat down beside Loki.

The silence grew between them, and finally Bucky let out a deep sigh and tipped his head back against the wall, looking at the ceiling. 

"This is big, for us." He said.

Loki snickered, but it was wobbly. 

"Moving in with other people? This is huge. This is bigger than anything else we have done." Loki whispered.

Bucky turned his head and looked at Loki with a frown. "Do you happen to remember what you did two months ago? Setting Thanos on fire and all that?"

Loki narrowed his eyes and looked at Bucky sharply. "I haven't forgotten. But we knew that they would come for us. We talked about it, especially during those early days. We accepted that. But could you ever of thought of moving in with Steve? Cooking for him, spending the evening with him? Sleeping in his bed?"

Bucky twitched but shook his head. Loki looked satisfied. "My point it, this is something we would never have imagined happening to us. This is unexpected. Bigger than we could imagine."

"Okay, okay. I see it."

They let silence carry through the room again, and Loki slowly let his head slide until he was leaning against Bucky's shoulder. Bucky reached his arm around until it circled Loki's shoulders, hand playing with the short hair that had escaped the bun. Loki had gotten it neatened, and had stopped dyeing the white and grey out. It did make him look older, but it oddly suited him. 

"We shared a bed for nearly 3 years." Bucky said. Loki nodded and sighed, and Bucky could feel the heat in his breath reach through his shirt and sweater and warm his skin. 

"We'll still see each other every day. I'll only be a couple of floors below you, and we now work together. It'll be fine, I promise." Loki smiled.

"You don't break your promises." Loki said, mostly to himself. 

"I try not to." Bucky heaved himself off of the floor and stretched, cracking his back and groaning as the bones settled back into place. Loki got off the floor much more gracefully and looked at him with a raised brow. 

"I may be able to support the arm, but that doesn't mean that it is a totally easy thing." Bucky said, but Loki's expression didn't change.

"Your back sounded like a falling stack of Jenga blocks." Loki said, taking out the band in his hair and running his fingers through the strands. He started walking to the door, his t-shirt hanging off his frame, and looked back over his shoulders at Bucky.

"At least I don't flaunt the fact that I don't feel the cold anymore."

"I had to look normal, didn't I?" Loki looked around the flat for the last time. He swung his keys around his fingers and listened to then clink.

"I still can't believe that you managed to fool me for 13 years. Are you sure you didn't know?" Bucky asked. He was leaning against the front door, and Loki looked at him.

"As I've said for the 10,000th time, no. I had no idea." Loki walked out of the door with purpose, practically stomping to the elevator. Bucky took one final look at the flat and closed the door with a small smile. He stood in the elevator with Loki and watched as the floor numbers decreased, reaching over and taking Loki's hand for the last time. 

"It'll be okay." He said. Loki looked at him and rubbed his knuckles with his thumb.

"Thank you." He whispered, and when the elevator door opened they stepped out and walked to the car. Loki got into the front seat beside Thor and Bucky squeezed himself into the back, and Thor started then engine. The car drove off slowly, merging with traffic, and neither Bucky nor Loki ever looked back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_One Month Later_ **

 

"Loki?" Thor asked softly, leaning over Loki in the bed with a cup of coffee. He placed the cup on the bedside table and leaned on closer. He nosed the hair over Loki's face and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek when Loki groaned and buried his face deeper into the pillow.

"Loki love? You need to wake up."

"Nnnngggg." Loki groaned and tried to flip his hair in front of his eyes without moving. He undulated against the sheets and the duvet slid down his hips, exposing more and more of his skin and making Thor's resolve to get to work early weaken. Loki slept naked, and more than once Thor had taken advantage of that face by simple leaning over and pressing a kiss to Loki's neck. There was more time for foreplay now, with only Thor having to strip, and since Loki ran hot, all he needed to do was divest himself of his boxers and they were in business. 

"I've got coffee here."

"Fuck off." Loki mumbled and refused to open his eyes. 

"Loki, you need to get up."  Loki moaned and then opened his eyes, the red quickly fading away into green, and he blinked in the light. He sat up, running a hand through his hair, and took the coffee in his hands, sipping slowly. His arms didn't even dimple in the cold, healed cleanly by Bruce after the fight with Thanos, but his palms hadn't survived. They were utterly smooth, without any lines, and Loki had lost all feeling in the skin.

"Are you nervous?" Thor asked as he pulled out a shirt and trousers for the day, and Loki shrugged. 

"A bit. I've never had a job before."

"You'll be fine. You fit in really well with us, and you past the examinations with flying colours. It'll be great to have you." Thor dropped his dressing gown and walked into the en-suite shower, turning on the tap and quickly lathering himself up. Loki stood at the door and drank his coffee, watching Thor with hooded eyes. 

"As you say." He murmured, and Thor looked over his shoulder. 

"No, Loki. We need to get to work." He said firmly.

Loki laughed and walked to the shower, putting his cup on the side of the sink and quickly slipping into the shower. "Wash me." He said, wrapping his arms around Thor's waist and looking at Thor.

"You minx." Thor breathed and leaned in, kissing Loki gently. Loki hummed back and leant more heavily against Thor's chest. Their groins brushed together, and had it been any other day Thor would have taken advantage. But he reluctantly pulled himself away and picked up the soap.

They washed quickly, and dressed. Loki had pulled on his waistcoat and was slipping his feet into his boots when Thor walked from his office with a box. He handed it to Loki.

"What's this?" Loki asked.

"A present. Although it really shouldn't be, you had it first."  Loki's brows raised and he opened the box. His breath left his chest and he picked up his pocket watch from where it nestled in silk. He turned it slowly, rubbing his fingers against the LL engraved in the back, and then looked at Thor with a question in his eyes.

"Tony repaired it. He said that it wouldn't tell the time anymore, but I think that you should have it regardless."

Loki smiled at Thor and hooked the watch into his waistcoat, rubbing the watch one more time before putting it gently into the pocket. He walked to Thor and pressed his lips to Thor's, kissing him and then resting his forehead against Thor's.

"My thanks." He whispered.

"It was my pleasure." Thor said. He swayed with Loki for a minute before walking to the kitchen to pick up a couple of apples for breakfast. Loki was standing by the front door with their bags, handing Thor's to him and walking quickly out of the door. Thor locked it behind him and they walked to the elevator, taking the lift to the garage level.

"Is Tony expecting anything back from me?" Loki asked, fiddling with the chain on his watch.  Thor shook his head.

"Nah. But you might have to listen to him when he starts talking about that suit he's making."

Loki pulled a face. "Is he really building it?"

Thor shrugged. "He made those gloves. A suit might not be the most ridiculous thing in the world."

Loki snickered softly and walked to Thor's car, opening the side door and getting in. Thor quickly got in and started the engine, pulling the car away.  They didn't talk as they drove to SHIELD, each comfortable in the silence. Thor parked the car into the private lot and they got out, briefly holding hands before walking into the office. 

Natasha, Clint, Bruce and Betty were already there, and Loki smiled at then as he made his way to his new desk. It was the closest desk to the break room, and opposite him would be Bucky. It was thought (correctly) that having the desk opposite their respective partners would be too distracting, despite the fact that Clint and Natasha worked opposite each other. 

But Clint and Natasha were different creatures.

Loki sat down at his desk and quickly turned on the computer, and the sat back, looking around. Thor was going over paperwork, and Loki smiled softly when he saw him.

'This is the rest of my life.' He thought. 

There was a thump on the chair opposite his, and Loki turned and looked. His eyebrow rose as he saw Bucky frantically trying to comb down his hair. 

"Is that a hickey?" He asked gleefully, leaning over his desk and jerking away the collar of Bucky's shirt.

"Loki!" Bucky hissed. Loki looked over his shoulder and saw Steve at his desk, east bright red and tapping frantically away at his computer. His neat blond hair was slightly mussed up and he was alternatively biting his lips and trying to sneak looks at Bucky whenever he thought no one was looking. When he saw Loki staring at him, his cheeks flushed and he ducked his head. Loki snickered and turned just in time for Bucky to pelt him in the cheek with a ball of paper.

"Have you seen this, Thor?" Tony said, leaning over Clint's shoulder and looking at his screen with Natasha and Betty. He had arrived with Steve and Bucky and had immediately walked over to Clint's computer, clicking off of Solitaire and pulling up the front page of a small newspaper. 

"What is it?" Thor asked, looking up from his paper's. He nodded to Nick, Maria and Coulson as they past, and accepted a cup of freshly brewed coffee from Bruce.

"Something JARVIS found this morning. Comet crashed into the desert in New Mexico, but it's composed of something never seen before." 

Thor frowned and walked over, leaning on as Natasha moved aside. He leaned in closer and looked at the photograph accompanying the article.

"It's an odd shape." Clint said. Thor narrowed his eyes.

"It's a hammer." He said slowly, and felt his fingertips tingle. He straightened up, feeling disquieted, and walked swiftly back to his desk. He started at his hands, and felt the tingle and pull again. 

Steve looked at his computer when he heard a ping, indicating a new email, and he opened it up. He read it quickly, and he swiftly stood up from the desk just as Fury came out of his office.

"We have a situation." Steve said, hurrying to his bag in the changing room. There wasn't much room, but it was a new addition since the last attack by HYDRA, and Steve grabbed his bag from his locker and walked back to his desk, immediately stripping off his shirt.

"What's wrong?" Bruce asked. He was pulling on a special set of back braces and gloves designed for him by Tony, which would absorb any blows taken and would convert that energy to produce stronger and stronger punches. In recognition of Bruce's famous temper, Tony had called it 'The Hulk.' 

"There's something destroying buildings near the docks. A boy and a girl, they mentioned something about speed and red lights."

"Why don't they ask the SWAT team?" Bucky asked. He was already wearing tactical trousers, and was now pulling on a black tactical jacket. Next to him Loki was pulling on a pair of fingerless gloves and a knee length leather jacket made of flame retardant material, designed by Tony to both last and help Loki direct his fire. 

"They say there's something...odd...about the kids. They seem to be receiving orders from someone else, but as of right now they don't know who it is."

Natasha came out of the changing room, black bodysuit in place and fiddling with her belt. Her hair, newly cut into a wavy bob, was swept back from her face. Clint readied his bows and arrows, and Thor pulled off his jacket and pulled out his gun, checking it clip. Tony pulled out his gloves and was charging them, talking to everyone and no one about the boosters he was planning to put onto his feet so he could fly.  He met Loki's eyes as Loki was smoothing the hair back from his face, and Loki steeled his jaw and nodded. His eyes were already turning red, and he was rubbing his fingertips together, preparing himself. 

Steve finished zipping up his dark blue tactical suit and picked up his shield. He looked around at his friends and then at Bucky. Bucky pulled his eyes away from Loki, who he had been talking to, and met his. His grey eyes were firm and calm, and he flexed his arm, the plates shifting and whirring. Bucky quirked a smile and nodded to him, and Steve felt a wash of affection that caused him to smile quickly back. 

'I am so lucky.' He thought. Around him, his people readied themselves for battle, and he took a deep breath and picked up his shield. He thought about opposition, and struggle, and exactly what his partner and Loki had gone through. He thought about change, and renewal, and the human spirit. He thought about acceptance, and love, and as he looked at Bucky and Loki, he knew deep in his bones just how strong they were.

After all, they had survived until now.

Steve looked at his family, gathered around him, and took a deep breath.

"Avengers.  _Assemble_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over. I actually can't believe that it's actually over. I do feel sad, because this story has been an absolute joy to work on, and I loved every minute of it. I would live to thank every person who gave me a review, every person who left a kudos. You really inspired me to keep going, because through them that I knew that my writing was being enjoyed. To everyone who showed your support in one way of another, my gratitude is over-whelming. 
> 
> And, for the last time, reviews and kudos. Leave me one last message!


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